The Beauty of You

by Jennifer Wenn

  “I couldn’t. Mother didn’t want you to know what kind of man Father was. I think she was desperate for at least you to have a normal life.”

  “A lonely life.”

  “But you had a life, Penny. You had freedom to do whatever you wanted and to be with whomever you chose. I never had. You have friends. I don’t because Father was too jealous to let anyone near me.”

  Penelope frowned slightly. “What about Emma and Victoria? I thought they were your friends.”

  Charmaine shrugged. “I wish. But no, they weren’t. They were just using me, and I let them because Father relaxed when I was with them, and he could even let me leave his side for a while. I would have danced with the devil if it meant having enough space to breathe.”

  “It’s so sad. Neither you nor Mother ever had a chance to live life as you wanted to because of his infatuation with you. Both of you throwing everything away just because he is too selfish to care about anyone but himself.”

  “Mother never had an easy time with him. It hurts that someone as goodhearted and kind as she was had to lose her freedom to such an awful man. She was worth so much more.”

  Penelope leaned back in the sofa, absentmindedly watching the Darlings, who were still deep in discussions regarding the removal of Lord Nester. “I wonder what our real father was like. Did Mother ever mention him to you?”

  Charmaine shook her head. “No, never. It was Father who told me the truth so he could justify his love for me when I realized the true nature of his feelings.”

  “Why did you keep this to yourself for so long? Why didn’t you tell someone?”

  Charmaine mimicked the duchess’s earlier move, throwing her hands out in despair. “Who? Who could I talk to? Mother forbade me to even hint about it to you, and I didn’t know anyone else to trust. And even if I had wanted to tell someone else, Penny, I was never alone. There was always someone with me.” She took a ragged breath to calm her racing heart. “I was never alone.”

  “I was always alone.”

  Charmaine’s throat ached as she hugged her weeping sister. “I know. I’m so sorry.”

  “Sometimes I hated you so much.”

  “It’s all right.”

  “I hated Mother, too, for not wanting me.”

  “She wanted you, more than you ever will know.”

  Penelope straightened her back, angrily wiping her tears away, ending the loving embrace.

  “Maybe,” she bit out. “But I would have preferred her telling me so while she still was alive, rather than to hear it from you now.”

  “I’m sorry,” Charmaine repeated, her voice a mere whisper, and Penelope laughed through her tears.

  “Lord, how pathetic I am. Rake keeps telling me how my pregnancy makes me even more emotional than I usually am, and not in a good way.”

  Charmaine laughed too, amused against her will. “He’s a good man, Rake. You are a lucky woman.”

  “I am,” Penelope grinned, just as wickedly as her husband. “And he is one lucky man who has me.”

  “Indeed he is.”

  “Sin is a good man too.”

  “I know.”

  Penelope arched an eyebrow. “Do you? Do you really? Because from where I sit it seems you don’t.”

  “I beg your pardon?” Charmaine glanced in surprise at her sister, who looked back with more stamina than she’d ever seen her show before.

  “Because I can tell you are up to something, and I know that whatever it is you are planning, Sin’s not a part of it.”

  Charmaine gaped, too dumbstruck to manage to hide behind her composed face, and Penelope snorted triumphantly.

  “I knew it!” she cried out, but before Charmaine had a chance to respond, the Darlings came over, chattering excitedly.

  “We have thought of a perfect plan,” Rake informed his wife and sister-in-law excitedly, but he was interrupted by Harry’s loud harrumph.

  “I thought of a perfect plan.” He glared at his younger brother, who shrugged indifferently and, with a wave of his hand, let Harry explain. “You see, I have this old friend, Lachlan Macquarie. I met him through the army. He is now the governor of New South Wales, and even though he has these strange thoughts of emancipation I still think he would make sure Lord Nester would never get any special treatment, and he would keep the man there until his death.”

  “Australia?” Penelope gasped. “You are going to send Father to Australia?”

  “Why not?” her beloved husband asked. “We can’t get him any farther away than the other side of earth.”

  “I still think killing him would be the best solution,” Lady Newbury muttered, but no one paid any attention to her, as they all had discarded her bloody plans some time ago.

  Charmaine stared at Harry, trying to grasp what he had said. Send her stepfather to Australia? That would indeed be a solution, but then again, it wasn’t until forever.

  She knew her stepfather.

  He would be back in England sooner or later, and to live under the constant threat of his return would be more than she could stand. How would she ever be able to keep Sin safe if she didn’t know where his would-be assassin was? And what said her stepfather wouldn’t use her children against her?

  No, it was not a good plan. But she was not going to tell the gloating Darlings that. Instead, she smiled and nodded and congratulated them all for solving her problem. And all the time she waited impatiently for the right moment to excuse herself and sneak off.

  Penelope kept staring at her with narrowed eyes, but she didn’t say anything. Charmaine could only guess her sister was waiting for a better time, thinking she had all the time in the world. Penelope couldn’t know Charmaine more or less already had left Chester Park behind her. In her mind there was no other way to go.

  She had no other option.

