Defiant Ecstasy

by Janelle Taylor

  She frantically shook him again, crying, “Wake up! Wake up, Wanmdi Hota! You can’t do this to me again! You owe me this night! Please don’t pass out yet! Oh why did I ever agree to give you that potion anyway? Tonight of all nights! Why did I agree to be a part of this farce? The only thing I ever wanted was you, and for you to want me in return.” She wept bitterly for what she was being denied this last time.

  She angrily began to slap him on his chest. then halted and threw herself upon his body and sobbed for a long time. She hugged him to her, gently caressing his face and chest. It took all his willpower and determination to force his manhood to go limp during her embrace. He fought to stifle his sexual stirrings.

  She must stay because she wants to, not because I force her to with love and passion, he thought. He fiercely struggled to quell a new stirring of passion in his loins. You must be free to decide for yourself, Cinstinna.

  Finally managing to bring her sobs and quiverings under some type of control, she eased off the mat and stood painfully looking down at him. She gazed at the handsome face in the moonlight, memorizing each detail of his feature.

  She knelt and ran her fingertips across his lips, then bent to place a kiss there. Her quivering hand touched his cheek; ran across the proud nose; the high forehead; the square, arrogant jawline, tracing his length; and caressing his chin with the back of her hand. Her touch was as light as a feather, but as cold as ice.

  Tears ran down her cheeks and dropped onto his chest like molten beads. She reluctantly removed her joining wanapin and placed it around his neck. She secured the two half-circles together to form the one never-ending circle of love. “Forever one together now, for we shall always be apart ...”

  She removed the little white eagle from his neck and whispered, “Forgive my stealing this, Wanmdi Hota, but it is far too precious to leave behind again. It will always remind me of an all too brief, but beautiful, love we shared ...”

  The tightness in her chest was so great she could hardly breathe. She touched the wanapin and said, “May you protect me from his wrath, little eagle of love, if he comes after me.”

  She rose and slowly redressed in the white joining dress, unaware of his longing gaze upon her slim, nude body. She walked to the flap, but hesitated before she unlaced it.

  He watched her indecision. She turned and came back to kneel beside him. If she had laid back down beside him on the mat, he knew he would turn to her and make love to her. He would tell her he loved her in her own tongue. In fact, if she hesitated much longer, he would never let her leave.

  Her hand went out to caress his chest, smooth and supple, yet hard and powerful. “How can I possibly give you up? But I’m not really giving you up, for I have never truly had you. It rends my heart to know I shall never see you again. I had never known love before you came into my life. Why couldn’t you have loved me, Wanmdi Hota? If only I dared to stay and see if ... but I can’t, for you already know the truth. Besides, you showed me yesterday you no longer wanted me. You would probably have done the same thing tonight if you hadn’t been drugged, wouldn’t you? I shall leave with the memory of those two golden days of love we shared. At least you gave me that much of yourself. If the plan were not already in motion, I would go to them with the truth and let my death be on their heads, not yours, my love. We simply met in the wrong time and place. There can be no more dreaming or looking back now for me. I shall carry this love for you in my heart forever and a day.”

  She placed one last kiss upon his unresponding lips as her tears fell to his face and chest. She quickly rose and left without looking back.

  She carefully slipped from the teepee and made her way quietly through the village where she had spent a few happy days as Shalee, Indian princess. Recognizing her scent, the animals did not warn of her passing. She walked along the river path to the bushes near the falls to retrieve her bundle. She made her way behind the rocks to where a horse awaited her.

  It was the one White Arrow had given her earlier this evening. Powchutu had dared to steal that horse! she thought, amazed at his daring, then corrected herself, but he is mine! She glanced around for a sign of her friend.

  She paced nervously for a time, thinking he must have forgotten something and had gone back to get it. Time passed on and she began to get edgy and tense. She walked over to her horse to pat his nose fondly and lovingly. Her eyes saw something on his back. She walked to his side and took it down. It was a light-colored piece of skin with a map traced upon it in charcoal. She looked at it and studied the markings. It seemed clear enough for her to follow. She noticed the horse had a sleeping skin and blanket rolled and secured to his back. She looked at the strange, light saddle-like rig on his back. There was a type of horn she could hang her bundle on. She nervously looked around once more, but still no Powchutu.

