Always Me

by Walker, Jo-Anna

  I frowned. “What’s wrong?”

  “Brett, take her inside,” Garrith ordered and headed in the direction of my shed.

  “Come on.” Brett grabbed my arm.

  Malvado growled and started barking.

  Brett released me, his brows narrowing.

  I just shrugged and headed in the direction of the house. “Come on, Malvado.”

  After I opened the patio doors, I waited. Malvado hesitated before stepping inside.

  “Don’t worry, puppy. You’re safe here,” I told him softly. I watched as he sniffed out the room.

  “Oh, hey.” Keisha came down the stairs holding Antonio. “Is everything…” Her gaze darted to the dog slowly moving around the room, and her eyes widened. “What the hell is that dog doing in here?”

  “It’s a long story.” I walked toward her.

  She frowned. “What’s going on?”

  “This dog belonged to Jose.”

  Keisha gasped, placing a hand over her mouth.

  “I’m not sure why, but Garrith told me to come in here.” I looked outside, wringing my hands together. The guys were nowhere to be seen. I hoped everything was okay.

  “Does that mean Jose was here?”

  My stomach sunk. “God, I hope not.”

  ***

  “Mom, I’m fine.” After the eventful morning, I had forgotten my mother was coming for a visit. She cooed and cuddled Antonio, raining kisses all over his chubby cheeks. Her short black hair was recently cut into a bob, making her look in her early forties instead of almost fifty.

  “You’re not fine. You have bags under your eyes and you’ve lost weight,” she said sternly.

  I rolled my eyes and headed into the kitchen to grab us beers.

  Yeah, well, having a dog from her nightmares show up didn’t help a girl move on with her life.

  “I promise you, I am fine.” I plastered a big smile on my face. A smile that covered my fear.

  She huffed. “How are you sleeping?”

  “Like shit,” I grumbled.

  “What was that?” My mom bounced Antonio against her hip.

  My cheeks heated, and I handed her a bottle. “I’m fine, Mom. Really.”

  “Well, then, tell me why those feds are still watching your every move.”

  “Ask Garrith. I hardly notice them anymore.” They were like my safety net. It would be weird once they moved on and got a different job. Garrith still hadn’t told me what happened that morning. Was Jose back? The thought made my insides wriggle likes worms in a hawk’s nest.

  “I just might do that,” she mumbled.

  “Mom, please. Everything is fine now. Can we talk about something else?” I pleaded.

  “Okay. I’m sorry, baby.” She kissed my cheek and headed out onto the patio.

  I looked at Malvado sleeping on the couch and sighed. He lifted his head, looked around the room, and curled back into a ball a moment later. He was safe, and my heart felt somewhat whole again. Even though he brought back some terrible memories, I would ignore them to keep him safe.

  I followed my mother onto the deck and passed out beers to Garrith, Brett, and Keisha. I sat beside Brett on the couch and curled my feet under me.

  “So how are things, Miss McLeod?” Garrith took a sip of his beer and leaned back, placing an arm around Keisha.

  “That depends. Want to tell me why those men are still watching my daughter after all of this time?” My mother bounced Antonio on her knee while giving Garrith a stern look.

  Garrith’s gaze flicked to mine and then back to hers.

  My cheeks heated and I took a sip of my beer.

  “Well…” He cleared his throat. “They’re there to protect your daughter and your grandson.”

  “Why?” My mother stopped bouncing Antonio.

  Garrith ran a hand through his short blond hair and sighed. “We’ve had a situation earlier today, ma’am.”

  My heart sped up. This was it. I would find out what happened.

  My mother’s eyebrows rose. She placed Antonio in his playpen. “What kind of situation?”

  Garrith looked at me.

  I nodded, encouraging him to go on. There was no point in keeping things from her if I wanted our relationship to mend.

  I picked at a piece of lint on my pants, waiting for Garrith to go on.

  He rubbed a hand down his face and leaned forward. Keisha placed a hand on his knee, whispering to him.

  “What’s going on?” my mother asked, concern etching her beautiful features. Her gaze flicked to mine and I shrugged.

