The screen door screeched on its hinge and banged shut like a gun. She didn’t turn. She didn’t want to know. Luke had just handed her his heart on a platter and she’d shoved it back at him. How could she claim she loved him when she couldn’t even accept his words?
“Hey,” Maggie said.
Penny spun around and swiped at the tears on her cheeks. “Hey.”
“I thought you might want these.” She held out Penny’s purse and keys.
“Thank you.” Penny stepped closer to claim them, but Maggie held them back.
“Think about it.” Maggie gave her her things. “Just think about what you really want and need. I know you’re scared. I was scared, too, but this isn’t just kids playing at being in love. I know Luke loves you. I’ve seen it in his eyes when he looks at you. And I know you love him, too.”
Penny shook her head.
“Don’t deny it. You might be able to hide from everyone else, but you can’t hide from me.” Maggie wrapped her arms around Penny.
She leaned into the hug, wishing she knew what to do.
“Whatever you decide,” Maggie said, “I’ll support you. You aren’t alone.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Luke sat on the couch and watched a show he hadn’t caught the name of with Sam.
“Aren’t you going out?” Sam asked.
“Not tonight.” He’d considered going over to Penny’s, but with the way things ended only a few hours ago, he thought it was best to let her have her space. For now.
“Penny’s a good person.” Sam leaned farther back in his recliner.
“I know that.” Luke picked up his beer and took a swig from it.
“She’s actually really responsible. I never picked up on that when you two were going out.”
“I know that, too.”
“She’s brought in people from all over to visit her shop.”
“Dammit, Sam, what’s your point?”
“I can see why you like her, is all.”
“Really? Wow, thanks. I was just about to ask your permission to court her.” Luke rolled his eyes and stared at the cops trying to solve a case.
“No need to bite my head off. If you want to leave, I won’t stop you.”
“I think I’ll stay right here.”
“What, so she can get it in her mind that you really don’t care that much about her? Can you blame the girl for being a little leery of you? After all, she kissed me once and you assumed she’d banged the entire student population. Trust is a two-way street.”
“Big words from the guy who for eight years withheld the fact that Brady knocked up Maggie.”
Sam held his hands up. “I have my own devils to deal with.”
“Penny’s just not ready.” Luke shook his head.
“Will she ever be?”
“I hope so.”
* * *
He was leaving tomorrow. Maggie had told her at the shop that afternoon. For the rest of the afternoon, Penny had been out of it. She caught herself staring at the door as if waiting for someone to come in.
Home alone that evening, she couldn’t get settled. Not even watching Supernatural appealed to her. When she started to pace, Flicker barked at her.
“Screw it.” She went to the bedroom and changed from her pajamas into a pair of cutoffs and a pink tank top. She let Flicker out one last time before grabbing her keys.
The drive out to the farm took ten minutes flat. A new record. She sat in her car in the driveway, wondering what her move should be. She didn’t want to give Luke the idea that she was coming with him, but she wanted to be with him one more time before he left. That was all this was.
Maybe it was stupid. Maybe she should leave well enough alone.
The driver’s-side door opened.
“Are you going to sit in there all night or come inside?” Luke looked down at her with the same smile in his eyes, as if nothing had changed. As if he hadn’t asked her to give up everything and go with him.
He held out his hand and she took it. He kept her hand as they walked to the house and through the stupid, creaky, bangy screen door. Her heart beat in time with their footsteps as she followed him to his bedroom.
When he closed the door, she turned to face him. “This doesn’t mean anything.”
“Of course not.” Luke sat on the edge of the bed and pulled off his shoes. He wore a pair of flannel pajama pants and no shirt.
Her mouth went dry. “I’m not coming with you to St. Louis.”
“That’s okay.” He stood and moved toward her.
She pressed back into the wall. “I haven’t said I love you.”
“I know.” His tone sounded as if he was trying to calm down a wild animal. He put his hands beside her head on the wall.
“I don’t need you. I’m happy with my life the way it is.” Her heart pounded harder with every word, knowing that he should be kicking her out.
“And I love you more for it.” He leaned in.
She put a hand on his chest to hold him away, knowing he could ignore it if he wanted, but he didn’t. “I don’t want your love.”
“But you have it.” He brought his lips to hers and she gave in.
Gave in to the whirlwind of feelings only Luke inspired in her. Gave in to the fact that she wouldn’t feel this way with anyone else. Gave in to the press of his lips against hers, his tongue sliding along hers, his heartbeat in time with hers.
She did need him. Her fingers wove in his hair and she pressed her body against his. The warmth of his skin penetrated through her thin layer of clothes. She wanted this night to last forever, but she knew it would end and he’d be gone. Just one last time for closure.
But in truth, she wanted to mark him as hers. Claim him one more time so he’d never forget her. Make him as insane about her as she was about him.
