Always on My Mind (The Dawson Brothers, #1)

by Jessica Mills

  “Yeah, yeah, I like her. I’m just not sure it’s enough.” I set the glass in the sink and walked to the door. “You coming?”

  *

  We made it to the Perryville Public Library in record time. When we went inside, Luke cursed quietly and hesitated on going to the desk. I stood beside him feeling nostalgic for the smell of books and the quiet atmosphere that always took me back to elementary school when my teacher had taught us to always be as quiet as possible when entering a library.

  “What’s the matter?” I kept my voice as quiet as possible and nudged my brother forward.

  “I dated her.” He gestured toward the front desk and I looked over to the librarian who stood at the counter.

  The woman was sixty if a day, with a bright green pantsuit and the type of chunky jewelry that only little old ladies wear. My eyes widened. “You dated her?” I motioned to the old woman and searched my brother’s face for any sign of humor. Surely he was joking. He glanced to where I’d gestured and let out a long breath of frustration.

  “Not her, you moron, the blond sitting at the computers.”

  I noticed behind the old woman and the round counter there was a table in the back corner where computers were lined up for public use. Upon seeing her I let out a soft whistle. “She’s a looker. When did you date her?” The girl, who filled out her soft pink shirt nicely, moved from chair to chair wiping the screens.

  “Last year. I forgot she worked here.” His face lit with a smile as the girl noticed us and crossed the room.

  “Luke.” She flashed a sassy smile and I wondered what my brother had done to warrant such a saccharine smirk.

  “Cindy. Hey, how’s it going?”

  “Fine, is this your brother?” She cut her glance to me, flashing big green eyes that seemed to inspect me thoroughly. “You look alike.”

  “This is my brother, David. We’re here to use the computers.”

  Cindy turned her attention from me to Luke and closed the distance between them. “Are you looking for work? I’ve got some local job listings at my desk.”

  Luke stared at her as if he were reliving whatever the two had shared and from their body language, I had a feeling every inch of her was charted territory. I decided to break the tension. “Actually, I’m looking for someone.”

  Cindy gave me a wink. “Aren’t we all?” She placed her hand on my brother’s arm and smoothed down the sleeve of his shirt. Her eyes found his and the twitch in her brow made me think she was reliving a few memories as well. “You should call me.”

  I couldn’t tell if Luke liked the idea or not, he was smiling but his eyes were wide with fear. “I might do that.” He flashed me a nervous glance. “We best get busy. We’ve got somewhere to be later.” He nudged me and I agreed as we strolled toward the computers and took a seat.

  Luke took charge pulling up the search engine as I was wracking my brain trying to figure out where to look first. “What’s her name or the name of the agency?” He pressed a few more keys and waited for me to speak.

  “Shit.” I rested my head in my hands and scrubbed my face. “I don’t even know her last name.”

  Luke slouched in his seat and released a breath. “You don’t even know who we’re looking for? You exposed me to that psychopath blond and you don’t even have this girl’s name?”

  “What the hell happened between the two of you?” I glanced across the room and found the girl stacking books, her eyes glancing toward Luke as if she could eat him alive. “She looks like a good time.”

  “I don’t want to talk about it. She looks sweet and innocent, but she’s... I don’t want to talk about it.” He poked at the keyboard again, this time scrolling through a list of talent agencies. “Do any of these names ring a bell?”

  As much as I was intrigued, I hated to press him about the girl, so I skimmed the list of names and agencies and shook my head. Not one of them sounded familiar. I’d been so busy getting to know her body that I hadn’t gotten to know her. Maybe this was all for naught. Maybe I’d pushed her with too much too fast and that was the reason she bailed. Maybe it was all too serious for her. And why wouldn’t it be.

  A noise whipped our heads around and Cindy was on her knees picking up the books she’d dropped. She glanced at Luke and smiled, giving him a playful “Oops”.

  Luke shifted in his seat. “This is all I can do without a name and quite frankly, I’m ready to get the hell out of here.” His eyes widened and his head nudged toward the girl across the room who’d made sure to toss her hair and sway her hips as she walked by.