  A thought struck her mind, perhaps he could not bear to say good-bye. No matter, I can wait no longer. He has prepared all I need and I cannot risk further delay. He could be out setting a false trail right now for me. Perhaps he didn’t know how long the potion would take to work. Still, I dare not wait longer.

  She mounted quickly and easily with natural agility and skill. She looked back at the sleepy, peaceful village and whispered, “Good-bye, my love . . .”

  Her heart and spirit were heavy as she walked the horse along until she was far enough away to put him into a steady gallop. Gray Eagle stayed just far enough behind her to avoid her sight and hearing. Occasionally, she would slow and stop to check the map and landmarks, then hurriedly press on.

  At this same time back in the Si-ha Sapa camp, Powchutu was desperately arguing with White Arrow. He was sitting in a teepee with his hands and feet bound securely. He had not been the one to follow her. Gray Eagle was at this very moment stalking Alisha like a deer!

  So, he had known, and he had guessed their plans! How much had Alisha inadvertently spilled to him? She’ll be completely at his mercy, he worried. Would he capture her and bring her back, and kill us together? Or will he return alone to kill me? We played right into his hands once more. In hindsight, he thought, perhaps I should have spoken the truth to Mahpiya Sapa and Mato Waditaka and pleaded innocence and mercy. What man could have dared to punish a beautiful creature like they saw tonight?

  He asked White Arrow, “How can you, who calls himself her koda, go along with her murder? You betray her love and trust as he does. Even more so, for she knows he is her enemy, but she believes you her koda!”

  White Arrow turned and glared at him. “What do you mean, her murder? How do I betray her?”

  “Do not play games with me, Wanhinkpe Ska! You know he will kill her when he catches up to her out there, or when he allows her to get far enough away to do it in secret.”

  He laughed and scoffed at such foolish words. “Perhaps he will punish her, but kill her? Never!” Noting Powchutu’s serious expression and tone, he inquired, “Why did she do this? Why would you agree to help her? Did you not know how angry it would make him? Their joining day of all days! Why?”

  Powchutu studied his face for a time, then asked incredulously, “He did not tell you why she runs away? He did not explain what has happened? How did he learn of the plans for her escape? What did he say to you before he left to go after her tonight?”

  White Arrow felt compelled to answer him and to learn the meaning of his confusing words. “He said he had overheard you two talking in Matu and Mahpiya Sapa’s teepee.”

  Powchutu gasped in shock and torment, “You mean he did not know until then? It is all my fault. He knows everything now. He will surely kill her to save face and for revenge. That is why he did nothing before, he did not know the truth. It is as I thought, he went along with the joining to keep the truth hidden.” Powchutu moaned in despair at his part in all of this. He was so angry and hurt that he failed to realize if his words were true, Wanmdi Hota had really come to reclaim her, even challenge for her return. Powchutu was forced to see how much Gray Eagle wanted Alisha b
ack.

  White Arrow drew him from his thoughts before he had a chance to reason it all out. “Knows what? What truth? Why do you say he will kill her to save face? She is his mate and no one knows of her attempt to escape. Your words do not make sense to me. He has no honor to protect.”

  “I dare not tell you the truth if you do not already know. There is another who could suffer if I speak. But I swear to you, Wanhinkpe Ska, he will find her and kill her! No doubt, he will make it look like an accident ...”

  Anger and alarm flickered in White Arrow’s eyes. “You will not speak of Wanmdi Hota in this way! He would not kill Shalee. This I know! He has longed and waited to have her back with him for many moons.”

  “That was before he knew ...” Powchutu eyed him carefully, then asked, “Are you truly a koda to her? Would you go against him to save her life?”

  It was White Arrow’s turn to eye Powchutu suspiciously. “She is truly my koda. But I would not have to stop him from killing her, for he would not.”

