For the Best

by LJ Scar

  “How so?”

  He shrugged. “Once she would have wanted to please you. I woke up this morning and saw her staring out into space. She didn’t have to tell me your little visit last night brought her down.”

  “I came to apologize for what Skylar did and said.”

  He dismissed my explanation, “You are always sorry. You fucking wreck her life every time you come round.” He shook his head. “She is with me now and no way are you messing this up for us.”

  Jealousy stirred. “I never messed anything up for you. Sounds to me like you did that all on your own.”

  “She lost her way and you led her.”

  When he spoke it was less like an accusation and more like he was just saying. She had lost her way so many times, and yes I was right there refusing to let her go.

  “So what makes you think you deserve her?” I asked wanting to turn the tables.

  “Because I love her. Because I’m faithful. Because for me she is the one.”

  I took him in, the angular nature of his face, the lines beginning to form from too many days surfing, maybe the life he’d once led.

  “She told me you were a recovering alcoholic. It’s hard to remember who you love when you’re drunk.”

  “Not as hard as when you’re stoned,” he volleyed back on information she had to have given.

  I took the defense. Was this an attack? I put the ball back in my court. “You don’t even have a real job. A photographer. Really, Hanna probably pulled in more working at the laundromat than you could provide.”

  He laughed. “Think what you want.”

  The way he said it, so confident. I knew he must have never been broke a day in his life. “So you’re some rich kid?”

  He laughed. “This is coming from the guy who is dating the daughter of a Fortune 500 company CEO.”

  Incredulous I asked, “How do you know Skylar?”

  “She gave Hanna her name. I figured any bitch who could make Hanna cry for days should be Googled.”

  “Hanna doesn’t care about money.”

  “I know. Just one of many of the reasons she is so amazing. She doesn’t do anything for the money but for the pleasure. You trying to steer her into another direction made her unhappy. You should have realized clicking a mouse and thumping a keyboard would have killed her spirit.”

  He drove the car straight through the soft sand, sharply cutting the wheels yet he didn’t apply the brakes and the car leaped through the drifts to the safer surfaces of hard packed ground.

  “Don’t fuck with her head.” The car came to a stop.

  We got out. Each grabbed a board.

  “I mean it. You try to be more than her friend, you stir up shit and I’ll drag you down.”

  He and I hit the waves at the same time, paddling out. He glanced over his shoulder at me. Within his expression, I saw no anger, no jealousy. I think he felt sorry for me.

  Chapter 53

  Hanna

  As I bandaged my wound after clipping a Chihuahua’s nails I mulled over the eccentricities of some of my clients. The very owner whose dog broke my skin between my index finger and thumb had recoiled when she saw Bowzer and Pinkie napping on the floor.

  She’d asked, “Is that a Rott and Pitt?”

  “They aren’t pure. They’re mixed.” I almost told her to take her business elsewhere and quit acting like I was running an illegal dog fighting operation. Now nursing my wound, I wished I had. Instead, I comforted the spoiled little lap dog and made a note in his file should he visit again.

  I wondered how the surfing had gone. Probably Tanner was telling Ansel about my lack of ambition and why I needed to go to college. I smiled thinking about Ansel. He didn’t care that I hadn’t furthered my education. To him it didn’t matter that I wasn’t connected, he wanted to distance himself from people like that. We came from totally different backgrounds and he liked the middle class perspective I had on life. Most of all he loved me, more than I think Tanner ever had.

  Tanner

  In a fit of jealousy, I called up Skylar then the university and made arrangements to do the paid internship at her father’s firm for the fall semester. I was scheduled to depart in August.

  The rest of the summer I spent working relentlessly and hanging with Trev. Doing the things we’d always enjoyed together. Casting the net into the intracoastal off Guana. In line skating as he pulled me on that rusty, old, heavy framed, single-speed beach bike. Watching cartoons or catching one at the theatre. Hell, even doing trampoline flips while he sat cheering me on, all were moments that made us brothers. We’d never shared a beer, never razzed each other about the other being whipped over some girl, never vented about jobs like I imagined other brothers did. That was okay, Trev was still the best brother a guy could hope for in life.

  Hanna, however, was constantly in my head. Mostly, my dreams.

  “Tanner?” She bent down to nudge my shape under the blanket.

  “Hmmm.”

  “I want to talk to you.” She kneeled beside me on the mattress. I drank her in…the glow of the TV backlighting her hair. Her eyes filled with tears and she bowed her head.

  “What’s wrong?”

  Her words were choked. “Why did you wait so long to come back to me? Everything is so messed up.”

  “We aren’t messed up. Maybe life is but our love isn’t.” I held her head between my hands and forced her to look at me, the watery hazel abyss of her eyes stealing my heart. I smiled reassuringly stroking her brown hair. “I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone like you,” I whispered against her lips.

  “Don’t…” Ignoring her pleas I continued, wrestling her into bed. She went still and each place I touched her was so icy. My hands froze. When I released her, she melted away.

  I woke with a resolve. Despite Ansel’s warning, I would go find Hanna and tell her my story, all my regrets. I knew she would take me back once the truths were revealed, take that risk that we could mend the hearts my stupidity had broken.

