Wonderwall

by Soars, M. H.

  “I told you the next time there would be champagne and strawberries. Sorry it took so long for me to deliver my promise.”

  Something explodes in my chest and my eyes become a waterfall. The hurt, the humiliation, the despair, all come back at once, squeezing my heart like they want to pulverize it. Hot, angry tears roll freely down my cheeks and I slide down to the floor, covering my face with my hands. I’m sobbing so hard, my entire body is shaking. I hear Sebastian stand up and kneel in front of me, but I can’t face him. He removes my hands from my face before pulling me onto his lap. He cradles my body like I’m the most precious thing in the world and I let myself fall into that embrace. It’s the only thing I’m capable of doing right now. Sebastian is my salvation and my destruction.

  “Why did you leave me? Why?” I say between sobs.

  “Liv, I’m so, so sorry. You have no idea. I was a fucking idiot.”

  “I loved you so much. You destroyed me.”

  Sebastian releases his tight hold on me and leans back. I glance up at his face.

  “Loved me? As in you don’t love me anymore?” There’s pain in his tone. And doubt.

  I don’t answer him. I can’t answer him. I’m so freaking afraid to confess the truth, afraid that he will trample all over my heart again.

  “Liv, I never stopped loving you.”

  My heart stops for a second, and then starts beating again at a rapid pace. I want to believe his words so desperately, but can I? Unable to withstand his intense stare, I look down at his chest.

  “Don’t lie to me, Sebastian.” My voice is small and almost without substance. “You created an absurd lie about me and told it to the world.”

  He covers my cheeks with his hands and forces me to look into his eyes. “It was a despicable thing to do, I know. I was still so fucking jealous of limo guy. You looked so happy with him. I thought for sure you would be married to him by now.”

  “You’re ridiculous. I’m not even twenty-one!”

  “I never claimed intelligence. But hear this. I. Never. Stopped. Loving. You. It’s the absolute truth. What I did back then, the way I shunned you, it’s a guilt I’ll forever carry in my heart.” Sebastian pauses and closes his eyes. He takes a deep breath and when he exhales, the air is chopped, ragged.

  “My parents’ death was my fault.” He opens his eyes and I can see deep into his mangled soul. His hands move from my cheeks to my shoulders as his gaze turns inward. “The only reason they went to L.A. that day was because I asked them to go. I asked them to pick up a gift I had bought for your birthday.”

  The blood leaves my face as his words begin to make sense. I get off Sebastian’s lap and scooch away from him, feeling light headed. There’s only one conclusion I can make from his statement, and I’m afraid to ask, but I know I must.

  “Do you blame me as well?”

  Sebastian brings his knees up and holds them tight, as if he needs a shield. “I did for a time.”

  My tears return, but they are angry tears now. If only Sebastian had not been so stubborn, we could have sorted this mess out a long time ago.

  “Say something.” He begs.

  I wipe my face, but it’s pointless, the tears will keep on coming. “You are, without a doubt, the most stupid ass I’ve ever met. You are not responsible for what happened, Bas. The truck driver who fell asleep behind the wheel is the one to blame. Not you and certainly not me.”

  Sebastian shakes his head. “I know that! But the guilt won’t leave me alone. It’s so dark and twisted, I’ll do anything to smother it, to make it go away. I’ve done awful things, Liv. Things I never thought I would, like trying every single drug I could get my hands on so I wouldn’t feel the pain. I turned into a junkie.”

  Sebastian is shattering in front of me and I can’t stand to watch him suffer. I crawl back to where he is, and like he did to me a couple of minutes before, I capture his face between my hands, forcing him to look into my eyes.

  “You’re more than what you’ve become. I can see glimpses of the boy I loved in your eyes. Of the boy I still love.”

  Sebastian sucks in a breath before he speaks again. “I don’t deserve you. You’re the best thing that has ever happened in my life and I’m never letting you go again. Please tell me it’s not too late. Please tell me I can have you back.”

  I smile through the tears. I’ve waited five freaking long years to hear those words from him.

