Heartfelt

by Lynn Crandall

  Asia got up from her bed and tossed off her shoes, slipped out of her dress, and got ready for bed.

  Maybe she was giving up too fast. She wasn’t one to give up on something so easily. She pulled up the covers and settled under them, letting the feel of satin against her skin assuage her sorrow.

  The timing had been all wrong, that’s all. Her expanded telepathy took a lot of her energy. Colony activities required full-on effort from every cat, including her. And now with the possibility that her mother was one of the missing homeless, she needed to put her hope for a normal life on hold. At least for now.

  • • •

  Asia lay on her back, staring at nothing. A hard knot twisted in her stomach. Her mind rolled and rolled, trying out different ideas for finding her mother. She knew she should simply let it go and allow Sterling and Lacey to do their job.

  She turned on her side and fought with the covers. Images of her mother lying in a bed, a subject in some terrible drug test, dogged her. Her mother had let her down so many times in her childhood, leaving scars on Asia’s heart. But the whole truth included that her mother had grown up in a dysfunctional family, as well. Her parents weren’t alcoholics or substance abusers, but they had been unstable and sorely ill equipped to love and nurture a child. While from the outside the family looked normal and healthy, the opposite was true.

  She groaned inwardly. Her mother’s parents had kicked her out of the family, forbidden her to return or try to make contact, when she was just nineteen years old. Her crime? She’d dated a boy her parents disapproved of.

  Asia imagined the overwhelming sorrow and loneliness her mother must have endured. It was no wonder she’d numbed herself with booze and drugs and believed the first man to say he loved her. And where was he when her mother was pregnant with Asia? Gone. Asia had never known her father and had no idea if he was alive. She didn’t carry his last name and she didn’t even know what it was.

  She understood that her mother had made poor choices, but she’d tried. The wounding went too deep. No one had been there for her or to show her fundamental survival skills.

  No one had loved her genuinely.

  Except Asia. Her love persisted through many trials.

  Asia sat up. She didn’t know for sure that her mother was in harm’s way, but she wouldn’t leave her alone in what could be the worst of all her struggles.

  At four in the morning she climbed out of bed and hurried into the shower. Her plan expanded in detail as she let the water flow over her head. It hit a wall as she was soaping up. She rinsed, toweled off, and dressed in dark yoga pants and a dark hoodie. Standing in front of the bureau mirror looking at her image, she could have laughed. She felt very cloak and dagger, playing at Nancy Drew. But inside, a somber note thrummed. She wasn’t playing at anything; she was ready to fight to save her mother.

  She was going downtown, down by the river where many homeless men and women camped for the night on a piece of ground under a large bridge that spanned the Laurelwood River. But she knew better than to tackle this project alone. She picked up her cellphone and called Conrad.

  “Yeah?” His raspy, sleepy voice came over the line.

  “I need your help. Are you awake enough to listen?”

  “Of course. What’s up?”

  Urgent need to get moving pushed her. She explained her plan to go among the homeless and listen. To unobtrusively listen to their thoughts in search of clues to why some of them had gone missing.

  “Do you think you’re ready for that? You’ve been going nuts trying to control your telepathy. Do you think it’s a good idea to put your brain through soliciting human thoughts when you’ve been trying to keep them out?” Conrad’s voice was not quiet. When he was quiet, it was usually a reliable clue that he was not alone.

  She was used to his lifestyle, but inexplicably the thought that he was not with a woman lifted her mood. “I’ve got to do something. I’m going to do this with or without you.”

  The space between them was silent. She waited, resolute.

  “You’d go without me?” he whined.

  She chuckled. “You nut. So you’re going?”

  “Yes. I’ll pick you up in thirty minutes.”

  While waiting for Conrad, Asia grabbed a photograph of her mother. She held it in her hand and just looked at her mom, her heart heavy. It had been taken a few years ago when her mom was clean. She stuffed it in her pocket and went to the kitchen to brew coffee and toast a bagel. She slathered on a thick layer of peanut butter on half of the bagel and started adding cans of food, bread, and apples from her own stock into her backpack. She didn’t buy bottles of water, but right now she wished she had.

