Heartfelt

by Lynn Crandall

  He looked down at her, his eyes a startling, pale yellow rimmed in brown, and chuckled. “I get that.” He squatted near her, not so close that her invasion alarm went off but not so far that he felt impersonal. “The colony can crawl down your neck without knowing it, but they mean you no harm.”

  She sent him a glare. “What are you, the sentinel? Making sure the subject doesn’t escape?” Her remark landed hard, she could see that in his eyes, but she wanted him to know no one was pulling the wool over her eyes. They didn’t trust her any more than she trusted them.

  Asher shook his head and pursed his lips. “You’re a tough one, aren’t you,” he stated rather than asked. “It should be obvious to you that these people are only protecting you and exercising caution. It’s prudent to do so. A skilled lynx knows that.”

  The dried autumn leaves in the alley suddenly lifted on a cold breeze and whirled around briefly before scattering at their feet. “You didn’t answer my question. Are you the designated tracker?”

  “No. But we are keeping an eye on you. The Nexus Group is a nasty bunch of people. Our colony got involved to protect the animals the group was hurting through their experiments aimed at developing a drug that would turn were-animals into warriors, and we’re going to see this situation through to the end. Lives, not just yours, are at stake. The colony is going to make sure The Nexus Group’s plans don’t go off well. We’re the good guys. You’ll find that out. I just hope you’re not on the wrong side of right when you do.”

  He stood and offered her a hand. She stared at it for a solid minute, and he waited. Silently, she took his hand, and he pulled her to her feet. Walking beside him, a sense of calm settled over her. It stood in stark contrast to the flat sense of control she was accustomed to as her inner state. The calm soothed her as nothing ever had before. It penetrated her, relaxing her muscles and prompting deep, even breaths. This lull should have set off alarms, warning her to beware. Letting down her guard had never led to anything but emotional and physical pain. She’d nearly lost her ability to relax and just be while living with her parents and enduring the training that was her life.

  Then she got it. Fury bloomed in her chest. She halted and stood face to face with him. “You did it, didn’t you? That’s your special ability. You somehow put me in relaxed mode so I’d come with you. You rat!”

  Without waiting for some lame explanation or, worse, denial, Kennedy marched toward the end of the alley leading out into the street.

  “Kennedy, wait.”

  She kept marching, hurt and betrayal fueling her pace.

  From behind her, Asher grabbed her shoulders and turned her to face him again. “I was going to tell you. It was very perceptive of you to recognize the energy. There are no secrets here about my ability to nudge—”

  “Just shut up!” She put her hands to her ears and closed her eyes. She didn’t want to hear his words. Letting in the possibility that he meant no harm opened her to getting duped. That would be dangerous.

  He took her hands in his and pulled them away from her ears. He held them in his, cradling them. “I’m not going to apologize. Yes, I used my ability to nudge. But it was not meant to control you. I just wanted you to feel comforted.”

  She stared up at him, now angrier with herself than him. She’d been nudgeable. If it meant what she suspected, that could be deadly. “What is that, nudging? What does that mean?”

  “It means I can prompt people to feel what I want them to feel and do what I want them to do.” A brisk wind lifted strands of his hair, mussing it further.

  “So you nudged me to come with you. That’s just wrong, Asher.” Her gaze fell to her hands, which he still held in his. The sense of calm persisted, and she couldn’t help but warm to it.

  “I try hard not to abuse my ability. I don’t want to move people against their will, but sometimes it’s useful, especially with the bad guys.” He winked at her. “You’re not one of those, are you?” He paused and gave her a half-smile. “Like I said, I just wanted you to be able to feel good. I didn’t nudge very hard, so your body must have hooked into it because it instinctively knew you needed it more than you needed control.”

  Nausea gripped her suddenly, buckling her at her waist. “I’m going to be sick.” There were so many unknowns right now, about her past, her future. But having a sense of control kept her, as it always had, from falling apart. She thought she had that down. Apparently, she was wrong, and without control, anything could happen.

  Asher placed a hand to her back as fear and nausea poured out of her onto the ground. When she stood erect again, Kennedy swiped her hand across her mouth and grasped for composure. “I’m sorry.”

