Slightly Off Balance

by Kaylie Hunter

  “Yes, ma’am. That would be great.”

  Bones was a bad boy in black leather with long black hair. Sitting next to him eating chili while he drank a tall glass of milk was, well, weird.

  “Is there any bread?” Bones asked.

  “No, sorry. With Tweedle always baking, I haven’t bought bread in years. I didn’t even think about it.”

  “If you get everything out for me, I can bake some bread up for later. As long as I stay in one place, I should manage okay.”

  Loretta helped Aunt Carol pull ingredients and dishes, stacking them next to me. I balanced on one leg, measuring the flour.

  “How long do I have to wear this cast, anyway?”

  “I have no idea, dear,” Aunt Carol said, pulling supplies faster.

  Loretta looked at me, and we both raised an eyebrow at Aunt Carol.

  “Aunt Carol, what aren’t you telling me?”

  “I need to go check on Tansey. She was expecting me to come right back.” Aunt Carol swung through the door and was gone.

  “She’s not very good at lying,” Bones chuckled.

  “Ha, that woman amazes me,” Loretta laughed. “She has the best poker face in town but can’t look her own niece in the eye when something sly is going on.”

  “Bones, can I borrow your phone?” I asked.

  Bones slid his cell phone across the countertop toward me. I had information connect me to Dr. Wilson’s house phone.

  “Hello,” Dr. Wilson answered.

  “Dr. Wilson, sorry to bother you again. I was wondering whether you could get the medical information on my leg and then call me back. I have a feeling I’m not getting the whole story.”

  He asked me a few questions regarding my doctor and then said he’d call back as soon as he could. Pine Valley was a small town, but the hospital was centrally located between several other towns and had a large staff. Dr. Wilson’s practice was a mix between a walk-in clinic and house calls, so he seldom had the need to go to the hospital.

  Bones’ phone rang less than five minutes later.

  “You’re going to be pissed,” Dr. Wilson chuckled.

  “It’s not broken, is it?”

  “It was twisted and bruised badly, but it’s not broke. You don’t need that cast, but I figure you already know that. From what I could gather, the only thing that Reel and your uncle agreed on while you were in the hospital was to put a cast on your leg so they could keep an eye on you.”

  “Bastards.”

  “They love you.”

  “Bastards.” It was worth mentioning a second time.

  “If you can get to my office sometime this week, I’ll get it cut off for you.”

  “I’ll take care of it. Thanks, Dr. Wilson.”

  We both disconnected, and I slid the phone back to Bones.

  “They didn’t,” he chuckled.

  “Oh, yes, they did.”

  “Oh mercy, those boys better run,” Loretta grinned.

  Turning, I threw open the back door and walked peg-legged onto the porch and down the stairs.

  “Where are we going?” Bones smirked, jogging to catch up with me.

  “To the woodshed.”

  The woodshed was really my grandpa’s woodworking and mechanics room. It was also where the landscaping equipment was stored.

  Rod was shutting down the riding lawn mower when I arrived. “Why are you walking on that leg?”

  “Because my uncle and your brother faked how bad the injury was. I don’t even need the damn cast!”

  Rod laughed.

  “It’s not funny!”

  “It kind of is. They’re such control freaks when it comes to you.”

  “I need to cut this damn thing off. Where’s that small spinning saw thingy?” I asked as I opened the door to the woodworking room.

  “Since you just called it a spinning saw thingy, why don’t you let me cut the cast off for you.”

  He found the tool in question and cut a shallow line down both sides before pulling it open.

  “Thanks,” I said, pulling my leg out. Except for the massive purple bruises, the leg seemed to be in one piece. I tested standing on it. My muscles were sore, but overall it seemed fine. “Bastards.”

  “That’s the third time she’s called them bastards. Should we be worried?”

  “Nah,” Rod shook his head. “She won’t hurt them. But she’ll get even.”

  “Nothing wrong with that,” Bones said.

  I noticed a blanket laying on the floor in the corner. It looked like one of my grandmother’s crocheted blankets. What in the world would it be doing out here? I walked over and hiding on the other side of the metal cabinet was the homeless teenager. Spooked, he darted for the far door, but Bones was faster, grabbing him and pinning him off his feet against the wall.