  She grabbed her notebook and sat down to eat. The coffee brought her to life and the bagel hit the spot. She chewed on it while flipping through her notes from the Sage press conference. Did she miss anything that might elucidate TNG’s plans for the preserve, beyond what Sage announced? Provide a safe haven for animals, he’d said. He named several kinds of animals. What sounded a warning in her head was his mention of lynxes. Yes, reason for concern existed regarding lynx populations. Canadian lynx were considered a threatened species and Iberian lynx, native to Europe, were severely endangered. Eurasian lynx had been extirpated in their habitat in Western Europe.

  But Sage and TNG certainly were not in the animal preserve business out of love of animals. They were playing with DNA. Asia shook her head. They imagined themselves as gods, interfering with evolution and the natural order of life.

  A knock at the door preceded Conrad’s voice. “Asia, it’s Conrad.” He walked into the kitchen and surveyed her. “You’re working?”

  “No. I’m trying to puzzle out what the big picture is with our friends, TNG. Want something to eat? Coffee?”

  “No, I’ve had breakfast and coffee already. Have you found any useful pieces in the puzzle?”

  “No,” she called from the hall. “I’m going to brush my teeth and I’m ready to go.”

  When she walked back into the kitchen she stopped. Conrad was perusing her notes, but he looked up and met her gaze. “I read your article about this preserve. You did a good job.”

  He continued to stare at her and she wondered why his eyes had turned dark, somber. “Thank you. There’s so much more to the story.”

  “Yeah. We’ll figure it out.” He dropped his gaze to the table. “What you’re about to attempt is serious. It could mess with your mind.”

  She twisted her fingers together. “I’m going to take that chance. I have to. You know that.”

  He nodded. “You don’t know that your mother is one of the missing homeless.”

  “You’re right, but—”

  “You have to find out.” He finished her sentence and pulled at a lock of her hair, staring at it. The not so casual gesture set off questions in her head. Conrad dropped the lock and proceeded as if nothing out of the ordinary had just happened. “Okay, then. Let’s get going.”

  Puzzled by Conrad’s gesture, Asia picked it apart in her mind, looking for significance. It didn’t fit. She shook her head to clear her mind, and followed Conrad out the door and into his Rover.

  The drive downtown took twenty minutes. Twenty minutes of silence. They agreed she should focus on keeping herself protected. She’d been working on different tactics, primarily holding the intention of letting others’ thoughts drift through her awareness but not allowing them to grab her attention. This instance would present challenges because she would be connecting and accepting thoughts of one person at a time.

  “Are you ready?” Conrad parked the car in an inconspicuous spot down an alley near the bridge.

  “I am.”

  “Don’t leave me far behind and keep breathing.” He gave her a smile that steadied her.

  They strode together toward a small group of people huddled beneath raggedy blankets. She approached one woman already up and cooking something in a can over a fire.

  Suddenly feeling very awkwa
rd, Asia reviewed her plan. She didn’t want to intrude or pummel anyone with questions. Reaching inside her backpack, she pulled out two apples and walked closer to the woman.

  “What do you want, girlie?” The woman’s gravelly voice suggested she’d been a smoker for too long.

  “I’m sorry to intrude. My name is Asia and this is my friend Conrad. We have some extra food and thought you might like some of it.” She held out the apples and the woman took them, quickly shoving them into one of her bags.

  The woman’s eyes brightened. She looked to be in her fifties. Her smell invaded Asia’s nose, but she ignored it. “What’s your name?”

  “My name is Marissa, but most people around her call me Candy.” Why all these questions? Be careful, Candy.

  Asia’s insides started. Candy’s thoughts had entered her own mind effortlessly. Now she needed a single, controlled connection to Candy’s thoughts and not a symphony of thoughts from everyone.

  “Why are you up so early, Candy?” Conrad crouched closer to the woman.

