Resuscitate Me

by Leddy Harper

  Everything about the man in front of me was perfect.

  “I only thought it was a good idea because it shows how no matter what happens, you’re still sexy. And the slogan is true; nothing can keep you down. I understand how it can make you feel, but please, trust me when I say I’d never suggest anything that’ll hurt you. And it’ll never be about money for me. I’d still love you if you only had two pennies to rub together.”

  His forehead came to rest on my shoulder, and his slow exhale seeped through my shirt, scorching my skin. “I don’t know how you do it, babe. But I pray like hell you never stop.”

  “Do what?”

  He lifted his head and stared longingly into my eyes. “It’s like you breathe life into me. You take away the pain and give me something I never realized I was missing. I’ve never met anyone like you before. You make me laugh, calm me when I’m fired up, and excite me when I’m down. You resuscitate me when I feel like I can no longer breathe.” He closed his eyes and whispered, “I don’t wanna hurt you.”

  I threaded my fingers through his hair and pressed my lips to his forehead. “You don’t hurt me, Carter.”

  He pushed me away enough to stand up. I didn’t miss the shadow of a grimace as his side stretched. “I know I gave my agent permission to disclose my business to you, but do me a favor and stop talking to her. Taking care of my gym is one thing, but I don’t need two women trying to sell me as some scarred sex object.” He leaned down and chastely kissed me.

  But that wasn’t enough for me. We hadn’t had sex—other than for the two minutes that one night he’d mauled me—and I found myself desperate for more than a quick peck on the lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him back for more.

  He growled into my mouth and then took a step back. “We have to take my mom to the airport.”

  “I can take her. You need to rest.” I walked away, asking over my shoulder, “Would you like to say bye to your mom before we leave?”

  His footsteps sounded behind me, muffled by the carpet. I turned around because he hadn’t answered my question, and as soon as I faced him, he took my face in his hands. His mouth covered mine. The fresh scent of pine and spice consumed my senses until I fell into him. When he licked my bottom lip, I opened and gave him access.

  When it ended, I was lightheaded and needed a moment to regain my strength.

  “Okay, now I can go say bye to my mom.” He opened the door and left me standing there with my heart racing and my hands shaking.

  I was truly sad to see Susan go. We’d grown close over the last two weeks since Carter and I made progress with our feelings. She’d really helped me understand him a lot more. But I was happy to get time alone with him. Having his mother under the same roof made things a little uncomfortable.

  “Have a safe flight, Mrs. Hastings.” I gave her a hug after pulling her bag from the trunk.

  “Please, child. How many times do I have to say to drop the formalities?”

  “Okay.” I took a second to garner the courage to use her first name. “Susan, it was great meeting you and spending time with you. I look forward to seeing you again.”

  She smiled, the dimple that mirrored Carter’s deepening on her cheek, and rubbed my arm in soothing strokes. I didn’t think she’d say anything until she turned around, craned her head to the side, and spoke over her shoulder. “That’s still a little too formal for me, but we’ll work on it.”

  Before I could say anything else, she was on her way through the glass doors.

  And I stood there like a baffled idiot.

  “I have fifteen minutes before my shift starts, so you’re going to have to talk fast.” Danni’s voice came through the speakerphone in the car as I pulled away from the airport. “And that doesn’t mean leave anything out.”

  “Well, I don’t even know where to start.” Ever since Carter and I had decided to be together, she’d been bugging me on a daily basis to tell her each day’s trials and tribulations. “I told him about the ad idea, and he flipped out.”

  “Did you seriously think he’d be excited about it?”

  “Yeah. He’s been in a funk about not being able to model, because that’s where most of his money comes from. He hasn’t outright said it, but I know he’s worried about how he’ll survive without that income. So I thought this would be good news.”

  “Kara, imagine you were attacked by a bear.”

  “A bear? You couldn’t come up with anything other than a bear?”

  “Shush, this is my story. It’s a bear. A big one with really sharp teeth.”

  “Are we still talking about me getting attacked by one, or are you practicing your storytelling for Logan?” I couldn’t hold back my snarky comment, or my giggles. She really made it too easy to pick on her.

  “Keep it up and it’ll eat you instead of just attacking you. Anyway…so imagine you have scars all along your body from his teeth and claws. No one else seems to have a problem with it, but it’s your body, so of course you’re insecure. Now how would you feel if I asked you to prance around in a bikini for a few bucks so I could take pictures of you and print them in magazines for the world to see?”

  “You make a good point, but instead of giving in to the insecurities, don’t you think it’d be best to show me there’s nothing to be self-conscious about? If you loved me, you should embrace everything there is about me and not let me hide.”

  She went silent for a minute, which meant she was contemplating my question. “True, but what do you plan to do, burn yourself to show him it’s okay?”

  Her question gave me an idea, but I wasn’t ready to discuss it with her. “No, of course not. But there has to be something I can do that’ll help him see his career isn’t over.”

  “That’s understandable.” Other voices began to filter through the line, which meant she’d walked into the hospital. I knew from experience I only had a few more minutes before she hopped on the elevator and lost service. “Have you talked to your mom yet?”

  “No. Not yet. I don’t want her to burst my bubble.”

