Defiant Ecstasy

by Janelle Taylor

  She arose from the mat and gathered her things to go for a bath in the cave. It had been a long, hot day and she felt the need to freshen herself. She furtively peered out and noticed no one nearby. She quietly made her way out of camp and to the cave with her belongings. The men had retired to another teepee to prepare for the feast and to give her privacy to prepare herself.

  She quickly undressed and slipped into the cool water. She held the wet cloth to her eyes, hoping to take away some of the traces of her tears. She would not give him the satisfaction of seeing her weakness toward him. She must pull herself together. She scrubbed and lathered her body with the jasmine soap several times. She would appear fresh and alive, smelling like sweet wildflowers at the party tonight. Thank goodness her hair was clean, for there was no time to wash and dry it now. In fact, she would have to hurry. She finished and redressed in a fawn-colored dress with the bodice unadorned. She gathered her things and quickly returned to her teepee.

  She laced the flap shut from the inside to finish her grooming. She shook her braids loose and brushed her long, chestnut masses until they were soft, shiny, and silky. She let her hair hang free and loose down her back. She took her headband from the peg where Gray Eagle had placed it earlier and secured it around her forehead. She fluffed the little feather and smiled mysteriously and coyly to herself.

  She hung Gray Eagle’s wanapin on the peg from which she had taken her headband. She went to the storage area and searched through the parfleche which held some jewelry. She selected a necklace of small, cream-colored claws and brown wooden beads and placed it at her throat. She put on two wristlets of rawhide which were delicately etched with colorful wildflowers. She took the mirror and surveyed her appearance with close, critical scrutiny. She placed the intricately quilled moccasins on her small feet. Checking every detail of her grooming with great care, she was finally pleased with her new look. Yes, she would make a fine-looking chief’s daughter tonight.

  She would show him a thing or two! She would show him he meant absolutely nothing to her, that he held not the slightest interest to her. She would ignore him all night! She would smile and laugh and talk with the others and pretend he wasn’t even there. Talk! she laughed. I can’t even speak my own tongue! Maybe she couldn’t make him jealous, but she could surely aggravate and irritate him! I will show him our little interlude did not phase me at all. He will have to assume I had only been upset at my loss of Mato Waditaka.

  I will remain near Powchutu, Mato Waditaka and Wanhinkpe Ska. I will show him his threats mean nothing to me. I am Shalee now and why should I ever fear him again? I will not let him see how deeply he has hurt me. Tonight I will show he can’t hurt me.

  As revenge and spite flickered in her mind, she said to herself, I will never yield like that to him again! He will be sorry for tonight! I will make him pay for what he did to me! She considered her actions, then mused, damn the consequences!

  She pinched her pale cheeks to give them some color. She walked to the flap when she heard the drums start, announcing the beginning of the feast.

  It was time ... she inhaled deeply several times, stiffened her back and held her chin high. Shalee unlaced the flap and stepped outside.

  Chapter Seven

  Alisha looked about, her eyes and ears taking in the sights and sounds of merriment and celebration. They dared to celebrate her new capitulation to that man! The savages! Those barbarians! They dared to be happy about her return to his hellish demesne! She would show him!

  Her eyes roamed the sea of faces until they met and locked triumphantly with his. Her own eyes blazed with defiance, spite and rebellion at him. She let her eyes sweep over him in mocking inspection, taking in his entire body and dress in slow calculation and deliberation. Then, she sneered contemptuously and turned away, dismissing him entirely.

  She searched until she found Mato Waditaka. She flashed him a dazzling, sensual smile, eyes glowing and softening. The heat from her eyes could have melted the snows on the mountain-tops.

  She let her gaze continue its journey until it settled on Powchutu and Wanhinkpe Ska. Once more, she smiled and began to walk their way. Before she could reach where they sat talking, her arm was seized by Gray Eagle in a harsh, forceful grip of iron. He whirled her around to face him, his eyes flaming in rage at her open and icy display of rejection for him. His eyes narrowed and hardened as they encountered her expression. The fire in his eyes flashed warnings to Alisha, but she bravely chose to ignore them.

