Forever in Ink

by Jude Ouvrard

  For now, I wasn’t going to worry about it. Staying in, relaxing, and watching TV were my sole goals for the day.

  Midway through an episode of Outlander, I was interrupted by a series of loud knocks on my door.

  “Are you bloody serious?” I groaned after answering the door.

  “Wait, hold on. This is my friend Lennox. He’s a cop, so you don’t have to call them. I’m not trying to be an ass here.”

  “Seriously? You’re bringing your friend into this?”

  “Don’t worry. He’s hopeless, but harmless,” the supposed police officer piped in.

  “What do you want, Kyle?”

  “I want to say that I’m sorry, and, um—”

  “Great. Well, now that you’re done, you can go. Thank you.” I closed the door without giving him a chance to respond, and soon heard his friend laughing on the other side, followed by, “I think you are screwed, Kyle.” I laughed quietly.

  Well, at least he’d tried. He did say he was sorry.

  With a smile on my lips, and still giggling, I wondered if the guy was a real cop. Maybe, but I’d never seen him before. Even if the moment had made me laugh, I was still angry with Kyle. I hated how my heart jolted with excitement seeing him on the other side of the door frame—it had thrilled me, but then left me bitter.

  I returned to my couch and TV, and tried not to think about Kyle too much. Getting lost again in Outlander, thoughts of him were soon replaced by Jamie Fraser’s Scottish charm. I ended up watching half the first season before passing out.

  The following day, my laziness continued with the rest of the season.

  After way too many hours of lethargy, I put on my shoes and went for a run down by the shore. The sun warmed my back while the miles disappeared beneath my feet. With all the fishing boats, recreational boats, and more, the water had always been fascinating to me.

  Toward the end of my run, I went by the Ink Me Tattoo Shop, where I watched Kyle talking with the cop through the window. Spying on him made me feel like a bloody idiot, but I didn’t really care. His life would go on, as would mine. In a couple of hours work would become my reality and chances were good that I would see him there. It’s where the gang hung out.

  If only I felt like going back.

  I sighed and carried on, slowing my pace to a walk until I got home. On the welcome mat at my door was a small box. While I laughed at the situation, I picked it up and hurried to open it. Inside was a box of protein bars with a pink sticky note on it:

  Eat one of these before your morning run. Tomorrow? Text me?

  How could I not roll my eyes at this? Could he get cheesier? Still, I unlocked my door with a smile on my face. He was trying again, and not doing too bad.

  The next day, there was an Ink Me hoodie waiting on my doorstep for my morning run. Followed by an awkward ride home after my work shift that night. We didn’t talk much; I was exhausted, but did manage a “Thanks.” He smiled.

  Kyle brought me coffee the morning after, once he’d asked Nix if I was up. I didn’t want to open the door, but he begged, saying he had French vanilla flavored coffee. My weakness. I couldn’t let him wait any longer, and opened the door. He looked tired, and hadn’t shaved in at least two days. His hair was hidden under a grey beanie.

  “Hey, Tiff.” From the hoarseness in his voice, my guess was that he hadn’t had much sleep either.

  I tried avoiding his eyes but couldn’t. So many hidden emotions were in them, including flickers of hope. “Hey, Kyle,” I said while twisting my hair to one side, down my shoulders.

  “Wow, you’re talking to me.”

  I blushed in embarrassment. “Maybe I am.”

  “I’m sorry.” Why did he have to be so sheepish?

  “Yeah, I figured you were. Maybe I am too.”

  “You did no wrong, though.”

  Chuckling, I shook my head in disbelief. How could he not remember? “I did, I hit you.” He nodded but didn’t say anything. “Thanks for the coffee, it’s my favorite.”

  “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry, but I have to head to the shop now. I hadn’t expected you’d actually talk. Maybe I’ll see you again… soon?” He slipped his finger under my chin, startling me as he forced me to look him in the eye, then added, “I want you to know. I’m not a bad guy.”

