***
Bennett
I can’t believe she just fucking walked out of here. She can’t be serious. I get off the couch, grabbing the first thing I can get my hands on, and send it crashing against the wall, screaming in frustration. She’s no better than every goddamn person that’s ever left me in the past. I grab more shit and just start throwing. Before I know it, my living room is totally destroyed.
I grab my iPod and take off. I need to run. I need to get this anger out. She’s got to come back. She’s scared. I get that. I’d be scared, too. Her world just came crashing down. She’s taking that shit out on me. I’ll give her this play, but she knows not to fight me. I’ve told her that more times than I can count.
I run for what feels like hours. My body is screaming in protest, begging for me to stop putting it through this torture. I don’t listen, I don’t stop. I can do this shit all day long if I need to. I run until I have just enough time to shower and get to the center before she leaves. I have to talk some sense into her. She can’t do this to us. The hot shower feels good on my overused muscles, but I don’t stay in too long. I throw on some jeans and a shirt, stuff my feet back into my running shoes, and grab my keys.
As I pull my Jeep into the parking lot, I see her. She and Miller are walking out. It looks like he’s literally holding her up. She spots my Jeep and stops, shaking her head back and forth quickly, crying out to Miller and throwing her face into his neck.
“Fuck,” I say, slamming my hand into the steering wheel.
He lifts her into his truck like she can’t manage it on her own, and takes off out the lot.
She never once looks back at me.
I sit for a few minutes, get my shit together, and head inside. I need to find out if anything happened in here. Rose knows everything that happens within these walls. If something went down, she’ll tell me. I walk in, and she’s coming at me. Her eyes look sad. Not a good sign.
“Bennett, honey, what happened to our Lucy?” she asks, patting me on the back while she gives me a weak hug.
“This isn’t working, Rose, and the transplant is a no-go. It’s a complicated situation. Did she say anything to you?”
I don’t want to bring us up. I want to see what she said.
“No, honey. She wouldn’t even look at me when she came in. She just asked to speak to Mr. Hawkins. They stayed in his office for a while. She did her treatment in a private room and left. Miller had to basically carry her out of here. She didn’t look good, Bennett.”
Shit. What did she want with Hawkins?
“Thanks, Rose,” I tell her as I take off for the back.
I walk down the hallway and spot Hawkins coming out of his office.
“Bennett, what can I help you with?”
“I need to talk to you about Lucy. What was she in here for earlier?”
“You know I can’t discuss that with you, Bennett,” he says. “You need to talk that over with her.”
“Hard to do Hawkins, when she’s refusing to speak to me,” I tell him. “Did she tell you about her appointment yesterday with Amador?”
He shakes his head no, so I continue.
“Her kidney is barely functioning. Her only hope at this point is to get a transplant from Maggie, but that isn’t an option anymore. She’s shutting herself off from everyone, including me. I can’t let that happen. I’m trying to fix this.”
He opens his office door back up, but moves away from it. He gives me a pointed look and walks away from his office. I take that as an invitation to go in and have a look around. On his desk are papers with medical supply company numbers. Lucy’s file is buried underneath the pile. I open it up, flipping through until I see today’s date and notes. Son of a bitch. She’s really done with me. She can’t even come here anymore, knowing she might run into me. I let myself out of the office, slamming the door shut behind me. I take myself straight home to wallow in my depression.
***
“You know, Bennett, you’re not foolin’ anyone with these house calls,” Thomas tells me, offering me a beer.
I take it from his hand and follow him outside. This is the second day in a row I come over after my shift, under the guise of checking on Ava. I feel like a damn stalker. I need to check on Lucy, and this is the only way to do it.
“I just want to make sure Ava is adjusting to her new life as the newest member of the Brennan Family,” I tell him, taking a hearty swig of beer.
“That’s bullshit, and you know it. You can do that at the center. You want the goods on Goose.”
“I’m worried sick about her,” I admit, running my free hand over my stubble.