  “Then don’t let her. But hey, I’m about to step into the elevator. Call me later.”

  I disconnected the call and drove the rest of the way back to Carter’s house in silence, contemplating what I’d do. I knew I had to eventually inform my mother that I wouldn’t be coming back—well, I would, but only long enough to move my things out of her house. Just thinking of that phone call gave me anxiety. And I really wanted to find a way to prove to Carter that taking ads reflective of his accident wasn’t a bad thing.

  The house was quiet when I walked in, and I found him asleep on the bed. I quietly closed the door and went across the house to the in-home gym, where I could talk freely on the phone without waking him. My first call was to make an appointment for me. The second was to my mom.

  “I knew this would happen. As soon as you told me they’d given you the time off, I knew you were lying to me. Kara,” she said with a sigh into the phone, “I’m so disappointed in you. You spent all that time in school, studying to be a teacher, and you threw it all away.”

  “I didn’t throw it away, Mom. I can still teach. My degree isn’t useless.”

  “Well, have you found a job?”

  “I’m going to help Carter with his gym.”

  “So you’ve decided to move there without any form of income. Not the smartest decision you’ve ever made.”

  I pulled the phone away from my ear, unable to tolerate her lectures any longer. When the drone of her voice drifted away, I went back to the call and closed my eyes, praying I’d be able to get it all out without her interrupting me. “Mom, this isn’t your choice to make. It’s mine. And I’ve made up my mind. I choose Carter, because I love him. I didn’t give up my career. I gave up my position in that one school. But that’s the beauty of my job, now isn’t it? I can find one anywhere.”

  “At the beginning of the year?”

  “Possibly. But I don’t have to worry about
that yet. I can work at the gym until I find a school that’ll take me.”

  “And how do you plan to support yourself in the meantime?”

  My eyes stung with the onslaught of tears. Just once I wished my mother could accept me for who I was and stop trying to make me into her. I’d never be her. I made irrational decisions from time to time. I could be impulsive while also sifting through the information given to me. Following my heart wasn’t bad; it led me to Carter.

  “I have savings. Not to mention, Danni and Tommy live here.”

  “Tommy is away and Danni has enough on her plate. Do you really think she’d be okay with you living off her?” Her voice had begun to rise, and if she didn’t calm down, it was only a matter of time before my dad got on the line. And whether he agreed with me or not, he’d always take her side. I didn’t blame him, considering he had to live with her. But it didn’t make things any easier when he sided with her instead of me, leaving me defenseless against her attacks.

  “Danni is fully aware of what’s going on, and she’s willing to help me out any way I need it. You don’t need to concern yourself with her. In fact, you don’t need to worry about me, either. I’m an adult and I know what I’m doing. You may not agree with it, but it’s not your life, so it shouldn’t matter.” I had to take a deep breath. I’d never spoken to her with that tone before. Part of me felt great for finally getting that off my chest and standing up to her, but the other part was sad. No one, no matter the age, should ever have to speak to their parent like that. And that’s what bothered me the most.

  I’d spent a considerable amount of time with Susan, and during her visit, she taught me how a real relationship should be between a parent and a child. I’m not saying she’s perfect, because I’m sure she made her fair share of mistakes, but the level of respect she’d shown Carter left me grieving for the relationship I’d missed out on with my own mother.

  Mom’s sharp sniffle filtered through the line and it shattered my heart. “One day, you’ll know what it’s like to want the best for your child. Maybe then you’ll finally understand why I have a hard time sitting back and watching you make mistakes, when I know you’re so much smarter than that. I love you, Kara, and I’ll support any decision you make. But that doesn’t mean I have to sit here and keep my mouth shut when I see you heading down the wrong path.”

  “But that’s just it, Mom. I’m not making a mistake. Or maybe I am, but at least it will be something to learn from. And I won’t know unless I try, right? You’re the one who told me I’d never learn to ride a bike until I took off the training wheels. Do you remember that? You sat in the driveway with me and told me if I fell, I had to take it as a lesson to know what to do the next time. You told me it didn’t matter how many times I fall, because you’d always be there to pick me back up and kiss my scrapes. I know I’m not six anymore, but that shouldn’t change anything.”

  “You’re absolutely right,” she whispered, her emotions thick in every syllable. “I’m so sorry. I’m always here for you. Sometimes you just have to put me in my place and remind me what my role is in your life. It’s hard to watch your baby girl grow up and not need you anymore.”

  “I never said I didn’t need you. I’ll always need you. But it’s easier to come to you when I feel like you’re on my side.”

  “I love you, Kara Lynn.”

  My head fell into my hand and I smiled past my tears. “I love you too, Mom.”

  The door slowly creaked open. I didn’t need to look up to know he’d overheard my conversation. His soft steps and unhurried motions told me enough. He knelt down on the floor in front of me and cupped my face. “You okay, babe?”

  “She doesn’t get it.”

  “She doesn’t have to.” He wiped my tears away and tucked my hair behind my ear. “Wanna go somewhere?”

  That caught my attention. For the past two weeks since coming home from the hospital, he hadn’t wanted to go anywhere. He’d seemed perfectly content staying inside and watching TV or sleeping. “Where?”

