Always Me

by Walker, Jo-Anna

  His breath quickened, as if he enjoyed the thought that I had dreamt about him. “I’d like to make that a reality in time little one.”

  My eyes widened as his voice turned deeper. My skin hummed in anticipation. Even after all this time, my body desired him.

  “No,” I said and reminded myself to breathe. What kind of person would that make me if I had sex with my lover who just came back into my life after being supposedly dead? As much as I wanted to, I had so many questions that I needed answered before even considering doing that. “Why?”

  He took a deep breath. “If I release you, will you promise not to run away?”

  I swallowed hard and nodded. “I want to see you.”

  His breath hitched but then he rose, letting go of my wrists.

  I pushed myself to all fours and turned around, kneeling in front of him. He still wore the hood, and I couldn’t make out his face in the dark hallway. I stood and turned on the light, my heart echoing in my ears. The thought that he was alive after all of this time kept banging around in my head. I needed to be strong, and I needed to find out what the hell was going on.

  I knelt back in front of Sebastian and took a deep breath, pushing his hood off of his head. I gasped, my vision blurring. With shaky hands, I traced the outlines of his face, still not believing that after all of this time, he was here…in front of me…in my house. His black gaze bored into me as I took him in. His mouth was set in a grim line as I trailed a thumb over the scruff on his strong jaw. His head was shaved, and the tattoos I had grown to love peeked out from the collar around his neck. His lips were full, and I ached to kiss him, but something held me back. The air about him had changed in the last two years. He was harder, rougher around the edges, but he was still gorgeous as ever, if not more.

  I didn’t move. Our gazes locked, and something inside of me snapped. I slapped him. The sound of skin meeting skin bounced off the walls. My hand stung from the impact, but I couldn’t control myself. I slapped him again.

  His eyes saddened but he didn’t say anything. His cheek reddened with the outline of a hand print.

  Anger curled in my belly that I didn’t get a reaction from him, and I started punching him in his chest.

  He didn’t budge. He just let me hit him.

  Sobs racked my shoulders as I kept punching him until my knuckles throbbed and turned red. How could he do this to me? I continued hitting him until my body tired and my muscles ached.

  I took deep breaths as the tears rolled down my cheeks and threw myself in his lap, wrapping my body around him. My skin hummed at the thought of touching him again.

  His hands ran down my back, returning my tight embrace. “I’m so sorry, baby. I’m sorry for fucking everything. For scaring you. For barging into your life again. For leaving you in the fucking first place.” His voice was thick with guilt as he squeezed me more tightly against him.

  My throat burned from the lump that had taken up residence as sobs continued shaking my body.

  “You were supposed to come back to me. You told me…” I hiccupped. “You said to be patient in your letter.”

  Sebastian squeezed me harder but didn’t say anything.

  “Sebastian, that letter…” I lifted my head and wiped my tears away angrily. “That letter was from you wasn’t it? It wasn’t Jose playing a sick joke on me?”

  “It was from me. I’m so fucking sorry. God…I…” Sebastian grabbed the back of my neck, pulling me against him.

  I wrapped my arms around him as we sat there in silence, holding each other. The love I had felt for the man in my arms never dwindled, and I was reminded of that as it hit me full force. My heart beat wildly against my chest and another sob escaped my lips. Tears of hurt, anguish, and happiness poured down my face as Sebastian let me cry against him.

  I didn’t know what had happened in the last two years, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know. If Sebastian was anything like Garrith, I probably would never find out every single detail, but he was back. In my arms. Alive.

  I saw Antonio when looking at him. My son’s father. Did he know about Antonio?

  “You have a son,” I blurted through my sobs.

  His hard eyes glossed over, and his shoulders slumped. “I know.” His voice cracked. He held my face in both hands and wiped my tears away with his thumbs.

  “How…?” I asked, running my fingers down his cheek. A shadow of scruff covered his jawline, and I itched to kiss it. To kiss him. But I couldn’t. Hugging him was one thing, but kissing him would lead him to my bed, and it was too soon for that.