  My stomach contracted tightly as I realized what I had to do. “I can get her name. I just have to call Norm at the Dew Drop.” That was the last damned thing I wanted to do. I nudged Luke. “Go ask Cindy to use her phone.”

  He threw me a hard glance. “You owe me.” He waved her over.

  She sauntered over. “How can I help you men?”

  Luke wasted no time entertaining her. “Can we use your phone?”

  “Oh, that’s right, you don’t have a cell phone. Guess that’s why you never called me after the last time.” She rolled her eyes and reached into her bra. “Here you go, honey.” I could tell that Luke hated the fact that our daddy wouldn’t let us have phones. It was a rub that we’d given up on years ago when Dad lost the chance to have a cell tower on our property. The communications company went with the neighbors instead and when Dad heard how much they were paying the Langston’s next door, he banned them indefinitely. No phones allowed other than our antiquated land line.

  “Thanks,” I said, taking the phone which was still warm from her ample breasts that impressively concealed the phone— which wasn’t that small.

  “You’ll have to use it outside. No cell phones allowed inside the library.” I stood and excused myself, leaving Luke to mouth “you owe me” before I walked away.

  Getting Norm to cough up her last name was like pulling teeth from an alligator. The bastard’s smug tone made me want to punch him all over again.

  “I really shouldn’t give out my client’s information. You know how people are about their privacy these days.” His voice was so full of arrogance I could almost feel it through the phone.

  “Look, Norm, I’m about three seconds from driving back down and blackening your other eye. This is important.” I kicked a patch of loose gravel.

  “Threats will get you nowhere, son. I want an apology; a public one at Kinsey’s. You can consider it your farewell performance. I heard you skipped out on him.”

  “Fine, I apologize. I’ll even tell everyone I did, but I’m not getting back on that stage again.” I waited for his response, but instead he huffed into the phone as if my apology wasn’t good enough. “Dammit, Norm. Tell me.”

  “Her last name is Myers. M.Y.E.R.S. I can’t tell you anything else. I do have protocol to follow with my clients.” The phone went dead.

  “Dammit.” I’d wanted her number and he knew it. But the name would have to do. “Sarah Myers.” The name felt warm on my lips and I stood there a moment remembering her straddling me in the barn. I had to find her.

  I went inside and found Luke warming up to Cindy, or so it seemed. As soon as he saw me, he turned his attention to the screen. “Please tell me you got her name,” he said.

  “Yes, Sarah Myers. M.Y.E.R.S.” He typed in her name and a listing at Thunderbolt Management popped up along with Sarah’s picture. My heart stopped seeing her again. I cleared my throat. “That’s her.” Relief put a smile on my face and the apology I’d given Norm was well-worth the feeling of joy I had bubbling inside. “Give me the number.” I hadn’t given Cindy back her phone and I didn’t bother asking to use it again as I snatched the number and went back outside, dialing as I went.

  I’d never been so anxious in all my life as the phone rang. My nerves vibrated through me and my heart pounded so hard at the idea that I might get to speak to her and hear her voice.

  “Thunderbolt, how may I direct your call?” s
aid a voice that was much too deep to be Sarah’s. I don’t know why I expected her to answer the phone, but I was too giddy to think straight.

  “Sarah Myers, please. I don’t know the extension.” A lump rose to my throat and I was overcome with angst. Seconds felt like minutes as I waited for the lady to respond.

  “Ms. Myers is no longer with us. She’s been gone for several months now.” The woman on the other end sounded apologetic, but my voice still showed my disappointment.

  “Where is she?” I blurted. “I mean, how can I reach her? Did she leave a forwarding number?”

  The woman made a sound that told me I better watch my tone or she’d hang up. “I’m not at liberty to say, sir.”

  I softened my voice. “Please, ma’am.” I figured I better break out the southern charm and give a desperate plea. “I understand your situation, and I respect it, but it’s vital that I speak to her. I need to speak to her as soon as possible. My life depends on it.” It wasn’t a lie, I felt that way. I needed Sarah like I needed air and water. “Please.”

