Defiant Ecstasy

by Janelle Taylor

  Brave Bear had listened to all his words very carefully. Then he said, “I see your reasons now. I understand and agree. Her father also felt the taunts of others about his Jenny, but not like it was with Alisha. I can see why you had to be cold and unfeeling toward her. I hated your treatment to Shalee, but now I see this treatment was to a ska kaskapi named Alisha. I can see why you wanted her and captured her. I can see why you kept her even at such a risk to your honor. I, too, believe now she was sent to you by Napi. She will be where she belongs. Yes, this is good. ”

  The two men talked on and on about many things. A strong bond of respect and friendship was budding and growing. It would take time for Brave Bear to get over the loss of Shalee, but Gray Eagle had made it possible in honor. They spoke of other events in both their lives. Each man had a rich understanding of the other’s feelings, drives and thoughts. This made acceptance of each other easier and quicker.

  Later, they walked along talking as they returned to Black Cloud’s teepee. Only Powchutu and the chief were present. Gray Eagle glanced around anxious to see Alisha and the look upon her face. He yearned to gaze into those lucid, green eyes and the lovely face of the girl he loved and had just won. He asked Powchutu where she was, recalling their leaving the challenge together while he spoke with the chief and Brave Bear.

  “Where is Ali ... Shalee?”

  Powchutu shifted uneasily causing Gray Eagle to become slightly alarmed. Surely she would not try to hide from him or escape again! He demandingly repeated his query, “Where is she?”

  Powchutu glared at him icily and replied, “She went for a walk near the falls. She is riot ready for this confrontation with you yet. Let her be for a while. Give her the time she needs to accept this and come to you.”

  Brave Bear quickly and alertly sensed the hatred, tension and jealousy between these two men and answered Gray Eagle’s question himself. “There is a hidden cave under the falls where she goes to bathe. Perhaps she went there if she wishes to be alone.”

  Gray Eagle cast Powchutu a warning look, nodded to Brave Bear and left to look for her. As he walked along, his face darkened in worry. Will she still resist me and my love? I am weary of this coldness and bitterness. I will accept no resistance from her! She is mine and I will take her! She has been too long from my life. She will join to me willingly or by force. I will tolerate no interference from anyone, not even her.

  After the battle had been won and while the men talked, Alisha and Powchutu had quietly slipped away from the crowd. Powchutu had observed her face, the emotions written there. He knew she was not ready to deal with Gray Eagle yet. She needed time alone to think things out and come to grips with them.

  She had looked up at him and said, “I am glad no one had to die today, Powchutu. But how will I live with his hatred and cruelty again? I can see he desires me as a woman, but not as Alisha, not as a person. Even if we join, I will still be like his slave and prisoner. Things have not changed that much between us. Only my name and position have changed, not me. I must have time to think. Do not tell him where I am. I will go to the cave and be alone for a while.”

  She left him standing there as she walked toward the falls. Soon, she disappeared beneath the cascade of water. He watched her until she was out of sight. How he longed to go with her and hold her in his arms and comfort her. But it was too late for that now. Or was it? ...

  He spoke softly into the wind, “You must face this thing alone, my love.” He returned to the chief’s teepee to wait for Gray Eagle and the others to forestall the scene which was sure to come between them. She must have this time to think.

  Alisha sat down on the large rock beside the pool in the fading dusky light. She pulled her knees up to her chest and encircled them with her arms, clasping her fingers tightly together. She rested her chin on her knees and stared at the water trickling down the back wall. She watched the moonlight touch and sparkle on it like hundreds of tiny diamonds. She listened to the sounds of the night creatures and insects as they came to life. She noted the singing of the cicadas and katydids. She listened to the hooting of an owl not far away. She caught the calling of a nightingale to its mate. She listened to the silence in the cave around her ...

