Water Goddess

by Crystal Inman

Erin brought her trembling hand up to her mouth and touched her lips. She was a liar if she told herself she didn’t enjoy the feel of him close to her. A sob worked its way up to her throat and stuck there.

  A repeat of the conversation she had with her former boyfriend filled her head.

  Steve was a good guy. A student bent on making good grades and fulfilling his dream of becoming a high school coach and history teacher. That’s why they seemed to fit so well. They both wanted to work with kids. They both wanted so many of the same things.

  She and Steve started dating in their sophomore year and immediately fit together. He was outgoing while she was shy. They always had fun together and seemed to complement each other’s strengths and weaknesses.

  Erin hadn’t had sex with him. And Steve didn’t pressure her. He just reassured her that he would wait until she was ready. That he loved her so much that the physical part was just a small part of their relationship.

  She had believed him.

  And then one day in their senior year, Steve had brought her back to his house and gotten down on one knee. It was their two-year anniversary. Erin remembered it clearly now. He had decorated his house in blue and silver in honor of the occasion.

  It had been beautiful.

  Steve kicked out his two roommates and had made everything picture perfect. There was wine on the table and lasagna in the oven. A large bouquet of red roses spilled over in the middle of the small table. He wore his best khaki pants and a button-up crème-colored shirt she bought him for his birthday. He had even polished his brown loafers.

  She wore a dark blue sundress with spaghetti straps and matching shoes. Even her small clutch matched. She had been so nervous and excited. Earlier that week she bought Steve matching diamond cuff links with their initials in them. They were small but perfect. Erin thought he would love them.

  When he went down on one knee after pouring a glass of wine, Erin felt tears slip down her cheeks and spill onto her hand. Steve asked her to marry him. And it seemed like all her dreams would come true.

  A man who loved her. A job she loved. She immediately said yes. And that’s when it all went downhill.

  Steve began to become more insistent that they consummate the relationship. He didn’t understand why Erin wanted to wait. And she couldn’t tell him. He asked if she was a virgin, and she had shaken her head no. Steve only became more insistent.

  Erin hated sex.

  She would deal with it when they were married, but the thought of having sex turned her stomach. How could she make Steve realize that?

  Four months after their engagement, Erin started having nightmares. She would wake in a sweat with nausea in her throat and her heart hammering in her chest. A month after that, she went over to Steve’s to tell him what was wrong.

  It had been the hardest thing she’d ever done. She had started crying before she even started. Steve came over and put his arm around her to steady her. He kissed her hair and told her that everything would be all right. She could tell him anything.

  They sat on the couch, and Erin gathered her courage. And when she opened her mouth, her childhood spilled out. Her life as a foster child. Her time on the streets. She hadn’t even gotten through half of it before Steve stood and looked at her with disgust.

  “Give me my ring back.”

  Shock rooted her to the couch. Didn’t he say he would understand?

  “Give me the goddamn ring back.” Steve started toward her, and Erin quickly stripped it off and put it on the couch. She stood up and looked at the door.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  “All this time I thought you didn’t have any experience, and I was going to be the good guy and wait for you to be ready. I would be gentle and love you.” Steve sneered. “But you have plenty of experience, don’t you?” His voice deepened. “Nothing but a whore, Erin. Women like you are nothing but whores.”

  When he stepped closer, she had run. She knew the look in his eyes, and it scared the hell out of her. He would hurt her. He would use her past to excuse anything he wanted to do to her.

  She barely made it to her apartment before she threw up. Erin moved out shortly after that and found another place a little farther out of town. She went out of her way to stay away from Steve and their friends. She finished her schooling and moved far away. The job she held now had been a lifesaver. A new start.

  And could she ever again risk everything?

  Daniel.

  Erin buried her face in her hands as sobs shook her body. She would never tell him. Because men like Daniel didn’t need former whores in their lives. Hadn’t he had enough problems in his life without her complicating everything?

  * * * *

  The phone woke Erin up Saturday at ten o’clock. She frowned and rolled over with a yawn. She picked up the phone.