  The lady’s sigh sent chills down my spine as it sounded through the phone. “Look, I can’t just give you her information, but I do know her, and I can give her a message if you like.”

  “Please,” I blurted again.

  “Easy, boy. Like I said, Sarah’s a friend, so don’t make me regret this. What’s your name, sweetie? I’ll pass your message along.”

  “Thank you!” Hard emotion welled up in my chest, and I took a deep breath to choke it back. I spilled so frantically I had to repeat it three times. After thanking her so profusely she giggled, I hung up and went back inside the building.

  Luke was standing with Cindy across the room. He had her pinned against a shelf and it seemed that his first impressions and memories of her had turned to bygones. I approached them, hoping I wasn’t interrupting. “I left a message with her old agency, so we can go when you’re ready.” I handed Cindy the phone and thanked her. She smiled and tucked it into her shirt.

  I walked on ahead as Luke said his goodbyes and God knows what else to Cindy. When he finally showed up at the truck I had to ask. “What’s the story with that one? You sure changed your mind about how psycho she is.”

  “She’s a psycho, all right, but she’s also good in the sheets, if you know what I mean. Besides, I told her I wasn’t going down the same old road this time.” He shook his head as he stared out the window.

  “What road would that be? Is she clingy?”

  “Yeah, she’s clingy, started naming our kids and planning our honeymoon the next morning.”

  His disgust beckoned my laughter. “Well, good luck with that.”

  “Well, I remembered she did this thing.” He cut me a glance, his smile spreading his lips wide and pinking his cheeks. “It might be fun.” He nudged my arm. “What about you, you haven’t ever gone through this much trouble over anyone, so I doubt your obsession with Sarah is just for fun.”

  I raked my hand through my hair. “No. I think she’s the one. Dammit all to hell. I don’t know what I’ll do if she don’t call.”

  “You’ll go after her,” said Luke. It grew quiet after that and though my brother was still beside me. I was totally alone with my thoughts of Sarah.

  Chapter 12

  Sarah

  After hours of scrolling through submissions I felt as if my ears might start bleeding. Not one of the girls sounded distinct, their voices all bleeding together so badly that I had to double-check the names a few times and still wondered if it was just one girl with thirteen personalities. The male singers fell just as flat. There were a few that I could keep in mind for contacts, but only once I got through this situation with David.

  Rowena was dead set on him and I knew it was just to put me in my place. My only hope was that if I went through the trouble, he’d still be interested in pursuing his dream. I couldn’t help but think it could have all been too good to be true and maybe his dreams were more in line with what his fiancée had said.

  The day seemed to drag on and I still hadn’t worked up the courage to call Kinsey’s, and the number was burning a hole in my handbag. I couldn’t do it. Not yet.

  I remembered him up on that stage, his voice booming out over the crowd, commanding their attention with his original lyrics. The songs in his set were amazing. I thought of one, the last one he’d sang that night, and hummed it softly. I closed my eyes and rested my head back against my chair.

  “What song is that?” Rowena’s voice made me jump. She hovered over my chair and looked to the computer screen which was set to the last demo I heard.

  “Oh, it’s just that guy I was telling you about. He performs originals. It’s kind of amazing, actually.”

  Rowena let out a sigh as if the entire subject exasperated her. “Right,” she nodded, “the total package. I remember.” She stood and straightened her blond hair across her shoulder. “So, where is he?”

  I’d just about had enough of her making me feel small, but rushing me hit me as if she’d thrown a bucket of ice water on me. “Give me time,” I snapped. “I’m on it.” Her eyes grew wide, and I almost apologized, but thought Fuck it. If she wanted to be pissed off she could join the club. “It’s a challenge, but one I intend to win. And I’m going to wear my Bible-selling blazers doing it, because I like them.” I stiffened my jaw and though I was sitting, I looked down my nose at her.