  Her mind was tired of trying to fight the inevitable. Her heart was weary of trying to suppress her love and desire for Wanmdi Hota. Her body was tense at trying to fight and control its hunger for him. Even if he did hate her, she was his, bought and paid for with his challenge today. I can live without his love, she mused, but can I live with his hate? My mind and body both turn traitorous when he holds me and touches me. All thoughts of hatred and cruelty are washed away in the flood of emotions he starts within me.

  Will it be any different now that he thinks I am an Indian like he is? Is this too much to hope for? Surely he would not torture me physically again, but what will he do to my heart and soul? Will he try to find other ways to hurt and taunt me? He could use my own love and weakness against me. Would he whip me again if I rebelled? He did Chela and she is Indian. I was at his mercy as his slave, and I shall be just as much at his mercy as his wife. What shall I do? How should I act now? I do not know what to expect of him, nor do I know what he expects of me. Suddenly, I don’t know what to think or believe. I don’t know what to say or how to act. He is such a mystery to me. Will I ever know or understand him?

  The events of this afternoon in his teepee flickered before her mind. She shuddered to recall the overwhelming passion which had engulfed her and forced her to lose sight of all things except him and his touch. His kisses had been burned into her memory and his remembered touch caused her skin to flush and tingle.

  She lowered her forehead to her knees and spoke in torment, “Wanmdi Hota, why must it forever be like this between us? Why do you wish to hurt me like this? Please try to love me this time, if only a little. Do not close your heart to me forever.” She sat in silence for a few minutes, then sensed someone’s presence. She slowly turned ...

  His tall frame was outlined by the moonlight, but she could not see his face which was hidden in the dark shadows. She stared at him for what seemed an eternity. It will be different this time, her mind told her. It must! I will be his wife ... or will I? What if he doesn’t have to marry me now? What if he only keeps me as his ... and marries Chela?

  Her thoughts quickly scanned the events of the past few months. Her whole life had been torn asunder by certain events, but at the center of all of them was Wanmdi Hota, her nemesis.

  Darkness descended and the moon grew brighter. They both remained where they were staring at the other, she in uncertainty and anticipation, he in relief and satisfaction.

  He could see her features and expression clearly, but she could see none of his, for his face had still remained in total darkness. She was held transfixed by the sight of his outline.

  Gray Eagle moved toward her and held out his hand to her. He called, “Ku-wa, Lese.” He saw a flicker of confusion and sadness at his calling for Lese instead of Shalee.

  A chill passed down her spine and over her body. Was he telling her he would not accept her as Shalee, that she would forever remain Lese in his mind? Did he already close his heart against her so soon? Perhaps the slip really meant nothing at all. Soon, she would know ...

  Her lips and mouth were suddenly very dry and she wet them with her tongue. Her heart pounded madly within her chest and the pulse raced like a wind within her veins. He saw her look of indecision and panic. He noted the flushed cheeks and luminous eyes filling with tears. Come to me willingly, he prayed fervently.

  Again, he spoke softly, but firmly, “Ku-wa!”

  She rose and came hesitantly to him, stopping a few feet before him. She extended a small, quavering hand out to him with pleading in her emerald eyes.

  He remained where he was and folded his arms across his hard chest. “Ku-wa, Lese,” he commanded, a little more sharply than he intended.

  Dismay and sadness crossed her features. She whispered in a sma
ll, quiet voice, “So, it’s to be a power play again. Will you never take the first step to me, Wanmdi Hota? Must I always bend and yield to you first? Can’t you show me one small measure of giving and tenderness? Must you forever remain above me, unreachable and cold? Would it be so very hard to melt a little, to show I mean something ... anything, to you? Will I forever be your enemy?” Tears sparkled brightly in her eyes as she stepped forward.

  He lowered his arms, ready to take her into his embrace. She placed a small, cold hand on his chest near his heart and said, “I yield to your power and ownership, Sir Lucifer. I am once more in your circle of life, with no beginning or end to your hate.” At her last words, the tears gathered in her eyes and began to roll down her cheeks. She lowered her head in defeat.

