Blackness Takes Over & Blackness Awaits

by Karlsson, Norma Jeanne

  “Kel, if you don’t get outta here I’m never gonna be able to feed you,” I chide. “Go outside and play football with the boys.” I bump him with my ass, trying to get him off. He pulls me tighter and kisses my neck.

  “I love you,” he whispers in my ear kissing just below it. He’s a hard man to resist.

  “I love you too. Now get off me before you make me chop off a finger.” He chuckles, but lets me go. Two hours later dinner is served.

  We all gather around the dining room table, plates piled high. We have a tradition to go around the table and say what we’re thankful for. We do it while we eat because the boys have the patience of toddlers. Kavy starts…with his mouth full of macaroni and cheese mumbling, “I’m thankful for the success of the firm this year…and boobs.” The guys laugh and the parents shake their heads. That’s pretty much the same thing all the guys say, something positive and something about boobs. When it gets to the parents it’s only positives, they’re thankful for: their health, their children, all the good stuff in their lives. Kel is next.

  “I’m thankful for you, Kiddo,” he speaks directly to me. “I’m thankful that I must have done something great in this world to be blessed enough to spend every day with you.”

  “LAME!” Kavy yells from the other end of the table. Everyone snickers.

  “Sorry,” Kel states, “and I’m thankful for boobs.” That sends the table into fits of laughter. He’s a part of our family now, and he fits right in. It’s my turn last and I have so much to be thankful for, I don’t know what to pick.

  “I’m thankful that I have a family. I should be alone in this world, and instead I have the greatest family a person could hope for. I’m loved more than anyone deserves to be.” I look at Kel so he knows I’m talking about him too. “I’m also thankful for boobs.”

  “What?!” Sully yells at me. “Why’re you thankful for boobs?”

  “Because. I have some and apparently, according to this room, they have a great and mystical power,” I snark and shimmy.

  Dinner continues and we eat until we have to roll ourselves to the media room. We all snuggle in and watch football together. It’s a perfect Thanksgiving!

  For twelve days now I’ve been a whirling dervish of crazy. The Monday after Thanksgiving marked two weeks before Butch’s trial. My life has turned into a damn circus. I’ve been on the phone, computer, or some combination thereof all day and into the night, every day of the week. The guys have pitched in to help me when they can and Karl’s picked up all the slack with the rest of my case load. Our firm is certain Butch is innocent. I think the prosecutors have figured this out too but are still moving ahead with the trial. The ADA is trying to save face. They have tried to plead Butch down to lesser offenses multiple times now, but Reed has refused every offer they’ve put forward. I’m not here to help or hurt Butch. I’m here as Mia’s voice. Beth and I compiled a large amount of evidence from the visitations, but with nothing from social services prior to the attack, it’s all extremely positive and will surely help Butch’s case.

  Kel is testifying for the prosecution. With his father dead, he’s the only person that can attest to the relationship Butch had with Mia and Kathy. He’s told me how much Butch loved his girls, yes they were fighting a lot and he was a drug distributor (not a user), but he had kept drugs away from the house. I think the prosecution is going to try to harp on the fighting and “drug dealer” part of Kel’s story. Reed will use him to drive home the close relationship Butch had with the girls. It’s up in the air who can get more use out of Kel at this point.

  I really haven’t seen Kel that much as of late. He’s been busy with his job and preparing his testimony, and I’ve been buried under work. We still sleep in the same bed every night but usually one of us is already asleep by the time the other gets home. After the death threat I’ve been spending all of my time with Taylor, the time I would usually spend with my boys and Kel. I’m at the office well past working hours and Taylor’s never left my side. We’ve eaten all our meals together, talked when I needed a break, he’s supported me when I was sure I would crumble, and he’s the shoulder I’ve leaned on as Rodger drives my exhausted shell of a being home at night. Taylor’s my friend, but he’s also my bodyguard and being challenged.

  The worst challenge has been the media. They caught wind of Butch’s story and have been circling the wagons. Butch’s case being played up as a father wronged by a hungry ADA finally getting his fair day in court. It’s made for a good headline and an even bigger migraine for me. Somehow the press got a hold of who Kel and I are; our pictures have been in the news. The local news tried to spin a love story between the two of us that spanned the distance of Kansas City and Seattle, centered on the care of Mia. Fact checking seems to be a lost art. I officially feel bad for celebrities: flash bulbs blinding you, people screaming at you, pushing into your personal space, following you home, writing bizarre and false stories about your personal life. Fuck that!