  “Whoa!” I yelled. “Everyone, settle down.”

  “What are you doing in here?” Bones asked, getting in the kid’s face.

  “He was living in here,” I said, after looking at the meager belongings piled in the corner. “Release him, Bones.”

  “No,” Bones said.

  “I wasn’t asking. Release him,” I said, walking up beside him.

  Bones lowered the teen to the floor but still held onto his shirt. I rolled my eyes.

  “Okay, kid. It’s time to come out of hiding. I can’t let you live in a shed. I won’t turn you in, but we can do better than this,” I said, waving my hand around.

  The kid’s eyes darted from me to Bones, then over to Rod.

  “I’m guessing you’re the cause of the recent incidents around town. Sleeping in the Burgess house? Breaking into the party store on Highway 6?”

  The kid looked back at me, guilt showing in his eyes, but he didn’t answer.

  “Anything worse than that? Did you hurt anyone?”

  He shook his head no, looking down at the floor.

  “Alright then. We can deal with that. I can make a few calls and make sure everyone drops the charges. In exchange, I need you to agree to stay here for a while. Can you do that?”

  The kid looked at me, waiting for the punch line. It would take him some time to realize there wasn’t one.

  “Let’s go. We’ll get you some clothes and a room to sleep in. I suspect you’re hungry too,” I said, leading the way out of the shed.

  The kid hurried up beside me, seeming to think I was the safer choice than staying behind with Bones and Rod. “They won’t hurt you, kid. They’re good men.”

  He snorted, glancing back.

  “I’m Deanna. But everyone calls me Tweedle.”

  “Why?” the kid asked, looking at me, confused.

  “Short for Tweedle-Dee, of course.”

  He nodded, but I could tell he was still confused. “I’m Colby.”

  “Nice to meet you, Colby. I’m going to refrain from shaking your hand until you’ve showered, though,” I grinned.

  A small grin touched the corners of his mouth as he opened the door to the back porch for me.

  “Loretta, could you take my new friend Colby upstairs and find him a room to use? He’ll also need a shower and some clean clothes. Seems he’s a bit displaced at the moment.”

  “Sure, darlin’. Hey, Colby, follow me. We’ll get you squared away in no time.”

  Colby looked back at me briefly, and I nodded. Loretta was already disappearing up the staircase, so he ran to catch up.

  I walked down the hall to the bedroom that was being used for my grandpa. It had also been the room that my grandmother slept in the last few months she was with us. I had never thrown out her medications, and luckily neither had anyone else.

  I found the little blue pills I was looking for and took them back to the kitchen. I smiled, remembering how loopy the pills used to make my grandmother. Dumping them into a cup and filling it with warm water, I let the pills dissolve. Grabbing a bowl, I started throwing ingredients in from memory.

  Rod, Bones, Aunt Carol, and Tansey all stood silently watching me
.

  Loretta joined the group ten minutes later.

  Half an hour later, Colby, freshly showered and wearing a pair of my old sweat pants and one of Bones’ black T-shirts, joined us. I was just taking the cookies out of the oven.

  I slapped the homemade frosting on two dozen and set them aside, my audience eagerly grabbing for them. With the last dozen, I dumped the dissolved pills into the remaining frosting, stirred, and started covering the cookies.

  “What was in that cup?” Colby asked.

  “That there was a cup of Tweedle-Dee whoop-ass,” Loretta laughed. “Make sure you don’t eat that batch of cookies.”

  “What if we confuse which cookies are which?” Aunt Carol asked, looking at the cookie she was currently eating.

  “Good point,” I nodded. “Tansey, grab out the cinnamon candies in the cabinet next to the stove. Reel and Uncle Mike love those damn candies.”

  Tansey helped decorate the tainted cookies with the cinnamon candies while Rod and Aunt Carol used the green sprinkle candies on the untainted ones.

  When we were done, I looked at everyone grinning, when Colby’s eyes got huge and he reached across the breakfast bar and grabbed Tansey’s wrist. Her finger, dabbed with tainted frosting, was an inch from her lips.

  “As much as I love seeing you suck on your fingers, that would not have been good,” Rod grinned.