  “Even if he must kill her to save his honor? He thinks he has been tricked by her. These words must remain between us, or it could cost her life ... if he does not take it this day. Matu changed a scar on Alisha to match the akito of Mahpiya Sapa. Then, she came to him with the story the white girl held captive by Wanmdi Hota was his lost daughter. Alisha is not Shalee. This is what Matu told us in her teepee. This is what he overheard. Wanmdi Hota has challenged for and joined a ska wincinyanna! Alisha is not half Si-ha Sapa. She is all wasichu! This is the truth he knows now. You have been his koda for many winters and you know him well. What do you think he will do to her for her part in this deceit? She let him join her knowing she was not Shalee, but his white slave. Do you think he would have fought for and joined a ska kaskapi? The mighty warrior Wanmdi Hota, feared and honored by all, even his enemies?” He laughed bitterly.

  White Arrow shifted restlessly, but argued, “But he did fight for her and join her! He will surely keep this secret, so he can have her as his mate and protect his honor.”

  “No! He challenged before he knew she was only Alisha. He fought for Shalee! She is not Shalee! He only joined with Alisha knowing she was wasichu to save face. He has gone after her to kill her. That way, no one can ever find out the great Wanmdi Hota has been tricked by a mere white girl and he is joined to her!”

  Powchutu went on angrily, “He kept the secret until she left and he could go after her and kill her in the desert. Do you think he would ever want the others to know of how he was fooled? The only way to insure silence is to kill her. No one would ever know then she was not Shalee. They will mourn the life and death of Mahpiya Sapa’s Shalee and Wanmdi Hota’s winyan, not Alisha’s.”

  White Arrow glared at him, shaking his head in disbelief and disagreement. Powchutu quickly added, “That is why he did not tell you the truth. He feared you would not agree to her death, as the only solution, and would not cover for it. How will he explain this deed when he returns alone I wonder? He assumes neither Matu, nor I, will speak out against him or this deed for fear of torture or death for our part in it. Or has he left orders for our deaths, too? You must let me go free to go after him, to stop him.”

  “I cannot, Powchutu, for I promised him I would hold you here and not allow you to follow them. There are reasons for what he does, and he will tell me when he returns. He would not lie to me. He goes after her to tell her the truth of his love for her. He will not hurt her. He will bring her back home with him, you’ll see....” He finished in trust and confidence, trying to forget the fact Wanmdi Hota had ordered Matu’s death for some strange reason, and Powchutu’s capture and return to the Oglala camp.

  Powchutu gnawed at some of his trust and confidence with his next questions. “If he loves her as you say, then why did he push her away when she reached out to him in submission after the challenge? Why has he threatened and taunted her at every turn for the past two days? Is this his way of showing love and acceptance, or joy for their joining?”

  His tone was filled with sarcasm and bitterness. “He has even made hints of danger and death to me, her koda. She is terrified of him and he has done nothing to ease this fear and doubt. This shows his love for her?”

  White Arrow said, “He told me to tell everyone he has taken her away so they could be alone to talk and become kodas. I do not know of these things you speak of to me, but I trust him. Tomorrow, we will go to our village. If they do not return within two moons, we will go to look for them.” He silently wondered if these things were what Wanmdi Hota had said he needed to tell him about when he returned to their camp. But why did he not speak of these things before he left? If this man’s words were true, why has he been so cold and cruel to her since the challenge? I do not understand ...

  White Arrow thought suspiciously and in alarm, why had Wanmdi Hota said, “When I return,” instead of “When we return”? Surely he would not ... many times before he has hurt her and I have tried to prevent it. He knows of my true feelings for her. Does he still see her as his ska kaskapi, or as his mate now? He joined Shalee ... but she is not Shalee! She is Alisha. White Arrow could not help but tremble in fear and doubt.

  Powchutu hung his head sadly. “It will be too late in two moons, Wanhinkpe Ska, for she will be dead. She will be buried out there somewhere, and only Wanmdi Hota will know the place.”

