Heartfelt

by Lynn Crandall

  Her touch sent lightning up and down his body. He cleared his throat. “I told you I’d be there for you. And she seemed decent. Not completely mental.”

  “You can try to fool me but I know you too well. You were touched by her situation as much as I was.”

  Had he been moved? By a human? He swirled the idea around in his head, testing it out. “She was useful.”

  Asia grabbed a couch pillow and threw it in his face. “Liar.”

  “Shouldn’t we be discussing what we learned?”

  She dropped a heavy sigh. “Yes, you’re right. We probably should let Casey know. My main concern, though, is finding my mom. Besides, Michelle promised to tell Casey about what we’d learned. I’m surprised he hasn’t called a meeting yet.”

  “Kennedy and I did some research yesterday afternoon that we need to discuss with the colony.”

  Asia perked up, her eyes intensifying her gaze on him. “What did you find out? I can’t believe you haven’t said something already.”

  He ran his fingers through his hair. “Why haven’t I? Oh, that’s right. You were on a date with Gavin.” Jealousy grumbled around in his stomach, but he quickly tamped it down. He rubbed his hands over his eyes. Jealousy? The idea stuttered in his brain. Oh my God. It was an emotion he hadn’t felt before, especially not with Asia.

  He studied her, hoping she didn’t suspect anything amiss. She stared at the floor and twisted a lock of her hair.

  “Yes. I was on a date with Gavin.” She directed her dark eyes to him and he caught his breath. He saw so much pain in her eyes, but he kept quiet. “I don’t understand why you have a problem with him.”

  “I don’t want you to get hurt. I mean that, Asia. You’re my best friend. When you hurt, I hurt.”

  She straightened her back and faced him directly. “So, it’s about you.”

  He shook his head. “No, that didn’t come our right. I meant, your pain is my pain. I want you to be happy.”

  “Again, you’re thinking only of yourself. She stood up tall in front him, her eyes like daggers aimed at his face. “If you truly cared about me, as you say you do, you would support my dreams. Me being happy with a human, having a normal life, that is what would bring you happiness, not me dropping my dreams and settling for a life I don’t want.”

  Conrad stretched his legs and stood tall above her. The pain in her voice and on her face plucked at his agonized heart. But her assertion was all wrong, and it was starting to make his blood boil. “You don’t get it. I know being a were-lynx has its challenges. Belonging to Casey’s colony has brought us all into the crosshairs of truly evil people. But to me, it’s all nothing compared to what I experience as a were-lynx.”

  “Oh really?” She spit out the words as though she hated him. “If you’re so happy as a were-lynx, why do you date, no, bed human women? If you’re so complete as a were-lynx, why do you seek human companionship and then drop them as soon as they attempt to get close to you?”

  She stood under his chin, her face, full of emotion, tilted up close to his. Heat emanated from her body. Her eyes blazed.

  “I’m a mess. I admit it. We both have issues. You’re trying to make up for a past you should never have had. Gavin will never understand you as a lover should. He won’t make up for the terrible things that happened to you.”

  “Oh you say so!”

  “I do.”

  Her face still inches from his, Asia didn’t back down. “You think you know so much.”

  The strain pulling at his heart made it hard for him to hold his stance. “No. No, I don’t, Asia. But what I do know is you deserve a life in which you can be direct and forthright with your love. He should be someone you can tell everything and share everything with.”

  “You think I can’t have that with a human male?”

  “Have you told Gavin you’re a were-lynx? Do you have plans to tell him?”

  “I don’t have to. I can make it work without him knowing.”

  “No. You would be squelching your true self. And, Asia, you are amazing. You need to be you, no holding back.”

  Her eyes softened and her shoulders went slack. Tears began tripping down her cheeks.

  “What is this? I’m sorry … I’m just trying to save you from heartache.” Geez, what I rat I am. I’ve made her cry.

  “Don’t be sorry. I’m just a little sad. Gavin dumped me.”

  “Oh, honey.” He pulled her close and kissed the top of her head, just as he often had over the years of their friendship. But this time his heart faltered. He had been jealous of Gavin. He was in love with Asia.