  He shrugged. “Wherever you wanna go.”

  “Ice cream always cheers me up…”

  He grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet with him. “Then let’s go get some.”

  * * *

  “I think we should go get your things sooner rather than later,” Carter said as we sat in a booth in the back of the frozen yogurt parlor.

  “We agreed we’d wait until you were all better.”

  “How about next week?” It was as if he completely ignored me.

  “Two weeks would be better.” I knew he was about to argue, so I continued. “Next week they’re moving all the equipment in for the obstacles. They’re going to need one of us there to make sure it’s done right. So I think we should wait until that’s all said and done before taking a few days off.”

  He nodded and focused on the sprinkles in his yogurt. I watched him shiver, and then noticed the gooseflesh covering his arms.

  “Why didn’t you bring a jacket?”

  His hard eyes met mine. “Because this is Florida, Kara. People don’t go out in the middle of summer with jackets. It’d be embarrassing.”

  “But you’re cold…”

  “It happens. I’m learning to get used to it.” He went back to stirring the spoon in his cup.

  I pulled myself from the booth and tossed what was left of my treat into the trash.

  “What are you doing? I thought you wanted that.”

  I held my hand out for his. “I did, but I’d rather you be comfortable. I don’t want to sit here if you’re cold. Let’s go home and wrap up in blankets in front of a movie. I’ll even let you pick this time.”

  “My choice?” His interest now piqued, he slid out of the booth. “So…I can choose Rambo? RoboCop? Oh!” His eyebrows rose in excitement. “James Bond?”

  “Sure, Carter. Whichever one you want. Just don’t be surprised if I grab a book or fall asleep.”

  He lowered his mouth to my ear and whispered, “I’ll keep you awake.”

  After about thirty minutes into the movie, Carter was asleep. I decided to utilize the time to take care of things at the gym. I hadn’t expected to be gone long, but there ended up being more waiting for me than anticipated.

  Needless to say, when I got back home, Carter wasn’t happy.

  “Where’d you go?” he asked from the couch after I walked in.

  “I was up at the gym. I went in to run payroll and ended up writing the schedule, too. I thought Jeannine was taking care of it, but she left it for me. Then there were a few machines I had to call on for repairs and the window washers never came. So I had to get them out there because the front looked like shit.” I sat down next to him and immediately noticed his rigid posture. “What’s wrong?”

  “I woke up and you weren’t here.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t think I’d be gone long.”

  He fixated his gaze on the sliding glass door.

  “I’m sorry, Carter. You were asleep. I figured it would’ve been a good time to take care of some things. You know how one thing turns into fifteen when handling that place.”

  He didn’t respond, only blinked as he focused on the scene through the glass.

  “Do you want to go outside?”

  “No.”

  “We can sit on the patio.”

  “I said no.”

  I carefully shifted on the couch until I straddled his thighs, but I made sure to keep my weight off him. I took his face in my hands and made him look at me. “Don’t shut me out. If you’re upset, I understand, but I told you where I was. And I said I was sorry. I don’t know what you want if you don’t tell me. I can’t make it better if I don’t know what’s bothering you.”

  “I was just disappointed when I woke up and you were gone. I called you, but you left your phone on the nightstand. I’m not mad. I’m not upset. I understand now where you were, but I need a moment to get over it.”

  “Can you have your moment in the bedroo
m?” I asked against his lips.

  “Maybe…”

  “There’s something I really wanted to taste earlier, but you fell asleep before I could. And now…I can’t think of anything better to help you deal with your moment.”

  “Did you have wine at the gym?”

  I pulled away and knitted my brow in confusion. “No, why?”

  “You said wine makes you this way. I was just curious.”

  “Well, for your information, love makes me this way, too.”

  “Then I’m gonna love you forever.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  I woke up to an empty bed. The extra blankets piled high where they’d been moved out of the way. The moon shone through the blinds, so I grew worried when I realized Carter wasn’t next to me. The bathroom door was ajar and the lights were off. I couldn’t see any light filtering in through the bottom of the bedroom door. Panicked, I walked out to see where he was.

  On the patio with nothing but the moon to light the way, I found him sitting on the lanai couch with a blanket behind him, draped over his bare shoulders to fight off the chill he always seemed to have. He didn’t notice me as he stared out onto the beach. As still as he was, if I hadn’t seen his eyes opened, I would’ve thought he was asleep.

  I slid the patio door aside and caught his attention, but no words were spoken until I made it to the seat next to him. “Why are you out here? Are you in pain? Did you have another nightmare? Why didn’t you wake me up?”

  “Kara.” His deep voice, heavy with sleep or apprehension, stifled my frantic interrogation. “You don’t have to ask me a million questions at once. No, I’m not in pain. I came out here so I didn’t wake you. And no, it’s not because of a nightmare. Quite the opposite to be exact.”

  “What does that even mean?”

  He laid his hand on my thigh. “Do you realize we haven’t had sex in nearly two months? Every time I try, you push me away and think you can suck my dick and I’ll be okay.”

  “You’re still healing, Carter.” I chose to not mention the night he climbed on top of me.