Resuscitate Me

by Leddy Harper

  Large, rough hands sliding up my bare side startled me. I jumped and peered over my shoulder at the man behind me. Carter stood there, silently observing me with narrowed eyes and tight lips. Concern was etched deep in his brow, as if it’d been chiseled into his expression. When I managed to glance down, peeling my stare from his, I noticed he wasn’t wearing a stitch of clothing.

  “W–what are you doing here, Carter?”

  He turned me around until I faced him, the water running over both of our bare bodies as the steam billowed around us. “You weren’t answering me. I tried to get you to stop before you left the hospital, but you didn’t. I called you a dozen times, but you didn’t answer the phone. So I followed you here. And when you didn’t answer the door, I let myself in. I was worried about you. I am worried about you. I could hear you crying from down the hall. You must not have heard me come in.” He ran his hands over my face, pulling the wet strands off my cheeks.

  That was my breaking point.

  I curled into him with my head against the hard planes of his chest, covered my face, and cried. I cried for my nephew. I cried for Danni—having to take care of everything alone. And I cried for me. For my inability to follow the rules where Carter was concerned. Because had I been able to do that, I would’ve welcomed him here to comfort me. I would’ve accepted his presence as nothing more than friendship, instead of the hope that blossomed in my chest. I knew why he was here, but that didn’t stop my heart from reacting to him the way it shouldn’t have.

  He peppered the side of my face with kisses, slowly ran his fingertips along my back in soothing strokes. He effortlessly eased my stress with whispered words and soft shushes. Before I knew it, my mouth was on his. His tongue glided over mine. My arms were around his neck. His hands were on my body.

  Carter pinned me against the wall without any of the force I’d grown used to. He slid his hands down my sides until he cupped my ass and lifted me off my feet, all while remaining tender in his touch and controlled in his kiss. The dominance I’d become accustomed to had vanished, although he remained steadfast in his power over my body.

  I wrapped my legs around his waist and locked my ankles behind him just as he entered me. It wasn’t the punishing thrusts from before, when he’d taken all of me with the impatience of a selfish man. This time, he took it slow. He dragged it out. When his eyes weren’t holding mine hostage, his lips were detaining my mouth. He never took his hands off me—one always holding me up while the other offered comforting strokes along any inch of skin he could touch.

  “You’re okay, Kara,” he whispered through the fog of the shower against my lips.

  My eyes closed, and in an instant, I found myself coming apart for him. His mouth took mine, rougher than before, needier and more desperate. And then his hips bucked, his ass clenching with his rigid thrusts. It carried me through my elongated orgasm, both of our bodies deflating at the same time.

  Without setting me on my feet, Carter rested his forehead against my shoulder.

  “I fucked up.” His words hit my skin in blasts of heated pressure.

  It wasn’t until he released me and set me down before I realized what he’d meant. He hadn’t pulled out. His come dripped down my inner thigh, mingling with the water cascading down my body. I reached between my legs and swiped at the thick substance before holding my fingers beneath the showerhead to wash it away.

  I didn’t look up at him as I said, “It’s okay. It’ll be okay.” I figured if I said it enough times it’d be true.

  Although, I didn’t believe it.

  * * *

  Logan didn’t end up getting stitches, just some fancy medical glue to hold the thin skin together long enough to heal. Carter never went home. He stayed with me in my room, curled up with me in my bed. We didn’t talk. Instead, he held me, my back to his chest, while I fell asleep.

  I hadn’t expected to see him in the morning.

  Things had changed between us—more than he knew.

  So I was surprised to find his arms around me, his lips on my skin, and the morning sun peeking through the slats in my blinds.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  “Morning. How’re you feeling?” Carter’s gruff voice slid along the back of my shoulder, followed by the sweetest kisses.

  I stilled, wondering if this was a dream. “I’m fine.”

  His arm tightened around my midsection and a long breath blew across the nape of my neck. “I think we should talk, Kara. About last night. About what happened in the shower.”

