Always on My Mind (The Dawson Brothers, #1)

by Jessica Mills

  This was the woman who gave me life and I’d never seen her so close to death. Tears welled up and spilled down my cheeks as I sang to her. I closed my eyes tight hoping for everything to be all right. It had to be. I didn’t know what we’d do if something happened to her. Especially before I had a chance to let her know I wasn’t angry with her. I imagined she thought I was. I’d never told her any different.

  A scratchy hum sounded and I opened my eyes. After a moment, she spoke. “That’s your grandfather’s song.” My mama’s eyes were tiny slits, but I saw the sparkle in her brown eyes that were so much like my own.

  “Yes, ma’am.” I smiled big for her and answered prayers.

  “I remember him singing it all...time.” Her words were starting to break. Her voice was still weak from the tube during her surgery. “My favorite.”

  I kept singing it softly for her, and she closed her eyes and after a moment, tears spilled down her cheeks. “Don’t cry, Mama. I’m not going to sing anymore. I’ll stay at the house and take care of you, Daddy, and the boys. Everything will be okay.”

  Her chest swelled up as she took a deep breath. “You should chase your dreams.” Another deep breath. “I’m sorry about your girl.”

  “Don’t worry about that, Mama.” I closed my eyes again, trying to keep her from seeing me cry. I could never let Daddy see me that way.

  She squeezed my hand softly, but enough to command my attention. “Go after her.”

  “Maybe someday, Mama. She’s got her own life.” I rubbed her arm to soothe her. It was a comfort knowing she’d accept Sarah, even though she was out of my life for good.

  She pulled in another long breath. “Life is much too short.” She relaxed against her pillow and closed her eyes.

  “Rest, Mama.” I released her hand and finished humming my tune as Mama’s chest rose and fell with her soft, shallow breaths. I stayed there with her for a while in silence just happy to hear her breathing.

  Minutes later the nurse poked her head in. “I’m afraid your time’s up. Send in your father for another quick visit and then take him home for some rest. He can see her tomorrow.”

  “I’m not sure it’s going to be that easy.” I rubbed my eyes, making sure the tears were all gone before we found my father.

  “Well, there’s nothing he can do for her until she’s in a room. She’ll be just fine. She’s going to be spending a few weeks here, it’s going to be a long road. See if you can talk sense to him. It’s best that he keeps his strength so he can be a help to her. You’ll be much worse off if he’s down too.”

  “Maybe you could tell him that?” I gave her a pleading glance.

  “I’ll try my best. But I’m not arguing with him. That’s for you and yours to deal with.” She let out a giggle as we approached the waiting room, but stopped before greeting my father and giving her speech, which Dad seemed to fall for.

  Twenty minutes later we were heading toward the front of the hospital with Dad hesitantly in tow. Mason had brought his truck around and was waiting for us. “I need to hurry back, now. I’m only agreeing to go for a little bit. I’ll be just fine in that waiting room.” Dad argued all the way outside.

  Ted opened the door for Dad. “You need a shower and some food and then I’ll drive you back myself.”

  Dad narrowed his tired eyes. “I don’t need you boys treating me like some damned invalid. I’m fine. I’ll drive myself.”

  Ted raised his hands and let Dad close his own door after climbing in the cab. “Fine, drive your damned self.” Ted and I had always been the hardest hitters when it came to Dad, especially Ted, but Mason and Luke would never talk to him like that. We watched Dad and Mason walk away and then headed out to the parking lot to my truck.

  Luke climbed in the back seat of my four-door and Ted took the front as I started the car.

  On the way home we talked about what was to come and I’d really started feeling positive for things to come. I had the support of my brothers and we’d agreed to all work together to keep things running smooth while Mom recovered.

  I got out and pumped my gas while my brothers went inside to grab drinks and something for us to eat on the way home.

  Luke returned with a bag full of stuff. “They had chipped beef. I got everyone a sandwich.” Once in the truck we waited for Ted to return and Luke pulled his sandwich out and started eating.

  I looked back in time to see a big blob of sauce drip down his chin. “Don’t get that all over my truck.”