  “Damn. Thanks, kid,” Tansey said, getting up to wash her hands.

  “Didn’t mean to scare you,” Colby said, looking down at the floor nervously.

  “You did good, kid,” Bones said, throwing an arm over his shoulder and jostling him a bit. “Maybe you should come work with me in security. Course, we’d have to beef you up a bit.”

  “How about he finishes high school before you start recruiting him,” I grinned. My leg was aching so I slid onto a bar stool to give it a rest. “Tansey, can you run up to the attic and get the costumes?”

  “Sure. Colby, give me a hand?”

  Within minutes, they had all the costumes out of the attic. We emptied the boxes until I found what I was looking for.

  “I’m going to go find Grandpa’s video camera,” Tansey giggled, jogging out of the room.

  “I’m going to take another walk around the perimeter before the games begin,” Bones chuckled, shaking his head.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  I had three loaves of bread rising by the time the boys woke from their naps. Everyone else had eagerly returned to the kitchen to wait for the show. I moved behind the breakfast bar, grabbing the crutch to use as a prop so the missing cast wouldn’t be apparent.

  “Something smells good,” Uncle Mike yawned, taking a seat.

  “Is that bread?” Reel asked, sitting next to him.

  Wayne walked in, scratching his head and sitting in the last seat.

  “It is, but it won’t be ready until dinner. Here. Have a cookie,” I said, sliding the plate with the cinnamon candies in between Uncle Mike and Reel. Tansey slid the other platter which was half gone in front of Wayne.

  “These are good,” Reel said, eating almost an entire cookie in one bite. “Who’s this?” Reel asked, nodding at Colby.

  “This is Colby. He moved to Pine Valley a while back,” Loretta smoothly lied. “He’s going to stay a few days while his parents are out of town.”

  “I don’t recognize you, kid. Who are your parents?” Uncle Mike said.

  “He’s one of my sister Patty’s grandkids. You know how my sister’s family is,” Loretta said, rolling her eyes.

  Uncle Mike chuckled, nodding his head. Loretta’s sister Patty had a high accidental-pregnancy rate. Her offspring seemed to follow in her footsteps, and there was a constant stream of relatives moving in and out of the house that Loretta and Patty had inherited. So many, in fact, that Loretta signed off her rights to the house two decades ago because she wanted to distance herself and the boys from the insanity.

  “Damn, Tweedle, these cookies are good. I love cinnamon candies,” Uncle Mike said, picking up his third cookie.

  Rod was silently laughing and dragged Tansey with him out of the kitchen. Aunt Carol started acting twitchy and said she still had work to do in the den, leaving abruptly.

  “What’s with everybody?” Reel asked, as he grabbed another cookie.

  “Aunt Carol is tired. I’ll make her rest soon.”

  “I’m glad you got some sleep,” Reel nodded. “You needed it.”

  “I was indeed tired. When I woke up, it was like everything was much clearer.”

  Bones choked on his coffee and turned away. Colby whacked him a few good times on the back, no longer intimidated by him.

  “Hey, let me have one of them with the cinnamon candies,” Wayne said, reaching for the other platter.

  “Eat your own damn cookies,” Reel said, moving the plate out of his reach.

  I took the platter away after they’d each had four cookies. I didn’t want to put them in a coma. I watched the clock—smiling. Any minute now.

  “Man, I’m still tired,” Uncle Mike yawned.

  “Me too.” Reel nodded his head extra slow. Reel focused on his arm as he struggled to lift it an inch from the counter. “Shit,” he slurred, looking up at me.

  “Bastards,” I said, as they both started to fall.

  Bones grabbed Reel, and Rod caught Uncle Mike. Loading them in wheelchairs, using the one I came home in and Grandma’s old chair, we moved them into the dining room.

  “What’s the plan?” Tansey asked.

  “It’s dress-up time.”

  Aunt Carol looked at me nervously. “Then what?”

  “Then the park bench in town,” I answered. “No keys, wallets, or phones.”

  “Holy crap,” Colby mumbled. “What did you put in those cookies?”

  “Just something to make them sleepy.”

  “What did they do to you? They hit you or something?”