  Her eyes narrowed and she grinned. “Good for you. It’s about time you grew a backbone.” She took a few steps to walk away, but paused and turned back to me. “I believed you just now when you say you’ll get him. Wherever that spark came from, use it more often. It will help when landing clients. You see, Sarah, you have to be assertive and confident. People want to know that you’re strong enough to take care of them. They’re putting their lives in your hands, trusting that you’ll fight for them.”

  She was right, my confidence had been shot. It had been since I left Thunderbolt. What had happened between me and Rick settled deep into my conscience and was like the devil on my shoulder filling me with doubt at every turn. The only person who had made me feel confident since was David. How I wished that things were different. Not just for my heart, but for my career. With him beside me, no telling how wonderful things could have been. I mourned the future I could see illustrating in my mind and it faded just as quickly as it developed. I had her fooled, but I couldn’t fool myself. “Thanks.”

  “It sounds like a great song by the way. I can’t wait to meet this cowboy.” She walked away and I relaxed and went back to humming the tune. It felt good that I’d impressed her. Even though my heart was still aching for David, I knew I’d be okay. Time would heal this wound and I’d get back on with my life in the meantime.

  I decided to skip out of work early to get a jumpstart on traffic and made it across town to get Jenn in record time.

  After shopping for an hour, I’d already found the most comfortable pair of black jeans, that fit me like a glove. I walked from the dressing room and found Jenn standing with one arm behind her back and one hand extended and holding a boot. It was black leather.

  “I love it. Where’s the other?” I motioned to her other arm only for her to extend it to reveal that she was holding a matching jacket. My mouth dropped.

  “I know, right? It’s perfect for you, Sarah. So perfect I’m jealous.”

  I snatched the jacket and hurried back to the dressing room mirror and shrugged it on. It was sleek and cool and fit me perfectly. Being short and petite, I usually had trouble finding a jacket that hit me just right. All of my blazers had been custom tailored. So, there was no way I could pass it up. I walked out and got the thumbs up from Jenn. “Get me those boots!” She tossed me the one and went to find the other.

  Twenty minutes later we were on our way to Pilates and I was seven hundred dollars poorer, but the proud new owner of leather boots and a matching jacket. I couldn’t wait to wear them out. “We should go clubbing soon. I could try out my new b
oots and dance with so many men that I’ll forget about David completely.”

  Jenn laughed. “Yeah, you could rustle up a herd of fine bucks with those boots.” I laughed at her turn of phrase.

  “Fine bucks?” I giggled. “When did you start talking like that?”

  She exaggerated her already country accent. “Yep, yer a mighty fine little filly.”

  I shook my head and we shared a laugh. “You’re crazy.” I slowed the car and pulled into the parking lot of our Pilates studio.

  Running late, we wasted no time changing and found our places on the mats. Our trainer, Todd, gave us a stern look and then continued his direction. We stretched and got into position and started going through our usual motions. I focused on my core and worked through each position, controlling my breathing and allowing myself to release the stress of the last few days. Todd was paying special attention to the woman in front of me and it was obvious he was flirting.

  I raised my butt, getting into the shoulder bridge position and once I started my leg repetitions, Todd assisted the object of his attention by placing one hand on her butt and one on her calf. He left the class hanging for minutes while he spotted the girl. Next to me I heard Jenn making noises that revealed her frustration at the pause in our instruction.

  “Wish I could find a man who’d give me that kind of attention,” she whispered. I tried to ignore her and focus but then she thrusted her pelvis forward, humping the air. “Gonna get me a fine buck.” She tried to whisper, but when her voice broke into laughter, she got louder.

  I couldn’t help but join in. Todd gave us a warning glare.

  Finally, she couldn’t take it anymore. She dropped to her butt, falling against the mat like a sack of potatoes. “Hey, lover boy, you think we can move this thing along? My ass is numb.” I laughed so hard I dropped my own ass to the mat and the others in the class followed, all victims of their own laughter. Todd wasn’t impressed, but he found his focus and we finished class.

  As we were leaving, Jenn locked arms with me and leaned against my shoulder. “Tell me why I do this?”