Hope Is Love

by Hubbard, Sylvia

When he started to walk away, she said, "But there is something that bothers me."

  James stopped, but only looked over his shoulder at Nicole in irritation.

  Nicole walked up to him. "Whether she aborted the baby or miscarried, she still lost something and knowing the man that you are... or was... I'm afraid you could hurt her."

  Turning to Nicole, he took her hand in his and realized why Ethan loved this woman so much. She had this way of empathizing and making others as well. "What if I gave my word I'd do my best not to hurt her."

  She looked clearly doubtful as she pulled her hands away from him. Shaking her head, she said, "I can't take your word, James. You're not in your right mind and your word means nothing at this time. Maybe when you get your memory back or maybe when I see more than I hear. I don't know, but right now, I can't accept your word."

  He could only keep his mouth closed and nodded.

  "Just don't hurt her. Whatever you do or when you get your memory back, don't hurt her. My interest is only for her emotional safety when it regards you, James. Only because all I've ever known about you is bad and you have never been with a woman like her, like Ethan said. Now that I know her loss, how she must have suffered and how strong she still is, I don't know if you deserve a woman like that. You have a lot money, James - more than she's ever seen in her entire lifetime, but all that money is not going to buy her what she really needs."

  "And what is that, Nicole?" he asked earnestly.

  "A real man." She took a pause in regret. "I'm sorry to say it, but I had to and Ethan has always said you've always dealt in honesty. She's unlike anything you have ever met before and most likely it's been for a reason. You getting shot and losing your memory was a blessing because now you know what a real woman is, but you don't deserve her."

  She walked away and James leaned against the wall as if he had been punched in the stomach. Her words had hit him hard because she had been very right.

  * * *

  Jona stepped into the shower luxuriating immediately in the feel of the water all over her body. Years - that had been how long it had been since she had a shower.

  Don't get used to it, she scolded herself.

  Pulling the hat off her head, she let the water fall over her shoulder length dark brown hair. Unbraiding the eight braids she usually kept her hair in as the water cascaded over her body, she was able to use her finger like a comb to weed through the knots.

  Using the same soap she washed up with, she washed her hair thoroughly. This whole experience with James was almost worth it as she rinsed the dirt from her hair, smiling from ear to ear enjoying herself under the warm water.

  Once she was done with a clean up of her body twice over, she stepped out of the shower. There was a hair dryer and comb on the counter, along with other sundries.

  She was a little thicker than Nicole, but that was fine because the clothes just looked as if they would be only used for nightclothes.

  Jona dried her hair and re-braided each strand quickly. Her hair wasn't nappy like most people assumed homeless people kept their hair. She had refused to let dreads come in. She constantly combed her hair and then re-braided her hair so she wouldn't get the nappy dreaded look. The hats she wore specifically were picked out because of the soft lining inside so her hair wouldn't break off at the end. Hanging around a lot of hair shops when she could, sweeping up hair for extra change, helped her understand good hair care.

  When she could, she would at least condition her hair. The summer months were always better because she could wash her hair more often and just let it naturally dry, while in the winter, if she didn't want to catch pneumonia, she'd almost have to go the whole winter without washing her hair at all, but she always tried to comb through each strand at least once every other day and use some type of oil, even if it had been vegetable oil on her scalp.

  There was a brand new toothbrush in the pile of sundries and she vigorously brushed her teeth as if she had not done so in a very long time. Afterwards, she took her time flossing and then brushing her teeth all over again.

  Nicole had even put some women products in the pile and even though Jona's flow was lighter than ever, she still put some down there just in case. By tomorrow, there would be no trace of her past before she met James.

  Seeing the scarf in the pile of clothes also made her smile and she reminded herself to tell Nicole thanks.

  Wrapping her hair once again and putting on the rather tight blue pajama top and bottom, she lastly put socks on her feet after soaking them in the good moisturizing lotion. Jona had not given her body this much TLC in a very long while and by the time she stepped out of the bathroom, she was good and sleepy, but a little bit hungry.

  James answered her stomach's call by walking in the door at that moment with a large tray of food and drinks. There was a table over by the settee, where he set the tray on and then turned to her as she closed the door to the bedroom since his arms had been so full when he had come in.

  He looked her over giving the scarf a second of annoyance, but then sensuously caressed her body with his eyes. She tried to distract him by talking and to push the warm flutters inside her body away. "What did your brother say?"

  "Nothing," he grumbled, handing her a cloth napkin as she approached him within arms length.

  Jona took the napkin and thought the fabric was just too nice to use to wipe a person's mouth. He pulled out her chair to encourage her to sit down at the table with him to eat.

  The last time she had sat at a table for a dinner had only been at the church. By herself, she wouldn’t be able to remember. That time had been longer than when she had showered.

  "How was the shower?" he asked reading her thoughts slightly.

  "It was good. Thank you."

  "Did you get a chance to wash your hair?"