  He wiped his mouth. “This is so good. Want yours now? We can split Mason’s. I won’t tell.”

  “I’ll wait, and you’re not eating Mason’s.” I glanced up to see Ted approaching.

  He climbed in and Luke tossed him his foil-wrapped sandwich.

  “Don’t make a mess,” Luke warned. “I’ve already used up the only napkin.”

  “There’s more in the glove box, just don’t make a damned mess of my truck, please.” I started the car and headed out on the road. We were two minutes down the road for home when Ted opened the glovebox and pulled out Sarah’s lingerie.

  “Whoa, brother. Seems your date left her panties in the car.” Ted waved the garment around and I scowled until the scent of her perfume met my nose. Ted threw the lacy scrap into the back seat with Luke who tossed it back.

  Luke nudged my seat. “Are those Sarah’s?”

  “Yes, and before you ask, I’m not going there with the two of you.” I wasn’t in the mood. The ache set in my heart due to another night without Sarah. I couldn’t do it. Once I got home, I was going to call her. If I needed anyone, I needed her.

  Chapter 16

  Sarah

  I’d played the demo tape over a hundred times since it had arrived. Thank God for overnight delivery. I needed some therapy and fast and I wasn’t talking about shopping. David’s smooth tones soothed me so all I wanted to do was wrap myself in a blanket and listen to him all day. Instead, I’d listened to it while cleaning my apartment and had even learned all of the words. When I wasn’t cleaning, I lay in my bed and bobbed my head to the beat. I could get lost in him this way, deep into the fantasy I’d created of our futures long before reality had revealed his lies.

  I wished like crazy that things were different and wallowed in self-pity enough that I couldn’t help but call his house. No one answered, and I scolded myself for my reasoning. I wanted to talk to him. Not so much as a lover or even a friend, though I’d have to be friendly, but as a potential agent. I could take him to new levels and help him live his dreams.

  He’d told me he wanted to get out of that town, so I still didn’t understand the reasoning behind him just up and quitting. That had to be his family and that damned Ella’s influence guilting him into staying in that little town. He deserved more. He deserved better, and I could give it all to him. I could give him lots of things as his agent, and lots of things in other ways I shouldn’t. No, I could do this. I could do it because I did care so much about him. I cared enough to let him shine; to let him be the star and nothing more, even if I secretly wanted him from afar.

  All those thoughts battled in my head. I still wanted him so damned bad. I knew deep down him not answering was probably for the best. I wasn’t sure I could even trust myself around him. Jenn would scold me for even entertaining some of the thoughts I’d had by calling him. But I had to eventually.

  I had sent Rowena the demo and was just waiting until the next morning to hear what she thought. I started the song again, but it was interrupted when the phone rang.

  I lowered the volume and snatched my phone from where it lay on the charger. My face fell when I saw Rowena’s name on my screen. “Hi, Rowena. Did you get the demo?” I held my breath as she sat for a moment talking to someone in the background.

  “Yes, I got it. I loved it too. You found a winner. He’s got exactly what we’re looking for. And if he looks half as good as he sounds, we’ve got our next breakout star.”

  I thought of David’s gorgeous fac
e. “He’s the total package.”

  She gave a wicked laugh. “Good, now bring him in this week and we’ll see if we can’t reel him in.”

  I thought of his mother and her illness. He probably wouldn’t be able to get away even if I could get him to agree to a meeting. He’d told me he quit, but I couldn’t just tell Rowena that. “It may take a little longer than that. His mother is in the hospital and things are looking grim. I think if we don’t push him where family is concerned, we’ll do better in the long run. But don’t worry. I’m on it. I won’t let him get away.”

  The long pause on the other end had me worried and I scrambled for something else to say, but finally she spoke. “You know, just when you start to impress me by finding an amazing talent, you let your emotions cloud your judgement. This singing cowboy is ripe for the pickin’. All you have to do is put him in the fucking basket.”

  “But his mother is very sick. She’s in the hospital and her outlook is grim. I—”

  “That’s horrible for him, but good for us— he’s vulnerable. We’re likely to get a much better deal out of him than I expected. Half of our game is knowing when to strike. Trust me. The time is now, Sarah.”