  One of his strong hands went around her slender waist and the other one went to her trembling chin to lift it to face him. Her eyelids remained lowered, staring at his chest and refusing to meet his gaze. His hand slid behind her head, burying itself into her soft hair, and pulled her to him. His lips came down on hers in a gentle kiss. He continued to spread light kisses over her eyes, face, ears, and mouth.

  Very quickly, fires leaped and burned within her body. A tingling warmth spread throughout her. It flamed and grew in leaps and bounds, growing hotter and bolder with each new kiss or caress. She panicked and tried to pull away. I’ll not submit like chattel this time, she vowed. This time, I’ll not allow his hold and control on my mind and body. I must withhold my heart. But her mind argued a losing battle with her passionate body. His kisses seared across her mouth and throat as passion coursed in her blood. There was a hunger for him which was starving within her and screamed to be fed.

  His lips claimed hers over and over in bruising, fiery kisses. He pressed close to her body, his smell and heat filling her senses. This heat from his body fused with hers to ignite the flames of desire higher and brighter. Her mind whirled in suspense and her body quivered with waiting.

  She became aware of the heavy fast pounding of his heart beneath her small hand resting there. She felt the heat radiating from him and the intense hunger of his mouth on hers. She listened to the husky tone of his deep, rich voice as he whispered her name softly into her ear.

  “Lese ... Lese, Cinstinna ...”

  Could there possibly be more than just passion and desire in his kisses and embraces? This was how he had been those last two days before she had been taken from him. Was he telling her this was the way he wanted things between them? Was he trying to let her know he.... Don’t reach for the moon, Lese, she warned herself. Her brain had lost its capacity to reason in the constant onslaught of his actions on her senses and emotions.

  As his mouth took hers once more, she could no longer control or hope to prevent the love and passion which coursed within her body like molten lava. Her arms encircled his neck and she clung tightly to him in hungry need. She pulled his head closer to hers, her kiss and response becoming more demanding. She could not have left him if her very life had depended upon it.

  She caressed his back ardently with her hands. She kneaded and fondled his hard network of muscles and smooth skin. She could feel the firmness of his body and the hardness of his manhood against her. For her, the only thing that mattered now was he was here, holding her, kissing her, wanting her. She would deal with any other problems later, much later. She had no willpower to resist him or to remain impassive in his embrace. Her breathing quickened to quick short rasps.

  She wanted him with such intensity her body shook violently and quivered with unrepressed desire. She thirsted for his kisses as one thirsts for water in the desert. She craved his love as one craves food when starving.

  “Wanmdi Hota ... love me ... love me now ...” she cried out to him in an emotional fever. Caution was thrown to the wind. She wanted him too deeply to think of anything or anyone, except herself and her passion.

  A voice called out from the falls, “Wanmdi Hota, did you find her?”

  Startled, he jerked his mouth from hers and answered White Arrow in a strained voice, “Sha, Wanhinkpe Ska.”

  White Arrow called out, “They are all waiting for you both at the village. It will soon be time for the feast. Is there some trouble?”

  Silently he cursed himself for letting things go this far. This was not the time or place to make love to her. When she had responded so feverishly to him, he had lost all sight and thought of the others and the time. He had been about to take her right then and there. He had only meant to hold her, to kiss her, and to let her know he wanted her back the way it had been before. He had not meant to incite her, or himself, to such heights of passion.

  He called back to White Arrow, “We will be there soon. Leave us for a time.”

  Understanding what was going on by the tone of his koda’s voice, he smiled and returned to the village to tell the others all was well and they would shortly return.

  Gray Eagle’s loins ached painfully with unfulfilled lust and desire for her. He struggled with himself to gain control and quench these fires which ran rampant throughout his entire body. He fought to gain control of his heavy, labored breathing and unleashed emotions. Curses, how he wanted and needed her! Why could he not take her here and now? She was his! She was willing and hungry for him! But it would be too swift for her to enjoy it and this was not the way to take her for the first time again.