  Her mind was made up. She had to leave them all behind and only bring a few things with her in a small bag. Too much baggage would only slow her down. There had to be seamstresses in the colonies, as the visitors they’d had from overseas all had been clad in just as fine garments as she had. She could have new clothes made for her, which would satisfy her stepfather’s need to show her off and make everyone envious of his beautiful daughter. No, not daughter—wife.

  Another wave of nausea washed over her, but she had made up her mind, and somehow she was going to see this through. It wasn’t forever. She just had to stand his touch until they were settled on the other side of the Atlantic, for her child’s sake.

  And then he had to die.

  Without looking back, she left as soon as she could, using the excuse of making sure Sin was all right. Of course they let her go, their compassion following her as she left.

  She went straight up to her room, where she packed as much clothing as possible into the small bag she had chosen. She took only practical dresses, ones to keep her warm during the weeks or months it would take for them to travel by ship across the Atlantic Ocean.

  After collecting her thickest coat, she hesitated at the door connecting her room to Sin’s, wanting desperately to go to him and for one last time feel his strong, protective arms embrace her.

  But she couldn’t.

  If she did, she would never be able to make herself leave him. Not now when he was awake and looked at her with his dark, inscrutable eyes. But she couldn’t leave him without explaining herself, either.

  Determined, she slipped unnoticed down the stairs and into Sin’s office, where she quickly collected the money from the hidden drawer where he kept it. It was more money than she had been aware of, and she knew without doubt her stepfather would exclaim over it.

  Behind Sin’s study there was a secret room which held all the most important documents and all the family jewelry. Feeling like the worst cad ever, she picked a few necklaces with large stones that would be easy to remove and sell separately.

  After hiding her loot in the pockets of her dress and coat, she sat down at Sin’s desk and took a piece of paper and the
pen he had left lying by the inkwell. For the longest time she sat there silently, staring blankly at the white paper, not knowing what to write to make him understand why she did this, why she left him for her stepfather.

  She wanted him to live happily, have a better life than the one he had now. Somehow she had to make sure he tried to start anew and not chase after her or the child she carried. The latter would be the hardest—the baby was, after all, his heir, and as such too important to let go.

  An unwanted wife was not.

  In the end, she simply scribbled down what was in her heart, knowing there was no need for her to think twice about what she said. All she needed was for him to know she wanted him to be happy.

  My dear husband,

  I can’t find words enough to tell you how grateful I am that you have awakened and in such good health. My relief eased many tied knots inside of me, and I know now that stress lured me into believing I carried your child.

  I can never forgive myself for being the reason why you were shot and almost killed. You are such a wonderful, special man and deserve more than a wife who can’t show you how highly she thinks of you. Promise me you will find a good, loveable woman who will fill your heart with love and laughter as I never could.

  For the first time in my life I will do the right thing and make sure that you and Penny are safe forever.

  I set you free.

  Your wife,

  Charmaine

  Without reading her note again, she put it down on the desk, making sure Sin would find it as soon as he came into the room. With one last lingering look at the heavy ledgers he held in such high esteem, she left the room silently, heading toward the old barn and a future she didn’t want.

  Outside, it poured rain, and she hurried down the long driveway until she reached the old barn, where a dark carriage awaited her. Without a word she let the driver help her up, and as soon as she sat down on the bench, the carriage started to roll down the road, away from Chester Park.

  Away from Sin.

  Chapter Eighteen

  March was definitely not the best month to visit Southampton, Charmaine thought as she stood at the dock, staring up at the tall clipper that was to take them to their new home in America.

  “It’s so cold I think my nose is about to fall off,” a woman standing next to her said, her eyes sparkling with mirth, and Charmaine smiled politely.

  “I do agree. I hope they have good heating aboard the ship, or I think we’ll have two unbearable months ahead of us as we cross the Atlantic.”

  “The captain admitted that in the worst case scenario it will take three months. All depending on the weather and how much ice still is floating in the sea.”

  Three months stuck in a small cabin on a ship with a lovesick Lord Nester? Charmaine felt a stroke of panic. How was she going to survive this?

  It had been only one day since she left Chester Park in the dark of night, but she had already regretted, too many times, her decision to leave with Lord Nester for the colonies. If it hadn’t been for the accident, she knew he would have used her already, over and over again. But to her luck a wheel had broken while they were stopped briefly in Sandhurst collecting some items Lord Nester had stored there and didn’t want to leave behind.

  The driver had scratched his head, not really able to explain how the wheel had been able to break when they stood still, but she didn’t care. The relief she felt over getting out from the confined space of the carriage was almost overwhelming. And to make things even better, they soon learnt there was no possibility to fix the wheel for at least two days, which left only the stagecoach if they were to get to Southampton in time, as the ship would sail the next evening.

  As the stagecoach was scheduled to leave early the next morning, Lord Nester eagerly went to the inn to rent a suite for himself and his daughter.

  “This is the last time you go under that flag,” he had whispered to her excitedly. “Next time, when we can be sure no one who knows us will be around, you’ll be known as my wife. But don’t you think you’ll get any sleep tonight, my precious. I’ve waited too long for you to let you spend the night sleeping.”

