Heartstone

by Phillip Margolin

  A: (Coughing)

  Q: Why don’t you go ahead and clear your throat.

  A: Could I have some water?

  Q: Here. Does my holding the microphone bother you?

  A: No.

  Q: You weren’t telling us a story, were you, when you told us that Bobby and Billy were with you?

  A: Uh-uh. Is that a lie detector?

  Q: What?

  A: A lie detector?

  Q: No, it’s not a lie detector.

  A: When you asked who was in the car and I said Billy and Bobby, were you checking me with a lie detector?

  Q: No. This is a microphone with a tape recorder.

  A: Roger wasn’t with us. I only said he was because I wasn’t sure at first.

  Q: Okay. Esther, who was driving? When you were in the park, was it Billy or Bobby?

  A: Uh.

  Q: Can you see who is driving?

  A: I am trying to think of what you’ve told me.

  Q: I am interested in what you can remember, Esther. Remember, now, you want to remember this so you can get it off your mind.

  A: Uh-huh. I am really trying. I just don’t want to sound like a liar.

  Q: Are you saying that you think you told me something before and you aren’t sure it is the truth?

  A: No, it’s just that you said I told you something, but I can’t remember it and I don’t want you to think I am lying.

  Q: Let me worry about that and you worry about what you can remember. Is that all right?

  A: I am trying to remember.

  Q: Okay, can you remember telling us that you went to a grocery store after the party?

  A: Uh-huh.

  Q: Okay. Now tell me where you went from the grocery store again.

  A: We drank the wine.

  Q: Right. Now, where did you go from there?

  A: I can’t remember.

  Q: You were able to tell me before. Can’t you remember what you said before?

  A: I remember we went home.

  Q: Do you recall telling me about Monroe Boulevard and Lookout Park?

  A: Uh-uh. I probably lied.

  Q: You probably lied to me?

  A: Could I have lied about what I said?

  Q: I doubt it.

  A: We went to the grocery and drank the wine, but I can’t remember anything except we went home.

  Q: Are you pretty much awake now?

  A: I think so.

  Q: Can you say “Around the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran”?

  A: Around the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran.

  Q: I guess you are awake. You shouldn’t be able to say that. I think we’ll stop for the day.

  Eddie Toller checked the address, then began climbing a flight of rickety wooden stairs that ran along the outside of a weatherbeaten wood-frame two-family dwelling. When he reached the porch on the second floor, he knocked on the screen door. The conversation inside stopped at the sound of his rapping. He heard footsteps and the door opened a crack, releasing the pungent odor of marijuana into the night air.

  “Is Gary in?” Eddie asked the young girl who stared through the crack. The girl looked him over. His age had aroused her suspicions.

  “I’m Eddie Toller. He’s expecting me.”

  The girl said, “Oh, yeah,” and admitted him. The hallway was lit by candles, but Eddie could see that it was the girl’s clothes that were young and he revised his age estimate up ten years. She introduced herself as Laura Kinnick, Gary’s girlfriend, and led him through a veil of beads into a living room decorated in Early American Guru. Gary, who was seated on a large pillow covered with an Indian fabric, rose from his lotus position and introduced Eddie to the other couples in the room. Both of the men had long hair and Eddie disliked them immediately. They looked dirty and he bet they would smell, if he could smell them over the scent of the dope.

  “How you doin’, man?” Gary asked later, when they were off together in the kitchen. Eddie had passed on the joint, raising eyebrows among Gary’s friends, and had asked for a beer. He had followed Gary into the kitchen while he broke open a six-pack.

  “Not so good, Gary. That’s why I wanted to see you tonight.”

  “What happened?”

  “Ah, it’s those sons of bitches at Parole. They busted Carl, the guy who owns the Satin Slipper. He was selling dope outta the place. I was arrested too, but I had nothing to do with it, so they dropped the charges, only someone told my P.O. and he said I had to quit. He said he didn’t want me working at a place like that. I told him I was legit and that I wouldn’t be able to get another job this good with my record, but he wouldn’t listen. So now I ain’t got a job.”