  Hanna

  Someone knocked. Keb popped his head up from scooting on the floor, and babbled as if to notify me in case I hadn’t heard.

  When I opened the door to find Tanner on the other side a moment of hesitancy gave him an advantage.

  “Hi Hanna.”

  “Tanner.” I nodded.

  “Can I come in?”

  I stepped aside for him to enter. Keb was sitting on the floor at the far end of the room amidst his toy corner. He was pushing a rubber truck across the rug.

  “You want a drink?”

  “What do you have?”

  I walked into the kitchen, checked the contents of the fridge. “The latest microbrew and milk.”

  “I’ll take the beer.”

  Pouring him a cold one and myself a glass of milk I retreated to the couch. “That’s Keb.” I pointed.

  He nodded, didn’t attempt to engage the baby. He studied the dark brew contemplating.

  The program in the background was The Wiggles. Keb’s body was bobbing in time with the music as he scoot/crawled. The ludicrousness of the moment made me want to laugh.

  “I was hoping to find you alone. I wanted to explain myself.”

  “This is about as alone as I get these days.”

  He started talking, going back all the way to when he was in Europe, ticking off confessions.

  “You don’t have to tell me everything,” I insisted quietly.

  “I need to.”

  Tanner

  I finished with, “I’m sorry, Hanna. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

  “Not your fault. I let you do it,” she answered nonchalantly as if my apology was meaningless.

  “If it makes a difference, it was hard on me as well.”

  Keb stole her attention. He was cooing along with an annoying song coming from the TV.

  “So your boyfriend…Ansel has made it clear you are off limits. How do you feel about that?” I waited for her to recognize the cage Ansel was trying to pen
her in.

  She smiled. “I like that he is protective. Makes me love him more.”

  “You love him? When did that happen?”

  “I always felt something for him, maybe it happened the moment I met him.”

  If she was attempting to piss me off she was doing a good job. “All the time we were together he kept calling but you never answered.”

  “When I went to Glacier I stopped keeping in touch with him over a silly disagreement we had. The night Keb was born I answered his call.”

  “You told me you slept together but weren’t lovers,” I accused.

  She squashed a smile. “I said that to make you wonder. Thinking you’d replaced me much quicker than I did you. In all honesty we did sleep together once in Utah and a lot in California. Back then we were never lovers. He couldn’t have filled the void you caused.”

  I found it hard to speak over the massive lump forming in my throat.

  She didn’t look my way when she spoke, “You know I was going to surprise you with this place when you got back from Europe. I thought you would be impressed. I had these grand ideas that you could build us a rooftop garden. I ended up having Jace knock out the back wall of my unit and install a door just so I could go out on the roof and look at the stars.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  She shrugged. “So last year of college for you, are you excited? What are your plans?”

  I told her about the internship making it seem more than it was.

  Chapter 54

  Tanner

  The internship was a desk job training for a career I was not the least interested in pursuing. From a windowless cubicle on the seventh floor of a high rise out in the suburbs I whiled away endless hours of work.

  Hanna

  “It’s bath time mister.”

  Ansel and I were on baby duty. Scooping up Keb like a sack of potatoes, Ansel flipped him over his shoulder making him squeal.

  I ran the tepid water, some Bubble Bath and put in all the bath toys, removed his t-shirt, little jeans and little socks.

  Ansel was kneeling on the bathmat playing superheroes, making Aquaman and Batman deep sea dive in a bath of bubbles.

  “You are really good with kids,” I complimented

  “You’re not so bad yourself.” He smiled pushed up and kissed my nose.

  “Do you want kids?”

  He froze.

  I backtracked, “I didn’t mean with me. I mean maybe someday. But I wasn’t meaning us…together,” I rambled trying to cover up words a young woman should never say to a fun loving, free spirited guy under thirty.

  His teasing eyes twinkled. “I was thinking Slash for a boy and Matilda for a girl.”

  “Seriously?” I asked in sarcasm.

  “What names did you have in mind?”

  I cupped water in my hand and rinsed the suds off Keb. “I have none in mind.”

  “Really, when you were trying for a teen pregnancy you didn’t consider any names?”

  “Maybe I should have. Put a fun spin on a very depressing point of my existence.”

  He stared down at Keb. “After we get married we’ll put together a list.”

  I laughed off the butterflies flitting through my stomach and let the subject drop.

  Done we emerged from Della’s bathroom. Keb freshly scrubbed was ready for bed. Della came home looking beat. Keb reached for her and she kissed his head rocking him in her arms.

  “He’s all ready for his nighttime story,” I said.

  Exhausted she flung herself onto the couch as Keb laughed in delight. “I can’t. I just finished a mountain of paperwork and Jace’s taxes.”

  “You can file an extension this far out?” Ansel asked.

  “You shouldn’t,” she declared as Keb settled his head in the spot between her neck and shoulder. “He is in real fix. Not a lot of work. Daytrippers isn’t very lucrative. Money is tight. Michelle likes to spend.”

  “You think he’d be interested in set building?” Ansel asked.

  Della and I both came to attention. “Where?”