  Tentatively, he kissed one tear away, then another. He couldn’t help himself. But he had to stop. She didn’t want this kind of stuff from him. He was ruining everything.

  His hands firmly grasping her upper arms, Conrad shoved her apart from their embrace. “I’m so sorry. Gavin should be whipped a thousand times. He’s a fool to let you go.”

  She slanted her head and stared. Her lips parted. Apparently she was speechless. He shifted on his feet, wishing the awkward moment could be retracted.

  Then she smiled. “Well, maybe only a few lashes of a whip.”

  She rested her head against his chest, not knowing the agony she brought to him. How could this be? He loved her. And there was nothing to be done about it.

  She pulled back and walked to the kitchen. “Want a warm up of your coffee?”

  “Yeah, sure, if you’ve got enough.” He paced the floor while she was in the next room. The awareness of his feeling for her washed over him and saturated his every cell. Everything about her now teased his senses like some exotic dance. He had to stop this, but he didn’t want to. Not one bit.

  “Here you go.” She handed Conrad his coffee and they both sat back down in their respective seats. Silence stretched between them.

  “You know, you’re right. You should do whatever you feel is right for you. I just don’t agree that a human will be a good match.”

  She dropped her gaze. “Why is everything so complicated? I tried with Gavin; it just didn’t work. I didn’t feel any connection. No spark. I liked him and I wanted it to work, but that wasn’t enough. He felt it, too. The lack of spark. I don’t blame him for ditching me.” She sniffed, and Conrad knew she was going for a stiff upper lip. “I thought I was done with all the inner work. I thought I just needed a change now. But if you’re right, then I am looking at the whole life thing in the wrong way.”

  He sipped his coffee and let her talk.

  “Thanks for being there for me, even though you don’t see things my way.” Her eyes got distant and she sat quietly for more minutes than was comfortable.

  He fingered the grain of the fabric that covered his chair and watched her process the breakup. The way her mind worked fascinated him. He’d always appreciated it but in this moment she seemed so precious, so vulnerable.

  “You’ve always been there for me, Conrad.” She focused bright and glistening eyes on him. “Remember how you used to sneak out extra food for me and my mom from the soup kitchen you worked at? I knew at the time it was wrong, but I really appreciated the food.”

  He traced the rim of the coffee mug with his finger. “I didn’t steal it from the kitchen. I got it from my parents’ kitchen.”

  She sat upright. “What? You never told me that. You handed me bags of food when I saw you at the kitchen. I just assumed you snuck it out from there.”

  “I wouldn’t steal from a soup kitchen, Asia. Good grief. I’m not a louse.” No, he’d never told her where the food came from. But it had quickly become a priority to make sure his friend had enough food. “What, you think I would let my BFF go hungry when my parents have so much?”

  “I didn’t think. We lived in completely different worlds. I was so grateful for your contributions and your friendship. I don’t want to get all sappy on you here, but seriously, Conrad, you’ve done so much for me. And I’ve done nothing for you.”

  Discomfort at this atte
ntion sent Conrad twisting in his seat. “You’ve been my friend. You’ve been there when my life was bottoming out. I was a rich kid, what right did I have to know sorrow and pain?” Frustration and bitterness colored his words. “But you understood. People don’t take rich kids seriously. We don’t have anything to be pained about or any reason to feel depressed and lonely. But it’s a big façade. The children of affluent parents live distressed lives, expected to be perfect: perfectively beautiful, perfectively fashionable, perfectively eloquent, perfectively successful, perfectively social. And of course, perfectly happy. I’m not saying every wealthy family is dysfunctional, but a rich kid’s life isn’t unencumbered. If it weren’t true, why would so many of us commit crimes and get away with them? If we’re so fortunate why do we have eating disorders and substance abuse, even depression?”

  “Too much pressure and too many things versus a lot of unconditional love makes for acting out and higher suicide rates.” Her voice went low at the mention of suicide.