  This whole whirlwind has made Taylor’s job a nightmare. He called in extra people to help, in and around the courthouse, where the media are camped out. There was speculation early on in the news as to who Taylor was to me, but it never amounted to much of a story. Kel’s too appealing to not be center stage. Taylor locked me down to house, office, or courthouse when my picture became front page news. I can’t wait for this to be over and get back to my life.

  So here I am the Friday before opening statements begin Monday morning. I’ve been at the office since 6:00 this morning and I see no end to my day in the foreseeable future.

  “Shannon, we should get movin’,” Taylor says as he enters my office.

  “I’m not close to bein’ done, Taylor. I’m sorry,” I apologize. It’s past 10:30 p.m. and he looks as exhausted as I feel.

  “You have got to eat. You are wastin’ away,” he mumbles as he flops in the chair across from my desk.

  “Don’t start,” I warn. “I ate….lunch. I think.”

  “You didn’t eat shit today. I know. I was here.”

  “Okay, let’s eat. If that will make you shut up so I can finish this!”

  “You tell me to shut up one more time and I’m gonna be forced to kick your ass,” he teases.

  “You wish you could kick my ass!”

  “Tomorrow morning. In the gym. Your ass is mine,” he says suggestively.

  “Uh huh. You wouldn’t know what to do with my ass if it came with an instruction manual.”

  His eyes hood and my stomach flips. Boundaries have been slipping with all the time we’re spending together. I’ve been too tired and overworked to keep up my defenses. Not good, I know.

  Ring, ring.

  My office phone brings us out of our haze.

  “Shannon Kelly,” I answer looking away from Taylor. Silence on the other end.

  “Hello?” I question into the receiver. Silence still. Maybe I can hear someone breathing.

  “Hello, is someone there?”

  The line goes dead and I hang up.

  “Wrong number?” Taylor asks.

  “Just silence. Karl said he got a few of those this week too. Probably just idiots looking for some gossip,” I suggest.

  “Uh huh. Well let’s call in some food. Rodger can go pick it up for us.”

  “Order me whatever you want. I don’t care. Not really hungry.”

  “Shannon,” he warns. I put my hands up in defense.

  “Okay, pad thai sounds good. I’ll eat an entire container,” I snark.

  “Yeah you will.”

  “Shut up!”

  “I’m kickin’ your ass tomorrow. I warned you.”

  “Bring. It. On.”

  With that he leaves my office to call in the food and tell Rodger our plans.

  Buzz, buzz.

  Kel: You on your way home yet?

  Me: No. Taylor just ordered us dinner. I’ll be late.

  Kel: Surprising.

  He’s pissed. He’s been pissed for the last two
weeks. I don’t blame him. He’s worried about me, busy with his life, jealous of Taylor…I’d be pissed too.

  Me: Kel. Come on.

  Kel: The guys are headed out to Flannery’s. I guess I’ll go too.

  Me: Okay. Taylor and I will be home later. Have fun!

  Kel: Not as much fun as I’d have if you were there.

  Me: I know. This will all be over soon and shit will go back to normal.

  Kel: I CAN’T WAIT!!

  “Shannon?” Taylor draws my attention away from my BlackBerry.

  “Yeah.”

  “Food’ll be here in about twenty. I told Rodger he could takeoff after he drops the food off. He sounded tired.”

  Buzz, buzz.

  “I feel like shit making him stay late for these last two weeks. Thanks for lettin’ him go. How are we gettin’ home?” I ask, ignoring my buzzing phone. I can only do one thing at a time right now. My brain is fried.

  “He had another driver drop my car off. I’ll drive us.”

  “Okay. I guess that means I can get drunk and you can drive me around,” I joke.

  “Or we could both get drunk and fight over who gets to sleep on the loveseat.”

  Buzz, buzz.

  “Oh, I get the loveseat. I paid for it. Plus, you won’t fit,” I say, again ignoring the BlackBerry.