  “It’s not too late.”

  Chapter 37

  Sebastian

  Hearing those four little words feels like Liv has breathed life back into my soul. I stare at her, mesmerized, as my brain grapples with this new reality. Fate has been merciful for once. I kiss her again and again, and the tears I’ve been holding back finally fall, mingling with hers.

  My body is in flames once more, and the need to bury myself deep inside her takes over everything. I will make love to her the whole night through if she lets me. She straddles me and I remember she’s not wearing anything under her robe. I trail my hand down her stomach until it reaches her warmth. She moans in my mouth as I begin to caress her.

  “I’ve missed so much,” she whispers.

  “I’ve missed you more.”

  Her muscles tense around my fingers, she’s about to come, so I increase the pace. Then a loud knock on the door breaks the spell.

  “Liv, are you there?” A male voice with an Australian accent bursts through our bubble.

  I freeze and so does Liv. She looks at the door and then at me, a deep V between her brows marring her face.

  “You gotta be kidding me,” I say.

  Liv stands up and fixes her robe. I’m hoping she will tell her cheating boyfriend to bugger off, but she surprises me when she opens the door. Fuck! I don’t want to be seen like this. I don’t want to be recognized. I haven’t explained my shitty dilemma to Liv yet.

  “What do you want, Ryan?”

  “Liv, you gotta help me. Have you heard from Lloyd?” The guy sounds desperate and now I’m intrigued. I thought he was here to beg for forgiveness.

  “An hour ago. Why?” The tension in Liv’s voice shoves my concerns to the back of my mind. I stand up and move behind her, offering my support.

  Ryan’s eyes widen when he sees me. Yes, I’m the guy who punched you, dickhead. He glances at Liv again. “He saw me with Penelope.”

  “For God’s sake, Ryan. I can’t believe you let that happen. What did Lloyd do?”

  “He took off and he’s not answering my calls. You know how he overacts to everything. I’m worried he’s gonna do something stupid.”

  Why is Ryan worried about a dude named Lloyd? Unless…oh, hell and damn. Is Ryan gay? Wouldn’t that be the joke of the century?

  Liv crosses her arms. “Are you concerned he’s going to hurt himself, or are you concerned he’s going to blow your cover?”

  Ryan rakes his fingers through his hair and stares at his shoes. “Both.”

  “Oh, you’re a piece of work.” Liv begins to shut the door in his face but he raises his hand and stops her.

  I move so now I’m in front of Liv. Ryan sees my don’t-mess-with-what’s-mine stance and backs away. “You better leave now, pal, unless you want a broken nose this time.”

  He narrows his eyes at me, then looks over my shoulder at Liv. “Please, I just want to know if he’s okay.”

  “I’ll call him, Ryan. Go back to your room. Your fiancée must be wondering where you are.”

  “She’s gone. She put two and two together and left me.”

  “And you want me to feel sorry for you?” Liv says.

  I don’t wait for him to reply, and with pleasure, I close the door in Ryan’s face. I turn around and see that Liv is already calling her friend. She paces in the small space in front of her bed with an arm wrapped around her middle. I can hear when the call
goes to voicemail.

  “Lloyd, it’s Liv. Call me as soon as you get this message. I know about Ryan. I’m worried. Be safe.”

  She presses the end call button and stares at her phone for a few seconds. I can tell she’s feeling guilty by the set of her shoulders, by how she nibbles her lower lip.

  “Liv, he’ll be okay.”

  She glances up and the worry in her gaze twists my insides. “I hope so. I was on my way to warn Lloyd when you came by.”

  “Ah, shit, Liv. You should have told me.”

  She shakes her head. “No, I’m glad you didn’t give me the chance.”

  Her answer makes another piece of my heart fall back into place. “So, Ryan is not your boyfriend?” For some reason, I have to be certain.

  “No. He never was.”

  I take her hand and tug her to me. “Good.”

  A funny look crosses Liv’s face and she steps back. “What about your girlfriend?”