  He pulled up her chin to face him, and her eyes met his. “You’re apologizing for feeling overwhelmed? You don’t have to do that, Kennedy. You’re going through a very tough time. It’s okay to be overwhelmed. It’s safe with me and with the others. The overwhelm is natural.”

  She shook him off. “You’re referring to the feeling as though it’s an entity or an object.”

  “For me, it is. It has presence and form. But the feeling is not you. It will take some time to get through, and for now, feeling overwhelmed is what you have to feel. But you will get through it. And not alone, either.”

  Just then, his cellphone vibrated. He pointed a finger at her. “Don’t go anywhere.” He turned aside to answer his phone. “Yes, she’s with me. We’re on our way back now.”

  • • •

  Asher rubbed his hand through his hair and started whistling a tune. It was a weak attempt to lighten the air between him and Kennedy. He didn’t blame her for wanting to take a break from the group. Trouble was, he wasn’t completely convinced she’d come back. Stressed people return to what they know. Trained people obey commands to return to headquarters. In Kennedy’s case, the compulsion could be to go back to The Nexus Group.

  Without looking at her, he could summon an image of her in his mind and feel his pulse kick its pace up a notch. Her long, black, silken hair caught up in a ponytail bounced with each step she took. A black sweatshirt draped her slim shoulders and cut off just above the waistband of her skinny, black jeans, giving a glimpse of her taut abs. Her tight behind enticed him, and her shapely legs coaxed his imagination about touching them.

  Okay, enough with the visual, you heartless bastard. Heat spread from his neck to his face, reminding him that, at best, Kennedy stood smack dab in genuine peril. At worst, she was one of “them,” the people who wanted to take control of the city and probably more—The Nexus Group. His libido needed to simmer down. Anything less than a yardstick would be getting too close for her and would trigger her self-defense. He needed to earn her respect and trust and take care of her while keeping up his guard.

  Suddenly, the silence felt heavy between them. He cleared his throat and turned to her. “Where were you going to go? Are you familiar with this area?” Before she could answer, he noticed she was shivering, her arms wrapped around her body, trying to contain warmth. “Whoa, whoa, you’re cold.” He shrugged off his black leather jacket and draped it around her shoulders. “Try this.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Better?”

  She bobbed her head and smiled. “Yes.”

  “You really didn’t think through that little escape, did you?” The sound of dried leaves crunching beneath their feet as they headed back to Lara’s apartment stood as a reminder that fall was coming to an end. “No coat. Nowhere to run. With this cold edge to the wind, you would have gotten very cold pretty quickly.”

  “I was going to shimmer, obviously. No more cold problem. And I’ve looked at a map of the area.”

  “You looked at a map. That doesn’t make you an expert about Laurelwood.” He chuckled.

  “Yes it does. I can memorize things really fast. It’s my ability.” She tilted her nose up just enough to look smug, self-assured.

  He hated to take that away from her. Nonetheless, she needed to know. “Well, t
hat’s impressive. But look, I don’t know anything about your life up until two weeks ago. You’re surrounded by city here. You have to be mindful that what you do could potentially get you into trouble plus cause problems for the colony. We keep our true identities secret from humans. You can’t shimmer just anywhere. You need to be discreet.”

  Kennedy stared straight ahead, her back rigid and her steps clipped. “Guess I messed up. I was acting on instinct. It won’t happen again.”

  He didn’t like the flat tone of her voice. “You’re right, you were pressed to a point of instinct taking over. No harm done this time. You’ll learn.” He eyed her, looking for any clues about her state of mind.

  “No, losing control is unacceptable. I know better.”

  They walked into Lara’s apartment building, and he knew he had one last opportunity to keep her present. He stopped and put a hand to her shoulder. “Kennedy. Look at me.” He dodged his head in front her face, trying to grab her gaze. Because of his ability to nudge, Asher perceived emotions differently than others did. He recognized they had substance and color and shape. Emotions had form, like an object. The state of overwhelming angst was evident in Kennedy. Her overwhelm was a thing. It took over.

  Finally, she stopped avoiding him. Her eyes glazed, she peered at him as if she were looking down a tunnel. “Stay with me. Don’t go to the place where you feel nothing.”