  “That’s what she said,” Taylor laughs. I double over laughing too. I’m so tired my amusement is a little over the top, but well deserved. Once we get our chuckles under control I take a huge deep breath letting it cleanse my lungs.

  “It’s good to see you laugh, Shannon.” Taylor’s eyes are soft and his gaze is back to friendly.

  “It feels good to laugh,” I admit.

  “You know why I don’t call you Kid?” Taylor changes the subject abruptly.

  “No,” I relpy softly. The truth is I don’t know if I’d let him call me Kid. That’s reserved for family, but Taylor has been with me more than family for weeks now. It’s a weird relationship we’ve developed. It’s different from anything I’ve had with anyone else in my life. Maybe this is the way all people feel about their bodyguards? Somehow, I don’t think that’s the case.

  “I know why the guys call you Kid. I get it. You were a kid back then and that’s how they’ll always see you. As their little sister. When I look at you, I don’t see a kid. I don’t see anything that I’ve ever seen before. You amaze me Shannon. You’re strength and courage are the things of legend. I’m in awe of you. Your name means little wise one and it fits you perfectly. I say your name with pride because you’re no longer a kid, but a marvelous woman.”

  My jaw is on the floor. I was NOT expecting that. I have no idea what to say. His eyes are kind and hold my gaze with adoration. I am speechless.

  Ring, ring.

  His phone pulls me out of my stuper. He shakes his phone at me without answering it.

  “Food’s here.” I nod because I still can’t speak.

  “I’ll meet Rodger at the elevator. Be right back.” He smiles sheepishly at me before leaving my office. Once the door closes I release the longest breath I’ve ever held.

  “Holy shit,” I mumble to myself. I look down to see three texts from Kel.

  Kel: I’ll wait up for you tonight. I want to see you.

  Kel: Kid?

  Kel: I guess you’re busy again.

  Me: Sorry about that. Taylor needed to talk to me.

  Kel: I wouldn’t want to intrude on Taylor’s time with you.

  Me: Kel…please. I don’t want to argue.

  Kel: I’m not arguing. Just trying to talk to my girlfriend.

  Me: I’m sorry. I’m just so tired I can’t pay attention to more than one thing at a time right now.

  Kel: You mean more than one person at a time.

  Me: I thought you weren’t arguing?

  Kel: You know what? I’m not. I’m done. Have a good night with Taylor.

  Me: Kel. Don’t be like that. Please.

  No response. GREAT!!

  “Hey. What’s wrong?” Taylor asks as he sets our food out on the table. I humph and toss my BlackBerry back in my bag.

  “Kel,” I scoff. Taylor nods and grins down at the food. “What?” I ask sharply.

  “Nothing,” he replies innocently. I don’t have the energy for this.

  “You’re gettin’ your ass kicked tomorrow,” I threaten.

  “Lookin’ forward to it,” he retorts.

  We sit in companionable silence as we eat our dinner and I finish my work. I come home to an empty bed. If I wasn’t so exhausted I’d be hurt, but I don’t give a shit right now. All I want is sleep. Kel and I will be back to normal once the trial is over. Opening statements can’t get here soon enough.

  “Just like that,” Taylor grunts at me. His sweat covered body sliding on top of mine.

  “Right there?” I ask, swiveling my hips to the side.

  “Yeah,” he breathes out. I wiggle and thrash beneath him.

  “Harder Taylor,” I demand.

  “WHAT THE FUCK?!” Kel screams. I throw my head back against the mat, arching my back to see an upside down view of a fuming Kellerman. Fuck!

  Taylor climbs off me and I stand up, straightening myself as best I can.

  “Taylor was just showing me some release moves,” I say innocently and out of breath. Kel has just walked in on Taylor on top of me, shirtless and pinning me to the ground. I know it doesn’t look good. Taylor pulls a tank over his head with a smirk on his face, not looking at me or Kel.

  “Well the dialogue I heard before I saw him on top of you doesn’t really make that shit seem so innocent, Kid,” he scoffs. I walk over to him and put my sweaty hand on his chest.

  “Kel, it was just a workout. Nothing is goin’ on with me and Taylor. You know this.” I huff the last part because this conversation is getting a little overplayed now. I feel like something else has to be fueling his pissy mood, but I didn’t know what it is. He looks down at me with a furrowed brow but doesn’t say anything.