  White Arrow realized he must trust his friend and his gut instincts which told him Wanmdi Hota loved Alisha, whether she was Shalee or not. No, he would not harm her.

  The night slowly and painfully crawled by with both men sitting near the fire, unable to sleep or rest.

  Much later, White Arrow began to talk again. “Did you encourage this new defiance to Wanmdi Hota? Did you suggest she run away tonight? Did you plan and prepare things for her?”

  Powchutu could only sadly nod yes to all his questions. White Arrow went on, “I have given this much thought. I am certain he knew who she really is and did not reveal it because he wanted her as his mate, and this was the only way he could ever truly have her. He also knew they would kill her for this trick, innocent or guilty. I am sure he remained silent to save her and to have her. She would no longer be his slave, but his mate to live openly with honor. He said before he left it was past time for her to know the truth of his love for her. He said he would tell her everything. You have already guessed he can speak her tongue, and yet, you did not tell her. He will tell her all these things when they stop for the night. He will let her remain Shalee so they can be together. I have seen them together many times, Powchutu, and I know they love each other. Your hate, jealousy, and love have blinded you to these facts. He will not harm her. This, I swear. He will only love and protect her.”

  Powchutu sadly disagreed. “He would do this secretly for Alisha, or openly for Shalee, but never openly for Alisha. Can’t you see and know the difference, my koda? He has done many terrible things to her before. This time, the deed and the danger to his honor is far worse in his and your peoples’ eyes than ever before. Being Shalee will not deter his punishment, for she is not Shalee. Can you be so sure he loves her, and if he does, will not harm er?”

  “I have known him since childhood and we are as brothers. He has told me of his love for her, and I have seen it. Who she truly is will not matter to him, only to others.”

  Powchutu asked pointedly, “Did it not matter before that she is white and his enemy? Were those not the very reasons for all her torment and treatment? No, Wanhinkpe Ska, it did not matter before that he loved her, for he still hurt her. It will not matter this time either. You are the one blinded by your love for him, and her, for you see this as you wish it to be, not as it truly is.”

  White Arrow pondered to himself for a time, realizing even if the scout was correct, there was nothing he could do to help her or to save her this time. Could a man go against his best friend and brother even to save another’s life which was so precious to him? If Wanmdi Hota truly believed he must be free of her love and this was
the only way out for him, then he must allow him to make that decision, right or wrong. For he would never do such a drastic thing unless he saw it as the best and only path to take.

  But could his koda live with that decision and deed once made and done? Does he seek to stop the changes she brings to his heart and mind, to his very life and existence? He has never known a winyan like her, nor ever even loved one. Could it be he does not know how to deal with the things she makes him feel for her? Do these things frighten the great warrior? He has been trained as a warrior and an Oglala, and Alisha and her love bring threats and changes to both. Does he seek to stop her spell over him, and his love for her? I pray not, for their love is stronger than death itself. I pray he does not realize this when it is too late.

  Powchutu was also thinking and praying. He hoped he was wrong about this situation and Wanhinkpe Ska was right. If only Wanmdi Hota had told both of them the truth before he had left tonight. Powchutu prayed the light of love he thought he had read in Gray Eagle’s eyes that day at the fort and that morning at Grota’s camp was real and strong. It could be true this gives him a way to have her openly. Was it possible he would find her and somehow tell her this? But I can find no trust in my mind for him, nor the power in my heart to give her up to him. Someday, it will be different ...

  Powchutu met White Arrow’s gaze and murmured, “I pray you are right, my koda, for if you are not, it will be too late for Alisha in two moons and she will be lost to us forever. Her blood will be upon our hands for allowing it.”

  Alisha rode beside the river bank for hours until she came to the tall tree which was bent like a crooked, old man. She looked at the map in the waning moonlight. The map indicated she should enter the stream here and ride until she came to a stand of three large trees on the left bank. She did as it implied.

  When she finally came to those trees, she left the stream and headed for the tallest peak in the far range of mountains. They looked so very far away. She was so tired and sleepy and ached in every muscle of her body.