“We all are. She doesn’t leave her room or take our calls. Only people she lets see her are her sister and Miller. The few times I have seen her, she looks terrible. ”
My hand is wrapped so tight around the beer bottle it’s about to shatter.
“Calm down, Bennett. It’s not like that. He’s takin’ care of her, seein’ to her treatments.”
“It should be me doin’ that, Thomas, not him.”
“You damn right. So, what are you gonna do about it?”
“She won’t answer my calls. I’ve been by to see her, but no one answers.”
“Didn’t think you’d be the type of man to let that stop you,” Thomas says, eyeing me.
“I’m trying to give her the space she thinks she needs.”
“That girl don’t know what she needs. Let’s go eat; I’m tired of playing Dr. Phil.”
***
Those visits with Lucy’s parents become my nightly ritual. Kind of pathetic, I know, but I can’t help myself. Being around her family helps me know she’s surviving. At this point, I can’t even say she’s doing okay. I’m so scared for her, but I need to hang on to some piece of her. I feel like she’s still a part of my life through my interactions with her mom and dad. Thomas and I grow pretty close. I can see a lot of Lucy in his personality. I come to consider him a friend.
“If we’re gonna sit around and talk about our feelings,” he tells me, “we have to do somethin’ to keep our manhood intact.”
His bluntness always makes me laugh. After that declaration, Thomas and I spend most of our nights working on Lucy’s old Jeep, tinkering under the hood while we talk. As we pick apart her behavior and our broken relationship, that old thing gets brought back to life. It wasn’t in too bad of condition to begin with, but it did need some work. I find working with my hands therapeutic. Unintentionally, I start to open up to Thomas about my past. Not the full story, but enough to make him understand why Ava, Lucy, and he and Claire are so important to me.
“Well, son, you can’t say you don’t have a family anymore,” Thomas says to me, clearing his throat and reaching for more tools.
I think this sort of raw sentiment coming from him is hard. I don’t say a word. I’m choked up with emotion.
“You have us now. Next step is to get Lucy’s head out of her ass.” He drops his tools and wipes his hands on his jeans. “Come on, let’s go see what that amazing wife of mine has made for supper,” he adds with a hard pat on my back, letting me know that the sharing portion of the night is over.
I don’t go over there on Wednesday nights, but according to Thomas, neither does she. Lucy’s tearing this family apart with her stubborn ways. Maggie and Miller still come over on most Wednesdays, filling Claire and Thomas in on all things Lucy, which isn’t much. She doesn’t leave her room, except for rare trips to the hospital to meet with Amador.
A couple of weeks after Lucy calls things off, Claire and Thomas get word that the adoption is approved, and they are over the moon. They insist that I’m there to witness it. I know that Lucy wouldn’t miss it, since Ava is the reason she’s refusing a transplant from Thomas in the first place.
That’s providing me the perfect opportunity to get my girl back.
Chapter Twenty-two
“Goose, enough is enough,” Daddy is telling me. He’s propped on the edge
of my bed. “I mean, when’s the last time you’ve left this damn room?”
“I’m fine, Daddy. Everything I need is in here.”
“Bullshit. The most important thing you need has been camped out at my house, all of a sudden makin’ unnecessary house calls.”
“What are you talking about?” I whisper, my throat getting tight.
He couldn’t mean Bennett.
“Your boyfriend is suddenly very concerned about Ava’s health. We get daily visits from him, checkin’ on her. It’s gettin’ pretty obnoxious,” he tells me, but he smiles when he says it, letting me know he doesn’t mind the visits.
“Seriously?”
“Yeah. Mostly we end up just havin’ a beer, foolin’ with your Jeep, and discussin’ when you’re gonna get your head outta your ass. You’re bein’ childish. You need to get over this and go to him, Goose. He loves you so damn much. You’re makin’ him miserable. It’s pretty painful to watch.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Bullshit. Do you remember what I told you about me and your momma? I don’t care if I would have had one day with that woman. Love is love. Take his love. Don’t let yourself lay here and die alone because you don’t want him to suffer through that shit. You’re wastin’ time. Time you might not have.”