  She glared back at him and remarked, “I am not your wife yet! Let me go or I shall call out to my father and tell him you are hurting me. Brutally forcing the chief’s daughter in public might tarnish that golden image of yours. Tonight you will taste how it feels to be the one spurned and rejected! You might have won my body, but you shall never have my heart! You will not touch me again until I am your wife.” The word “wife” was spoken with disgust and contempt. What did it matter since he did not understand her words? But just saying them made her feel better. She wrenched her arm free and stormed off to join Mato Waditaka and Powchutu.

  She went to where Powchutu was and sat down beside him. He had seen the heated exchange at a distance and was confused by it.

  She said tartly, “He does not own me yet! I will not tolerate his treating me like some ...” She caught herself in time and then continued, “How dare he tease and taunt me like that! I will not yield to him this time, or ever, Powchutu. He is cruel and I hate him! I hate him!”

  Powchutu spoke in astonishment and surprise, “What has happened, Shalee? Why are you not pleased with the way things have gone? No one was killed. You are free and safe and you are back with the man you love. So what is wrong? Wanmdi Hota is the man you love and want, isn’t he?”

  She met his gaze and sadly replied, “But he doesn’t love or want me, Powchutu. Things have not changed between us at all. It makes no difference to him if I am Alisha or Shalee, Indian or white. He still wishes to hurt and shame me. When he came to me, I offered to yield to him willingly, to try for a new beginning for us. He just teased and taunted me, then pushed me away in anger and hate as usual. Why, Powchutu? What have I done to cause him to despise me so? When I went to him, nothing happened. He only tried to prove his power and hold over me. He feigns desire and tenderness until I am overcome with passion. But as soon as I yield, he just shoves me away as if I repulse him. I do not understand the things he does to me or the way he makes me feel. Once he lights a fire within me and turns away, then I do not know how to stop it or put it out.”

  She asked Powchutu with innocent honesty, “Teach me how to resist him and his love, Powchutu. Teach me not to yield to him and his touch. I cannot and must not love him anymore, for it will one day bring death to my heart. There are all kinds of deaths and this is only death of another kind ...”

  Powchutu studied the anguished face and eyes before him and replied, “He would have no effect on you if you did not love him, Alisha. If you could learn to hate him, then the passion would die also. It is impossible to stop these kinds of feelings for one you love when he is so near.”

  Alisha looked at him with terrified eyes and exclaimed in panic, “Then I am surely doomed ...”

  She stared into the flames of the fire before her in a trance-like state, unaware of the people or feasting around her. Neither Alisha nor Powchutu had observed Gray Eagle standing behind them in a group of men. He alertly listened and watched all that had taken place between them.

  Powchutu stared at the beautiful profile beside him, frantically thinking of how he could help her. She had cried out to him in helplessness and pain one time before and he had been unable to help her that fateful day. But this time, he would not rest until he found some way to free her from him, even if he had to kill him to do so.

  He angrily thought, love that hurts and destroys is not good. I will find some way to help you this time, my love. How can my life be happy when you are suffering so? I can bear the pain in your eyes and hear
t no more.

  Alisha and Powchutu had not hesitated to speak openly, for who could know their words? But the man not far behind them did. He had heard Alisha’s anguished words and pleas to her friend, but had been mildly surprised by Powchutu’s replies to her. But, why do I feel he spoke of himself and not us, Cinstinna? he questioned himself suspiciously. I fear he spoke of his love for you and this is not good. He still desires to protect you and I cannot allow his interference. I must watch him closely to be certain his love and protectiveness do not get out of hand. I fear you would never forgive me if I were forced to kill him.

  I see now I did not handle the meeting between us in the cave right. I should have found some way to conquer your feelings rather than try to quench them so coldly. But I see your game tonight. You wish to make me angry and ashamed. You seek to punish me. But secretly, you hope to make me jealous. You try to pretend my actions did not hurt you. Ah, Cinstinna, your love speaks loudly! You only wish to lash out at me in anger and confusion, but it will soon be over and there will be peace between us. This, I promise you. We will leave after the joining, for we must be alone for this talk which has been too long in coming.