  My gut clenched. I wanted to relax into him and jump out of bed at the same time. I wanted to simultaneously kiss him and scream in his face. But I didn’t do any of those things. Instead, I remained in my frozen state with my back to his chest, his heart beating in time with mine. “There’s nothing to talk about, Carter.”

  “I didn’t pull out. I came in you. I think that deserves a discussion of…of whatever might occur because of it. We can’t just pretend it didn’t happen.”

  Finally, I freed myself from his hold and sat on the edge of the bed, still not giving him my attention. I let my head fall into my hands and ran my fingers through the wild strands. “I told you last night we’re fine. There’s nothing to talk about.”

  “Are you on the Pill? Birth control of any kind?”

  I didn’t answer him. I wanted to. I thought about lying and saying yes to appease him, but I couldn’t. I knew it wouldn’t be believable. He’d see right through me. So instead of giving him an answer I knew would only make him panic more, I didn’t say anything.

  The bed dipped and then went still. I knew he’d gotten up, but I couldn’t turn around to check. Then his bare feet came into my line of sight, directly in front of me. He knelt down and placed his hands on my knees, forcing me to look into his eyes. “I’d feel a lot more comfortable if we went to get one of those morning-after pills. Just to make sure.”

  The simmering rage boiled over. I stood up, knocking him off balance, and stepped away from where he crouched on the ground in front of the bed. “I’m not doing that, Carter. After all the shit I had to deal with yesterday, the last thing I want to do is go to the pharmacy and explain how my summer fling jizzed in me, and now I need backup protection. I don’t want to deal with that right now.”

  “We can’t wait, Kara.” He stood up, but didn’t make a move toward me, as if he knew my disposition was unstable. “It’s called the morning-after pill for a reason. And we have to deal with it at some point…better now than in a month when our options are different. Right?”

  “They make me sick. I don’t want to take them.” I prayed he didn’t ask me to elaborate.

  “Then what do you plan to do about it?”

  I pulled in a deep breath and fell against the wall, staring at the ceiling instead of his tortured gaze. “I know my body, all right? I know my cycle. I’m so regular, I could almost pinpoint to the hour when I’ll start my period. Trust me…we have nothing to worry about.”

  “I have no idea what that means.”

  “It means I start my period exactly every twenty-seven days. Which means my ovulation is on the same day of my cycle every single month. My period was over two weeks ago. There’s no way I’m ovulating now, so we have nothing to worry about.”

  Carter went to the dresser and grabbed his phone. With complete focus, he tapped on the screen and narrowed his eyes. It was as if I could hear him counting in his head. “Twenty-seven days? That makes your next period…on the nineteenth.”

  I nodded and added, “Three days before I leave.”

  “Which is in…” He turned his attention back to his phone. “One week from today.”

  “Exactly. So you don’t have to stress about it. In seven days, I’ll start my period, and you won’t have to worry about being saddled with me for eighteen years. Three days later, I’ll get on a plane, go back home, and you won’t ever have to see me again.”

  His eyes softened and his entire expression fell, as did his postur
e. He reacted to my words like they were tangible enough to knock the wind out of him. I wished I hadn’t seen that—it only added more hope to what he’d already given me. However, his actions were what tarnished those dreams and desires, so I knew it was all in my head.

  “That’s not what I meant, Kara.” He slowly made his way to me and held me carefully by my hips. “A kid is a big responsibility. This shouldn’t be taken lightly. You can’t blame me for being concerned I might’ve gotten you pregnant. It’s not like we’re together or even live in the same town—same state. So this goes beyond any normal oops.”

  I pushed him away and straightened my shoulders. “Just go, Carter. I’ll let you know in a week when I get my period. Please…leave.”

  Carter stood in place, staring at me as though he waited for some punch line to a joke. For me to leap into his arms and tell him I was just kidding. Finally, after nothing else was said, he quietly walked past me and out of the room.

  He was gone.