  “Well you’ve obviously seen Malvado, Tori’s new dog.”

  My mother nodded. “Yeah, poor thing looks like he’s been attacked.”

  I swallowed hard past the lump in my throat. Attacked is an understatement. “He was definitely abused.”

  “He belongs to Jose Alvarez,” Garrith said quickly.

  My mother gasped. I had told her about the kidnapping since I up and left the city after leaving the hospital, but I never told her the details of what Jose did to me or who he was.

  “Well that explains a lot, but what does that mean? Why…I don’t understand,” my mother said, clearly just as confused as the rest of us.

  I rested my hands on my knees and sat forward, taking a deep breath. “Mom, I think that means that Jose has found me.”

  Anxiety swirled in my belly as my heart beat hard against my ribs. Saying those words out loud made me realize that I wasn’t safe. My son wasn’t safe.

  “What?” her head snapped toward Garrith’s. “And you’re just sitting there? Why haven’t you caught the guy yet?”

  Garrith’s jaw tightened. “We’re working on it. We found some footprints today behind the shed, and we also found a car that was abandoned a couple of blocks away. It…” Garrith swallowed.

  “What?” I asked.

  Garrith looked at Brett and then back at me.

  “What?” I asked again. “Tell me, please. I need to know.”

  “We found pictures,” Garrith confessed a moment later.

  “Pictures? What kind of pictures?” My mother rose from her seat and sat beside me, grabbing hold of my hand.

  Garrith didn’t answer right away, instead pulling out an envelope from his jacket pocket. He pulled out some photos and placed them on the table between us. Several gasps erupted around me.

  My stare bored into the images lying in front of me. Pictures of me and Antonio. My stomach dropped when one caught my eye. A picture of Malvado and I from today shone up at me.

  Chapter 7

  “He’s been taking pictures of you? All of this fucking time?” Keisha exclaimed.

  Everything roared around me as I stared at the photos of myself. Jose had been watching me. Bile rose in my throat. Antonio started crying at the commotion, and my mother picked him up, soothing his cries.

  “Garrith, you have to do something,” Keisha told him.

  “Love, we’ve been trying. We can’t find the fucker,” he bit out. “As soon as we think we’re onto him, he disappears.”

  I groaned, leaning my head in my hands, and fought the oncoming hyperventilation. I swallowed back a sob of disgust. I felt dirty. The pictures just proved that the note I got the other day was definitely from him. In my house. In my son’s room. Who knew where else he had been? Was he in my bedroom? Did he watch me sleep? Oh God.

  Jose was back. Deep down in the recesses of my soul, I knew he would show up eventually. It was only a matter of time, but I liked to think that maybe he had forgotten about me. Stupid me.

  A warm hand rested on my back, running circles between my shoulder blades.

  “I’m going to go put Antonio down for his nap,” my mother told me.

  I nodded.

  “Tori.”

  Was someone talking to me?

  “Tori,” Garrith said firmly.

  “What?” I croaked.

  “Look at me.”

  I lifted my head and saw him looking at me.


  “We’ll find him. I promise.”

  ***

  I told you I would find you, cochina.

  I gasped, waking up with a start. My clothes clung to me as cold sweat matted my hair to my head. Jose’s deep voice rang in my ears as my skin crawled with disgust. I groaned and looked at the clock. It was early. Way too early, but I decided to get up anyway as the fear from my nightmare still rocketed through me.

  I rose from the bed and stripped completely. Maybe a shower could help wash away the remnants of my nightmare.

  I let the scorching hot water soothe my aching bones and scrubbed at my skin. My vision blurred as the horrible memories banged around my skull.

  Finally deciding to leave the safety net of the shower, I dried myself off and threw on a housecoat.

  I checked on Antonio, relieved to see him fast asleep, his breathing deep and even. I smiled and shut the door, envious of his peacefulness.

  After Garrith had shown us the pictures, he, Brett and Keisha left with my mother. My mother had tried to insist on staying but I needed some time alone. Having Malvado there with me now made me feel somewhat better. He was a big dog. Trained to fight, no doubt, and I knew that he would protect me. Anyone that came near me would be in danger of getting his face ripped off. A part of me hoped Jose would show up so I could sick Malvado on him. The things he did to that dog made my stomach cringe with disgust and guilt. I’m sure Malvado wanted a piece of him anyway.