  “Those fuckers,” Gary said sympathetically, shaking his head.

  “Yeah, well, what’s done is done. Only I gotta figure a way to make some bread. Joyce is still working, but I ain’t gonna live off her.”

  “I’d lend you some dough, if I could, Eddie, but I’m short myself.”

  “Hey, I ain’t lookin’ for no handout, Gary. I want to know more about the job you got planned.”

  “You want in?”

  “If it’s good. I want to hear about it first. I’m too old to go back to the joint. With my record, my next fall is gonna be long, hard time. So don’t jack me around.”

  “I won’t, Eddie. This is a sure thing and there’s plenty of dough in it. I got it all worked out and I’m rushin’ into nothin’.”

  “Okay. Lay it out for me.”

  “Laura works in the Cameron Street Medical Building. I drive her to work in the morning and I pick her up, so I been inside it a lot. I’ve been checkin’ the offices and stores in the building. Laura has a master key that fits the outside door of her office and the pharmacy on the ground floor. That’s what we’re gonna hit.”

  “What’s there?”

  “Drugs, Eddie.”

  “I know that, but I don’t use drugs no more and I don’t have the connections to push.”

  “I got the connection and we don’t have to push, either. This guy will pay top dollar on delivery.”

  “Who is this guy?”

  “Someone I met in the joint. He’s big, Eddie. He knows all the right people.”

  “How do you know this guy ain’t feeding you a line?”

  “Because I dealt with him before.”

  Eddie jerked his head toward the living room.

  “What about her?”

  “Laura? She don’t know nothin’. I took her keys one weekend and had duplicates made. She don’t even suspect I got them.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Hey, what’s to know? It’s a cinch. We got the keys to the castle. They’ll never know what happened.”

  “I want to think it over and I want to see the layout myself.”

  “Sure, Eddie. I ain’t rushin’ you. What say we go over the place on Tuesday?”

  “Okay. Tuesday. But I have to be sure. You see my position, at my age. I can’t afford to foul up again.”

  “I’m very proud of you,” Roy whispered in Esther’s ear. She purred and kissed him. She was so content. She only wished that she could help him by remembering everything he wanted her to remember.

  It was four-thirty. They would have to get dressed soon and go see Dr. Hollander. She wished she could tell the doctor the secret she shared with Roy, but Roy said that she mustn’t tell anyone.

  She wished Roy would stay with her more, too. He told her that it was only safe before and after the sessions. He said how it would be misconstrued if anyone found out about them later, when there was a trial. She knew he was right, but the few hours they had together weren’t enough when you spent every waking minute thinking about someone.

  Roy walked into the bathroom to shower. The sitter would arrive soon and she had to tidy up. She felt very good today. Very positive. She was sure that she would remember today. She had to. For Roy. He had told her that the barriers were almost down. She could sense that too. She had been experiencing strange dream
s recently.

  But what if she was only imagining? She felt suddenly depressed. She had liked Bobby a lot once. She didn’t want to hurt him. If it wasn’t true, but she said it was…She didn’t want to think about it. It was true. Roy had said it was. She shut the bad thoughts out of her mind.

  TAPE # 10

  ESTHER PEGALOSI: I remember a car race.

  ROY SHINDLER: Okay. Was there anything special about the car you had the race with?

  A: They made us spin around.

  DR. HOLLANDER: Very good! You see, your memory is coming back bit by bit. Can you describe the other car?

  A: No. Just that it was bright.

  Q: Bright?

  A: There was fire on it.

  Q: It was on fire?

  A: I…I know what the car is supposed to look like, but I don’t want to be biased.

  Q: I don’t want you to be biased. I want you to tell me what you remember. Do you remember telling us that today you would tell us the truth?

  A: Uh-huh.

  Q: Good. Now why do you say there was fire on the car? Was there a decal there? Do you mean the flames were painted on?

  A: I know what’s supposed to be there and I know how it looks and it’s awfully hard not to put it there in my head.