  He came to stand before her, looking down at her. Her vision shadowed with a body before it. She lifted her eyes to meet his gaze. He extended his hand down to her, but she only glared at it and refused to take it.

  Powchutu quickly spoke up, “Go with him, Alisha. This is not the time or place to defy him. Others are watching. Do you not recall my warning at the fort about defiance and honor? We will speak later. For now, go! Do not anger him further tonight.”

  She glanced over at her friend’s look of worry and concern for her safety and smiled. She knew he spoke wisely for he always thought of her first. She held up her hand to Gray Eagle who took it securely in his large, strong grasp. He easily pulled her to her feet and placed his arm around her slim waist.

  Together, they walked toward the large campfire near the center of camp. He seated her next to him on a buffalo skin to watch the dancing and to listen to the singing and chanting. He moved very close to her, too close for her comfort. Alisha concentrated on the dances and music, trying to ignore his nearness and magnetism. She had to rage a fierce battle with her eyes to keep them from straying to his face, and with her brain to keep it from thoughts of him.

  Gray Eagle grinned in amusement at the warring emotions and fierce determination which continually surfaced in her face and eyes. She turned once in time to see what she assumed to be a mocking sneer and fumed. He could not help but smile more broadly at the angry look on her face.

  She retorted hotly, “Do not mock me, Wanmdi Hota! I have endured enough from you for one day. Perhaps one day our positions will be reversed. I could become the tormentor and you, the sufferer. I might even become the hater and you, the lover. That would really be something to watch, wouldn’t it? I can see it now, the handsome, fierce warrior groveling at the feet of a mere half-breed girl, begging for her love. And of course, she would turn up her nose in contempt and coldly reject all his attentions and pleas.”

  Watching a devilish light flickering in his smoldering eyes, she angrily added, “Why do I even bother to talk to you? You cannot understand my words.” A smug, naughty gleam lit her eyes and a wicked, beguiling smile touched her lips as she answered her own query, “I do it because it makes me feel better and braver. But if you could only speak my tongue, I would tell you what a cad you are! I wouldn’t even care how angry it made you or what you did to punish such disrespect and rebellion. It would be worth it just to see the look on your face.”

  His eyes continued to look into hers seriously, causing her to become uneasy and tense. She flared at him, “Don’t stare at me like that! You look as if you can see into my very heart and soul. Who knows? Perhaps you can with those devil eyes of yours. If you could, then you would know that I ...”

  The heat from his stare conquered her temper. The smile and anger left her face and honesty replaced them as she finished her statement with the truth, “... love you. How I wish with all my heart I could learn to hate and despise you, as you do me.” She turned her back to him.

  As the evening progressed, she became enthralled with the festivities before her. The steady, rhythmic beat of the can cega, the shaking of the gourds, the tapping of the sticks and the haunting whistling of the eagle-bone whistles, lulled her into a state of relaxation. She began to hum a tune which matched the beat of the music, and to sway gently to and fro to its tempo.

  She nibbled on small, berry-filled pones of aguyapi and pieces of dried wild fruits. She took the juice Gray Eagle offered and drank it slowly, without hesitation or thought, at least for the first few swallows.

  He observed her as the juice from the wanhu berries took effect and she began to relax more and more. Her cheeks began to look flushed and her eyes flashed brilliantly. For some sudden, unknown reason, she felt deliriously happy and gay. Her head twirled as did the music and dancers. The world was enchanting and wonderful here under the stars and the moon. The air was fresh and crisp and she was in love.

  Why shouldn’t she be happy? Wasn’t she going to be married to the man she loved and wanted tomorrow night? Wasn’t he the bravest, most handsome and virile man alive? She looked over at him, smiling and laughing gaily. Yes, life was wonderful... he was wonderful ... everything was wondeful ...