  I reached the bottom of the stairs and stopped, staring at the sight on the couch. Malvado was spread out with Rooster curled into his side. Who knew that a cat and dog who were so very different would get along so well? Rooster had taken a liking to the big dog right away, which said something since he didn’t like anyone except for me and…Sebastian.

  I sighed and headed into the kitchen. I turned on the light above the stove when a low growl came from Malvado. I frowned and turned to him. “What’s wrong, puppy?”

  He lifted his head and looked at me. He then turned back to the shadows in the hallway and continued growling. Rooster jumped off the couch, hissed, and ran up the stairs.

  “Malvado. What’s wrong?” Chills ran down my spine as I took a step toward him. He jumped off the couch and ran in the direction of the dark hallway. His growling stopped a moment later.

  “Malvado?” He didn’t come back or make a sound, igniting the fear in my belly. He didn’t make a whine of protest or anything, so he must not be hurt, but still, something was very wrong.

  I swallowed past the hard, dry lump in my throat and took a step toward the hallway light. I flipped it on, revealing nothing. Malvado was nowhere to be found.

  A shuffling came from the hallway, and I followed it. After rounding the corner, I bumped into a big hard body. The scent of soap and man invaded my nostrils. My heart beat wildly against my chest, and my stomach dropped. The figure was dressed in black, wearing a hood over his head.

  “Who…?” Oh God. Memories of my kidnapping flew into my head. I didn’t recognize him, but I knew it was a man. Was it Jose? Bile rose in my throat, and I took a step back. “What…do…what…” I stuttered. Get a grip, Tori.

  Antonio.

  I took a deep breath, my motherly instincts kicking in. “What the hell do you want?”

  The man loomed but didn’t come any closer. He was huge. Broad shouldered and powerful. The air crackled around him with domination. Please, God, don’t let it be Jose.

  “Who are you?” I asked. The fact that I was in just a housecoat should have made me feel exposed, but I chose to ignore it.

  He didn’t answer, but I could feel his stare boring into me and roaming over my body.

  My skin tingled under his intense scrutiny, and I pulled my housecoat tighter around me.

  I moved slowly towards the stairs, sidestepping around the table, all the while keeping my gaze on the stranger.

  I couldn’t see his eyes through the shadow covering his face, but I knew he was watching my every move. I made a dash for the stairs, needing to protect Antonio. Looking behind me was my mistake. As soon as I saw that he was chasing me, I startled, tripped, and fell against the stairs.

  He roughly grabbed my feet, pulling them out from under me.

  “Let go of me, asshole,” I kicked at him, but he continued to hold onto my ankles. I kicked him again, making him grunt, and darted up the stairs to Antonio’s room. As I was about to reach his room, I was tackled from behind and landed with a hard thud against the floor. A large form hovered over me, his hands squeezing my waist.

  I gasped, my breathing picking up as I tried wiggling out from under him. Memories of my encounters with Jose came rushing into my mind, and I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to force them back.

  A hand gripped my hair, holding my head against the carpet, and a hand at my waist squeezed, holding me in place. He kneeled between my legs, spreading them. Even though I was covered in my housecoat, I felt completely naked.

  A sob escaped my lips. “Please. Do what you’re going to do, just don’t hurt my son. Please,” I pleaded.

  He leaned down, his hot breath on my neck.

  I squeezed my eyes shut and waited for him to have his way with me.

  The hand moved from my waist and roamed under my robe, caressing the skin at my side. His fingers were soft and gentle. Tingles spread through me as my body heated. What was wrong with me? Had it been so long that the touch of a complete stranger turned me on? Oh God. I was losing it and fast. I attempted to push to my knees, needing to control the unwanted need in my body.

  He grabbed my wrists, pulling my arms above my head, and held them tight in one hand.

  “Please, just let me go. I have money. I can pay you.” I sobbed, tears now leaking from my eyes.