  “I know, K. I know.” I’d never thought he was a bad guy, he’d just acted like an arse. A good guy can have arsehole moments. He’d now made me feel like the villain, but it was too late, he’d left for the shop without me saying anything else, not even bye.

  Kyle’s words stayed with me all day. While part of me knew he wasn’t a bad guy, I still didn’t understand why he’d acted the way he had a few days ago. It would bother me until he explained it himself.

  That afternoon I went for a run since I’d failed to wake up before sunrise yet again, and so had missed the chance that morning. Donned in my Ink Me hoodie, I did my cooling stretching session in a small park not too far from my place. I loved exercising anyway, but it also helped me keep a clear mind, or so I believed. My mum used to say that when a body was well-taken care of, the mind followed. After a few sets of squats, I’d had enough for the day.

  My thoughts still uncertain about settling in Seattle, I decided to give myself another two weeks before settling on what the hell I was going to do. I loved the city, but maybe I didn’t fit in here. Tyler had offered me a place to live, a job, and his friends, and while it meant a lot, it also felt like my current happiness was borrowed. Not my own.

  “Hey, girl.”

  I recognized Nix’s voice and turned around to face her. She looked beautiful, as usual. No doubt I looked like hell—I hadn’t showered yet and had run several miles.

  “Hey! What’s up?”

  “Come with me? I’m on a food run for the boys.”

  “Hm. Maybe I should go home and shower first.”

  “Nah, don’t worry about it. You look great. It’s one thing I hate about you. You never look bad,” I teased, and Nix laughed. “I’m sure even after a weeklong hunting trip in the forest with no shower you could pull it off.”

  She slid her arm through mine and we kept walking as she threw back, “You have perfect hair, perfect skin, and your eyes are so unique.”

  “Okay, you’ve got to stop or it’s going to get awkward.”

  Laughing again, she pulled me closer and rested her head on my shoulder. “No, it’s not awkward. Anyway, are you hungry? You should come eat with us. We’re trying that new Thai place.”

  “Things with Kyle, things are still… weird, to say the least. I’m not sure it’s a—”

  “It is a good idea. Kyle is a nice guy, and the big brother I never had. Just give him time.”

  I sighed knowing she wasn’t going to let me get out of this. “Okay, but I’m only going to say hi, and then I’m leaving.”

  “Yeah, we’ll see.”

  The food order was ready and waiting for Nix when we walked in. There was more than enough for me, too, but I had no plans to stay and eat. I didn’t know how to be around Kyle. He made me nervous now.

  Back at the shop, I hesitated for a few seconds before entering, but realized it was too late to turn around and leave. Following Nix inside, I knew my face was bright red. It wasn’t like me to be so self-conscious, and I hated it.

  “Hey, look who I brought with me!”

  Of course, she had to draw attention to me when all I wanted was to blend with the paint on the wall.

  “Hey, guys.” My eyes drifted to the back of Kyle’s head. It took less than a second before he turned around and our eyes connected, and I waved at him with a smile on my blushed face.

  “Hey, Tiff. You hungry?”

  I shook my head. “Nah. I just stopped by to say hey. I have to head home to shower and everything.”

  “Oh, come on. Eat something, you can leave after,” Kyle insisted as Levi handed me a paper plate to fill with food.

  “Nice hoodie, by the way.”

  Le
vi’s comment was the cherry on the cake. My eyes were now avoiding him and Kyle. There was no way he didn’t know about the hoodie, or why I had it. “Thanks. It’s quite comfy to run in.”

  Next thing I knew, two strong arms were wrapped around my shoulders and he was whispering in my ear, “It looks great on you.”

  “Thank you, Kyle.”

  Stepping away from me, he upended his bowl of veggies and noodles and spilled half the contents onto my plate. “Eat. You gotta be hungry after working out.”

  “I smell bad, don’t I?”

  He started laughing. “No, but your face is all red, so I figured you’d gone for your daily run.”

  I nodded. If only he knew my run hadn’t had me in the neighborhood. The thought that I’d been spying on him made my face turn red. Kyle being right next to me was making me feel all sorts of good things.