He lifted her shirt, trailing his fingertips across her ribs and along the sides of her breasts. She held her arms up to help him. He pressed his bare chest against hers as her shirt came off. Heat flooded her system and pooled at her core.
His hands rested on her hips as he drew her to him for another kiss. The friction of his skin against hers was setting her system on fire. His fingers stroked along the waistband of her cutoffs until he found the button.
When he rested his forehead against hers, she opened her eyes and met his blue gaze.
“I want you, Luke.” For today, for a month from now, for the rest of my life. The love she felt for him wouldn’t die when he left. She’d probably end up a bitter old woman with just her dog for company.
“There’s no one I want more than you.” His lips closed over hers. She let his words flow through her. It should be enough that he loved her and wanted her. But something held her back. Even as she gave her body to him fully, she still couldn’t give him what he wanted. Trust. Her trust that he wouldn’t leave when things got bad. His trust that she wouldn’t sleep around.
She shoved the thoughts from her head. Tonight was about saying goodbye. Tomorrow would be soon enough for regrets. He pushed down her cutoffs and slid off his pajama bottoms. With their clothes in a puddle on the floor, he carried her to the bed.
It didn’t matter that they’d been together so many times recently. It felt like the first time and the last combined. A hint of discovery as she found a new spot that made him moan and he found a spot that made her hold her breath. And a hint of finality when he entered her. She focused on his eyes, wanting to remember every ounce of pleasure they could wring from each other. And when she came, she cried out his name. Always his and only his. His arms wrapped around her, holding her close to his heart afterward.
Her skin still tingled and her breathing was erratic. She’d never felt more relaxed and at peace than she did in his arms.
Her hand rested over his heart. The beating of his corresponded with her own. He pulled her tightly against him and tugged the covers over them.
She shouldn’t sleep with him. It was another rule she’d broken for him. She loved to feel him next to her in bed, but she had to give him up in the morning. He’d become a habit that made sleeping without him impossible. She shouldn’t let him have that control over her. Wouldn’t it be easier to slip out now and avoid the whole scene in the morning anyway?
When she started to rise, his arms pulled her back to him. “Not yet, Penny. I just want to hold you for a little while longer.”
Tears gathered in her eyes. She blinked them back. She wanted that, too. “Okay.”
“Tell me you won’t forget me.” Luke’s voice was on the edge of sleep.
“Never.” Penny could feel the energy draining from her. She just needed a little sleep and then she’d drive back to her place and climb into her cold bed....
“Promise me something.” He kissed the top of her head.
“Hmm?” She was so close to sleep. There was nowhere she slept better than in his arms.
“Don’t shut me out.”
“You’re going to be gone,” she murmured.
“Not forever. I’ll be back.” He pulled her against his body until she forgot where she ended and he began. “Promise?”
“Promise.”
* * *
Luke woke with Penny still in his arms. He smiled at the ceiling. Someday this would be his every day. Penny could take only so much pushing before she closed up entirely. She needed time. He was willing to let her go for now. He could wait for as long as she needed.
She pressed on his chest and propped her head on her hand. “Morning?”
“Yeah.” He brushed his knuckles across her cheek.
“I didn’t mean to sleep all night.” Her smile filled him with relief. Her brown eyes blinked at him, but she wasn’t stumbling to get out of bed and away from him.
“I’m glad you did.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “I’d have hated not being able to say goodbye today.”
Her brow wrinkled and her fingers curled into him. “I don’t like goodbyes.”
“How about see-you-soons?”
She pushed up to sitting and brushed her hair from her face. “It’d be better if it weren’t a lie.”
“It doesn’t have to be a lie.” He couldn’t help the little push; after all, he’d already told her he wanted her to come with him.
“I can’t leave here.” Penny looked over her shoulder at him. “That’s not why I came to see you last night.”
He put his hands behind his head. “I know.”
If she’d been gearing up for a fight, he didn’t have one ready for her. She turned her head away from him. Her slender back was pale with a few freckles. He reached out and followed the trail of freckles with his fingertip.
“If I didn’t have to get packed and do chores, I’d spend my last few hours here making love with you.”
Her body shuddered beneath his fingers. He breathed in deeply of that scent that was uniquely Penny and smiled. This wasn’t goodbye. Things that felt this good didn’t end. He would make sure it didn’t.
“Do you want me to make breakfast while you do chores?” Penny looked back at him.
In that moment she seemed so vulnerable. He wanted to reassure her that nothing had to change, but she would close up if he did.
“Breakfast would be great.” He opened his arms and she snuggled into them. He hugged her to him and kissed her forehead. “Time to start the day.”
She nodded against his chest and he could feel the wetness of her tears.
“I love you,” he said. “I’m never giving up on you.”
She pulled away and searched his eyes. When she opened her mouth—most likely to tell him to stop talking that way—he shoved off the bed and grabbed a pair of underwear.
“Breakfast in twenty?” He pulled on his jeans and a T-shirt.