  Q: I don’t want you to do that.

  A: I really can’t remember. It seemed like fire. I don’t like going that fast. I probably didn’t look, ’cause I would be scared.

  Q: Okay, after the drag race, then what?

  A: They got mad.

  Q: Who got mad?

  A: Billy. He wanted to catch them. He knew the girl.

  Q: Billy knew the girl?

  A: Oh…

  Q: Would you speak up? I can’t hear you.

  A: It did happen on the same night.

  Q: What happened?

  A: I don’t feel so good.

  Q: You were doing fine. Who was the girl, Esther?

  (Sobbing)

  Q: Relax now. Take my handkerchief. You’re doing fine. Are you okay? Have some water. Okay. Take a deep breath. Now, tell me. Tell Roy. Who was the girl?

  A: Can I whisper?

  Q: No, Esther. Today is truth day. Today you must be the strong, confident woman that Roy and I know you’ve become. Do you want to tell us?

  A: (Sobbing) Could I…?

  Q: No, Esther. Just answer my question if you want to help me. Who was the girl?

  A: Elaine Murray. Billy saw her and he said it.

  Q: Okay. It’s all right. Then, Billy got mad?

  A: Yes.

  Q: What did he do?

  A: They were cussing and they couldn’t see the car for a while.

  Q: Did they chase after it?

  A: Uh-huh. But they couldn’t find it.

  Q: Where did they go?

  A: Into Lookout Park.

  Q: You went into the park?

  A: It seems like it. It couldn’t be my imagination.

  Q: No. You’re doing fine. Your memory is working better than it ever has. What happened next?

  A: We…I saw the car.

  Q: The car you were dragging with?

  A: Are you sure that I’m not just remembering this because I want to get it over with and I’m not really remembering it?

  Q: I think you are remembering it because you have come to the point where you can. I know you want to get it over with.

  A: Is it all right if I smoke?

  Q: No. In a few minutes I will let you smoke. Now, you saw the car, and then what?

  A: I’ll tell you if I can remember. But I’m kind of blank.

  Q: You’re doing fine. Let’s see how good your memory is.

  A: It’s so hard because I know what they did. I know what I’m supposed to say and I want to make sure that I remember and I’m not just saying it…Something that I know.

  Q: What you are supposed to say may not be true. I want you to remember what you remember.

  A: Okay. We are driving in the park. You see, there are curves out there. Real sharp and woods all around. And Billy was mad, so we were going real fast and dust was just flying. I don’t know where we went. We drove for a long time. Then we went back and forth over the same area and we passed a place with a fireplace and some benches and then there was a small road off of that and when we went by the road I saw something.

  Q: What did you see?

  A: I don’t remember…I don’t like to remember, really.

  Q: I know you don’t like to remember.

  A: I really can’t…

  Q: Did anything happen in the park?

  A: Uh-huh.

  Q: What was it…? You are shaking your head. What happened?

  A: I didn’t see it.

  Q: What didn’t you see?

  A: I ran.

  Q: What did you run from?

  A: I…

  Q: It’s okay. Here’s a tissue. We will protect you. You’re safe here.

  A: I…

  Q: Take a deep breath. Everything is fine.

  A: (Crying)

  Q: What made you run?

  A: The murder.

  Q: I couldn’t hear you.

  A: The murderer.

  Q: You saw the murder?

  A: They were yelling.

  Q: Who?

  A: Everyone. They were going to beat him up.

  Q: Beat who?

  A: The boy from the other car.

  Q: Why didn’t he drive away?

  A: Because he had been insulted.

  Q: He had been insulted?

  A: His girlfriend had.

  Q: What did they say?

  A: Billy said nasty things.

  Q: What did Billy say? Did he say prostitute? Do you recall?

  A: And the boy said to shut up.

  Q: The boy told Billy to shut up?

  A: I can’t tell you whether it’s really what’s in my head.

  Q: You keep on because your memory is telling you fine. We are very proud of you. You are a fine, strong woman.