  Fuck, I guess we’re having this conversation now. “We’re on a break.”

  Well, not technically. Gretchen just said it would be good to spend some time apart. For all intents and purposes we’re still together, which basically makes me a cheater. My answer doesn’t satisfy Liv, though. Her lips are pursed, and the deep V is back on her face.

  “She’s out of the country and she won’t be back before I go on tour.”

  Oh, shit. The world tour. I’ll be gone in a week and won’t come back until December. No. No. No. I just got Liv back in my life, I don’t want to leave her side.

  “What are you saying, Sebastian? You need to break up with her face to face? You can’t do it over the phone? Heck, it’s more than what I got.”

  Yup, Liv is pissed and she totally has the right to be. If I tell her now about Hans’s imposition, she’s going to flip. There’s no reason for her to know, because I will break up with Gretchen as soon as we’re both in London.

  “Liv, are you going to hang that over my head forever? What I did to you was despicable. Do you want me to continue being an asshole? I don’t want to be that guy anymore.”

  I feel terrible for my half-truth. I wouldn’t even be with Gretchen if it weren’t for Han’s threats.

  “I love you. There’s never being anyone else in here.” I place a hand over my chest.

  My gesture and my words seem to mollify her. Her gaze softens and she’s no longer shielding her body with her arms. I pull her into a hug and kiss the top of her head.

  “When are you going on tour? And how long will you be gone?” Her tiny voice makes me feel even worse.

  “The tour lasts eight months, but we don’t have back to back concerts. I’ll come to London often enough.”

  Liv doesn’t say anything and it worries me. I push her back so I can read her face. “Hey, don’t make that frown. The tour changes nothing. I have you back in my life, and I’ll never let you go again. Believe me.”

  She lowers her gaze. “What happens now?”

  I put my finger under her chin and bring her face up. “Now we get to know each other all over again.”

  I lean down and give her a short kiss before pulling back.

  “As a couple?” she asks.

  “What kind of silly question is that? Of course as a couple.”

  “Bas, did you forget who you are? You’re not your own person anymore. You’re larger than life. What’s going to happen when the media gets wind of our relationship? I’m not ready to have my life dissected by the tabloids for people’s entertainment. Plus, you’re very much in a committed relationship with someone else. I’ll be the homewrecker.”

  She’s right, if the gossip magazines find out about us, Liv will get the worst of it, especially considering how everyone adores Gretchen. People have latched onto our relationship like we’re the next David and Victoria Beckham. But I can’t not see Liv until my relationship status is resolved. I just can’t. I’ll go nuts.

  “I won’t tell anyone if you won’t either.”

  “So, I’m going to be your dirty little secret then?”

  “Never. Think more along the lines of Romeo and Juliet.”

  “Bas, they died at the end.”

  “We’ll make our own story. And right now, all I want to do is take you back to my suite and make love to you until you can’t walk the next day.”

  “What’s wrong with my room?” We both look at her tiny bed before she continues, “Never mind.”

  Chapter 38

  Olivia

  Eventually, Lloyd does text me back Sunday morning saying he’s in Manchester, visiting his folks. I was worried about him, but I have a feeling Ryan was exaggerating, blowing the situation out of proportion because he was looking out for himself and his secret. God, I hope Lloyd forgets him for good.

  Despite Lloyd’s drama, I’m on cloud nine Monday morning. I spent the entire Sunday locked in Sebastian’s suite. We had five years to catch up on. But one day wasn’t nearly enough, all it did was make me crave him even more. There’s a delicious ache between my legs and I can hardly walk straight. I guess Sebastian got his wish granted after all. I can’t stop grinning like a fool, and when Mellie arrives at the office, it’s the first thing she notices.

  “Did you have a good weekend, Liv?”

  I sigh dreamily. “The best.”

  She goes to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee and stops by my desk when she returns. “So, who was the lucky guy?”

  I blink a couple of times as my cheeks heat up. I turn to my computer screen, so she won’t see my eyes when I lie to her. I’m a terrible liar. “Some guy I met at the Halloween party, Saturday.”

