Gone With the Windsors

by Laurie Graham

Wally said, “I suppose I daunted her. She’s like a little pink marshmallow.”

  26th April 1936

  Luncheon at South Audley Street. Lightfoot believes Leo von Hoesch was bumped off on orders from Berlin. Doopie shaking her head and saying, “Dordie, nod in vront a Vora.”

  Flora’s reading is coming on very well with this new tutor, and they do singing, too. She couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket, but she’s very enthusiastic.

  4th May 1936

  To the Crosbies. Freddie says HM and Wally went together to Walter Monckton’s chambers this morning. He said, “What can David have been thinking? If he insists on Wally using his lawyer, which is a bad idea, he certainly mustn’t be seen to attend their conferences. It makes it look as though he’s a party to the case.”

  Pips said, “Oh please! It’s only the difference between a barefaced lie and a polite pretense.”

  Freddie says that’s a very important difference. He’s suggested I have a word with Wally. He says when the case is called, if the judge has any doubts about Wally being an innocent party, she just won’t get her divorce, King’s lawyer or no.

  5th May 1936

  Wally says HM went with her to see Monckton purely as a friend.

  I said, “If you needed support, surely I was the one to ask?”

  She said, “Well, yes, but David insisted. Frankly, I’d rather have had you there, Maybell. You don’t fuss.”

  I told her what Freddie said. She said, “Oh, but I’m not using Monckton. I just went to him for a recommendation. I’m using a man called Goddard. He’s supposed to be very good.”

  7th May 1936

  Marina Kent is expecting again. Wally has hired Theodore Goddard.

  10th May 1936

  I’m invited to a little reception at the compound on Tuesday, to meet the Charles Lindberghs. They’ve come to Europe to get over that sad business with their baby.

  Wally ruffled not to have been invited. I called Judson immediately and pointed out the oversight. This is no time to be making an enemy of the future Queen of England.

  11th May 1936

  The date for HM’s Coronation has been announced. It will take place one year from tomorrow. Violet says a coronation is a day of enormous import, and ancient ceremonial, and can’t be put on at the drop of a hat. Well, I’m sure it wouldn’t take me and Wally a year to organize it. Heavens, we’ve worked out whole complicated dinner placements while having our toenails painted.

  Freddie says if he’s determined to marry Wally, it would make sense to wait until after he’s been crowned, but we all know he wants Wally crowned beside him.

  Wally’s pretending to be bored with the subject and refuses to comment. Her ulcers have flared up again. Her invitation to the Lindbergh reception arrived by special messenger.

  12th May 1936

  Colonel Lindbergh is very good-looking. “Just plain gorgeous,” was Wally’s appraisal. She didn’t rate the wife, but she’s going to have them to dinner at York House anyway.

  Hattie Erlanger has heard a whisper about HM and a Danish princess.

  14th May 1936

  Violet says Princess Alexandrine of Denmark is indeed a strong possibility. She’s only twenty-one, but I guess he’s missed the boat with the older ones.

  So, perhaps everything can be resolved, after all. Wally will get to keep the money HM has settled on her, and she’ll be free of Ernest. She could do what Elsie Mendl did and marry a titled pansy. Leave Princess Alexandrine to supply the nation with royal babies. It sounds perfect to me, but I thought Wally reacted rather sourly.

  She said, “Alexandrine! Not that silly story! I don’t suppose Violet mentioned that they tried to marry him off to her mother twenty-five years ago. That’s how desperate they are. Well, I’d say he’s given them chance enough to find someone acceptable. Now they’ll just have to let him please himself.”

  15th May 1936, Fort Belvedere

  The Stanley Baldwins are dining tomorrow evening. HM wants them to see Wally in action and understand what a wonderful Queen she’s make. Meanwhile, there’s been a ruckus because HM has to receive some Arabs on Monday and, quite naturally, wants Wally to assist him, but the Foreign Office say they won’t allow it. The Foreign Office, dictating to the King! How can they prevent it, that’s what I’d like to know? If HM wants a chimpanzee to assist him, what business is it of pen-pushers in Whitehall? Apart from any other consideration, HM is a better man with Wally at his side. Everyone says so.