  Gray Eagle pulled her closer into his embrace. Unable to know or think why she should refuse, she willingly and happily went, snuggling up to his strong, bare chest. He smiled down into her eyes and she smiled back at him, love shining clearly in both their faces.

  Alisha’s eyes were soft and alluring, her lips parted and tempting. He fought the urge to bend over and place a kiss upon them. She flirted, teased and tempted him with her eyes, lips and smiles.

  Damn! he swore to himself, knowing he would be sleeping alone tonight. Didn’t she know or care what she was doing to him? How much longer could he sit still and take this torture of not having her?

  She gazed deep into his eyes and murmured, “Isn’t it wonderful, Wanmdi Hota? Wouldn’t it be sublime to stay like this forever? Just think, tomorrow we will be joined and I will have you for my very own. Dreams do come true, don’t they? Do you know how very much I love you? I wish I knew the words in your tongue, for I would say them to you a hundred times and more. Your wife ...”

  He knew it was the nectar of the juice which had loosened her tongue, but it was the truth she spoke to him. She would have known by his smiles and nods that he understood her if the wine had not dimmed her wits and clouded her vision.

  She impishly chatted, “Mrs. Wanmdi Hota ... Mrs. Wanmdi ... Or do you have another name too? Alisha Wanmdi ... No, Shalee Wanmdi ...”

  She giggled at her jesting and he could not suppress his laughter at her game and mood. He knew of the wasichu’s custom of the wife taking her husband’s last name after joining. She joined in his laughter as she lay her weary head upon his shoulder. He soon knew by her slow, regular breathing she was asleep. Unaccustomed to wine and the strong power of the wanhu juice, it had only taken a small amount to affect her this way.

  He gathered her into his arms and lifted her light, relaxed body and carried her to her teepee. He placed her upon the mat and stared down into the sleeping, peaceful face. “E-cana ...” he whispered, placing a kiss upon her lips and left to rejoin the celebration.

  Powchutu still waited outside the teepee. He had intercepted Gray Eagle heading there with Alisha’s unconscious form. He had gone for a long walk after his words with Alisha and had not observed Gray Eagle giving her the sleeping potion. He had rushed forward at the sight and exclaimed excitedly, “What has happened?” Then, he had threatened, “What have you done to her now? I’ll kill you if you ever harm her againl I’ll ...”

  Before he could finish his statement, Gray Eagle had warned him ominously, “I told you before, Powchutu, do not interfere! Do not forget whose winyan she is. She is mine and I will do with
her as I choose. I gave her the juice of the wanhu to relax and help her sleep tonight. Do not go against me again.” Then he had entered the teepee with her.

  Powchutu did recall his earlier warnings or threats to him. Neither mattered to Powchutu, for her protection from Gray Eagle was all he cared about now. He angrily thought, he lied to me and tricked me into helping him, just as he has tricked and used her. If he loved her as he had said, he would never have rejected her and pushed her away tonight as she had told me. Powchutu silently spoke to Alisha, I cannot understand any man turning from you when you show your love and willingness to him so openly. You are right, my love. I have been fooled by him once more. You would know if he loved you, for he would be unable to hide it from you. I will not allow him to becruel to you again.

  If Wanmdi Hota had spoken the truth to me about loving you, then he would have told you of his love in the cave tonight. Yet, he remains silent and taunting. He would not have hurt you that way. How dare he push you away after he has forced your submission with his kisses! I have seen how he works on your weakness for him. He has betrayed us both, Alisha. He has used me to get at you. I should not have come and helped him. You were better off not knowing who you are and why you are here. He would have been helpless without my tongue. He used my love and concern for you against us both. I will see that he pays for this ...

  Gray Eagle was not one to underestimate the power of love or hate, or the cunning and vengeance of an enemy. Powchutu was under the influence of both powers, and had chosen to be his enemy. After the joining day, he must learn of the truth also. There must be truce between us, for I could never trust his thoughts and actions as an enemy ...

  Gray Eagle rejoined White Arrow and Brave Bear at the fire to talk and smoke. The feasting went on and on as it would for many hours to come, far into the night.