  I ran my hands through my hair and released an elongated sigh. It wasn’t relief, because I had nothing to be relieved for. It wasn’t happiness, because there wasn’t a trace of that emotion in me. It was simply acceptance. No matter how I felt about Carter Hastings…things were over. I had to accept that fact.

  After pulling on a pair of jean shorts and a tank top, I headed out to the living room. And then stopped dead in my tracks. Logan sat on the floor with his toy cars, running them along the carpet and making sputtering noises with his lips. On the bridge of his nose was the evidence of his accident yesterday, and it broke my heart to see the bruising beneath both eyes. But that wasn’t what halted my steps.

  The man next to him did.

  The man playing cars and sputtering along with him.

  Carter glanced up at me with a weak grin. It wasn’t forced, but it didn’t spread across his face like it normally did. The lines next to his eyes didn’t move, the creases next to his mouth didn’t deepen, and the dimple on his cheek never appeared. It was a sad smile.

  “What are you doing here, Carter?”

  He sat up straight, composing whatever emotion ran through him when I came into the room. “Well, I’d promised the little man I would beat up the table for hurting him. He reminded me when I came out here. So…” He glanced down at Logan and grinned—honestly this time. “We took care of it together and then decided to race. He wins every time. I’m just a slow driver.”

  Logan giggled and went back to playing with his cars. He had no clue what was going on between the two of us, nor did he seem to care.

  “Then I just figured I’d wait for you to come out.” The hesitation in his tone caught my attention and made me look him in the eyes. He stood up and held out his hand for me to take—I didn’t. “I wanna take you somewhere.”

  “I–I can’t. I have Logan, and he should probably stay here.”

  “I took the day off to be with him,” Danni said from the kitchen. I didn’t see her when I first walked in, although I was somewhat preoccupied. “Don’t worry about him. You should go with Carter and relax.”

  I narrowed my gaze at her, wondering what had happened in the few minutes before I emerged from my room. She’d been adamantly against Carter from the beginning, so her pushing us to be alone together caught me off guard, especially after I’d spent five days upset over his decision to end things.

  “What about you? I’m sure you need me here. You know…for support.”

  Danni cocked her head to the side and set her mug on the counter. “Really, Kara? Logan has had more ER visits than birthdays. I’m used to it by now. Trust me, I don’t need you here. In fact, I was kind of hoping to spend some time alone with him. I haven’t had any in a while.”

  “You just had a whole day with him two weeks ago when I spent your day off at Carter’s house.”

  “He’s my son, Kara.” She arched her brows and pursed her lips, which was her way of nicely calling me stupid. “I’d like to spend more than one day a month with him. Please…just go and have fun. We’ll be here when you get back.”

  I glanced at Carter, who hadn’t taken his eyes off me, and noticed the silent pleading in his expression. He appeared as though he held his breath waiting for me to agree. Realizing I had no more excuses, I relented.

  I said goodbye to Danni and Logan—giving my sister a stern look that said “we’ll talk about this later,” and snatched up my shoes before heading for the door. Relief flooded me when Tommy’s keys weren’t in the bowl. I barely remembered walking inside after the hospital, let alone what I’d done with the car keys.

  “I don’t have my keys. I can’t remember where I put them.”

  “You don’t need them. C’mon.”

  I crossed my arms, refusing to leave with him. “I’m not doing this, Carter. It was one thing when we were hanging out, but things have changed. I’m not riding with you.”

  “Well…” He rolled his eyes. “You don’t have keys, so it doesn’t look like you’re gonna drive yourself. You can either come with me, or I’ll carry you to the car. Either way, you’re coming. It’s up to you if you’re gonna walk or be carried over my shoulder.”

  The way he spoke to me, as if nothing had happened between us, made me eager to give in. But the voice in my head reminded me of everything he’d said the last time we were in his car and it left me hesitant. Going with him would only hurt me more. I knew this. But there wasn’t an argument I could come up with to get me out of leaving with him, and honestly, I didn’t really want to find one. I could probably go locate the keys easily—they were most likely in my purse or jeans. But I didn’t want to; I didn't have the energy, mental or otherwise. So I figured I’d give us this day. This one last day. And then fully accept the end of my summer fling.