  “Jose took pictures and sent them to me…teasing me, egging me on,” he bit out.

  “Why would he do that?” As soon as the question left my lips, I felt dumb. Jose didn’t need a reason to do anything. He just did it.

  I gripped Sebastian’s sweatshirt, worried that he would be taken from me again. That he would just up and go poof from my life when he only just got back.

  “To get to me probably.” Sebastian grabbed my other hand and held it between us, rubbing his thumb over the back of it.

  “Did he think you…you were…dead too?” I caressed his face, tracing every outline. God I missed him.

  “At first but that didn’t last long” he kissed my thumb as it passed over his lips, sending a jolt of electricity straight to my groin.

  “I’m sorry I slapped you.” I gripped his sweatshirt and looked away.

  He pinched my chin, turning my head to meet his gaze. “Tori, if you’d reacted any other way, I would have been shocked.”

  I smiled, but I still couldn’t believe that I was sitting in his lap. After all this time. He was back in my arms, but then anger set in. All of the questions, even from before I found out he had supposedly died, came crashing back into my skull.

  “Why did you lie to me?” I demanded.

  His eyes darkened, his strong jaw tensing. He didn’t want to tell me what had happened. “To protect you.”

  “Protect me from what?” I asked, confused.

  Sebastian took a deep breath. “From Jose.”

  His answer was clipped, and knowing I wouldn’t get any more information from him, I went on.

  “Everyone told me you died.” The memories of Keisha telling me that Sebastian didn’t make it came crashing into me like a freight train. Those feelings of losing him… Oh God. I couldn’t go through that again. The screams and agony that tore at my body almost shattered my soul completely.

  “Everyone thought I did but…” He cleared his throat but didn’t finish his sentence.

  I raised an eyebrow. Did someone else know that he had been alive all along? “But…?”

  “Nothing.” He placed a hand over mine and kissed my palm.

  More lies, or just not bothering to tell me things. Would those be considered lies too?

  I huffed and released myself from his grip and stood when he grabbed my wrist.

  I shoved out of his grasp and stormed to my room with him following me. “You…you can’t be here.”

  “And why not?” he asked coming up behind me.

  “Because,” I snapped, pacing back and forth across my room. “This isn’t right. I don’t know how to deal with…” I motioned between us. “…this.”

  “Deal with what, Tori?” Sebastian asked, his voice going lower as he followed me.

  “I don’t know how to deal with you standing here in front of me when there’s a headstone with your name on it.” Questions and memories rang through my mind. My body stirred at the thought that he was back. I was confused, and my emotions were all over the place. I wanted to dive into his arms and beg him to make love to me until we were both exhausted, but more importantly, I wanted him to hold me. Be there for me and never leave me or our son again.

  “I thought you’d be happy that I’m alive.” Sebastian’s voice sounded pained, like our little reunion wasn’t going as he planned. What the hell did he expect?

  I spun on him, causing him to stop midstep. “Y
es, of course I’m happy that you’re alive. You lied to me. I trusted you, Sebastian. I don’t know why when I’d only known you for a couple of weeks, but I did.”

  Guilt flashed over his handsome features. “I’m so fucking sorry, Tori,” he whispered.

  “I thought you were dead, Sebastian. I buried you. You fucking lied to me,” I yelled, tears threatening to escape my eyes again.

  “I did and I’m so fucking sorry for that, but I will not apologize for protecting you.” Fire danced in his eyes as his gaze roamed down my body. The heavy emotion of him revealing himself to me no longer played in his look as he took in my scantily clad form. The way he switched his emotions so easily made me dizzy, but on the other hand, it made me feel better too. It relaxed me some, him acting like his old self, but I still couldn’t believe he was standing in my room. After all this time, Sebastian Chelios was back.

  “Stop.” I pointed at him. He knew what he was doing, and it was getting to me. Whenever he looked at me like that, I was putty in his hands, and it would be very hard for me to say no.

  He smirked. “Stop what?”