  17th May 1936

  The Baldwins were so lacking in fire and sparkle. Quite out of their depth. I heard Mrs. Baldwin talking to HM about the folk dances of Worcestershire!

  Alice Gloucester has been rustled up to help meet the Arabs tomorrow. Wally says she couldn’t care less.

  20th May 1936, Wilton Place

  To the Pearl Fishers with the Crosbies, the Belchesters, Lightfoot, and Doopie.

  Philip Sassoon was in Lady Cunard’s box. Blew me a kiss but he didn’t come round in the intermission.

  HM has taken a villa for August. Chateau de l’Horizon. He’s stayed there before and says it’s a wonderful place, with a marble chute one can slide down, straight from the sun terrace into the sea. He wants Wally to get complete rest before she faces the divorce ordeal. How his eyes shine when he talks about her! I don’t think Princess Alexandrine ever stood a chance.

  28th May 1936

  Wally’s dinner for the Lindberghs was stunning. Artichokes with a mousse of foie gras, tarragon chicken, blueberry ice cream. Edwina Mountbatten tried to draw out Mrs. L. with questions about her flying adventures, but Wally was determined to keep the Colonel in the spotlight. “What a waste,” she keeps saying. “A great man like that puttering around in exile, and all because of a baby-crazy wife.”

  I hope she isn’t planning another seduction. Freddie Crosbie says he hopes she is. He thinks that may be the kind of cold shower to wake up HM to realities. Freddie is a typical English worrier.

  5th June 1936

  The Communists have been voted in in France. Boss Croker thinks we should cancel the villa, but HM says the Reds have no quarrel with him. He’s always been for the working man. Wally says look what happened in Russia. We could be murdered in our beds. HM said, “Darling, we’ll see how things develop. I’d never take you anywhere you’d be in danger.”

  7th June 1936

  Our villa has been canceled. HM spoke with Herman Rogers, who said the Red Flag flies over the Cote d’Azur, and he and Kath are away for the summer. They’re thinking of Portofino. HM has instructed Jack Aird to find us a yacht.

  Lunch with Penelope Blythe. She said she’s bored to distraction and needs a summer affair. Just something to get her through August. She says Templemore talks about salmon rods in bed.

  8th June 1936

  Wally has asked me to help her out on Friday. They have the King of Egypt coming to call, and he’s only a boy. She said, “You’re used to children, Maybell.”

  12th June 1936

  To York House. Wally has done wonders already. Masses of white flowers, needlepoint cushions, well-placed mirrors. There was far too much furniture in there before, and no light. King Farouk is a very jolly boy. He arrived laden with shopping bags and unpacked all the toy cars he’d bought at Hamley’s. He loved the angel food cake.

  13th June 1936

  Wally says a silver snuffbox has disappeared from a side table since little King Farouk’s visit. She says it’s not at all the way things are done. She says if a royalty sees something they’d like to have, they simply let it be known that it would make an acceptable gift. Queen Mary got half her stuff that way.

  15th June 1936, Fort Belvedere

  With Wally to Garrard to collect engraved claret jugs for HM’s birthday, then Kettle drove us here. HM was in Hampshire all day, visiting army camps and inaugurating a new fire house, but he was back in time for dinner. The Erlangers and the Crokers are here. Humphrey and Poots Butler are driving down tomorrow. In time for lun
ch, before the racing. Oxer Bettenbrooke is equerrying.

  17th June 1936

  Another Ladies Day. Now we’ll start to see a few changes. Already Melhuish has been relegated to the fourth carriage with Ena Spain and the Gloucesters, and Violet only made it to the fifth. By next year, she’ll be watching from the sidelines and I’ll be the one riding in the parade. Elizabeth York was in azure, Marina Kent in pigeon, Alice Gloucester in peach.

  HM escaped at the first opportunity, and we had a gay evening, with Wally’s fried chicken and dancing to gramophone records.

