Nice Shootin' Tex

by Cyndia Rios-Myers

  "What in the fuck was that?" he nearly yelled as he pointed at the fallen clay.

  He looked so angry. So angry, hurt and shocked. It saddened me. He loved me but didn't want to need me. It made me feel bad for myself. And for him too.

  "This is where you say that it's time for me to go home."

  He said nothing but stared at the other two contestants before staring at me again.

  "How could you? How could you blow this?"

  Just then, the show's director spoke from the sidelines.

  "Trevor? You are going to have to save the personal stuff for later. We are back on in...10...9," he proceeded to count on to one. Trevor had his sunglasses again but was staring down at me with such...pain and anger. The irony was not lost on me.

  I knew that Trevor was supposed to say something to me but he could not as he kept swallowing. So I spoke instead. I let my tears fall.

  "Thank you. This has made me so happy. I'll never, ever be sorry."

  I then took one last look at him before turning my back to him. I then looked at Max and Sam and waved at them. Max was wiping something off of his face. Sam nodded at me and waved. I then looked up at the trail that led to the mansion and walked up as I cried. I then heard cursing and yelling from behind me. Still, I kept walking. As soon as I got inside the mansion's living room, I felt a hand grab my arm and turn me around.

  "Why? Why would you do this?" he asked with tear filled eyes.

  I sobbed again.

  "Because I love you! Because you don't want me. Because I have to go home and be with my family."

  He shook his head.

  "No. This wasn't supposed to end like this. I was supposed to have more time," he angrily said.

  "This ended last night, Trevor. You ended this. Have you changed your mind about that?"

  He just stared back at me and said nothing. Nothing had changed. I shook my head and looked at the producer who had found me in Trevor's room. Apparently, he'd been listening to our entire exchange.

  "Could you please call a cab for me? I would like to go now."

  The producer shook his head.

  "There's no need. I'll shuttle you to the airport," said the producer.

  "Thank you," I said.

  "No!" Trevor vehemently said. "No. I'll drive her to the airport."

  I shook my head.

  "This is goodbye, Trevor."

  Trevor then looked at the producer.

  "No. You will not drive her. I will."

  The producer shrugged.

  "She doesn't want you to, Romeo." He said in a strong voice. "Let her go."

  Realizing that I didn't need his permission or his approval for that matter, I walked away from him and approached the doorway. Once there, I gathered my luggage and looked back once more. Trevor stared back at me with a hurt and shocked expression on his face. I then turned my back on him and walked outside. It was time.

  Chapter 18

  The producer, Brett, looked like he wanted to chat me up from his spot in the driver's seat. I ignored him and watched the passing scenery that led me further and further away from the thing I had wanted the most. Interestingly enough, the tears had dried. It was almost as if as long as I didn't think of Trevor and our time together, I could function. Thinking of those very functions, I pulled my cell phone out of my jacket and turned it on. There were six messages on there - all from home. That made me smile.

  I then took a deep breath and called the first person in my phone book.

  "Lauren!" said my brother Arnold. He sounded so happy that I smiled.

  "Hi Arnold," I warmly said.

  "Oh my God! Did you win?"

  I closed my eyes tight for a few seconds before answering.

  "No. I didn't win."

  "Oh, who cares? You lasted so long! Are you happy you went?"

  I took time to consider his question. If I'd stayed home I would have been hogging and would have been looking for a place to live. I'd be wondering about whether I would fall in love again and when. At the competition I fell hard for someone; for two and a half weeks I'd been loved back, and then was disposed of. I was heartbroken, but I wouldn't take it back.

  "Yes," I said in a thick voice.

  "Are you okay?" he warmly asked.

  "I'm better now that I am on my way home. I can't wait to see you guys." I said on a sob.

  Arnold was quiet for a few seconds.

  "Lauren, did anything else happen over there?"

  My silence must have been confirmation for him.

  "Oh, Lauren. Please don't tell me you got mixed up with the host."

  "Can we please discuss this when I get home?"