  “Hello.”

  “How was dinner?” Kendra’s insistent voice filtered through the phone.

  “Woman!” Erin frowned at the clock. “It’s early. I was asleep.”

  “Now you’re awake.” Erin could hear her smile through the phone. “And you can tell me how it went.”

  “Do your sisters ever want to kill you?”

  “Frequently.”

  “Geez, woman.” Erin blinked and tried not to yawn again. “Give me time to get up and have some coffee.”

  “I’ll be there in half an hour.”

  The phone clicked in her ear. Erin rolled her eyes and then grinned. She’d come to really like her assistant. And it’s not like she had anything planned today anyway.

  Erin swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood. She stretched and popped her neck. She glanced at the clock one last time. Her peach tank top and boxers would have to do until she had a cup of coffee. Then a quick shower and a change of clothes. And heaven knows she needed to condition her hair. She pulled it back into a loose ponytail and waited for the coffee to brew.

  Her doorbell rang five minutes later.

  Death would be too quick for Kendra. Erin grabbed her steaming cup of coffee and shuffled to the front door.

  “I swear, you’re killing me!” The next words died in Erin’s throat as she looked up into the amused eyes of one Daniel Rodriguez.

  “Shit,” she muttered and then blushed with embarrassment. “What are you doing here?”

  “I tried to call but received a busy signal.” Daniel shrugged elegantly. “I then assumed you were up.”

  “And you just decided to drop by?” Erin tried not to grimace at her state of undress.

  “I wanted to see if you were busy today.” Daniel held up his hands. “Erica, Juan, and I are having a picnic in the park this afternoon. We would like you to join us.”

  She took in the whole picture he made. Daniel dressed in jeans and a dark green T-shirt. He wore black boots on his feet that added a couple of inches to his already tall frame. He pulled the length of his hair back into a tight ponytail.

  “I don’t know,” she murmured. Erin tried to back up into her house without spilling her coffee or flashing her breasts.

  Daniel smiled and grabbed her cup for her. “Who were you expecting, anyway?” His hazel eyes danced. “You didn’t sound pleased.”

  “My teaching assistant.” Erin turned and motioned him inside. “Please come in. I’ll just go and change.”

  His hand on her arm stopped her. “You are lovely, querida.” Those hazel eyes took in her entire appearance. “You don’t have to change on my account.”

  “Yes.” Erin arched an eyebrow. “I believe I do.”

  Daniel sighed. “I was afraid you’d say that.” His tone made Erin laugh.

  “You stay here. Help yourself to a cup of coffee. I’ll be back in a minute.” Erin strode briskly down the hall to her room. As soon as she reached the sanctity of her bedroom, she shut the door gratefully. Oh God. Daniel Rodriguez just saw her in her nightclothes. His hot gaze on her was totally unexpected. Her body broke out in goose bumps at the memory. She was in trouble
.

  Erin rapidly pulled on an old pair of jeans and a gray tank top. She brushed her hair and her teeth and wandered back out to her living room. Daniel sat on one of the chairs that faced her hall. A mug sat in front of him on a coaster.

  He looked up at her and smiled when she joined him. “Will you do me the honor of joining us? Please?”

  “I don’t know, Daniel.” Erin bit her lip. “I don’t want to force my company on Erica. I don’t want to put any pressure on her.”

  “When I asked Erica if she would like to go on a picnic today, she specifically asked if you were coming.”

  “Oh.” Erin’s heart warmed immediately. “Did she?”

  Daniel nodded. “Erica never asks for anything. Mama has to go through her drawers to see when she needs something. For Erica to ask…” He let the thought trail off and cleared his throat.

  “I’ll join you.” The words escaped before she could think.

  “You will?” Daniel looked pleased and relieved. “Thank you.” He took a sip of coffee. “I will come pick you up at noon. Is that all right?”

  “Yes. Fine.”

  Daniel stood. “I will leave now. I have to prepare things.” He pulled Erin to her feet and brought her closer. “Thank you, Erin.” He cupped her cheek and moved her closer.