  His leering eyes had told her exactly what his plans were, and she had swallowed hard to avoid throwing up all over him again. She felt so nauseous she almost missed his sullen face when he returned from speaking with the innkeeper.

  “What a stroke of bad luck,” he whined. “The inn is full to the brim because of the pre-season races at Ascot, and all the innkeeper could offer was a place for you in the room where his serving wenches sleep when they work late. I have to stay in the carriage, as there is no room for me.”

  “Oh, that’s awful,” she breathed, hoping she sounded at least a little disappointed. She must have succeeded, as he’d seemed satisfied with her meager response.

  “Soon it will be only you and I. We must simply wait until we reach our secluded cabin on the ship.”

  That night Charmaine had slept like a baby, feeling oddly secure in the unknown bed in an unknown room. In the morning, after a quick breakfast, they had boarded the crowded stagecoach. It had taken them all day to reach Southampton, and it was with great relief Charmaine accepted the driver’s hand getting out of the carriage, having spent ten long hours bumping into the other passengers.

  Darkness had already fallen when they finally reached the docks and found the tall ship still there, awaiting their arrival onboard. A small crowd of people looked up at the ship, shivering in the cold and staring at the rickety gangplank in disbelief. It was as if they couldn’t believe the thing would carry their weight, much less their luggage.

  Lord Nester shouted for help but was ignored by the sailors, who much preferred flirting with the harbor harlots to carrying the obnoxious man’s heavy bags.

  “I can’t believe such rudeness,” he gasped, outraged. “Don’t they know who I am? I’m their superior. Superior! If it weren’t for me, they wouldn’t have anything to pay those ugly whores with.”

  He guffawed angrily as he bent down and lifted the smallest of his bags, missing the black looks from the sailors who had overheard him. Charmaine sighed. This wasn’t going to be a smooth ride across the Atlantic.

  “My wife packs too much and makes me carry it around,” she heard Lord Nester whine to a lady close to his own age. With pursed lips the woman sent Charmaine a disgusted look, and she felt her heart sink.

  This was no new start for her.

  This was a large kick backwards to her old life, the life before Sin. Before the Darlings. Before being saved.

  And there was nothing she could do about it. She knew because she had already lived that same life before. A part of her cried, “No, I don’t want to go back to being that cold person again—always envied, never liked.” But the rest of her sighed with dejection, knowing there was no way she could change the first impression once it was set.

  Her father was once again going to play the role of the jovial and likable peer, and she was to act as the cold, spoiled, self-centered beauty. The only difference from before was that she would be acting as his wife instead of his daughter.

  At least she wouldn’t have to endure all the lovesick men this time. That was something, she presumed.

  One of the sailors, a slender man, strolled through the crowd, and her eyes narrowed suspiciously as she watched him move. There was something familiar about the man which made her look twice. Something about him made her wonder if she didn’t know him.

  But she didn’t know any sailors.

  Her breath caught in her throat as the man lifted his head and looked straight at her with his laughing eyes.

  Drake Darling.

  He winked at her as he moved amongst the crowd, circling slowly so he would pass her where she stood on the edge. But when he came up to her, he didn’t stop. Instead he pursed his lips to silence her, urging her with a small nod to look backwards as he followed the footsteps of her stepfather.

  What was Drake doing here? As fa
r as she knew, he had been with the rest of the family after her father’s visit at Chester Park yesterday. He had not mentioned going away, especially not to Southampton. She would have remembered, as it would have endangered her own plans.

  But, somewhere between last night’s dinner and now, Drake had left the coziness of Chester Park and followed her to Southampton.

  Not only followed her, she realized—he had been there before them, standing with the sailors and flirting with the women of suspicious occupation. She frowned slightly as she looked back toward the rest of the group of men, this time looking more closely at them. They seemed to have no cares in the world as they bandied words with the ladies. They were too far away for her to see them clearly, but as she watched them more closely she soon discovered familiarities in the way they moved, and she gasped.

  She could hardly believe her eyes when she realized they were none other than Rake, Sebastian, and James, Rake’s twin brother. Three of the most fashionable gentlemen of her acquaintance, who never wore anything but the most excellently sewn clothes and who ruled the ton with their wickedness and their amused grins.

  And yet here they were, dressed in dirty old clothes, looking exactly as the filthy and brawny sailors they pretended to be.

  They seemed unaware of what was happening over by the ship, but they didn’t fool her, not now when she knew who they were. Especially as Rake winked at her and sent her one of his amused grins, telling her without words that they were there for her.

  And that was the truth.

  These four men were there for her. They cared enough about her to follow her across the country and dress themselves in dirty sailors’ outfits just to be there for her.

  How had they known?

  She had thought she’d deceived them all, that no one had understood what was about to happen. But obviously she hadn’t. They had figured it all out and beat her to it.

  The only thing was—what were they going to do now? They obviously hadn’t planned to storm in and openly take her back to her family. That would ruin her reputation and create quite the scandal. Especially as she was there under the assumption she was Lord Nester’s wife and not his daughter.