  I swallowed, taking a step back until I reached the wall. He hadn’t changed at all. “Stop looking at me like that. We have shit to deal with first. We need to talk about this. I can’t…I can’t do this…”

  That sexy grin splayed on his lips as he stalked toward me.

  My heart beat hard against my chest when he reached me.

  “Sebastian, please,” I whispered.

  He placed his hands on either side of my head and leaned down, taking a deep breath.

  The scent of soap and man invaded my nostrils, intoxicating me to the very core. My eyes fluttered closed as his hot breath scorched my skin.

  “God, I’ve fucking missed the way you smell,” Sebastian whispered.

  I whimpered as he licked up the side of my neck to my ear. I clenched my hands at my sides and took deep breaths, needing to control the sudden urge I had to jump in his arms and devour him.

  He ran a tongue over my ear and bit it, making liquid pool in my panties. The raw animal magnetism in him pulled at me, leaving me wanting. Needing. More.

  He stared at me intently, wrapping a hand around my neck. “I am sorry. I did everything for you Tori. You might not believe that, but it’s true. I will make it so you trust me again.”

  “You shouldn’t have left me,” I said quietly, ignoring the thumping of my heart.

  “I know, baby, and I will do everything in my fucking power to make you see that I didn’t do it to hurt you. Not intentionally.” He turned my head, trailing hot kisses along the side of my jaw.

  I lifted my head, my eyes fluttering closed at the feel of his lips on my skin. “Sebastian.”

  “When you’re ready…” He kissed the corner of my mouth.

  I tried turning my head to get the full impact of his lips, but he held me still. He must have known I wasn’t ready but I wanted to be. Oh God, did I ever want to be.

  His lips moved back to my ear.

  “And you will be.” He kissed my neck again.

  Hot shivers ran up my spine.

  “Sebastian,” I said, breathing heavily.

  “When that time comes, I’m going to fuck you senseless.” His other hand trailed up under my robe, moving to my ass, and pulled me against him.

  One tug on my robe and I would be revealed to him completely. I had to convince myself that it was too soon, but it had been so long since I felt his hands on me. I wanted to dive under his skin and forget everything. Even if it was just for a moment.

  I moaned at the way our bodies were pressed together.

  “I’m going to devour every inch of you, reminding you of how good I make you feel,” he whispered, pulling me against him. He took the words right out of my mouth.

  The bulge in his pants pushed into my lower belly, and I panted, wanting him at that very moment. My body didn’t care that he’d been dead for two years.

  “Please,” I placed my hands on his waist, but he grabbed them, holding them tightly between us.

  “Patience, little one.” He kissed my nose and released me, leaving my room. That very moment brought back the first encounter I had with him in the alley. Hot tears ran down my cheeks as I remembered the way he had left me breathless. I was now confused, hurt, and angry. I didn’t know how or what had gone on during the last two years or why he had left me in the first place. I didn’t know much about him. Even in the beginning, Sebastian hadn’t told’ me anything, but I fell in love with him anyway. Shame tore through me. If Sebastian hadn’t’ stopped it, I would have let him have his way with me. What was it about him that made me lose all self-respect? God, I was so stupid.

  Anger curled in my belly, and I came to a decision. I was determined to get answers, and now that Sebastian was back, it would be over my dead body before I would let him leave me again.

  Chapter 9

  After Sebastian left my room, a part of me was concerned that maybe I was in fact dreaming, but then I heard the sound of the TV. I breathed a sigh of relief and pulled my hair into a ponytail. I got dressed and headed into Antonio’s room.

  I tried ignoring all of the questions that soared around in my mind. Antonio bounced happily when he saw me, his huge brown gaze resting on mine. I laughed and picked him up, snuggling him against me. “Good morning, baby.”

  I cleaned him up as he giggled and squirmed. I handed him a rattle and picked him up again, holding him tightly against me.

  He rubbed his face into my neck, and I kissed his cheek. “There’s someone I want you to meet,” I told him.

  He gurgled, baby chatter escaping his lips as he attempted to talk. I placed a kiss on his forehead and went to leave the room when I saw Sebastian standing in the doorway.