  Conrad’s attempt at suicide in the early years of their friendship was something neither of them wanted to remember. But it would always be in his soul that Asia befriended him at the point where he just needed to stop the pain. He’d been so weary of trying and not getting any relief that he had made preparations. It was an easy play. Just overdose on his mother’s anxiety meds and go to sleep. Relief was near.

  Then relief of a different sort came into his life and it was named Asia. She’d been the were-lynx he clung to when he just couldn’t see a way out. She’d stayed with him when he was consumed in sorrow over lack of meaning and unconditional love. And she’d been at his side when he’d needed grounding in a new way of living.

  Their gazes collided, each knowing the journey they’d been on together but still willing to stick together.

  “I guess we’ve both been through tough times. And the battle for finding true happiness and meaning isn’t done.” Her lips came together in a perfect little pout. “Darn it.”

  Her quip split open the mood and sunshine entered Conrad’s heart. He unleashed a hearty laugh and adored her even more.

  Simultaneously, each of their cellphones vibrated. “I’m betting this is Casey,” Conrad said.

  “Yup, an emergency colony meeting at Casey’s parents’ house.” Asia smiled. “Cool. I like Jerry and Camille’s house and property. Think we’ll get a chance for a run while we’re there?” She jumped up and headed down the hall, while Conrad stood and watched her, mesmerized by her lovely behind.

  He turned away before she caught him. The realization that he loved her more than as a friend would remain the ache in his heart. He wouldn’t trouble her with that complication or risk losing her friendship.

  “I don’t know. It is the weekend.”

  “Perfect.” The smile on her face as she walked back up the hallway tripped his heart. “Let’s go. We don’t want to be late.”

  Chapter Nine

  Conrad drove up the long driveway leading back to the house owned by Casey’s and Kennedy’s parents, Jerry and Camille Mitchell. Following behind in the Volkswagen, Asia slitted her eyes to better appreciate the moment. She stuck her head out the window and breathed in the musty scent of forest, wild grasses, and dirt. The lovely scents and sounds of the spot quivered through her as they always had, reminding her of the benefit of being part lynx. Her senses were heightened and she readily sank into the healing powers of nature.

  The stately three-story home sat on a secluded and beautiful piece of landscaped grounds, surrounded by acres of land in its natural state that gave the colony a second home.

  When Jerry was colony leader the home had been its base. Now that Casey was leader, meetings were naturally held in his gorgeous home. But it was nice to meet here from time to time, and spend some time with the senior Mitchells.

  Inside, Asia savored the interior environment. The home radiated peace and comfort. Everything about the home spoke in tones of acceptance, from the beautiful plush carpeting in the family room, the oversized couch and chairs, to the natural woodwork all around, and the gorgeous stone fireplace. Of course, the demeanor of Casey and Kennedy’s parents had a lot to do with the way the home embraced the were-cats.

  “Hi, Asia, Conrad,” Jerry called from the living room. “Have a seat. We’re just about ready to start.”

  Camille hugged her son, then her daughter. “So good to see you both. How are you?”

  “I’m fine, Mom. Just busy. It’s good to see you and Dad, too.”

  “I’m great. Busy, too.” Kennedy smiled wide at her mother.

  “We’ll be in the den if you need anything.” Jerry hugged Casey and Kennedy, then joined his wife down the hall.

  Blond-haired Tizzy pounced on Conrad as he and Asia walked into the room. “Hi guys! You’re late again, Conrad.” Her eyes twinkled mischievously as she leaned against him.

  Quinn pulled at her arm and yanked her back to the floor where they’d been sitting. “Give the guy a break, Tizzy. He probably had a late night with some beautiful brunette. Am I right, Conrad?”

  Conrad snarled at him, and pointed to the clock on the mantle. “Right on time.”

  Quinn jumped up. He shoved his thick red hair back from his face and immediately started shadow boxing in front of Conrad. “Let’s go, Conrad. You and me.”

  Conrad pushed him to the floor, with a low, raspy chuckle that tickled Asia’s stomach. Playfulness wasn’t a sign of immaturity for the were-cats. It was their wild side coming out.