  There was time. There was always time to pull back. To show him this would go nowhere. But she couldn’t. Erin snorted at herself. She simply didn’t try. And that was the truth.

  And then there was only his mouth on hers. And even though there was a gentleness, she could feel a thread of hunger move through him. His hands tangled in her hair and kept her close to him. Her breasts pushed against his chest while their legs entwined. And then his hands moved down to cup her bottom and pull her even closer.

  A shock ran through her body at the intimate contact. Erin’s breath hitched in her throat. Daniel pulled back immediately and smoothed her hair down.

  “Forgive me.” His breath was harsh in the silent room. “I am sorry.”

  All Erin could do was stare at him.

  Daniel looked at her and cursed himself. “I am sorry,” he repeated stiffly. “I ask your forgiveness.”

  Erin blinked. “Forgiveness?”

  “You are beautiful, Erin. With big blue eyes that have seen too much, I’m afraid. And a heart so big that all the children in the world will surely fit inside.” Daniel gave a small smile. “You touch my heart, querida.”

  “Oh.” That was all she could manage right this minute.

  Daniel bowed stiffly. “We will be back at noon.” He moved to the door and left before she could utter another word.

  Erin shut the door behind him and stared at nothing. This whole kissing thing with Daniel was becoming quite a habit. She touched her lips and shook her head. She had never felt that thrill before. That rush of heat that swamped her entire body. The arousal. She bit down sharply on that. But it was getting harder and harder to do.

  * * * *

  Kendra arrived twenty minutes later. Erin had taken a quick shower and thrown on another pair of blue jeans and red tank top. She left her hair down to dry and went about the mindless task of tidying up her kitchen. She pulled out some bagels and cream cheese and waited for her next guest to arrive.

  As soon as Kendra knocked, Erin answered the door. Kendra wore a light blue silk pantsuit with a short sleeve shell on top. Her hair was pulled back in a slick chignon that emphasized her face. And this time it hit her. Something that she supposed she overlooked so many times before. But her brain was still haywire from Daniel’s kiss and the impossibility of her current life situation.

  “I look like you.”

  Kendra chuckled. “I believe you do. In fact, your school secretary thought I was you when I first arrived to fill out my application.”

  Erin pushed the door open further and motioned Kendra inside. “I’m sorry that just burst out.” She shook her head at herself. “I’m not quite myself this morning. I apologize.”

  “Don’t be silly.” Kendra grinned. “It’s a flattering comparison.”

  “Hardly,” Erin muttered. She motioned toward the kitchen. “I didn’t know if you had breakfast yet. I have some bagels and cream cheese if you like.”

  “Sounds great.” Kendra followed her in and sat at the wooden kitchen table.

  Erin turned her back to her guest and shoved the bagel in the toaster.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Huh?” Erin moved so quick she almost knocked the cream cheese tub off the cabinet. She barely caught it and put it back up. “Sorry.

  Kendra stood and walked over to her. “Calm yourself, child.” She touched Erin’s shoulders softly. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

  “Daniel Rodriguez.” Erin shut her eyes briefly. The bagel popped up, and she slathered cream cheese on both pieces and put it on a plate for Kendra. She put another bagel in. “He was here this morning.”

  Kendra took her plate and sat again. “Isn’t that good?”

  “I think he likes me.” God help her. If that kiss was any indication, he did a lot more than like her.

  “Isn’t that better?” Kendra asked blandly and took a bite of her bagel. She chewed slowly and watched Erin.

  Erin didn’t say anything until the second bagel popped up. She added cream cheese and sat across from Kendra.

  “There are things about me that are important. They’ve changed my life.” Erin took a bite of the bagel and gathered herself. “Most are not nice.” Wasn’t that a great politically correct way to say she was unsuitable?

  “I believe you told me before you’ve had an unpleasant earlier life.” Kendra took a drink out of a mug that Erin didn’t remember setting down. She continued, “But look who you are now. A beautiful, successful woman. A woman who has a great life. What man wouldn’t be attracted to that?”