  I couldn’t believe how callus and cold she could be and worse, I had to work for her, hell, I’d even admired her. I wasn’t about to let her bully David. I couldn’t work with him if that was going to be the nature of our relationship. We’d both made mistakes, and he’d lied, true. But no one forced me to jump into things with him before I even knew him. Something about him made me want to stick up for him where Rowena was concerned. I wasn’t going to let her take advantage. “But I just don’t think it’s right to push and—”

  “Exactly, you don’t think like you should in this business, which is why you should listen to me. You have a week. Don’t screw this up and let him get away.” The phone went dead.

  Heaven help me, I hated Rowena. The woman could be so damned demanding it was infuriating. I could almost see the smug look on her face as she hung up.

  I contemplated calling David again. Considering the time, he could be home, especially if he really quit singing at Kinsey’s. I hated the thought of that. He was so loved at the place and he belonged on stage. With any luck, I’d have him on a much bigger one. If I could only convince him that quitting was a huge mistake.

  While I contemplated calling, I decided to get up and feed myself. I’d been so in my head, worried over David and my career that I hadn’t been eating right. The gurgles rumbling in my stomach were well past a simple protest, so I decided to make chicken salad. Before I could round up all the ingredients, the phone rang.

  Recognizing the area code, my heart started to pound. It was David. I took a deep breath, prepared myself to be strictly professional, and still managed to choke through my greeting. “Hello.” The word croaked from my throat so badly that I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge.

  “Hey, Sarah, I hope I’m not interrupting anything. I just wanted to see if you got the demo.” His raspy voice sent vibrations through me as I sipped the water.

  “I did. I was going to call you, but I got side-tracked. It’s amazing, David. You’re truly gifted and I, well, I know you’ve decided to give it up, but I’m hoping you’d reconsider. I mean, I know your mom is sick and the timing is horrible, but it’s just... well, my boss wants to meet you. This is your big chance.” I hated to push him much more. Rowena could be a heartless person all she wanted, but I just couldn’t take it to that level, especially with him. People deserved to be treated with respect. Even if he was a liar and a cheat, I didn’t have to stoop to his level. His mother was ill and I wouldn’t want someone pushing me at a time like that. Besides, he already thought the demo was all I cared about. What would he think of me if I started being pushy too? That wouldn’t get me far with David. “How’s your mother doing?”

  “She’s recovering from surgery and is in the ICU, but they expect her to make a full recovery. It was cancer in her colon. With chemo they think she’ll be fine in time. It’s just hard seeing her that way. I’m really needed here on the ranch.”

  “I know. I can imagine it’s been tough for all of you.” I thought of him and Ella. He was no doubt leaning on his woman now more than ever. I couldn’t ask him to leave his family in a bind. I’d have to think of a way to hold Rowena off. I just hoped she didn’t send someone else after David, and fire me in the process. I still needed to feel him out a bit and encourage him to keep pursuing his dreams.

  I considered a subtle way to bring it up. “Maybe after things settle a bit, you could reconsider? I mean, I understand your situation, but my boss and I agree that you could be a star.” The rush I’d imagined I’d have from telling him he could be a star was dulled considerably given the mood of things, but I kept hearing Rowena’s voice saying “Don’t lose him”.

  “I’ll tell you what, you come down and see me and maybe you can convince me.” His voice had deepened and it sent a soft tingle straight to my core as if he’d whispered the words warm against my neck.

  I took a breath and prepared to throw ice water on the fire. “What about Ella? I don’t think she’d appreciate the sort of convincing you have in mind.” My brows pinched tight as I regretted bringing her up. I was sure to make a fool of myself before the call ended.

  “I told you that was a misunderstanding.”

  Confusion angered me. “No, you said we were a mistake. Wait, what do you mean by a misunderstanding?”

  “My mama was just trying to make trouble because she wanted to run you off. Ella isn’t my fiancée. She’s my ex who has warmed more beds than blankets. She even slept with my brother, Ted.”