  “No, Colby. They would never hit me or you,” I promised, looking him square in the face. “They paid the doctor to put a cast on my leg and told me it was broken.”

  “Damn,” Colby said.

  “Watch your mouth, young man,” Loretta scolded, before turning to me. “You are one wicked woman,” she winked.

  “We get to take pictures, right?” Rod asked, getting out his phone.

  “Oh, hell yes,” Bones said, with his phone already out.

  “Holy shit,” Bridget giggled from the doorway. “I don’t know what’s going on, but can I play?”

  “I’m not sure about this, Tweedle,” Aunt Carol said. “Can we vote on it?”

  “Nope, sorry. This isn’t a democracy.” I pulled Reel’s boots off. “Don’t worry, they’ll blame me.”

  Aunt Carol seemed unsure but removed Uncle Mike’s jeans as Rod held his body weight up out of the chair. I felt a bit awkward as I undid Reel’s button on his jeans, and my face heated.

  “It won’t be the first time you’ve seen him naked,” Tansey giggled, as she stripped Reel’s shirt off.

  “He was ten. I’m guessing some parts have grown since then,” I smiled, trying to look away as I pulled the jeans down at the same time.

  “I’m guessing you’re right,” Tansey laughed.

  I looked up as Rod covered Tansey’s eyes and turned her away. I looked down and realized that Reel’s erection was stretching his boxer-briefs to the fabric’s limit.

  “Shit,” I laughed, throwing his shirt over his lap.

  Aunt Carol giggled. “Seems even sedatives can’t keep all of Reel down.”

  Uncle Mike and Reel sat side by side on the park bench with an arm thrown over each other’s shoulder. Reel was dressed in an oversized ballerina outfit with a pink tutu and his hair bobby-pinned up in a makeshift bun. Uncle Mike was dressed in adult-size baby pajamas with a pacifier in his mouth.

  “They’re going to be pissed,” Bones said.

  “Bastards,” I grinned.

  Rod had strapped a rope around their waists and secured them to
the park bench so they wouldn’t fall over. Tansey and Bridget were still busy taking pictures with their phones. Townsfolk were emerging from stores and stopping their vehicles in the center of the street to watch.

  “What did they do this time, Tweedle-Dee?” Old Man Mackerel asked.

  “They paid a doctor to put a fake cast on Tweedle’s leg,” Colby answered for me.

  “Fools,” Mrs. Mackerel chuckled.

  “Looks to me like Tweedle went easy on them. Remember the time that high school quarterback was put in his place?” Old Man Mackerel laughed.

  “I was the high school quarterback,” Rod said, turning to look at Tansey and me.

  “It was the year after you graduated,” Loretta said. “You were away at that trade school.”

  “You’re talking about Nate Hoager?” Rod asked. “Didn’t he move to Alaska or something?”

  “Oregon,” Tansey shrugged.

  “That boy was a marked man after Tweedle had his convertible filled with dead fish,” Mrs. Mackerel laughed. “Don’t know what he did, but it was only a matter of time before one of you Thurman brothers were going to catch up to him to question him. He skedaddled the night of graduation.”

  “Why do I feel the need to go to Oregon and punch him?” Rod glared at Tansey. “And how come Uncle Mike didn’t do it for me?”

  “No one was stupid enough to tell Mike,” Loretta laughed. “Besides, the girls handled it just right. Not only did Nate know not to mess with Tansey again, every boy in town did as well.”

  “Mess with Tansey?” Rod growled.

  “We better get moving,” Tansey giggled, walking away.

  We gathered the wheelchairs and loaded up, heading back to Grandpa’s house. Uncle Mike and Reel would have to hitch a ride or walk back.

  “How long before they wake up?” Wayne asked.

  “I have no idea,” I shrugged. “The folks in town will keep an eye on them, though.”

  Aunt Carol, Tansey, and Rod helped unload the boxes of files that Bridget and Tucker had “borrowed” from the former lawyer’s office. They sorted the piles by importance, and Tucker dug into the financial accounts to figure out the what, where, and why of Grandpa’s finances.

  I worked on Grandpa’s computer entering the expense receipts into the accounting software he used. I had three months balanced by the time I called for a break and went to the kitchen.