  He said nothing for a few seconds.

  "Of course. When do you land?"

  After giving him my flight information along with assurances that I was okay, we disconnected. I couldn't help but notice that the driver was very quiet in the front seat.

  "I'm sorry. I didn't get your name."

  He perked up and looked in the rear view mirror.

  "Brett Oster."

  I nodded.

  "Thank you for driving me, Brett."

  He smiled and looked back at the road.

  "That's what I'm here for."

  I stared at the back of his dark-haired head.

  "Did any of you guys know?"

  "I'm sorry?" he said as he looked in the rear view mirror.

  I sat up a bit straighter, a bit self-conscious.

  "Never mind."

  He kept staring about me.

  "You mean about you and Trevor?"

  "Yes." Still embarrassed, I watched him from under my lashes.

  He went back to staring at the road.

  "A couple of people suspected it and talked about it. But we didn't know for sure. Not until this morning when you dropped off the art in his room."

  The thought of the strawberry brought memories of Trevor rushing to my defense in my room. I was so sad, all over again.

  "I don't know Trevor personally - only professionally. That being said, I've worked with him for three years. I have never, ever seen him as upset as he was back there."

  My vision thickened through my tears as I stared at the trees that whizzed by my window. Brett's words brought little solace.

  "But I do think that you were wrong."

  That got my attention.

  "What?"

  "I saw your shooting. I've seen video replays of your shooting. You are something else."

  Oh, that. Still, I smiled at his praise.

  "Thank you."

  "You could have won this."

  I smiled again.

  "Thanks, again. But I had to go."

  He sighed at that.

  "I know. I understand."

  The conversation dried up at that point. I was glad. I wanted my tears to dry up too.

  The flight from Seattle to San Diego was a sad one. I hadn't been upgraded to First Class like I had been before. The man next to me was very chatty and I didn't want to talk. All I wanted to do was think about Trevor and what he was doing. I wanted to know if he was thinking about me. Did he miss me? Was he sorry that he let me go? Would he jump on a plane to Texas to come after me? Or was he just getting used to life without me? The flight landed in San Diego and I couldn't wait to debark the plane and leave the chatty passenger behind.

  While perusing noise-cancelling headphones at a duty-free store, my cell phone buzzed. It would be nice to talk to family I thought with a smile. I didn't even look at the phone when I hit the 'talk' button.

  "Hi. I'm almost home."

  The person on the other side of the line said nothing for a few seconds.

  "How could you leave like that?" I heard a deep voice say.

  In shock, I dropped the headphones I'd been looking at. Tears filled my eyes as I heard the voice of my lover. Quickly, I gave my back to the other customers and walked out of the store. When I got a few feet away, I spoke.

  "I had to, Trevor."

 
"No you didn't. You did not have to rush off like that."

  "What was the point in staying? You don't want a future with me."

  I heard him clear his voice.

  "It's not that simple, Lauren. It's not that cut and dry. You should have stayed for our last night. We could have had that time together."

  I let my tears fall as I spoke to him. I was facing a plate glass window that hopefully hid my tears from the rest of the people in the terminal.

  "What for, Trevor? I'm in love with you. You don't feel the same. Staying there and knowing that hurts me."

  I heard him take a deep breath.

  "I'm so sorry for that, Lauren. I never meant to hurt you."

  We were quiet for a while. I loved hearing him simply breathe.

  "Did you like the painting?"

  He was quiet for a moment.

  "What painting?"

  "The one I put on your bed before I left."

  "You were in my room?" he asked in surprise.

  I blushed.

  "Yeah. Before the competition."

  I heard the sound of boots on a floor and I imagined him walking to the bedroom. Hearing a door open, I received confirmation of that. I heard a door close and a few more steps before I heard them stop. A few seconds later, he spoke.

  "The strawberry. You left this for me," he said with his voice still full of emotion.

  I smiled through my tears.

  "I did. I just wanted you to remember that it was so sweet. While it lasted," I added, trying to speak around the frog in my throat.

