Gone With the Windsors

by Laurie Graham

  Freddie says the straw that finally broke poor Ernest’s back was the blocking of his application to become a Freemason. Freddie said, “It’s because his wife is known to ‘associate’ with another member of the Lodge. In short, HM the King. But I promised I’d have a word with Prosper Frith. He might be willing to propose Ernest for his Lodge.”

  2nd February 1936

  Ernest has moved out to his club. Wally’s looking very strained.

  6th February 1936

  A chilling scene at Bryanston Court this afternoon. We’d just sat down to tea when Ernest arrived to collect more of his things. I made to leave, but he asked me to stay. He said, “As well you hear this, Maybell, in case Wally fails to understand me. Our marriage is at an end. I’ll have my books collected later in the week.”

  Wally said, “You can see I’m not well. Why are you making a scene now?”

  He said, “Because an hour ago, His Majesty informed me he intends to marry you and be crowned with you at his side.”

  Wally said, “This is sheer fantasy. You know it can’t happen. Tell him, Maybell. We all know it’s out of the question.”

  Ernest said, “So we’re all told, but I’ve begun to see that nothing’s impossible for a king. He tells me he’s already settled £300,000 on you, as a token of his sincerity. I wonder, Wally, you never thought to mention it to me.”

  I wonder she never thought to mention it to me.

  She said, “I didn’t say anything because the papers haven’t been signed, and as I recall, it’s only £100,000. It’s in recognition of the expense we’ve been put to by our friendship with him.”

  Ernest said, “I never counted the cost of having the Prince of Wales at my table. Not till now.”

  Well, that’s not strictly true. He’s always gone through the housekeeping books, querying every little item of expenditure. But still, it was too awful a moment. A man should never walk out on his wife while they have company.

  She cried after he left, but I think they were tears of exasperation, not sorrow.

  Later on, she said, “He’ll change his mind when he realizes what a vulnerable position he’s putting me in. Once he’s calmed down.”

  But I think he was horribly calm throughout. I think between them, Ernest and HM King have outmaneuvered her.

  9th February 1936, Fort Belvedere

  No change of heart from Ernest. He’s having his books packed while Wally’s out of the house.

  Went up to the Castle to watch King Kong. The place is an unmanageable pile. If HM has any sense, he’ll keep the Fort on for weekends and only use the Castle for big State affairs. Wally had some fun with those poker-faced footmen. She made them serve refreshments on their knees so as not to cast shadows on the screen and ruin the movie.

  10th February 1936, Wilton Place

  Wally stayed on at the Fort this morning, to talk to HM about “The Situation.”

  A message from Ernest when I returned home. Would I be kind enough to see him? He came at four, very composed, dapper as ever.

  He said, “I owe you an apology. My behavior last week was unpardonable. I allowed passion to overrule good manners.”

  I said, “The most important thing is, you mustn’t leave Wally She’s devastated.”

  He said, “Only devastated that things haven’t gone according to her plan. I don’t think anyone can accuse me of being hotheaded. I’ve been more patient than most. She’s made her bed, Maybell, and now she must lie in it.”

  I said, “It’s just that all those times when David used to send for her you never seemed to mind.”

  He said, “I did mind, but there was the honor of a royal friendship to consider. I minded very much more when all of London began laughing behind my back. And now, with money settled on her, and talk of marriage, well, there’s nothing left for me but to go.”

  I said, “So, are you divorcing her?”

  He said, “I believe the procedure is for her to divorce me. Don’t worry. I’m not going to make a fuss. I’ll cooperate.”

  He kissed me on both cheeks when he left. He said, “Take care of her for me, Maybell.”

  I called Pips and we went directly to Wally’s. She was sitting in her coat and hat, drinking brandy. She’d just come from York House.

  She said, “David has lost his mind. He doesn’t seem to realize, we can’t allow Ernest to leave me. It’s going to ruin everything and achieve nothing.”