  “You said you had sisters.”

  “Yes.”

  “Is there any possible way that I could be one, and we just don’t know it?”

  Kendra’s eyes filled for a second. She blinked back tears and covered Erin’s hand with her own. “I’m sorry, Erin. I would know. But I’m pleased that you would ask this.” She patted Erin’s hand. “Have you ever thought of finding your birth mother and seeing if you have siblings?”

  “Not until now.”

  “You’re looking for acceptance.” Kendra said the words with certainty.

  Erin looked at her, startled. “How did you know?”

  “You want to look for people with a blood tie who would be more apt to accept you and the things you’ve done. You’re searching for the family you’ve never had. But you’re totally ignoring the family you have now. All these people in your life who love and worry about you. What of them?”

  “I’m protecting them.”

  “You’re insulating yourself.” Kendra took anther bite of bagel and licked her lips.

  “You don’t know what I’ve done.”

  “Tell me then.”

  Erin felt a small nudge inside of herself. And then the words bubbled up in her quickly. She looked Kendra square in the eye. “I’ve whored myself.”

  Kendra studied her calmly. “Because you enjoyed it?”

  Erin shuddered and felt the nausea climb in her throat. “God no! Because I needed the money.”

  “How old were you?”

  “When I first started?”

  Kendra nodded.

  “I was fourteen.”

  “And where were your caretakers?”

  “I didn’t have any.” Erin shuddered in remembrance. “I left the foster home when one of the stepfathers came into my bedroom one night.” She took a breath. “He wasn’t the first.”

  “So.” Kendra’s blue eyes snapped furiously. “You were given to a family that should have taken care of you. The stepfather assaulted you. You left. You raised yourself on the streets. And did you immediately begin sleeping with men?”

  Tears streaked down Erin’s face. “I was starving. And no o
ne would hire me because I was so young. I ate out of the garbage and slept in a box in the winter. One of the restaurant owners found me after about six months and brought me inside. He said he was worried about me.” Erin closed her eyes as the memory washed over her. The shame burned her cheeks.

  “The restaurant had already closed, and we were the only ones there. He told me to take off my coat so I could get warm because it was raining outside, and I was chilled. When I took off the coat, I knew something was wrong. He was looking at me strangely and asked me how old I was. I lied and said sixteen.

  “He said he wanted to warm me up. He put his hands on my arms and rubbed them up and down. But then his breathing changed, and he moved closer.” Erin shuddered. “He kissed me and pushed me back on one of the tables. He ripped my shirt.” She opened her eyes. “He raped me there. And then he acted guilty afterwards and threw three hundred dollars on the table where he just screwed me. Told me to take the money and never come near his restaurant again.”

  Erin took a shaky breath. “I took the money and left.”

  Kendra took both her cold hands into her warmer ones. “You survived, Erin. Survived in a world that tried to rip your soul from you. I want to give you your other gift, but now is not the time.” She sighed. “So I’ll reiterate my first gift and give you acceptance.” Her warmth flowed into Erin.

  “Those of us who love you will accept you, also.” She pulled Erin closer and whispered into her ear, “Listen with your heart. Open yourself up to the possibility that you are more now than even you realize. Give acceptance a chance.” Kendra kissed her cheek and moved back.

  Erin blinked and felt the tears flow down her cheeks. Kendra still held her hands. She had never told anyone the extent of her shame. The sexual acts she traded for money so she could simply eat. Two years of her life where she wept during every encounter and cried for the pieces of her soul that splintered and disappeared.

  “I can’t tell him.” Erin pulled her hands back and wrapped them around herself. “He’s a good and decent man. And honorable.” Erin shook her head. “I have no place in his life. He just sees this.” She motioned to herself. And then she touched her chest. “But he doesn’t see what I was. The dark things I’ve done. And I can’t tell him. I can’t have him looking at me like a whore.” Erin choked back a sob. “I would never recover.”