  I must find the strength to quell this hunger for her until later. He drew from every source of willpower, energy and strength he possessed to help him. I had forgotten for a time what her touch and kiss does to me. When I hold her, only our love is real. How does she have such power over me and not be aware of it? She has a way of making all things dim in her presence. If you only knew how much I love you, Cinstinna, would you use it against me?

  He held her possessively in his embrace, allowing each of them the time to bring these feelings under control. He had finally managed to do so, but she did not want to dispel her desire for him. She breathed raggedly and trembled with unsated desire. There was an aching emptiness in the heart of her womanhood.

  She desperately wondered, how do I bring these feelings under control? If he can do it, then why can’t I? Surely there is some way to quell hunger when it is impossible to fulfill it, but how?

  To go to the point of losing all control over her body, then to be pushed away, was more than she could bear to accept. She felt pain, hunger, anger and frustration. She fought and struggled with this weakness his kisses and caresses had unleashed inside her. How could she when he was so close, when the warmth of his breath touched her, when she remained within his arms, and when his smell filled her senses?

  She cried out to him, “Help me, Wanmdi Hota! I do not know how to stop these things I feel. Teach me to resist this hunger for you! Teach me how to stop this pain insidel I want and need you, now! Please love me ... I don’t care about the others ... just love me and hold me!”

  Her desperate pleas both stirred and pained him. He had to halt her pleading or all would be lost, for already his body threatened to revolt against his rigid control. He knew the only way he could help her was to brutally change her emotions of this moment. He must do what was necessary!

  He roughly pushed her away and coldly said, “Hiya, Shalee. Ku-wa!” His roughness and tone destroyed her feelings of desire instantly. They dwindled quickly and died with the coldness and cruelty of his anger and manner. He pulled her by the arm toward the cave entrance.

  She tried to yank her arm free from his iron grasp, but could not. He pulled her struggling body out of the cave and along the rocky, wet pathway. The emotions of anger and humiliation flooded her. All her thoughts and feelings of passion fled.

  She flung the stinging words at him, “I hate you! I’ll never belong to you! Never!”

  She was hurt and bewildered by his sudden change of mood. Would she ever come to understand this man she loved and wanted so desperately? Her emotions were in an upheaval as they walked back toward the camp.
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  He impatiently thought, I helped you in the only way open to me, Cinstinna. This is not the time or place for the renewal of our love. Surely you can see and know this!

  He walked slowly to give her the time to bring her rage and embarrassment under some kind of control. In time, you will know I only did what I had to do for you, he thought defensively, but futilely.

  As they reached the edge of the camp, he allowed her to break free and flee to her father’s teepee. Thankfully it was empty. She threw herself upon the buffalo mat and wept.

  When all the tears and emotions were spent, she sat up. She asked herself if this would be the new way of things between them now. Was this some new way of tormenting and punishing her? Did he hold her responsible for the challenge? Was he showing her the power he still held over her? Could he have been trying to find out if he did still have this power over her after her encounter with Mato Waditaka, especially after what he saw this morning in the meadow?

  Would he now use this power over her to force her to do as he commanded? Would she be at his vengeful mercy now? Would he kiss and caress her until she burned with desire for him, then cruelly push her away, leaving her with this empty, hollow feeling in her body and heart? I could not bear for him to use this as a weapon to master me, she cried. He knows he commands my will. I am his prisoner of love as well as his prisoner in life. What shall I do?

  I do not possess the knowledge to resist and reject him. How he must enjoy having this control over my very life and existence. He taunts me with his love, always just out of my reach. Just like Tantalus was forever taunted by the food and drink eternally just out of his reach. I must be free of him and this hold he has over me ...

  As his wife, I would be subjected to his every whim of cruelty. He would never allow me to be happy. I must flee this place and him. But how? Powchutu! I could not escape last time, but with his help, this time I could! Would he dare to help me? Could I risk his life in a deadly plot against Wanmdi Hota? No ... I must stay and face this thing alone. Besides, how much worse could things be than before? Fearfully, she knew...