  Pips said, “Well, what about if you leave David? Wouldn’t that settle it, if you want to keep Ernest?”

  Wally said, “One doesn’t just leave the King. Especially not David. Anything might happen. God, I’m so tired.”

  Red carnations everywhere. I said, “And what about von Ribbentrop? I see he’s still pursuing you. No wonder you’re tired.”

  She said, “Those flowers aren’t for me. They’re for us. Me and David. And they’re not from Ribbentrop. They’re from Adolf Hitler. He’s invited us to visit with him in the summer.”

  Pips said, “Well, then. I won’t waste any more time commiserating with you. Seems to me you have everything under control.”

  14th February 1936

  HM has given Wally a gold sweetheart locket set with aquamarines. He also seems to have persuaded her that becoming Queen isn’t impossible, after all. Apparently, he’s gone into it with a brilliant lawyer, and there’s a very simple way out of this muddle. Wally can have both her marriages annulled on the grounds that, to all intents and purposes, she’s a virgin.

  I said, “Are you?”

  She said, “To all intents and purposes, yes.”

  Extraordinary.

  I said, “But if you become Queen, won’t you have to have a baby?”

  “Not at all,” she said. “The Yorks are in line after David, and they have those two girls. One of them can succeed.”

  Judson Erlanger says if Wally’s a virgin he’s the King of Siam, but Freddie says HM’s lawyer is Walter Monckton, and if anyone can achieve miracles, Monckton can.

  Penelope Blythe says Wally might want to think twice about seeking annulments. She says doctors could be brought in to give evidence, not to mention two discarded husbands.

  19th February 1936

  A little lunch party at Bryanston Court for Lily Drax-Pfaffenhof. She’s encouraging Wally to explore every possible way for HM to marry her, and Wally certainly seems to be changing her tune. Yesterday, she said, “There’s no such thing as the impossible. Read the history books.”

  Today, she said, “I have my detractors, of course, but all I need is a little time. The public just needs to get to know me. I could be very popular. I’m hardworking. I’ve pulled myself up by my own boot straps. And they’ll love my clothes.”

  Lily said, “And when you’re Queen, I wonder who you’ll choose as your Lady-of-the-Bedchamber?”

  “Yes,” she said. “I wonder who!”

  The Socialists got elected in Spain. I don’t imagine poor Ena would want to go back now even if they asked her.

  20th February 1936

  Wally is looking into having her family tree tidied up. She’s tired of HM’s old courtiers looking down their noses at her. As she says, it’s no fault of hers that her parents weren’t married until after her birth. Her father was a consumptive and forbidden to marry. And the only reason her mother sometimes had to charge her guests rent was the sheer meanness of the Warfields. Her uncle Sol Warfield had plenty of money. He just never missed an opportunity to remind Wally’s mother she was a charity case.

  24th February 1936

  Tea at Carlton Gardens. Violet says HM is making a fool of himself talking about a throne for Wally. She said, “All the annulments in the world won’t make her suitable to be Queen, so she may as well hang on to the husband she has.”

  Doopie looked in with Flora very nicely dressed in a tartan skirt and a cardigan set. I was just thinking there was hope yet of making a lady of her, when she said, “Aunt Bayba, does Damned Wales still give the Wally lots of g
isses? Ulick says he’s asking for a bloody thrashing.”

  Violet busied herself with the teacups.

  Sunday, to Paris. Wally has a very long shopping list. Now HM is free of his killjoy father, he intends taking a villa near Cannes and vacationing with whomsoever he pleases.

  3rd March 1936, Meurice Hotel, Paris

  To Elsie Mendl’s pied-à-terre for a working luncheon. Every one of HM’s homes is going to require complete refurbishment, and Wally’s going to make sure Johnnie MacMullen does everything.

  To the Eugene Rothschilds for drinks. Tomorrow, to Paquin for light woolen wraps and to Hermès for clutch purses.

  5th March 1936

  Wally has ordered Chinese side-buttoned evening sheaths in coral, lime, and hyacinth. Tomorrow, daywear, shoes, lingerie.