  19th June 1936

  Wally’s birthday. I gave her a snakeskin roll for her costume jewelry. HM has given her a Buick, an exact replica of his own. It comes with an advanced driver, approved by Scotland Yard, in case anyone tries to attack her. Though who would? Outside of fashionable London, no one knows who she is.

  21st June 1936

  Poots Butler says I’d be surprised at how many people know exactly who Wally is and would love to see her Buick run off the road. Lady Astor, for one, who had always understood that Royalties only mixed with Americans from good families.

  HM is in great form. He said, “Things are going awfully well, you know, Maybell? I never thought I’d enjoy king-ing but I’ve really rather taken to it. Wally makes all the difference, of course. I don’t think I’d enjoy it one little bit without Wally to come home to.”

  Jack Aird may have found us a yacht for August. We’ll be able to keep clear water between us and the Communists.

  1st July 1936

  Our yacht is chartered. She has eight staterooms and a crew of fifty, and Jack Aird promises there’ll be no mad cooks and no monkeys running wild. We’ll travel to Venice by train and then sail to Greece. Lily Drax-Pfaffenhof has confirmed. Herman and Kath Rogers may join us, too.

  4th July 1936, Wilton Place

  A call from Randolph Putnam. He said, “I’m amazed to find you at home. I thought maybe you’d moved to Buckingham Palace.”

  I said, “By this time next year, I may well have done. Wally is getting a divorce from Ernest and His Majesty is set on marrying her.”

  He said, “I know. We see her picture in the papers all the time.”

  Very odd. She’s not in the papers here.

  He said, “I’ll see you for the Coronation, if not before.”

  I said, “You won’t be able to get a seat, you know? It’s not like a ball game. It’s strictly by invitation.”

  He said, “Won’t bother me. I’ll stand in the street, like everyone else. Can’t miss a historic moment like that though. An American Queen! And from Baltimore.”

  12th July 1936

  Rory’s fifteenth. Gave him a set of magic nesting glasses and a trick cigarette pack. For his treat, he chose Rise and Shine at the Theatre Royal, with Fred Astaire. Lightfoot, Flora, and Doopie came, too. Afterwards, to the Cosy Corner for a mixed grill. Flora had memorized all the tunes in the show. She has no natural shyness about her and sang away all through high tea.

  She said, “Let’s talk about the Wally. She’s going to be the Queen.”

  Rory said, “No she’s not, Flora. Absolutely not.”

  Lightfoot said, “She’d have to change her name, for one thing. ‘Wally’ isn’t a very queenly name.”

  I said, “Well, her real name is Bessie Wallis, and Bessie is certainly a queenly name. Good Queen Bess!”

  Rory said, “But she’s the wrong kind of person. It’s obvious.”

  Doopie said, “Bud Ging loves her, Roar.”

  Rory said, “But it’s not suitable. Daddy says so.”

  Doopie said, “Ging loves her a lod. Vunny. See loogs lige a nud-gragger.”

  She did a very good impersonation of Wally, with that hard jaw of hers snapping open and closed and her eyes never still.

  13th July 1936

  Dinner at Carlton Gardens. Family only. Ulick and Rory were allowed to join us for drinks. Melhuish said, “Maybell, I heard the King may be going to Italy. Is it true?”

  I said, “Yes, it’s all arranged.”

  Ulick said, “One would have thought he’d go quietly to Balmoral, this year of all years.”

  Violet said, “He never liked Deeside. I don’t suppose we’ll ever see him up there now. It’ll be all cruises on floating gin palaces.”

  Melhuish said, “Perhaps he’ll bugger off on a permanent cruise, Vee. Leave the Yorks to take over.”

  Lightfoot said, “Take care now, old boy. If Maybell repeats this over their morning calisthenics, you could find yourself in the Tower.”

  Doopie said, “You’ll be vor the chob, Melsh. You’ll have your head tugged udderneath your arb.”

  Ulick asked if I still keep my diary. He said, “What kind of things do you record in it? Appointments at the beauty salon?”