  “Oh, I like that. I wanna know all the details later. Let’s go out for lunch.” Mellie glances at Lloyd’s empty desk. “Is Lloyd coming in today?”

  “Oh, I think he’s taking the day off. He was at his parents in Manchester yesterday.”

  “Really? That’s odd. I thought he was coming with you to the party at the pub and probably suffering from a major hangover Sunday.”

  I tell Mellie about Ryan and his fiancée and all the drama that followed. I even mention Ryan’s visit to my room while Mystery Man was there—that’s how I refer to Sebastian because I can’t tell anyone else about us. It’s bad enough that Ryan saw him there.

  “That motherfucker,” Mellie says the moment Patsy comes into the office.

  She’s wearing her sunglasses, and she doesn’t glance at us at all, but I see her lips are curled up slightly when she says good morning to us.

  “Shit.” Mellie scrambles back to her desk, looking sheepish. I don’t know why she’s worried Patsy heard her swearing. They do it all the time.

  A minute later, a message window pops up on my screen.

  MELLIE: You’re not escaping so easily. I want to know everything about MM.

  Ah, hell. I really don’t want to create a convoluted story to protect my secret relationship with Sebastian. Why does he have to be a superstar? Even when he deals with the Gretchen issue, we won’t be able to announce our relationship to the world. Technically, he’s a client, and therefore, off limits. Patsy won’t care that we have a history. I’ll lose my job for sure.

  I ignore Mellie’s message and try to concentrate on work. I’m in this mess thanks to my inability to keep my mouth shut. She didn’t have to know I hooked up with anyone, did she? Ugh!

  Luckily, there’s plenty to do in the office to keep me busy. There are several emails that I need to reply to, and I have to call a few vendors. Things are getting crazier with the holidays approaching. So far we have booked ten Christmas parties and a couple of weddings. Plus, there is the official Hollingsworth New Year’s Ball which is one of the most sought after parties in town. Yeah, we have our plates full.

  Another message pops up, but it’s Saylor this time. I sent a Skype message to her last night s
aying I had major news, and now she’s dying to know. She would never bother me during work hours otherwise.

  SAYLOR: Tell me, tell me.

  ME: I can’t. I’m at work and I can’t say over message. It’s top secret information. What are you doing up at this hour anyway?

  SAYLOR: I haven’t been to bed yet. Stop evading. Does it have anything to do with a certain dark haired boy?

  I can’t help but to smile at the message. Saylor is in the loop about everything involving Sebastian, including the kiss he stole from me at his birthday party. In the end, I couldn’t keep it a secret from her.

  ME: Totally.

  SAYLOR: I told you he wanted you back. OMG, I’m doing the I-told-you-so dance right now.

  ME: Shut up.

  SAYLOR: Did you ask him about the fucked up lie he told on national TV?

  ME: Yes. It’s a long story. I’ll tell you later.

  SAYLOR: Okay, okay. But answer me this at least. Did you make him grovel?

  ME: Yeah.

  SAYLOR: Good. I have news, too. Actually, it’s not news, more like gossip. I should let Kennedy tell you herself, but heck, I can’t.

  ME: What is it?

  SAYLOR: She got her first movie role. It’s an indie production, but still. It’s major and she got the lead!

  ME: That’s awesome! When did it happen?

  SAYLOR: Yesterday.

  ME: Oh, man. You’re terrible. She didn’t even have the chance to tell me. It’s okay. I’ll pretend to be surprised when she does.

  SAYLOR: Ha! That’s why I told you. I know you have my back, chica. Okay, I’ll let you get back to work. Call me when you’re home.

  ME: Okay, bye.

  “Message from Mystery Man?” Mellie asks.

  “Uh?” I say, and then I realize I’m grinning again. “No. I just found out that one of my friends got cast in a movie as the lead.”

  “Super. Who else is in it?”

  “I don’t know yet. It’s an independent production, so I don’t think there will be any mega stars in it.”