  She eyed him and said nothing. Minutes passed as Candy stirred the food in the can. Asia narrowed her focus on the woman, opening her mind to Candy.

  “I don’t want to get caught.” The woman looked over her left shoulder and then her right. Don’t talk to these people. They might be some of them who take people away.

  Asia crouched next to Conrad. “What do you mean you don’t want to get caught?”

  Again, the woman surveyed first Conrad, Asia, and then her surroundings. You’re not getting anything out of me. Candy is too smart for that.

  It all came tumbling in again, turning Asia’s mind into a roomful of chattering people.

  That girlie is pretty. I’m going to get closer. I’d like a nice whiff of perfume for a change.

  I wonder if I can get close enough to sneak those apples away from Candy.

  Watch out, Candy.

  She shook her head, trying to refocus solely on a singular connection.

  Conrad put his warm hand on her shoulder. “Tune them out,” he whispered in Asia’s ear.

  She pulled in big gulps of air and let them out slowly. Shoving the thoughts to the back of her mind proved easier than a few days ago. It encouraged her to try again with Candy.

  Conrad took his cue. He flashed his magnetic smile at Candy. “Why do people call you Candy? Is it because you like candy?”

  “No. It’s because I am an heiress to a candy fortune.” Candy sniggered and shot him a sly smile. He’s cute. Seems like if they were going snatch me they’d have done it already. Them others took people real fast.

  Appreciation filtered through Asia that this telepathy project was working. It boosted her confidence in her ability. She slanted her head and smiled. “Candy, I have more food if you want it or I can hand it out to the others.” She took in the others lying around the bridge for shelter.

  Candy squinted her eyes. “What do you want? You never did say.” There’s always a catch. Nobody ever hands out gifts anymore.

  Asia pulled out the bagels from her backpack and handed them to the woman. “No strings attached. I can see you’re in need of a little help, that’s all. But I do have a question I’d appreciate some help with, if you don’t mind. You’ll still get the food either way.”

  “Hmmph. What’s the question?” Candy grabbed the bagels and shoved them into the same bag.

  “I wonder if you know my mother.”

  “What? Your mother? How would I know your mother?” This girlie is crazy. Can’t she see I’m down on my luck? Everyone not down on their luck avoids me.

  “Because she … ” Asia stumbled on the words. Conrad took her hand and squeezed it, sending his support streaming throughout her body. She savored it and returned her attention to Candy. “My mother drinks too much. She takes drugs. She’s homeless, and I haven’t seen her in three months. I just wonder if you know her. Her name is Cindy.” She pulled the photograph out of her pocket and showed it to Candy. “She’s in her forties and she has dark hair like me.”

  Oh, my. How do I tell her?

  “You mean Cinnamon.” The woman dropped her gaze and fingered the bag on her lap.

  “You know her? You’ve seen her?”

  “I do know her. She’s a loner but she’s real nice.” She kept her eyes downcast. I don’t want to tell her.

  “She is nice, except when she’s drunk or high. When she’s doing those things, she can be difficult to get along with. She takes off. It’s okay, I know those things about my mother and I love her anyway. She’d be safer with me, but I don’t know where she is.”

  I didn’t know Cinnamon had a daughter. I thought she was all alone, like me. Candy stared out into the early morning and shook her head. “You’ve been so kind, I don’t want to hurt you.”

  Asia’s heart sunk to her feet. She didn’t want to hear something painful, but she had to find out about her mother. “Do you know where she is?”

  “She’s one of them was taken by those people.”

  Asia felt Conrad’s touch to her shoulder. She closed her eyes, taking in the possibility her mom was in trouble. But letting go of her hold on the connection with Candy left her mind open to the waterfall of thoughts that poured from around the camp.

  Who are those two with Candy? She better watch out.

  Candy better not get us all in trouble.

  Why doesn’t everyone shut up? It’s early and I’m tired.

  Asia breathed deeply, letting the cacophony filter out. “When did that happen?”