  Asia took a seat on the couch beside Booker and Conrad sat across the room in the loveseat next to Lara. Shaun sat on the floor in front of Booker, turning to nod to Asia. Despite Quinn and Tizzy’s playful antics, the mood in the room was sober. Asia’s mind whirled with thoughts, but they were her own, a result of anxiety over her mother, she guessed.

  But she knew there was more to her unease. It was Conrad. Unaware of his effect on her, he enticed her to snuggle under his chin and drink in his scent.

  Asia glanced at him and absorbed his demeanor. He held an air of being one step away from everyone else in the room, especially her. Had he noticed how she’d been reacting to him? Did he sit across the room from her because he needed space between them? If so, that was her doing. Every time he spoke, moved, laughed, even when he growled she felt drawn to him. Her fingers itched to touch the firm muscles beneath his shirt.

  She turned away, grasping for a place inside herself that would remain indifferent. That would be tricky. She didn’t want to push him away, nor did she want him to feel abandoned.

  Asia breathed in deep, calming breaths and set aside her attraction to Conrad. For now.

  Casey raised his hand. “Okay, let’s get to business. There have been some disturbing developments regarding TNG and I want to make sure we’re all on the same page.” Casey surveyed the room and it was easy for Asia to read his expression. He was trying to gauge the cats’ resolve. “As we’ve discussed before, I feel it’s important that we continue our campaign to stop these people in their deadly pursuit of ruling the world. I also know our involvement has taken a toll on our lives. But we don’t have a choice. We can’t stand by and let them kill and plunder. We know we’re not cops or secret saviors of our world, but we have become a part of the struggle between what is right and what is harmful.” He dropped his gaze and was still for a few breathless moments. “But no one here is required or coerced or expected to contribute to the effort. I respect your right to choose.”

  Booker looked down at his wife and stroked her hair. “I think I can speak for all of us when I say we’re in this to the end, Casey.” Shaun nodded and grabbed her husband’s hand and placed a kiss on it. “We all understand what is at stake and if we don’t go after these nutcases, who will? They have their corrupt fingers in all kinds of powerful places.”

  Quinn piped up. “Yeah, it’s either us or it’s over. Which would mean we’d have to at best move to Canada and at worst, die.”

  Asia sat quiet
ly as every cat in the room seconded Quinn’s and Booker’s words. Did they really understand how bad it could get? For her there was no choice. She had to find her mother and get her out of harm’s way. “I’m in,” she added softly.

  “Thank you, each one of you. Now let’s get everyone caught up.” Casey knitted his brow and sat back to listen.

  Kennedy and Conrad reported what they’d found, that a line of money led in different directions from TNG to prominent people, including Daren Sage, and various businesses, including Phoenix Biosciences.

  “It’s very clear that the group has been under the radar for a few years, all the while working on means to change the world to their betterment through their Project Powering. A plan to seize control of resources and power and transform the world.” Conrad eyed everyone, stopping momentarily on Asia, lifting her heart into flip flops in her chest. “But we now know recent events have aimed at bringing TNG out of the woodwork and into the public as a legitimate, philanthropic organization.”

  Kennedy continued, pointing out that Sage’s press conference did just that, with the animal preserve as the vehicle.

  “TNG is now supplying study subjects to Phoenix Biosciences. They’re removing homeless people off the streets and the people don’t come back,” she said.

  The room sat still, as Michelle detailed her glimpse and how it might be of a Phoenix facility where the homeless were taken for experimentation.

  Casey pointed to Conrad and Asia. “Tell us about what you learned.”

  Conrad exchanged a look with Asia. She gestured to him, and he told the rest of them what they’d learned from Candy. “Asia’s mother has problems and she has a habit of leaving her home with Asia and going to the streets to live for a time, sometimes days, weeks, sometimes months.”

  Asia nodded. “She’s been gone now for three months. What Candy described sounded like kidnapping of homeless people. I’m afraid my mother is one of the people taken.”

  “That’s terrible, Asia,” said Lara, and the others chimed in.