“Yeah.” She still sat on his bed, completely naked except for the sheet she held up.
He brushed her lips with his and left the room. As soon as he reached the kitchen, he took a deep breath in and pushed it out. As much as he wanted to keep her with him, she needed to come to terms with them as a couple first. He might be able to bully her into it with sweet kisses and long nights in his bed, but that wouldn’t last.
Something was holding her back. Whether it was because he hadn’t trusted her when she tried to manipulate him or whether it went much deeper, she needed to face her fears. He could only let her know that he’d be there when the dust settled.
By the time Luke finished with chores, Brady had arrived. They walked around the farmyard where they’d grown up and talked about what had been taken care of and what still needed to be done.
“So...you and Penny?” Brady pulled a weed from the field and tossed it to the side.
“Hopefully.” Luke wasn’t used to having his brothers around for advice. Although Brady had been the one to set him straight the summer before senior year.
“Penny’s not the same girl she was in high school,” Brady said.
Luke couldn’t help but smile. “Nope, she’s even more magnificent.”
“Do you love her?”
Luke stopped and stared at the farmhouse in the distance. Inside, Penny was probably making him breakfast and trying to figure out how to leave without saying goodbye. “Yeah, I love her.”
“Maggie said her mother just came back.”
“It has messed with her head pretty badly. But she’s been dealing with it.”
“And you offered to have her come with you?”
Luke started walking toward the farmhouse. “Of course. I love her.”
“And what are you giving up for her?”
He stopped dead in his tracks and turned to face Brady. “What do you mean?”
“Love isn’t about follow me or don’t. It’s about finding a happy medium ground. It’s about talking through what is best for both your futures. Because it’s not just your dreams anymore. It’s what you can achieve together.”
“I have to finish my rotation—”
“But what about after that? You can’t expect her to blindly follow you. I almost lost Maggie by doing that. I thought the only way things would work out was if she and Amber came to New York with me. But the worst thing was going back alone and knowing I’d only get to see them some of the time.”
Brady clapped him on the shoulder. “She’s got her shop, her best friend and her mother in this town. What are you offering her?”
Brady strode toward the farmhouse, but Luke couldn’t move yet. He had done the same thing he did back in high school—made plans for them without realizing that maybe she had plans, too. How stupid could he get? He might as well have drawn a line in the sand and said either come over here with me or stay over there.
Dammit. He needed to fix this now before he lost Penny.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Bacon and eggs and toast. The day was just starting to warm up as Penny stood over the stove. She’d pulled her hair back with a rubber band and used the toothbrush she kept in her purse. She tried her best to cover up the redness around her eyes but kept the rest of her makeup to a minimum.
Luke was leaving again. This time she’d get to say goodbye and good luck. She hoped whoever he ended up with would make him happy. She felt hollow on the inside, but maybe that was for the best. No emotions meant no one could hurt her.
“Morning.” Sam came into the kitchen and sat in his chair as if they did this every day.
She plated the over-easy eggs, a couple strips of turkey bacon and two slices of toast. She put it in front of him with a cup of coffee. He grunted.
She was te
mpted to watch his face when he bit into the turkey bacon to see if he’d notice the difference, but Brady walked in.
“Hi, Penny.” He came over and gave her a one-armed hug, which she shrugged off. “How are things?”
Brady wasn’t normally the cuddly type. Because the only thing happening today was Luke leaving, he must be trying to comfort her. Which she didn’t need or want.
“Fine.” She grabbed a plate and loaded it up for him and shoved it at his chest. “Go eat.”
He chuckled and sat at the table.
She finished making two more plates and was about to set them on the table when the door opened. Luke looked out of sorts as he headed for her. She put the plates down and opened her mouth. He grabbed her hand and tugged her after him.
“Breakfast will get cold.” She followed after him as he pulled her into his room and shut the door.
“Let it.”
“Cold eggs? Not the breakfast of champions.” Penny wrinkled her nose.
“Please sit down. I’ll make you more eggs.” He raked his hand through his hair and paced the room.
She sat on the edge of the bed and waited for whatever he needed to say. What if he was going to try to convince her to go with him? “If you are going to try to convince me to go with you—”
“I’m stupid.” He sat next to her.
“Okay. Is that it? We can still make those eggs work....”
“Why do we do this? Every time?” He put his head in his hands.
She rubbed his back. “Whatever is eating you, let it out. I can take it.”
He met her eyes. “You can, can’t you? Here I was thinking you needed time to change your mind, but you are the strong one. I get so one-track that I can’t see all the other options.”
“What are you talking about, Luke?” Her hands trembled as she clasped them in front of her.
“We need to work this out together if it’s ever going to work. I can’t demand you come to St. Louis with me. We need to make that decision together.” He put a hand over hers.
She stood and walked across the room, holding herself tight. “What are you saying?”
ONE NIGHT WITH THE BEST MAN Page 17