  While we ate, we talked about my future tattoo. Why did the thought of getting tattooed by Kyle feel so intimate? To him, it made no difference whether it was me or another person under his iron; he tattooed people for a living. For me, though, the idea of him inking my skin made me nervous. Getting a tattoo was an intimate experience, and I just didn’t let people that close to me.

  “You free tomorrow?” I asked biting the bullet and committing.

  He smiled while chewing the last bite of his meal. “Deal, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Great.” Chills ran down my back. There would be no sleeping tonight.

  He’s just a mate.

  I had to calm down. Besides, I knew better than to leave my guard down and start trusting sexy men.

  Remember Pete and Rob? What they did to me, I never saw coming.

  Kyle was no exception. He had all the power to hurt me, even if he didn’t know it. He was acting nice to me now, but he could easily destroy the remaining faith in mankind I had.

  Kyle

  She’s glowing.

  What the fuck is going on with me? Why does it feel like I’m seeing her for the first time ever?

  Somehow, part of me really wanted to be, dare I say it, her friend.

  Maybe more.

  Tiffany

  * * *

  Sometime later…

  So much has happened.

  Nix and Levi got married, giving me the opportunity to travel to Los Cabos. Everything about the trip had me dreaming of going back before we even left. I shared a room with Kyle, and it was fine. Our second stab at friendship had been doing great for weeks. We were stronger than ever before, somehow. Nobody quite understood what we were, not even us, so whenever our friendship was mentioned, it was called our ‘thing’. Of course, we’d had some ups and downs, but we were determined to keep our friendship easy and simple, with no strings.

  Val, Nix and Bekka’s best friend, moved back to town from the east coast after a dramatic break-up. For a couple of weeks, I felt like an outsider because the girls’ trio had reunited, and I wasn’t sure where that left me. Until everything settled down, I was hanging out with the lads more.

  While I sat with Kyle at his station, noticing how he looked at me when he thought I wasn’t paying attention, he worked on a client’s tattoo design. I played it cool, and didn’t think anything of it.

  “You never said anything about it again, but you mentioned a while back you weren’t sure about staying here in Seattle. Have you made up your mind yet?”

  “I’m staying. I still have periods where I miss home, or wonder if I’d prefer a new life in New York or California, but I always end up staying here.”

  “Admit it, you would miss me too much,” he said laughing.

  “Of course.” My face flushed with the truth of my words. I would miss him, and would hate to give up on us now.

  This friendship had been the most complicated one in my life. Everything about it, down to always being careful not to overstep the friend boundaries, had been difficult. Yes, we had more benefits than other friendships, but that made everything harder. Sex was good, making out, too, as long as we controlled our emotions. For once in my life, though, it felt good to be single and not be worrying about the guy I was with. All I had to worry about was me, which had been great.

  “What about you? Would you miss me?” The words came out without me thinking. I wanted to take them back, but it was too late.

  He dropped his pen on the table, and I knew I had done something wrong. “Look at me,” he ordered. “Levi’s with Nix and Tyler’s got Bekka. Even Val has Miles, so that leaves us. I’m pretty happy with how we’ve turned out—whatever it is that we are. Yes, Tiff, I would miss you.”

  For about two seconds, I managed to control my smile, hold it back, but then failed miserably. He watched me, waiting for it to be happy, and then, he smiled, too, and it filled a void in my heart. Kyle cared, and he had admitted it out loud.

  “It’s your day off, right? Will you come to my house tonight? For dinner.”

  “Yeah, I’m off…” Really? “Sure, I guess.” I was sort of wordless, caught by surprise at his request. Kyle had never invited me to his place for dinner. Never. We normally ate outside or at my place, but never his.

  “Good.” He picked his pen up and continued drawing.

  Kyle had some kind of unspoken rule about his place. It was basically in and out, no staying over, so I had to ask, “Are you sure?” Not going to lie, I had my doubts.

  With a shy chuckle, his eyes never left the piece of paper on the table as he answered, “Yes, Tiff, I’m sure.”