I stay silent. I don’t want to listen to this. Bennett will stop this soon enough. He will stop hurting and move on.
“I gotta get to the station. I’m givin’ you the weekend, and then I’m makin’ this happen, whether you like it or not. My lot in life is not fuckin’ relationship counseling.”
And, with those parting words, he’s gone.
I drag myself out of the bed Friday, feeling a tiny spark of happiness for the first time since my break-up with Bennett. I shower and dress, my clothes hanging limply from my body. I’m losing weight that I didn’t have to lose in the first place. I have huge, dark circles under my eyes. My skin has a pasty pallor to it. My blonde hair is dull and limp. I don’t go in public unless I have to go see Dr. Amador. I have officially become the poster child for depression. Maggie comes in to help me look presentable. Her efforts are interrupted frequently by bouts of morning sickness. We make quite a pair.
When we’re ready, we go into the living room to find Miller waiting for us. He looks worn down. Helping me out has taken a toll on him as well. We do my treatments in the morning and he works afternoons and nights. Every night after work he showers and then makes his way into my bed. Not in the way he used to before, but I can’t stand to be alone. I find myself thinking about Bennett, unlocking that little box of memories I have stashed away, and I can’t deal with the heartache that accompanies them. Miller has had to stop quite a few of epic sized panic attacks. If he’s with me, he distracts me and keeps my thoughts from wandering. Sometimes I sleep, but it’s a rarity. I just lay in a trance, my mind shut off from everything. I’m in limbo. I’m not among the living, but my body isn’t quite dead yet, either. This is a shitty way to exist. It’s also exhausting.
We drive to the courthouse. Today marks the day that Ava officially becomes a Brennan. We’ve expedited the process, thanks to Dad’s many connections in the court system. My family needs this right now. It’s nice to have something positive and happy to focus on. I force a smile on my face when I see Ava in the parking lot. She’s dressed in a beautiful pink dress, with a cute little white cardigan on, covering her fistula. She looks like a baby doll. It brings tears to my eyes. My thoughts drift to Bennett, about how close he came to having this once, only to have it ripped away at the last minute. I quickly push the thoughts aside. I can’t let them in right now. I need to focus on Ava.
“Lucy, after today, we will be sisters,” she says, twirling in her dress.
“I know, pretty girl. Nothing could make me happier.”
We go into the judge’s chambers for a brief, but emotional meeting. The judge talks to us about the significance of the day, about how lucky we all are and what we all are gaining. Mom, Daddy, and the judge sign the papers. There isn’t a dry eye in the room. She’s ours. We have given this precious girl a home, a chance at a normal life.
I hear a throat clear behind me. I turn around, and my eyes meet Bennett’s dark green ones. I gasp, not believing what I’m seeing. I feel light headed. I just might faint.
“Lucy,” he says, nodding his head at me.
I turn away, back towards Miller, who’s been at my side this whole time. I can’t do this. Not here.
“Miller, get me out of here,” I whisper to Miller, wrapping my hands around the lapels of his suit coat until my knuckles are white.
He wraps his hand around my waist to support me and leads me out the door. Bennett moves to grab my arm, but I can’t let that happen.
“Don’t touch me,” I hiss at Bennett, jerking away from him before contact is made. I want that touch more than anything in this world, but I can’t have it. I will freak out if he touches me, especially wearing that suit. He looks like absolute perfection.
Miller calls out as we rush out the door, “We’ll meet you at the house.”
Hopefully my family was too busy celebrating to notice that little scene.
Miller and I head straight to the park, bypassing my parents’ house. We give everyone plenty of time to get home and settled before we get there. I’m a complete coward. I want to make sure that Bennett isn’t there. I don’t know why it never dawned on me that he would be there for the adoption. I’m so stupid. He’s been at the house every day, according to Dad. Why wouldn’t he go to Ava’s hearing?