  “It’s been a long while. I don’t know. Probably before spring set in. Yeah. It was cold. I know that because it bothered me that the people took her and left her blankets and all her belongings behind.” She stood and wrestled through her bags until she found something. “I kept her stuff, like these blankets and things, hoping she’d be back for them. You can take them with you.” She handed over a dusty, smelly bag.

  Asia set it on the ground and dug around inside. Her heart thumped painfully as she surveyed her mother’s belongings. A comb, a ratted blanket, some dirty shirts and pants, and a bar of soap in a plastic bag. Beneath a half-empty bottle of vodka she found a small picture in a scratched and grubby plastic cover. She pulled it up close and swallowed back a sob in her throat.

  “That’s you, ain’t it?” Candy pointed to the picture of a young Asia sitting on her mother’s lap. “I always tell her she ought to go back home, but she says it’s too late for her. I don’t know why.”

  Asia sniffed and swiped away the tears on her cheeks. “Thank you, Candy. I appreciate your help.” She and Conrad shook the woman’s hand and turned to leave.

  “You find your momma. She’s a good woman.” Candy waved, then slumped down in front of her fire.

  Behind the wheel in his Rover, Conrad drove away from the river. “Where to now, Asia?”

  Tangled in a web of her churning thoughts and needs, she was slow to answer. More than ever she wanted to be with someone who loved her and would care for her in this moment of not knowing if she would ever see her mother again.

  “Surprise me.” Her voice came out flat to her own ears, but she didn’t have to mask anything for Conrad.

  “I’d say your place or mine.”

  “That was a surprise.” Was he making a suggestion about intimacy?

  “I don’t know about you but a shower is the next thing on my agenda.” He wriggled and made a face. “I can feel bugs crawling in all kinds of places. So, I suggest we go to your place or mine and clean up ASAP. Then we talk.”

  “My place is closer,” she said.

  “Your place it is.”

  Chapter Eight

  “Ahh … that’s better.” Conrad walked into the living room and found Asia around the corner in the kitchen. “Thanks for loaning me a shower and towel.” Dressed in jeans and a white T-shirt that clung pleasantly to her body, Asia seemed oblivious to his acute awareness of her. That was good. He could go into his head and attempt to find out why h
e’d been reacting to her in this new way. Figuring things out was his thing.

  Instead, he just let the sensations of pleasure live in his body while he headed to the living room.

  “You’re welcome.” She walked into the living room carrying two mugs of fresh coffee. She handed one to Conrad and set the other one on the end table for herself. “There’s more.”

  He eased onto the couch and grinned. “I smell bacon. A woman after my own heart.”

  Asia set a plate of bacon strips and toast on the end table and plopped into the upholstered chair next to the couch. An early morning sunrise painted the sky outside the window with wisps of pinks and blues. Though it had been less than an hour since he and Asia were in the darkness of the downtown, it seemed like much longer.

  “That was quite an experience this morning.” He grabbed a piece of toast. “Humans. They do the darnedest things. Were-cats would never—”

  “Stop right there. Don’t presume to know what those humans have been through or that simply poor choices brought them to that low spot.”

  He held up his hands. “Okay, you’re right. But I have observed plenty of human behavior. It seems to me that as a general rule, they don’t manage their lives very well. They don’t plan well, they mistreat one another, and they don’t learn from their mistakes.”

  “As opposed to were-cats, who have everything under control? Is that what you’re suggesting?”

  He knew she would never admit that his observations of human behavior were spot on. It was a point they’d always differed on. Asia was a bleeding heart and he was, well, not.

  “I’m sorry I offended you. Forgive me?”

  Asia sighed. “Yes. But this discussion isn’t over yet.”

  “Oh, I know.” He watched outside as the sun spread more light into the morning. Birds twitted and the sounds of cars on the nearby street meant the day had officially begun. He glanced into Asia’s face and caught her staring at him. “What?”

  “I was thinking about how helpful you were this morning. You treated Candy with genuine kindness. It made her trust us and I got the information I wanted. Thank you.” She reached out to him and patted his leg.