  7th March 1936

  We’ve decided on candy-colored ginghams from Schiaparelli, to be worn with canvas pumps and flowered barrettes. A very youthful, carefree look.

  Mr. Hitler has entered the Rhineland.

  8th March 1936

  Not a good day. One sales clerk wouldn’t allow Wally to take a little musical box on approval, and another, at Genevieve, was very offhand about the delay with Wally’s camisoles. I don’t think these people realize quite who she is. Then, at Chez Raphael, they served her omelette too baveuse.

  She told them, “I don’t know about the Rhineland. I hope Hitler invades you, and soon.”

  13th March 1936, Wilton Place

  HM’s brother-in-law Earl Harewood has made a speech to the British Legion condemning Hitler and entirely contradicting everything HM said in his speech about the avoidance of future wars. Wally’s dictated a note for HM to send to Harewood, telling him to keep his warmongering opinions to himself.

  14th March 1936

  Dinner at the Belchesters. Came: the Crosbies, the Metcalfes, and the Humphrey Butlers. Belchester said Wally might as well be crowned next week, because she’s obviously running everything already.

  Fruity says the amazing thing is, HM now seems to be enjoying his new role, after all that talk of not being cut out to be King. He said, “Say what you like, I think it has to be down to Wally. She invigorates him.”

  Anne Belchester said, “But come on, Fruity, she can never be a serious contender as a wife.”

  Fruity said, “If you’d asked me a month ago, I’d have agreed, but I’m beginning to think she’s essential. If Monckton can fix it for her, the country will get a much more effective King.”

  Belchester said, “Never heard anything like it in my life. Invigorates him! He needs a dose of salts.”

  21st March 1936, Fort Belvedere

  Just me, Wally, and the Erlangers. Ernest has gone to a country hotel to have breakfast in bed with a floozie and get his moral turpitude certified.

  I said, “How long till you’ll be free to marry David?”

  She said, “Don’t say that. Don’t ever say that. You never know who may be listening. I’m not divorcing Ernest so I can marry David. I’m divorcing him because he abandoned me and he’s about to become an adulterer. Be clear about that, Maybell. I am the innocent party.”

  Such a charade.

  25th March 1936, Wilton Place

  To the Westminsters. A dinner for the von Ribbentrops. Came: Violet and Melhuish, Jimmy Graham, Ava Ribblesdale, Jack Aird, and the Crosbies. Everyone is agreed that it was only a matter of time till the Germans were permitted back into the Rhineland, so all Hitler has done is to anticipate the inevitable, and there won’t be any retaliation from the French, who are shivering in their shoes. So we can all carry on as before. Aird says HM is making economies right and left, and the staff at Sandringham fear for their positions.

  Melhuish said, “That’s Wales all over. Sack a few gardeners so he can buy another bangle for his tootsie. And I hear he’s had the clocks changed, too, so there goes another tradition. Sandringham Time has always been half an hour ahead, and Balmoral Time, for as long as I remember, and my father before me. I suppose the next thing, he’ll decide he’s going to be crowned wearing a check suit. We’ll be seeing our monarch reviewing his troops in golf knickers. Mark my words.”

  Violet darting anxious looks in my direction, trying to hush him with light remarks about their new terrier, but he was enjoying the sound of his own voice. It’s finally dawning on her. They’re going to live the rest of their days under a King who doesn’t like them any more than they like him. The old Queen’s going to be retired to a little palace somewhere, Wally will be declared a virgin, and Violet and Melhuish will be outcasts forevermore.

  Pips says Ribbentrop makes her think of a commercial salesman.

  29th March 1936, Fort Belvedere

  HM in good spirits this morning in spite of a telling-off from Wally last evening because he stood his nightcap glass on top of some official papers and left a ring mark. Wally says Hardinge is a complete martinet over Cabinet papers and has a fit if he thinks HM has been perusing them in the drawing room. It’s about confidentiality. But our weekend parties are small while Court mourning prevails, just the Inner Circle, and I’m sure we’re all to be trusted with any Government secrets we happen upon. And Wally sees absolutely everything anyway. Otherwise, how could she advise the King?