  I stopped in my tracks as we stared at each other. His eyes darkened, and the muscles in his jaw clenched. He took a step toward us until he was mere inches away. The scent of man and soap oozed into my nostrils, making my heart flutter.

  I cleared my throat and ran a hand down Antonio’s back. “Sebastian, meet your son. Antonio.”

  Sebastian’s dark gaze flicked between us both. He placed a hand on my nape and ran his thumb up and down the side of my neck.

  I ignored the feel of the standard move he made years ago and kissed Antonio’s head as he stared up into the eyes of his father.

  Sebastian reached out, lightly grazing his fingers down Antonio’s cheek and over his head.

  “He has your eyes,” I told him.

  Sebastian looked at me, warmth and love filling them.

  Tears blurred my vision. I never thought this moment would come. Since the time that I was told I was pregnant, I had no idea that Sebastian would be meeting his son. My prayers had been answered, and I would be forever grateful.

  Antonio looked back at me, his bottom lip quivering. I smiled, kissing his full bottom lip. “It’s okay, baby. Mama’s fine.”

  Sebastian cleared his throat. “How old is he?”

  Love poured through me that Sebastian wanted to get to know his son and things about him when he’d just came back to his life. “Fifteen months.”

  “Can I hold him?” he asked, his voice thick.

  My heart swelled. “Of course.”

  He took him from me, and I watched as he held Antonio in his arms. Seeing both of them together finally made the last two years of pain and heartache shatter around me.

  “I’m so sorry, little man,” Sebastian said softly. Antonio placed a hand on Sebastian’s cheek and stared into his father’s eyes. Aside from the fact that Sebastian was the only one I had slept with at the time, there was no denying that Antonio was his. They had the same skin tone, same eye color, and eyelashes that would make any girl envious. He was going to be a lady killer when he grew up, just like his father.

  Sebastian holding his son, finally, after all this time, made tears of happiness roll down my cheeks.

  I cleared my throat and headed into the hall as my p
hone rang. I walked into my bedroom and answered it. “Hello?”

  “Hello, baby girl.”

  Brett. Oh crap.

  “Hi, Brett,” I squeaked.

  “Everything okay?”

  “Oh yeah. Everything is fine. Sure. Why wouldn’t it be?” The hairs on my nape rose as I turned toward the door. Sebastian stood in the doorway, holding Antonio. His brows rose in question.

  “Okay, I just wanted to make sure,” Brett replied.

  I smiled. Brett was always so thoughtful. My heart broke as guilt swam in my belly. “Thank you for checking in on me.”

  “Are you free tonight?” he asked.

  My cheeks heated. “Um…well…”

  “I was going to ask if you wanted company. You shouldn’t be alone but…”

  I wasn’t alone anymore. “That’s a long way for you to drive to keep me company.”

  “It’s worth it, baby girl.”

  Sighing, I hesitated. “I think I just need some time alone with Antonio.” And Sebastian.

  “Okay,” he said, sounding disappointed. “We still on for next weekend?”

  “Sure. Next weekend sounds good,” I told him, keeping my gaze locked on Sebastian. Apparently Garrith needed to stop by to check in with the feds, and he was going to bring Keisha with him as well. It would be nice to see them again, but I wasn’t sure how Sebastian would react to seeing Brett.

  “Perfect. See you then.”

  “Bye, Brett.” I disconnected the call and put the phone on my dresser.

  Sebastian’s eyes darkened to the point of almost being black. I found out very quickly two years ago that they did that when he was furious.

  I took a step toward him.

  His jaw worked under the skin and he turned away, heading down the stairs. He was pissed. Well, so was I. He was the one that left me for two years and had me thinking that he was dead.

  “Sebastian?” He didn’t answer me.

  He put Antonio in his high chair and walked into the kitchen. He searched through my cupboards, brought down two mugs, and placed them on the counter.

  “Sebastian.” I stepped up beside him and reached for a mug. “You have no right to be angry.”