  “Wow, your mother did all that for you. Well, she must not like me at all.” I couldn’t imagine being around the ranch with her ill. It would only make things worse. “It’s probably best I stay clear.”

  “No, it’s fine. She told me to go after you and said she’s sorry about what she’s done. I’ve forgiven her and I hope you can too. She’s a great lady. Just gets a bit wound up over us boys.”

  “Well, I suppose a mother is allowed to make a few mistakes where her children are concerned. She must love you all very much.” I remembered the confrontation and how upset his mother had been. Her dark brown eyes shadowed above her plump, pale cheeks. And that Ella, all the lies she’d sold so well, must have been the future she’d lost when she slept with Ted. Her ruined dreams she’d turned to ammunition against me, in hopes to one day get them back perhaps. My heart raced at the possibility of going back down to Oklahoma. If I went, I would have to think of a good excuse to tell Rowena.

  “Yeah, but now it makes a hell of a lot more sense why you ran off. I don’t blame you one bit. I just wish you’d come to me first so I could have set it straight. Ella has pulled some stunts, but it was never anything I’d share with my mother. So Mama had no idea she’s the one that wrecked me and Ted’s relationship.” He paused and cleared his throat. “Anyway, that’s enough about all of that. I really wish you could get away and come back down.”

  “I wish I could. Rowena is already angry with me over my last trip.”

  “Maybe it will work out someday. I’d sure like to see you again.”

  “You will. Just don’t give up on your music. It’s who you are. You can do both, you know. Take care of your family and still have music in your life. It’s all about finding balance.” That was the subtle nudge I’d have to give him. I couldn’t let him just bail on music. It was too important to him.

  “When you left I put my guitar in the attic.” He gave a soft chuckle. “I’m glad you needed that demo, because it was a good reason to get it back out.”

  “Promise me you won’t do that again.” I wanted to scold him, but I kept my voice soft.

  “I won’t. I sang for my mama at the hospital. She encouraged me not to give up. I just don’t know when I’ll have time.”

  “I know things are busy on the ranch, but it’s okay if you make time for
yourself. We all need that.” I felt a tiny bit guilty saying the words, since I was the worst at taking care of myself. “It’s sweet that you sang for your mother.”

  “I was afraid it might be the last time.” His voice cracked and he took a deep breath, releasing it heavy into the phone. “When I did that demo, I pretended I was singing for you.”

  “I really hope you do. I have faith in your talent, David, in you.” My eyes grew misty with tears as I said a silent prayer for his mother. She’d put him back on track and I wanted to see her again so I could thank her.

  “I had a great time when you were here. I hope you did too.” There seemed to be doubt steeped in his tone.

  “Of course I did.” The memories of being under him on the truck sent more tingles through me and I wondered if he had the same reaction.

  “You think about it?” I detected a smile in his voice, like I’d seen and heard before.

  “Yes, do you?”

  “Mhm.” Heat crept through me as he moaned his affirmative, reminding me of the way he’d moaned against my lips. “I miss you,” he whispered.

  “I miss you too.” The joy built up inside me as I said those words. It felt right to say them, to think them. I wasn’t the shameful homewrecker I’d never intended to be, the one his mother had accused me of being. The shame that held me down all week, had weighed a ton on my battered heart. The guilt left me and I was free.

  Even better, David wasn’t a liar or a cheat. He was an incredible talent, an amazing person, and if I were lucky, in time, I’d not only land him as my client, but I’d truly make him mine. Rowena had nothing to worry about; there was no way I was letting this cowboy get away from me again, but now was not the time to push anything on David.

  Chapter 17

  David

  With Daddy not around to line us out, my brothers and I had relaxed in executing our morning chores, and with Mama not around to ring the dinner bell, we’d taken to eating cold cuts or whatever else we could find. After lunch, I found myself in the middle of the day with nothing to do but sit and worry about Mama, so I dusted off my jeans and took my guitar out to the front porch to strum it a bit and dream of Sarah. Strangely enough, my music, which had always reminded me of my grandfather, now reminded me of her.