  A: So they started fighting.

  Q: How did it start? The fight?

  A: Billy said something and he said that is no way to talk about a lady. To insult her. And he was going to make him take it back and Billy socked him.

  Q: Billy socked him?

  A: And they were hitting him and they went and got the girl.

  Q: Where was the girl?

  A: In the car.

  Q: What did you do?

  A: I don’t feel well. Can we stop now?

  Q: No, Esther. We will stop in a little bit.

  A: I don’t remember.

  Q: You do remember. We are so proud of you, Esther.

  A: He had no face.

  Q: Who?

  A: Richie.

  Q: Richie had no…? Take it easy. Do you want a handkerchief?

  (Sobbing)

  A: I ran. (Crying)

  Q: Did you run when you saw Richie’s face? You are shaking your head yes. Where was the girl?

  A: They were dragging her into the grass. That’s all I know. I ran away.

  Q: Did you fall while you were running?

  A: Uh-huh.

  Q: While you were running, did you drop anything or lose anything?

  A: My purse. My glasses fell out.

  Q: After you fell and got up, where did you run?

  A: Down to the road.

  Q: Did you…were you confronted by dogs?

  A: I got in the yard and they chased…chased me. I didn’t see them at first, then they jumped at me.

  Q: How did you get away?

  A: They were tied. On a leash.

  Q: Okay, so you got away from the dogs. Then where did you go?

  A: Onto the road. I started to walk home.

  Q: How did you get home?

  A: I am too wide awake with this stuff now. I can’t remember what I’m supposed to say.

  Q: I don’t want what you are supposed to say. I want what you remember.

  A: ’Cause I know what I’m supposed
to say and, well, I am telling you the truth. I am not making it up.

  Q: I know, Esther. Shut your eyes for a minute. Just relax. In a minute I will give you some more medicine.

  DR. HOLLANDER: How did you get home?

  A: Bobby and Billy and…They stopped the car.

  Q: They got you in a car?

  A: I was walking on the street and they stopped. They came up behind me and said to get in.

  Q: Who was driving?

  A: Bobby, I think.

  Q: Where was Billy?

  A: In the back, holding a girl.

  Q: Elaine?

  A: Yes.

  Q: Was she all right?

  A: She wasn’t dead. She was all right.

  Q: How did you know?

  A: She was sitting up and looking at me, but he was holding her.

  Q: How did he hold her?

  A: By her arms and around her shoulders. She looked asleep almost.

  Q: Dazed?

  A: Yes.

  Q: Where did they go with her?

  A: I don’t know. They took me home. They dumped me off in the middle of the street and drove away.

  Q: They didn’t say anything to you?

  A: No. Maybe that’s why I didn’t remember it the next day when I saw it in the papers.

  Q: What do you mean?

  A: I saw about Richie being killed, but I never saw the boy close, so I decided it couldn’t have been and I forgot about it. I was pretty drunk, too.

  Q: Why are you crying?

  A: I am tired.

  Q: Do you think that what we talked about was all you can remember?

  A: I don’t know.

  Q: But you remember seeing the boy murdered?

  A: No, I didn’t see that.

  Q: Didn’t you say that you saw the fight?

  A: No, no, I didn’t know there was a murder, until later. I didn’t know what happened. I thought they beat him up like they usually did.

  Q: Didn’t you say you saw Richie’s face?

  A: I saw it later.

  Q: Did they ever talk to you, Bobby and Billy, after that? Threaten you?

  A: Well, you know, you hung together. You didn’t tell. And then, I didn’t want to go to a home. You know, there was that robbery thing at the miniature golf and if I got in trouble again the judge said he would have to send me to a home.

  Q: After that night did you ever see Elaine Murray again?

  A: No. I hardly saw Billy or Bobby, either.

  Q: Not even in school?

  A: They had a car accident in…right after New Years and they was in the hospital. Then I stopped hanging around with the Cobras and stayed home more. They almost didn’t graduate, I remember. But I guess the school just wanted to get rid of them.