When we head back to my parents’ house I don’t see his Jeep or car parked anywhere. If he came over, he’s gone now. Miller and I make our way into the house, cautiously.
“Coast is clear, chicken,” Maggie says. “He came and left. He had to get to work.”
“Shut up,” I tell her.
We stay at Mom and Daddy’s until dark. Daddy is headed out to do an extra security shift and Ava is exhausted from the day’s excitement. Mom walks Maggie and me out to the car, still on cloud nine.
“I’m so happy, girls. That little girl is amazing. She belongs to us now. I can’t believe it!”
“So, what’s next? Are you going back to work soon? You can’t stay home forever.”
“No, I think I’ll stay home a little longer. Daddy is fine working extra duty, and I’ve picked up a few more students to tutor.”
I worry about my parents. They need a break.
“Let me know if you need help watching her,” I tell Mom.
“It’s fine, honey. Bennett’s been watching her for me. You should-“
“Stop,” I say, putting my hand up. “Not right now. We need to go. I’ll talk to you soon.”
***
Bennett
I thought today would be the day when she finally came to her fucking senses. I was so off the mark with that one. I arrived later than everyone else today. I snuck in the back of the judge’s chambers. I didn’t want her to see me just yet. I took in the scene playing out in front of me. I’m so happy for Ava. This family is the best thing that will ever happen to her. Happy tears flowed freely in the room. I’m not ashamed to admit I had to wipe my eyes a few times. I’m glad I had a small part in putting this family together. I feel warmth settle in my chest. This is the best I’ve felt in a while.
Now for Lucy. Here goes nothing. I clear my voice to get her attention. She turns, and gasps like she’s seen a fucking ghost. She’s about to lose her shit, and immediately turns to Miller, begging him to take her away. They are putting their hands all over each other, and start to leave. Fuck that. I have to stop this. She jerks away from me, like she’s scared of me.
“Don’t touch me,” she says, in a voice I’ve never heard from her.
What was that? They run out of there. Are they together now? Thomas swears it’s not like that, but they sure look cozy to me.
I don’t run after them, even though I want to punch Miller in his damn face. I wait
until the family is done with pictures.
“Come to the house, Bennett,” Thomas says, squeezing my shoulder and giving me a sympathetic look. I guess he was witness to our little scene.
I nod, and walk to my car in a daze. I make the familiar trip to the Brennan house, but I don’t see Miller’s truck or Lucy’s car. Surely they wouldn’t miss this because I was at the courthouse. I go in the house, and Ava runs to me, throwing herself in my arms. I pick her up and hold her close.
“Bennett, I have a new Mom and Dad. I’ve never had a Mom and Dad before. This is so cool. And I have a new name. I’m Ava Brennan.”
“I know, sweetheart. You’re a very lucky little girl,” I tell her.
Luckier than I ever was. Luckier than she will ever know. I offer up a quick prayer of thanks, happy that now she doesn’t ever have to live the life that I did.
“I got you something, Ava. Would you like to open it?”
“YES,” she screams in my ear.
I take a small gift out of my suit pocket and hand it over. It makes her blue eyes twinkle. She tears off the paper, getting to the black velvet box underneath. Her chubby fingers pry the lid open, revealing a tiny silver locket. Her new initials are engraved on the front. I show her how to open the locket and she smiles at the two pictures. One is a picture that I took of her, Lucy, and Maggie at the park. They are giggling, not looking at the camera. God, Luce looks so happy in this picture. The other is a picture of Thomas and Claire that I found on Maggie’s Facebook page.
“I love it, Bennett. It’s my new family. I will wear it every single day and never ever take it off.”
I put her down so I can put her new locket around her neck for her. She runs off, yelling for Claire and Thomas, eager to show off her new gift. Thomas comes over to me, offering me a beer. I decline, needing to get to work. He walks me to my car.
More Than Ever: The Home Series, Book One Page 18