  “I don’t want your money,” the man whispered, his hot breath scorching my skin.

  “I have nothing else…I…” My eyes widened. “Are you…” I swallowed. “Are you going to rape me?”

  “No,” he whispered again, almost sounding mad that I would ask such a thing.

  For some reason, and I didn’t know why, I believed him, and I knew then that it definitely wasn’t Jose.

  I breathed a sigh of relief. “Then tell me. Why are you here?”

  He ran a hand soothingly down the side of my body, but he didn’t answer.

  Something about his voice seemed familiar, but I couldn’t put a finger on it. With him whispering, it was hard to recognize. “Who are you?”

  “You know who I am,” he said, his hand stopping at my waist.

  I frowned, lifting my head. I tried to see him, but the hood hid his features. “How the hell am I supposed to know who you are?”

  He didn’t say anything, just continued to restrain me.

  “I don’t…” Something caught my eye, and I looked at the hand holding my wrists.

  Tattoo’s covered it. Intricate scrollwork. Letters flowing from one into the other. A tattoo that I hadn’t seen in over two years marked the tanned wrist of my intruder. My vision blurred. I struggled out of his grasp as memories of that wonderful morning after waking up from a night of passion with Sebastian flew into my head. Amore.

  “Oh God,” I said, sobbing.

  Chapter 8

  “No…you… oh God…” I bucked and squirmed, but his weight kept me pinned. It couldn’t be him. It was impossible.

  “Say it,” he demanded.

  “No.” I shook my head, a sob escaping my lips. It wasn’t possible. Sebastian was alive? It was fucking crazy. I definitely was losing my mind.

  “You know who I am. Say. It,” he snapped.

  “No,” I couldn’t believe this was happening. He was supposed to be dead. I had to be dreaming still.

  “Say my name, little one.”

  My stomach turned when he used my nickname. A name that I hadn’t heard in so long. But I still couldn’t answer.

  “Say. It.” His hot breath scorched my neck as he leaned into me.

  “Sebastian,” I blu
rted. I scratched at the hand holding my wrist and dug my nails into his skin, trying to get him to release me.

  Sebastian Chelios was back. After all of this time. My lover was alive. Why? How? I was so confused. Hurt. Angry. How could he do this to me?

  “Let me go.” Sobs racked my shoulders as I continued trying to pry his hand off of my wrist.

  “No,” he said firmly. His deep voice that I’d missed every night slid over my skin like silk. No, I wouldn’t give in. Kicking my legs, I wiggled, twisted, and turned, but I was no match for him. He grabbed my other wrist, held them both in one hand, pinning me to the ground.

  “Please. God, why are you doing this?” I begged. The feel of his hard body on mine, restraining me, woke a passion deep within that had lain dormant. Shame tore through me that if he decided to dive into me, I wouldn’t have stopped him. He probably knew that too. Anger and fury soared through my belly that he still had that much control over me.

  “I need you to listen to me, Tori.” His voice was low, filling with guilt. Good.

  “No. You’re dead. You’re supposed to be dead. I can’t…I can’t deal with this.” My muscles strained against my bones at his rough hold, but I reveled in it. Needed it. I hadn’t felt anything like this since I was told that he had died. I realized then that for the past two years, I had walked around like a zombie, going through the motions of everyday life. The only thing that had made me feel alive was my son. Our son.

  “I’m not dead, little one,” he said gruffly. Clearly.

  “I don’t understand. I’m dreaming. I have to be dreaming. This can’t be real. It was just some fucked up nightmare. Please let it be a nightmare,” I pleaded. I couldn’t deal with this. Sebastian had died. Left me. Left me with a beautiful baby boy, and I would always be grateful for that, but this…I couldn’t handle this.

  “You’re not dreaming, baby,” he whispered. He leaned down and kissed my neck, sending ripples of pleasure down my spine.

  “No…stop. I am dreaming. You always come to me in my dreams.” Maybe I was in fact still dreaming. They seemed pretty real lately. Maybe my dreams and my reality were mixing as one, and I missed him so much that my brain had dreamt him up. I almost laughed at myself, knowing that was a bunch of bullshit.