  I followed him out to his car and let him open the door for me. As he drove, I watched his fingers twitch around the leather steering wheel. My heart believed he had to fight against the desire to hold my hand; however, my brain told me that was nonsense. Silent anguish hung in the air, which fully explained the tension.

  I was a little surprised when he pulled up to his house. I had no idea where he’d planned to take me, but his house wasn’t on the top of my list of expectations. Still, I didn’t question him and followed him inside. It wasn’t until he came back from his room holding my bathing suit that I realized his intentions.

  “I thought I’d never see this suit again,” I muttered as I took it from him.

  “Honestly, I hadn’t planned on giving it back.” His smirk helped break some of the ice encasing us. “Go change and meet me out on the beach.”

  When I made it down to the sand about five minutes later, I found him kicking his feet in the surf, his back to me. I remained quiet and took it all in for as long as I could, knowing I’d probably never get this chance again.

  His shoulders were broad, one side covered in art, the other as bare as a fresh canvas. The muscles between his shoulder blades flexed with every move he made. If it’d been in slow motion, they would’ve matched the rolling waves at his feet. His skin glowed under the mid-morning sun, slightly kissed by Mother Nature’s rays. I’d had my fingertips on every part of him, felt every ripple, ridge, tightness and softness of his body. My lips, my hands, my body, had molded to his so seamlessly it was as though he had become embedded in my pores, my veins, my…

  I had to shake off my thoughts before the pinpricks behind my eyes developed into something I didn’t want Carter to see. It’d do no good if he witnessed my unstable emotions regarding him. I’d grown attached to someone when I was only meant to be around for the summer—it happened exactly as he said it would. I was sure he knew, which was why he’d decided to end things before they became too messy, but I didn’t want to confirm it for him.

  Holding tight to my resolve, I stepped up next to him in the wading tide.

  “You don’t have work to take care of or anything today?”

  Carter stared intently at me for a moment before tur
ning his attention to the blurred horizon. “It can wait. I figured you needed this more than the gym needed me.”

  I huffed to myself, thankful the crashing waves were louder than my audible frustration. “This is nice, but I was fine at home. I feel horrible about what happened to Logan. I keep replaying it in my mind. He was in the recliner with his book. I was only gone for a few minutes—just around the corner.”

  Carter took my hand and turned us both so we faced each other. “It’s not your fault, Kara. Stop blaming yourself. He’s three. And he’s a boy. I was scaling the sides of my crib before I could walk. My mom said she made my dad cut off the legs to the crib and put the couch cushions around it.” His dimple became visible with the memories playing out in his head. “Apparently, she wanted to put a gate over the top of it with a lock, but my dad told her he worked for the government so that wouldn’t be the best option.”

  “I appreciate you trying to make me feel better, Carter,” I said and then shook my head, stepping away from him. “But I’m not his mother. I came here to watch him when Danni couldn’t. She trusted me to keep him safe.”

  “He’s alive, Kara.” Carter held me by the back of my neck and forced me to look at him. “You did keep him safe. You have to stop beating yourself up over this. Shit happens. Boys get bruises and scrapes and broken bones. We get black eyes and busted noses. By the time we graduate high school, we’ve bled at least once from every body part…except two. If a guy bleeds from those, he definitely wasn’t paying attention in health class.”

  And just like that, his words gave birth to laughter in my chest. It swirled into my gut and spilled out in raspy, pathetic giggles through my smiling lips. I dipped my head and closed my eyes, taking a moment to enjoy this feeling. It’d been six days since I’d felt contentment close to this, and I knew it wouldn’t last much longer. Even if Carter chose to spend my last week and a half with me, it wouldn’t stop my heart from breaking apart at thirty thousand feet in the air. I was doomed. All because I’d developed an emotional attachment to him. So I soaked up the carefree feeling he offered, and chose to live in this one moment.