  She nodded, starting to stuff the food down her throat forgetting about the silverware and even the napkin. When she realized he wasn't eating, she looked up at him using her sleeve to wipe her mouth. "What's wrong?"

  "Is this what you meant about fitting in my world?" he questioned.

  "What do you mean?"

  "I mean have you been in your world so long, you've forgotten about human skills?" His eyes looked over at the fork that was right by her hand.

  She picked up the fork to start using, shoveling the food down her throat so she could quickly eat and get to sleep.

  He started eating as well, but she didn’t fell comfortable because it seemed as if he was watching her every move. Nervously she looked over at the bed.

  “When was the last time you laid in a bed?” he questioned.

  “It’s been a while.” She chuckled nervously.

  “My brother asked me something else, but I told him you would probably say no.”

  “Oh now you’re making decisions for me too in your world?” she asked in a snit, getting immediately angry about someone taking her right to speak for herself away.

  “No, I said it would be up to you. You’ve made decisions for yourself far too long. It would be wrong of me to make the decision for you.”

  She relaxed and felt a little guilty about getting angry. “What did he ask?”

  “If Nicole could spruce you up.”

  “Spruce? What am I a tree?”

  It was his time to chuckle. “No, Hope. She wanted to freshen you up to … my world.”

  Her eyes narrowed warily. “How far do they want me freshen?”

  “I promise they won’t make you burn the coat. I even told Mitch while I was in the kitchen to leave it out in the shed out back.”

  “But I’d rather have it with me.”

  “We’ll go out early before I leave to get whatever you need out of it, but we’re really pushing Ethan’s temperament if we try to bring that thing in the house.”

  She bit on the side of her lip nervously. “No one will touch it?”

  “No one wants to get near that thing. I had to promise Mitchell five hundred just to take it to th
e shed.”

  Sheepishly, she said, “Well, it is unnecessary in this world.”

  “True and since you don’t plan to stay around, I wouldn’t want to take away the chance of you not being able to return to your world.”

  The warm butterflies returned and she found herself wanting to do more than just talk with him. Did he know how damn good he looked just sitting in that chair, perfectly groomed? Getting out of her chair, trying to find something else to do, but just resorting to sitting on the bed, she asked, “So this freshen up thing with Nicole, what will it consist of?”

  “Maybe something to do with your clothes,” he said speaking hesitantly, but then his voice went low. “Your hair too.”

  “My hair?”

  “Yes. They might suggest a little something with your hair.”

  She frowned deeply in displeasure.

  He stood up and came over to her. Their proximity had been so close the past couple of days, she didn’t feel this was inappropriate, yet the idea of sitting on real bed, with a man this gorgeous made her remember she was a woman with breast that longed to be touched and parts of her that had never been touched tenderly by any man.

  “Just listen before you speak,” he said resting his hand on her thigh.

  She forced herself not to think about his hand touching her, but she had to look down where his hand rested, because it felt as she had nothing there. His palm felt hot against her skin.

  “You’re going to be here for a while.”

  “You don’t know that,” she countered politely moving his hand away. “You could wake up tomorrow morning and remember everything.”

  “I could, but I highly doubt that,” he said skeptically. "And even if that does happen, we still have to figure out together who tried to hurt me."

  "We?"

  "Yes," he said obviously. "You're my witness, Hope."

  She hadn't thought that far.

  He continued. "Nicole will probably just take you to get some pampering and some clothes, but if you think it might be too much, you have the option to tell them to stop." James laid down on the bed on his back looking up at her with his hands behind his head

  "I understand," she said stiffly. "Some sprucing up, just like you said." She changed the subject again holding her hand against her stomach to calm the warm butterflies flurrying around her stomach screaming to get out. "What about my reward? Will your brother give me something?"

  "Of course. It's really up to me."

  She wondered did he realize he could be on the cover of a magazine and have woman drooling over him. His broad shoulders easily took over the bed and his long body was thick with muscles without a single centimeter of fat. "And how much do you want to give me as a reward?"

  "How much would you desire?"

  Her breath caught in her throat as she thought about just that word and what they had done before. Thinking fast, she threw out, "Five hundred."

  He didn't blink. "Fine, but I think I have a better amount."

  Chapter 13

  Her alarms were going off and she told herself not to want more, but curiosity was killing her. James could see everything in her eyes. His senses were so in tuned to her and seeing her become excited just from the motion of him lying down in the bed, excited him more than anything.

  She was fighting with everything inside of her not to be attracted to him and James cherished every bit of teasing her with his proximity. As long as she thought this encounter was innocent, the more she would give him.

  James had always realized there was some animalistic instinct he had inside of him to feel other emotions directed at him, especially when it came to women. Smelling her heated arousal gave him a sexual hunger he became intoxicated with.

  "What's the better amount?" Defensively, she asked, "Are you trying not to pay me?"