  3rd April 1936, Sunninghills

  At the Crokers, for their first weekend party of the season. They’ve taken their usual house. Ethel says all their American friends are lining up to come to Merrie England and meet the King.

  She’s wondering whether they’ll be invited to the Coronation. I was able to put her mind at rest. All HM’s true friends will be invited. It’s people like the Devonshires and the Melhuishes, who so blithely take for granted that they’re the crème de la crème, they may as well put their Court costumes in mothballs.

  The postage-stamp people have gone ahead without permission and made a design showing HM in right profile. Wally says it’ll have to be changed. He looks so much more kingly from the left. Alex Hardinge says King George was pictured from the left, and it’s the tradition to alternate, but he has to understand, David isn’t going to be that kind of King. If something needs changing, he won’t be afraid to change it. As Lightfoot says, Wally is throwing wide the windows, and HM is enjoying the breeze that’s blowing between his ears.

  8th April 1936, Wilton Place

  With Violet to a charitable sale of work. Bought raffia bread baskets but omitted to bring them home. The person selling them was worryingly vague as to whether they had been made by lepers or in aid of lepers. Jane Habberley was manning the tea urn. Marina Greece looked in and bought a sponge cake. Ettie Desborough won a bottle of sherry wine. I must say, the lepers seem to know everyone.

  Friday is Good Friday, and I’ve promised to go to Fergus and Penelope Blythe’s for Easter weekend. Pips says we all have our crosses to bear. She and Freddie are also invited and have begged a ride with me.

  13th April 1936

  The Halifaxes were at Leake Priory for Easter. Halifax says HM is receiving bad advice from Walter Monckton if it’s persuading him he can ever marry Wally. He said, “The kindest thing would be for their friends to deprive the idea of oxygen and allow it to die.”

  Pips said, “That’s you, Maybell. Can’t you take Wally away somewhere?”

  I said, “Wally’s hardly the problem. It isn’t her fault if they can’t come up with a single tempting princess. Marriage wasn’t her idea.”

  Halifax said, “Indeed. From what I hear of Mrs. Simpson, she doesn’t seem terribly suited to the condition.”

  He has the perfect face for running a funeral parlor.

  Wally got diamond-and-filigree earclips from David for Easter.

  15th April 1936

  Ambassador von Hoesch is dead. I only saw him on Monday.

  He waved to me as Kettle turned into Carlton Terrace. Fifty-five. They say it was a heart attack.

  Wally said, “It doesn’t make a lot of difference. He was about to be recalled anyway.” She gets to he
ar everything now she helps HM go through all those official papers every day.

  She says Leo was shaky on a number of key points. She never did like him. I suppose she’ll be rooting for Ribbensnob as his replacement.

  Pips says the papers HM receives in his Despatch Boxes are confidential government papers and not intended for Wally’s eyes. I don’t see what difference it makes. HM practically asks her advice before he blows his nose, so I’m sure he wouldn’t sign anything important without checking with her.

  17th April 1936

  With Violet and Melhuish to pay our last respects to Leo von Hoesch. The Grenadier Guards provided an escort for his coffin as far as Victoria railroad station.

  He gave such wonderful parties.

  20th April 1936

  HM is taking Wally to Royal Lodge to have tea with the Yorks. She’s going to wear a polka dot silk and matinee pearls.

  21st April 1936

  Wally says yesterday was an ordeal not to be repeated. Bertie York hardly spoke a word, and the wife didn’t have a serious thought in her head. Apparently, she just twittered to HM about his bagpipe compositions and didn’t ask Wally anything about herself. But then, what could she have asked? There’s so much about Wally one no longer dare mention, and anyway, I’m sure Elizabeth York has it all unabridged from Violet.