  The air between us had taken on a warm vibe. Was this a step forward in our thing?

  “Okay, well, I have a few things to do before tonight, so what time do you want me?” His eyes darted up to me and I hurried to add, “To arrive?” as I got to my feet and prepared to leave.

  He watched me, frowning at my abrupt departure. “Um, how about six or seven?”

  “I’ll be round at half past six, then,” I said giving him a quick hug then leaving the shop.

  His invitation to dinner had to have a special meaning, I was sure of it, which made me nervous. Before joining him tonight a shower was needed, and so was a waxing. Not that I had a habit of not taking care of myself, but because I wanted to be perfect.

  As the afternoon hours flew by, I dressed pretty and put on my favorite perfume, but kept my overall look casual. He knew me, I didn’t need to impress him or show off my best features. Kyle had seen it all. Yet, the thought of spending time with him at his place was nerve wracking.

  Why now? Why me?

  I took several deep breaths while standing in front of his door. Smooth music played on the other side, a mix of jazz and techno music. Surprising choice. Everything was surprising me about Kyle today.

  Knocking on the door, mere seconds lapsed before he opened it, like he’d been waiting for me. The door ajar, we both stared at each other. He wasn’t wearing his usual beanie, or a hat, and the sleeves of his baseball tee were pushed up to his elbows, letting his ink show. Tonight, his hair—which was shaved on each side of his head but long enough on top to reach his chin—was slicked back and styled, and I loved it. The last time he’d looked so good was at Levi and Nix’s wedding. While simple, there was something extra about Kyle tonight.

  “Come on in,” he welcomed me, and his hand landed in the small of my back as I passed him.

  “Thank you. It smells really good in here.”

  “Dinner is almost ready. I hope you like it.”

  “When did you have time to cook? Didn’t you just get here?” He worked until six o’clock.

  “I finished early, today.”

  “Oh.”

  In the living room, a bottle a wine sat already opened and breathing on the small coffee table.

  “Are you thirsty?”

  “Yes.”

  Kyle sat first on the couch, and then I sat next to him. It was seeming this dinner had been planned in advance. He knew exactly what he was doing, and it made me nervous. I could feel something was going to happen tonight, bu
t wasn’t sure what. Kyle’s rules had always been clear, but tonight, they were blurring. Or at least, I thought so.

  With a finger, he freed my hair from the side of my face, pushing it back over my shoulder. The unexpected move more than surprised me.

  “Tiff, there’s something I want to tell you.”

  Shit, I don’t like the sound of this. My heart started beating faster, and I swallowed. “Okay.”

  He took a moment, watching me with wonder in his eyes before saying, “You know about Cassidy. How much I love her and miss her, and how bad my life has been since the day she was taken from me.”

  I nodded, wondering where he was going with this, as my stomach tightened.

  “And then, you came into my life.” He paused, I smiled, and our eyes met. “That first night, you were cold. Taking control, you had that ‘I don’t give a fuck’ attitude that hit me head-on. You acted the way I normally did with women, and trust me, you didn’t go unnoticed or get forgotten. I really hoped to see you again.”

  “And you did…”

  “When I realized who you were, I knew I had to set boundaries. I know that makes me selfish, or a hypocrite, but I wanted to keep our late nights rather than a friendship. And I did try to keep that up, but it wasn’t long before you came into the shop and demanded more than sex.”

  Nervous, I started laughing. “That was one hell of a day, wasn’t it?”

  “I had a really hard time letting you in, giving you just enough space in my heart so that we’re friends and nothing else. My heart has been scarred for a long time and has never fully healed,” he explained looking right through me.

  His body tense next to mine, this moment was dragging—and slowly killing me.

  “But your presence in my life is slowly patching up the wounds, and I’m starting to feel again. I’ve tried to push away thoughts of you in my head long enough. I can’t anymore, Tiff. I want more from us. I know you have baggage, too, and I haven’t always shown you my good side, but I’m hoping you feel the same way. Let’s take a chance on us.”