  "Wait a minute. You said that you put the painting here before the elimination."

  I heard mounting anger laced with the suspicion in his voice. I stood up a bit straighter.

  "I did."

  "So, what you are saying is you planned on breaking things off with me ahead of time? You planned on throwing the competition so that you could leave me without a word?"

  All suspicion was gone. It was all anger now.

  "Yes," I quietly admitted.

  "That is fucked up, Lore!" He yelled on the phone. "It was cowardly and messed up," he added after taking a deep breath. "I have always been up front with you. I was honest from the beginning when I told you that I wasn't ready for a relationship. I was always kind. But you weren't. You left me in the middle of the competition so that you wouldn't have to deal with the ugliness of the breakup. You are the one who's messed up, Lauren."

  His angry and accurate words cut me to the core. Guiltily, I cried on the phone.

  "Not much to say to that, is there?" he angrily added.

  What could I say?

  "What is there to say? What is there to say that I haven't told you? What is there to say that you haven't told me?" I added in a small voice.

  I could almost see him deflate on the phone.

  "It would have been a good last night, Lauren. It would have been great."

  "It would have been even more heartbreaking for me, Trevor."

  "What about me? Could you think about me here for just a moment?"

  There it was, hidden between the lines. He loved me. But he didn't want an "us." I bit my lip to keep from sobbing again.

  "I just want to go home to my family, Trevor. You've been wonderful - the best I've ever had, but you broke my heart. I just want to go home to be with my loved ones to get through this."

  Then I knew it was really happening, we were really having our goodbye - but it was on the phone. I couldn't believe how much it hurt.

  "I love you, Trevor Garrett. Goodbye."

  I heard him sniff and swallow on the phone.

  "Goodbye, Lore."

  I then heard a button click and that was it. My heart was split open all over again. Looking through my tears, I tried to find Trevor's number listed in my 'received calls' log. Unfortunately, the call had come in as 'Blocked.' It was a good metaphor for Trevor and my relationship. He had all the power.

  Defeated, I turned around to go to my gate. I saw a middle aged woman sitting on a chair only five feet away from me reading a novel. I'd wondered if she had heard our conversation. I then watched her pull a tissue out of her purse and look at me as she moved to pass it to me. I grabbed the tissue, not knowing what to do. I watched her as she blinked a few times.

  "You are a beautiful girl. You will heal and you will find love again."

  "Did you hear…me?"

  She nodded. "I'm sorry. I was already sitting here reading my novel when you walked to the window to talk. Are you okay?"

  I blinked and nodded.

  "I am." I then pointed at my gate across the terminal. "I just want to get home."

  She nodded at that. "Just remember the good times. That will help."

  I felt my eyes tear up again. I used her proffered tissue to dry my face.

  "I've got to go now," I said as I stepped away. I added a thank you before walking over to my gate where I hoped that no one would stare at me in pity.

  I was so happy to land at DFW airport a few hours later. The flight there from San Diego hadn't been so bad. The window seat to mine was empty. No one sat on the other side of me to chat me up. I was able to lick my wounds in peace.

  At baggage claim, I grabbed my suitcases off of the conveyer belt and wondered if I was the bad guy. Trevor had never lied to me. He was always honest. He was always open. I was the one who told him that I wanted him any way I could have him. But then I fell in love. I still wasn't sure if he felt the same. I left because I loved him. Did that make me the bad guy? It was a chilling thought.

  Just then, I felt two arms turn me around. Surprised, I looked into Arnold's sunny face. My tall, loving, supportive and affectionate brother. Lord, how I missed him. He pulled me in his arms. I couldn't help but sob as he held me.

  "Oh, Lauren. What did you do?" he asked as he patted my back.

  I composed myself. Or tried to.

  "Can we go home? I'll tell you about it on the way home."

  On the road, I told him that home meant Tim and Laura's house.

  "Of course I know that. They are excited that you are coming home. I think that Laura cooked a roast too."