  “I messed up. I made a mistake.” Her voice was small, like a young girl’s.

  “It’s allowed. Just like me and everyone else, you’re going to mess up. No big deal in my world.” Christ! What kind of punishment did her parents inflict on her that would make her shut down so easily for making a mistake?

  He reached to push a strand of her dark hair out of her face, and she flinched. But when she looked into his face again, he saw one tear spill down her cheek. She brushed it away and tilted her head. “You don’t know me. Don’t act like my shrink.”

  She turned on her heels and walked into Lara’s apartment as he stood there, marveling at her abrupt switch. “Don’t tell me what to do!” he hollered. It was a lame response, but he couldn’t think of another retort. She’d gone to that detached place in a nanosecond. Things were not simple with Kennedy. Thoughts of what harm she might do to the colony if they let down their guard too soon rumbled harshly in his gut. He wanted to offer her the benefit of the doubt, but he had to keep his head on straight.

  The colony had been lucky over the years and had kept their identities secret. They’d not suffered harm from humans. Not until William Carter had decided to dabble in illegal drug therapies and exact a sinister retribution for perceived harm to members of his group. But he had it backwards. He inflicted harm on friends of the colony, and the were-cats couldn’t just stand by. That’s how they’d come to expand the number of humans they counted as friends and who now knew about the were-cats. Now involved, the colony and their friends—Detective Ben Kirby and his private investigator wife, Sterling Aegar; Sterling’s sister and business partner, Lacey Aegar, and her husband, Jackson Carter; and Michelle Slade, Casey’s fiancée—kept up vigilance for any TNG activities. The colony needed to be careful, even with Kennedy, because their lives depended on being smart and staying alert.

  Inside Lara’s apartment, he found only Lara and Tizzy—Asia must have left for work—hands on hips, kindly managing Kennedy.

  “I said I won’t do it again. You have my word.” Kennedy stated her promise, her eyes on the floor.

  Lara touched her arm gently. “We’ll talk more later. Tizzy needs to get to work.” She grabbed her purse and keys and held open the door as the others headed to Tizzy’s silver Kia hybrid. “Asher, you coming?”

  He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “You got a couple seconds?”

  “Sure.” She waved to Tizzy and Kennedy and closed the door. “Thank you for bringing Kennedy back. Geez, what a scare.”

  “I know. I have concerns about where her loyalties lie. We’re learning she was under strict training all her life, and it seems like there were harsh penalties for unacceptable behavior. That’s how you make a soldier, not raise a daughter.” He stubbed the carpeted floor with his sneaker. “I don’t want to presume there’s a problem, but she is guarding herself. I want to know why. I want to know that she wasn’t sent here to learn about us and report back, not presume she is guarded as a result of trauma.”

  “I understand. I’m going to talk with her, try to get a better understanding of her state of mind. We really don’t know anything for sure. Just because William Carter claimed she’s Casey’s sister doesn’t mean anything.”

  “Right. I’ll be glad when we get the results of the sibling DNA test back. These last two weeks we’ve been in limbo. It’s hard on everyone.”

  Lara sighed heavily. “I know. But this afternoon, we’ll get the results and we’ll go from there.”

  “Does Kennedy know that?” Strange fears for Kennedy slithered up and down his spine. She’d heard Carter’s proclamation declaring her biological connection with Casey, but she’d been acting as if she hadn’t.

  “No. We’re keeping information from her until we have to tell her. If you feel your abilities can help her when we tell her the results, plan to be here tonight for dinner.”

  “Say, what’s her special ability? She said something about being able to memorize fast. Have you talked about it with her? Is there anything else? She did sneak away earlier. Until we know for sure she’s not a spy, I’d feel safer knowing.” He winced, scanning the possibilities in his mind. “Hopefully she’s not a mind reader.”

  “What, little brother, are you afraid Kennedy might be able to read all the lustful thoughts you’re having for her?” Lara rubbed the top of his head. “Like all of us, Kennedy is fast and strong. She has heightened senses of hearing, seeing, and smelling. But in addition, she has a photographic memory and a keen procedural memory.”