  “I’m gonna hit the shower,” Taylor says a little too cheerfully. “I’ll save you some hot water. Great job today, Shannon,” he whispers closely to my ear as he pushes past Kel and me. I nod but don’t look away from Kel’s gaze which just gotten ten times darker. When I hear the door shut I try to lean into Kel, but he steps around me and sits down on a bench. I sigh and go limp exaggerating the act with my arms. I don’t want to have this talk again. Kel and I don’t fight, which I love, but we’ve been having a lot of talks lately that I’m over at this point. I’m fucking stressed too and I want Kel to be my safe place, not another point of contention! He crawled into bed last night really late, reeking of whiskey, and never made a move to touch me. I guess another talk is needed.

  “How would you feel?” he asks in an irritated tone.

  “About what?” I moan. I turn around and notice he’s just staring at the ground, his body language defeated.

  “This, Kid.” He motions with his hands around the room and looks at me with a “you know what I’m talking about” stare.

  “Kel, I’ve told you I don’t know how many times, nothing is goin’ on with me and Taylor. I don’t know how to make you believe me. It’s actually startin’ to piss me off that you don’t trust me. I have done NOTHING to make you question me!” I’m raising my voice now. Maybe this is our first fight. I start pacing back and forth in front of him to give this anger somewhere to go.

  “I didn’t fuckin’ say there was!” he yells right back. “You try walkin’ in on me sweaty and half naked on top of some chick I spend every waking hour with and see how you feel. I’ll tell you …it feels like shit!”

  “That’s on you, not on me! I’m not gonna do this with you anymore. I’m not doin’ anything wrong. This situation fuckin’ sucks for me. I feel like a goddamn prisoner most of the time. I don’t need to be fighting with my boyfriend every day on top of that. What the fuck do you want me to do? I have to be guarded all the time. Do you want me to sit in silen
ce all day and just wait for you to finally show up at the end of the day…if you show at all? What is with this fucking mood you’re in all the time now?!”

  “Kid.” I feel a hand on my shoulder, Kavy trying to soothe me in my ear. I didn’t even hear him come down.

  “What?” I snap. “Sorry, Kavy,” I say a little calmer.

  “Why are you screamin’?” Kavy asks, moving to my side so I can see him better.

  “This asshole!” I yell pointing at Kel.

  “Kav, I just walked in on Taylor on top of her with no shirt on sweating his balls off, after hearing her tell him ‘harder’ before I saw them. So yeah I’m a little pissed off,” he fumes.

  “What the fuck, Kid? Is that true?” Kavy gives me a puzzled look.

  “Fuck you both! I don’t have time for this shit. I’m gonna go shower and head to the hospital. You two have a lovely day!” I seethe as I stomp my way up the stairs. I fly up to my room taking two stairs at a time. Just as I get to my room Taylor walks out of his in just jeans. His chest is smooth and broad down to his six pack, with a small happy trail of dark hair disappearing below. His man V frames it perfectly…yum! Stop ogling, Kelly!

  “Hey,” I say still with a shitty tone. He snickers at my wandering eyes.

  “Hey, sorry about Kellerman.” He’s not sorry in tone or body language.

  “No you’re not,” I sneer.

  “You’re right, I’m not,” he says matter-of-factly.

  “Taylor,” I implore. Damnit, is he really going to put me in this situation? Before I can finish Kel crests the stairs and glares at Taylor. I throw my head back and scream before turning on my heel and slamming my door. I’m too old for this shit!

  I peel off my clothes and make my way into the shower, all nozzles in full effect. I just stand there for a while trying to let the water clear my head and body from all this tension. I love Kel, and I only want him. He has made my life so much better in so many ways. I have learned about myself in ways that I didn’t know I needed to be taught. I’ve learned to love in a way that I thought was only in fairy tales. But this constant bickering is sending me over the edge. I don’t want to be in a relationship where I can’t breathe without having to explain it. Then there’s Taylor. He’s gorgeous, we have a lot in common, he’s funny…I like him. He’s not Kel…he’s my bodyguard and my friend. But if Kel is going to continue like this, maybe I need to rethink this whole thing.