  "Oh no. I don't mind giving you that money." He moved closer to her as he made sure he was aware when she felt uncomfortable. Getting the chance to be this close with her without her being able to get away was unique for him. He knew given the chance, she would take off and go somewhere else. Casually placing a hand on her lower back and moving upwards in a circular motion, he continued to speak, but he could feel her back tense and relax repeatedly as she tried to pay attention to him. ”I propose the five hundred dollars, plus a scholarship.”

  “What kind of scholarship?”

  “Education.”

  Rolling her eyes annoyed, she said, “I know what a scholarship is.”

  He had only explained to give him time to think of something that would interest her. “It’s just a scholarship I give to the majority of my employees,” he lied.

  She narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “So you want me to work for you?”

  ”Yes,” he said absently as he maneuvered his massage more in depth with both of his hands. She didn’t stop him as he moved his hands under her shirt and James found himself becoming almost completely aroused feeling her soft brown skin and having the urge to want to press his lips against her back.

  “Are you trying to ask me to become some kind of whore for you, James?” she questioned. “I’m not completely naïve when it comes to matters of men’s wants.”

  He wasn’t use to any woman being so blunt about that. Quickly, he said, “Of course not.”

  Standing up, adjusting her clothes, she asked, “You’re lying.”

  “I’m not,” he defended himself and trying to look as insulted as possible. “You know, I don’t know why you would insinuate I wanted to hire you as a whore. I don’t pay for sex.” This was the absolute truth, but he was willing to offer her almost anything to keep her around for himself. True, all this lying was for a selfish endeavor, but in his mind, he really felt he was also doing something equally right for her as well. In the end, she’d see he did have her best interest at heart as well.

  “And what kind of job do you really think I can do? You don’t know anything about me.”

  James was pissed about her getting up and not really caring about the questions she was asking, yet this one was something he couldn’t avoid. “I know you’re about the toughest woman I’ve ever met and I’ve never seen anyone work so damn hard to accomplish what you’ve done. You have some electrical skills and you can construct a damn good clubhouse for a girl.”

  She stared at him as if he had lost his mind and James challenged her glare with one of his own until she finally relaxed and moved back on the bed, this time facing him. “And what kind of job would you think about giving me?”

  “After what you have done for me, do you really think I need to give you a job?”

  “Yes,” she insisted. “I don’t like pity and I’m suspicious about all charity given. If I can work off whatever is given or at least feel I’ve been an asset, I’ll feel there is still a price to pay for what I’ve accepted from you.”

  James desperately wanted to know how her sense of self had become so warped. “Hope, do you understand if you had not saved my life, I would not be able to enjoy the wealth that I have obtained?”

  She looked away from him for a moment, but he had seen that look of guilt and he wondered what that had meant. “It was nothing,” she said. “I would have left you there if you had not groaned.”

  “It doesn’t matter what made you rescue me, but the fact remains you deserve something more than five hundred dollars.”

  “I would feel comfortable with just the money James.” She started to move to the edge of the bed, but he gently took her arm and urged her to lie down beside him, so he could look down at her face.

  “I would feel comfortable if you accepted this scholarship, apply it to your education and enjoy the full reward for the good service you have done.” He rested his hand over her stomach and loved when she put her hands over his own accepting his touch.

  “I’m not a good person, James. I’m really not,” she said with her tone of voice full of guilt.

  “No one is ever a good person, Hope,” he said. “And it seems I�
�ve lived my life an epitome of selfishness and being bad.”

  She looked away, but made no attempt to refuse his touch or his closeness. “I’ve done some bad things-“

  “Hope,” he cut her off, making her look up at him by gently moving her chin. “It doesn’t matter what you’ve done.”

  “I don’t-“

  James couldn’t stop himself as he dipped down and captured her warm lips that reminded him of the taste of brown sugar. All of his years of jumping from woman to woman couldn’t prepare him for the sweet heady feeling he was overwhelmed with whenever he kissed her lips.

  Her hand came up and he felt the small touch of resistance as she pressed against his chest. James pulled her body closer to hers, pressed more and groaned his need. Her palm moved up to his face and James knew she had accepted him. He became aroused more.

  * * *

  She didn’t know why she allowed the kiss happen. Maybe it was the curiosity about the feel of his lips again? Maybe it was the need to feel someone touching her? Maybe because of what he made her feel before when she had kissed him and her body secretly longed for that again?

  His hands moved down her stomach to move over the indent before her thighs. Jona gasped from the thrill of his touch and he used the opportunity to move his tongue to entwine into hers. His hands seemed to know her body and touch where her skin called out. His mouth tasted like a delicious dinner she used to dream about eating when she would go weeks without something to eat. There was something so heady about his kisses that transported her away from being who she really was and made her forget about everything.

  He moved over her body continuing to kiss her long and hard, showing her so many ways lips could talk and teaching her to touch him as well. Jona remembered from the first time as she moved her hands down to his groin and cup the indent between his legs, but he was far from soft like hers. His manhood was clearly aroused and pressed against his clothes.

  Yet he took her hand and moved her arms up so his groined pressed her mound. He released her wrist and rose up to break the kiss. “Hope, I have to ask you something that’s really important to me.”