  Asher scratched his chin. “What exactly is that?”

  “She can pick up any physical or mental skill quickly and perform it well. All she has to do is see it done or read about how it’s done.”

  “So, memorize. That could come in handy, probably. Also could easily be exploited.”

  “I know. I don’t want her to feel like we’re drilling her, so I’m going slow. But we have to know everything about her.” Lara opened the door and motioned him out. “You know it’s getting too cold to drive your motorcycle, little brother. Winter is close.”

  He straddled his cycle and smiled at Lara. “Okay, big sister. But you forget, I’m hot-blooded.”

  She nodded her head and chuckled as she slid into her slate Subaru Crosstrek and waved goodbye.

  Astride his Harley Sportster, Asher ignored the 40-mph speed limit and headed home for a quick change before going to work. As a sports reporter for the Laurelwood Gazette, he was based in the downtown, but covering the various sports and teams meant frequent trips, mostly just to different fields around Laurelwood County.

  At his townhouse, he changed into khaki pants and a deep green sweater, then climbed into his black Toyota Tacoma. Lara was right. Even though he had typical were-cat high metabolism and kept pretty warm all on his own, winter weather did not go well with his cycle. He backed his pickup out of the garage and turned toward downtown Laurelwood.

  He knew the road so well, he didn’t really need to concentrate on it very hard. Still, he didn’t miss much. His were-lynx senses were quick and keen. More than keen. Any small movement out of the ordinary would flash on his radar faster than it would for a human. All his senses worked in elegant synchrony to respond to surrounding circumstances. With one hand resting on the steering wheel, he felt completely comfortable and in tune with his surroundings.

  “Proud much, Asher?” he asked himself out loud. He knew better. Ego and pride were human qualities. He was a were-bobcat, a member of the lynx genus. His strengths and abilities were simply attributes to acknowledge and employ thoughtfully.

  He pulled into
a parking space at the Laurelwood Gazette, noting Asia’s green Volkswagen Eos already parked. He worked in the sports department and she in the newsroom, but their paths crossed frequently on the job.

  He knew she was keeping her focus on her job while at the same time keeping her ears and eyes tuned to anything that might reveal information about the secret group that had stolen Kennedy at birth from her real parents, Casey’s mother and father.

  It wasn’t until recently that Casey had learned about Kennedy, and when he had, he’d also learned that years ago, his parents, Jerry and Camille Mitchell, had been coerced by William Carter to join The Nexus Group. Asher gritted his teeth at the idea of Carter offering financial incentives to a struggling young couple, making it seem as though they’d be part of a philanthropic group that would help the city of Laurelwood prosper. All they’d had to do was make a special contribution when the time was right. But it was all a plan for William to get his hands on their child, a were-lynx, for experimentation. His parents had managed to keep Casey’s identity secret. The medical care provided by TNG, however, gave Carter access to records that later clued him into Casey’s identity. When Camille had another child, Kennedy, the doctor had handed the baby to TNG and told Casey’s parents the baby had died.

  The colony cats all had their own story of challenges, including Asia. Spunky and sassy Asia Blue had become a close friend since he and his sister Lara had joined the colony, as all the current colony cats were. She and Conrad weren’t dating, as far as he could tell, but they had a special bond between them that was rooted in their past. It interested him, but he would never bring it up to Conrad. Conrad had no patience and a sharp attitude. Maybe Asia would be open to his prying.

  Conrad was a pure, as he and Lara were, and Asher had been told pures could be arrogant. Conrad definitely fit that description. But Asher didn’t feel intimidated by Conrad’s pure bloodlines or his edgy personality. It really didn’t matter.

  Asher’s insides squeezed tight as the course of his thoughts evoked memories of the rest of his family and how Lara had been the only one to stick beside him. It was their first experience with a colony. His mother was a pure, of course, as was his father. His two brothers, Kendall and Finn, had not expressed were-cat traits. Those traits were expressed in just Lara and himself. The family had not belonged to a colony, but they kept to themselves to avoid problems with humans. In general, keeping to themselves was a way for were-cats to survive, but some, such as Casey’s colony cats, lived among humans but kept their true identity secret.