  I said, “No. I jot down the things people say to me.”

  He said, “I hope you ask their permission first.”

  17th July 1936

  A madman has tried to murder the King. HM and Bertie York were on horseback on their way from a military parade in Hyde Park yesterday, when a Communist pulled out a gun and would have shot him had a police horse not frisked into him and knocked the gun from his hand. Jack Aird was a few paces behind and saw the whole thing.

  I must say, Wally seems very unconcerned about it. A heat wave is forecast for the weekend.

  19th July 1936, Fort Belvedere

  Wally threw an impromptu poolside party this afternoon. The Kents and the Louis Mountbattens looked in but kept their distance from the Inner Circle. I remember when George Kent was more than happy to eat Wally’s crab claws and dance a tango. I think marriage to Marina Greece has made him very stuffy. HM and Jack Aird retold Thursday’s drama. HM says he saw something go flying through the air and found himself wondering very calmly if it was a bomb. Aird says he would have dismounted and kicked the gun into the middle of Constitution Hill but his uniform is so tight these days he was worried about getting back on his horse.

  20th July 1936, Wilton Place

  It looks like all out-war in Spain. Lightfoot says he’d like to go and fight. I can’t think why, unless marriage is palling already.

  24th July 1936

  To the Shim-Sham with the Erlangers, the Crokers, Kenny Opdyke, and Wally. Home just ahead of the milk cart.

  HM had to dine with his mother. Judson may be posted to the Low Countries. Hattie says they speak English there.

  28th July 1936

  We’re having to make fresh arrangements for our cruise. The Foreign Office found out our plans to start from Italy and have told HM it will cause the country great embarrassment if he sets foot there, given the current international situation. Wally says Anthony Eden is full of bluster and we should go anyway, but HM doesn’t want to make unnecessary trouble when he’ll need the government’s cooperation if he’s to marry Wally. Our boat will now pick us up somewhere on the coast of Yugoslavia, which means HM will have to make a courtesy call on the Crown Prince Pauls. Bolsheviks in Cannes. Situations in Italy. War in Spain. Travel is becoming impossible.

  31st July 1936, Sunninghills

  Boss and Ethel’s final English party for this year. A clambake in Surrey! They had sand laid around their pool and a top chef brought in to cook the lobsters. We had greatest fun in spite of the rain. Boss told me he saw Ernest last week, in the Aldwych, and he seemed very well. He said, “Between you and me, Maybell, I don’t know that he’s so heartbroken over Wally. I think he’s decided it’s all worked out for the best.”

  Monday, to Paris, to await HM, who’s king-ing till Friday. Just the Erlangers, the Humphrey Butlers, and the Crokers for the first leg. Jack Aird to equerry.

  6th August 1936, Meurice Hotel, Paris

  Shopping for peignoirs with Ethel, Poots, and Hattie. Wally has hardly left the side of Kenny Opdyke. She says he knows everything there is to know about Paris. Poots says he’s completely harmless, but I don’t think HM would at all like the way he whispers in Wally�
��s ear and makes her laugh. HM never makes her laugh.

  10th August 1936, somewhere in Austria

  We finally got away on Saturday evening. HM finished his duties and just hopped across the Channel in a little airplane. I do wish Wally could be persuaded to fly. It may be frightening, but the ordeal is over faster. Our railcar is well-appointed but still a railcar. Pips says she feels carefree and adventurous when she travels by train. I find the swaying doubles the time for my toilette.

  Lily Drax-Pfaffenhof joined us at Salzburg. They say we should reach Yugoslavia by this evening.

  11th August 1936, somewhere in Yugoslavia

  The landscape grows wilder. Jack Aird says these mountains are full of cutthroats. Wally is already a nervous wreck. She and HM had to go to tea with the Crown Prince Pauls yesterday afternoon, and she says their driver fairly threw the car around blind bends, in case any brigands lay in wait. The wife wasn’t at all friendly toward her, either. Well, she’s Marina Kent’s sister. Ice maidens both, I’m sure.