  That warmed me up from the inside out. It felt so good to be loved and welcomed.

  "How's dad?"

  "Fine. Like he always is. He's glad you are back, by the way."

  I sighed as I looked at the familiar terrain of the lands I called home.

  "Good."

  "Now. Spit it out."

  So I told him. I kept the more...lurid aspects of our relationship to myself but I told him that we were intimate. A lot. And that I'd fallen for him. And that I was now heartbroken.

  Arnold spoke after a few seconds of silence.

  "So help me understand this. He told you from the get go that he wasn't interested in a relationship. Right?"

  I sighed. "Yes."

  "But you fell for him anyway."

  "Yes."

  He nodded at that.

  "The bastard," he said out loud.

  That surprised me.

  "Why is he a bastard?"

  "Because he hurt my little sister. Because he didn't love you back. Isn't that enough?" he angrily said.

  I nodded.

  "Yes."

  One hour later, we were eating dinner at Tim and Laura's place. The roast was great. The potatoes were great. The wine was awesome.

  "So Lauren. How did you do?"

  I smiled at Lauren's question about the competition. I knew that she wasn't alluding to Trevor because I'd sword Arnold to secrecy. No one would know about me and Trevor which was how I wanted it.

  "I did very well. I came in third, though."

  "Oh, that's too bad." She said. She didn't sound disappointed, though. "Do you know who won?"

  I smiled as I thought of Max's words he'd spoken just that morning.

  "I do. I can't get into detail because of contractual obligations. But let's just say that he is very worthy of winning the competition."

  They smiled, s
atisfied at hearing that.

  "How about that host - Trevor Garrett? He's quite the handsome fella," she said with a grin.

  Instantly, my hand froze holding the forkful of meat that had been on the way into my mouth. As I sat there in shock, I reflected on the fact that it was odd to hear his name on someone else's mouth. It was a name that belonged to me. Thinking quick, Arnold spoke.

  "He was a nice guy, Lauren says."

  I smiled my thanks at him. Lowering my fork, I asked Laura about the house for rent by the pond.

  "Yes, it is still available. But I thought that you were leaning towards the one in the family neighborhood."

  I shook my head at that.

  "No. No familial neighborhood for me. I want to start on my own, from scratch."

  She smiled at that.

  "Great! But you won't be on your own, you know. I'll be over every day to check on you," she said with a wink.

  I laughed. God, it was great to be home.

  The next day was Sunday. I'd gone to see Dad after services that morning. He welcomed me home with a big hug. I tried to hide the tears that were in my eyes.

  "Came in third. Not bad, Lauren," he said with an approving voice.

  "Thank you, Daddy," I said with a smile.

  "Now. Let's see about roasting this hog."

  That's how we spent the afternoon - cleaning, dressing and roasting the hog over the spit out back. While it cooked, I helped daddy clean out his guns. It felt good.

  "Got lots of jobs lined up this week. You ready?"

  "Yes, daddy. I am."

  He nodded and we went back to what we were doing. That evening, everyone came over - even Mara. It was a fun evening full of food, beer, cake and laughter. It was exactly what I needed.

  I was throwing the bones of the carcass in the trash outside when I looked up to see the full moon. It reminded me of my first night with Trevor. Just then, Arnold came out and pulled his arm around me.

  "You okay?"

  I wiped a few tears away.

  "I'm getting there."

  "Good."

  We stood out there for a few more minutes before heading back inside.

  Chapter 18

  Moving into my own rental was so trippy. It was exciting and scary at the same time. I didn't have my own furniture yet, save for a bed I'd purchased in town. But my dad had been generous and had let me use a lot of his cast offs. I had a small kitchen table with two chairs; a pull out couch and a coffee table. I also had a small TV stand that I would adorn with a TV as soon as I went out to buy one. My kitchen was fully stocked with food though. My favorite room was the spare bedroom, though. My easels were out and were sitting above drop cloths. My paintings lined the walls and the floor as well. I lived there. It was good to be home.