  “Depends. Mostly Burbank.”

  Chapter 55

  Tanner

  At one of Skylar’s numerous family weekend excursions, I found myself staring at Skylar’s step-step grandmother. Not one of Skylar’s parents or grandparents was with their original or even second spouse. Peripherally, I saw Skylar’s father, also my boss, scowl - more than likely at me.

  “You want half,” Skylar offered me the remains of her filet mignon, though she hadn’t eaten a tenth.

  “Sure.”

  Halves….that’s all there was for Skylar. If she wasn’t so manipulative, I might have felt sorry for her. She had four siblings all halves. The maternal half that created her she was not on speaking terms with, that left her with a father who was remarried, half a parent.

  “I think I’ll fly back early. The weather channel is predicting a huge lake effect blast for Chicago and I have some pressing work at the office to take care of…” Her dad caught my eye, I wondered if he knew how little I truly engaged in the job he had given me.

  AIRPORT

  The flight was direct. As I arrived, I noticed all the planes backed up on the runway and held on the tarmac. Exiting I made my way past hordes of dismayed and disappointed travelers stuck in Chicago because of bad weather. Across the bottom of the arrival and departure screen scrolled the words Blizzard conditions close O’Hare Airport.

  Like a mirage, I imagined the woman holding up the wall outside United customer service was Hanna. “Shit,” I muttered to myself. I was coming at her from the other side of the concourse. Heavy foot traffic separated me but I managed to go serpentine to get a closer look.

  She was dressed in a short black leather jacket over a garnet jeweled silk shirt. A mini matching wool skirt showed off her long legs, which were covered in black sweater tights. Knee high heeled boots completed the eye catching woman waiting for an update on her flight.

  I touched her on the sleeve. “Hanna.”

  Startled her eyes grew wide. I went to hug her and she took several steps back.

  Recovering she attempted to smile, “Tanner, how are you?”

  “Good and you?”

  She stared at me closely. I wondered if she saw the emptiness in my eyes. “Great. I’m coming back from California. Jace and Michelle moved there. Ansel stayed behind to help them find a decent place to live. Pinkie, their dog remember? They gave her to me,” she was rambling.

  “You look well.” I gave the lamest compliment to the hottest girl I’d ever touched. I adjusted the strap on my carry-on trying to figure out my next move. I heard the others milling around the same spot as Hanna grumbling, discussing options. Listening ahead to the agents talking to the next people in line I gathered unpleasant news. All the airport hotels were booked. Flights were cancelled. Rental cars had been gobbled up long ago, and even if they hadn’t -what was she going to do? She wouldn’t drive sixteen hours south home.

  “Hanna Nwerrerreptesh,” the airline agent called butchering an attempt at a difficult name not even coming close to correct pronunciation.

  She walked up to the agent, proceeding to keep pissiness and aggravation out of the inflection of her voice. I stuck around eavesdropping, curious. Nothing she said mattered. It was after 6p.m. Her flight was cancelled. The next day’s flight to Jacksonville was full. She was stuck. She left her cell number and stepped out of line.

  She walked up beside where I was leaning against the wall, while other travelers rushed past us. “You coming or going?”

  “I just got back.”

  “That’s right.” She nodded. “The internship is here in Chicago. How is that going?”

  “Fantastic. Learning a lot, super busy.”

  “I know. Trev asked me what you meant in your e-mail.”

  “Regarding?”

  She didn’t bat an eye as she rattled off my exact words, “Trev, I’m sorry, but you can’t come to visit. I am slammed wit
h work and other commitments.”

  I wished she was unaware that I had been making up excuses to my brother on why he could not see me in Chicago. The real reason was Skylar was adamant Trev wasn’t allowed.

  She hunched into her jacket. “You got any suggestions on hotels.”

  “Aren’t they all booked?”

  “They can’t all be booked,” she insisted.

  “The good ones probably are.”

  She shrugged. “I guess I’ll figure it out. Does it usually snow this much?”

  “Not in October. At least I don’t think so.” I got an idea. “You could stay at my place until you’re re-routed tomorrow. I live downtown. We can take the train. My roommate is gone so there is an extra room.”

  Hanna

  Minus my luggage in route to the destination I was not, I followed him home like a stray dog; noted the interesting people crammed on the L train, grimacing at the two plus feet of snow surrounding the tracks and the amount still falling. I stared at orangey brick row house after ugly row house we passed as suburbs flew by the window. Finally, we got off at a station and plunged through un-shoveled city sidewalks. We came to a similar bricked building.

  Tanner, apparently feeling the need to talk, spouted facts on his residence, “This place started as a small factory, then they renovated it into office space, and now it’s residential. Wait until you see it inside.”

  I didn’t respond. Nervously, I fidgeted with the clasp on my handbag.

  Tanner took his key out and held the door to the vestibule wide while we stomped inside and shook off the cold.

  His was the first apartment on the ground floor. Before me were exposed pipes and conduits, huge leaded glass windows that made the world outside wavy like looking through an old Coke bottle, shiny swirling stained concrete floors covered a wide expanse.

  “You like it?” Tanner prodded.

  “Yeah.”