Wish List (How To Be The Best Damn Faery Godmother In The World (Or Die Trying) Book 2)

by Helen Harper

  Alicia smiled, a perfect dimple forming in her perfect skin on her perfect face. ‘Brilliant. I’m sure you’ll appreciate that it will be difficult for me to take orders from you but it’s a measure of how much I respect you that I’m willing to let my instinctive dislike of you pass.’

  Enough was enough. ‘Alicia, why don’t you spit out what you really want?’

  She acted as if she hadn’t heard me. ‘And I do respect you, Saffron. You work hard. You are dedicated to this office. That’s the sort of attitude I can get behind.’

  I wetted my lips. ‘Alicia, you’re going to have to help me out here. What do you want?’

  ‘The task force, of course.’ She smiled once more. ‘We all know that war with the trolls is on the horizon. I don’t want to miss out. Put me on the task force.’

  Of all the things I’d been expecting her to say, this wasn’t one of them. ‘Why?’ I asked stupidly.

  Alicia reached into her pocket and drew out a lollipop. Bizarrely, I thought she was about to offer it to me. Instead she unwrapped it and popped it deliberately into her mouth. Perhaps this was some sort of strange seduction. It made a sort of sense; Alicia had finally realised that I was on my way to the top and she was prepared to do anything to hitch herself to my rising star.

  Yeah, right.

  ‘I want to work with you, Saffron. We can bring down the trolls together. There’s a lot I can learn from you and your winning ways.’ Her tone was sweet and lilting which, coupled with the manner in which she continued to smile at me, her head tilted to the side and her eyes wide, was incredibly off-putting.

  I lowered my voice and took a leaf out of the Director’s playbook. ‘I don’t need my arse kissed, Alicia. Tell me the real reason you want onto the task force.’

  She took the lollipop out of her mouth, her eyes flickering. Then she shrugged. ‘The last thing this office needs,’ she told me, ‘is for the likes of you to be the hero yet again. I got very little credit for the Bridge To Nowhere business. You made sure that all the accolades went to you. You’re not the only talent around here, you know. If there’s going to be action, I want in on it.’

  ‘You want the glory, you mean.’

  She leaned forward. ‘In that regard, I’m not so very different from you. And you know I’m more than capable.’

  Unfortunately, she was right. Despite her often unpleasant attitude, Alicia knew how to wield a wand with both style and substance. Keep your enemies close…

  ‘There’s no guarantee that the task force will get anywhere either with locating the trolls or stopping them from further terrorist activity,’ I pointed out. ‘If they act again before we manage to stop them, there won’t be even a smidgen of glory. We’ll be far more likely to find ourselves censured instead.’

  Her expression didn’t alter. ‘I’m not worried about that. You’ll get the blame if the task force fails.’

  I raised my eyebrows. ‘I imagine you’ll make sure of that.’

  She let out a small giggle. ‘You asked for the truth.’

  I watched her for another moment. ‘Thank you,’ I said eventually. ‘I did indeed ask for the truth. You provided it.’

  Alicia tossed her hair and started sucking on her lollipop again. ‘It’s better to be stabbed in the front than the back.’

  I wasn’t so sure about that; frankly, I’d rather not be stabbed at all. The way things were going at the moment though, that was looking unlikely.

  ‘So?’ she asked, tapping her foot, ‘when do we start?’

  I stood my ground. ‘I haven’t said that you’re in yet. If I decide that you are, you’ll be the first to know.’

  She dropped the sickly-sweet smile. ‘I’m the best choice.’

  ‘So you say. I’ll tell you if you’re in or not by the end of play tomorrow.’

  ‘See that you do.’ She whirled past me and marched off. She really was determined to get in the last word.

  ‘I will!’ I called after her.

  ‘Good!’ she shot over her shoulder, picking up speed.

  ‘I’m glad you…’ I faltered. Fuck a puck – she’d already gone. Score one to Alicia. I had to admire her self-belief. Perhaps she would be a good pick for the task force. I pursed my lips and started to move again. Alas, I didn’t get very far.

  ‘Saffron,’ Angela said coolly and with the same distinctly sarcastic flavour she’d employed earlier. ‘Thank you so much for taking the time to attend the meeting.’

  I could only imagine that she thought I’d missed her displeasure the first time round so she felt the need to express it again. I bobbed a curtsey. ‘You’re very welcome.’

  My pleasant tone only served to annoy her further. ‘I think you should know that your failure in attitude and your unwillingness to be a team player have been noted. Maintaining office morale is part of my remit. I won’t have you bringing down everyone’s mood with your silly doodles and ridiculous comments. We should all be working together to keep spirits up. There is no “I” in team.’

  ‘There’s no “U” either,’ I said without thinking.

  The temperature cooled even further. ‘No,’ she said. She folded her arms. ‘As you’re so quick to comment on other matters, perhaps you have some ideas about how we lowly Human Resources workers can improve the office for everyone.’ She raised her eyebrows, indicating that I had no business commenting on her ideas if I didn’t have some of my own.

  I was about to tell her that she was doing a wonderful job and that I wouldn’t dream of interfering in her good work when Jasper murmured a polite apology and stepped past us. I stared after him, briefly noting the way his hair curled at the nape of his neck and brushed against the broad expanse of his shoulders. His expensive black suit was reminiscent of midnight in the deepest, darkest cave. Maybe dressing in sombre, depressing clothing was a prerequisite of his job. Maybe Lydia preferred him in black.

  I glanced at Angela. She was also dressed in sober colours, which did little for her complexion. As someone who loved garish ornaments of all shapes and sizes, I’d have expected to see more colour in her day-to-day attire. Delilah also appeared to have dressed for a funeral today.

  More colour would do all the faery godmothers the world of good. This was supposed to be a happy job; dark grey, dull black and blacker than black didn’t suit the granting of wishes or the changing of lives. No wonder the powers that be kept trying to push those daft cloaks on us all the time. Unbecoming as they were, at least they provided some colour.

  ‘Rainbow Friday,’ I said suddenly.

  Angela blinked at me. ‘Pardon?’

  ‘Rainbow Friday,’ I repeated. ‘Every Friday, you nominate a colour of the rainbow and everyone in the office has to dress in that colour. It’ll raise everyone’s spirits and remind us all that we’re responsible for spreading joy across the country. So this week, everyone has to wear red. Next week, we all have to wear orange. And so on.’

  ‘That’s a terrible idea,’ she sneered.

  At least I’d tried. ‘Well, that’s all I’ve got. It’s probably for the best that I don’t work in HR.’

  ‘You can say that again.’ She grimaced. ‘Make sure you’re not late for the time-management training, Saffron,’ she snapped and spun away, leaving me to realise that yet again I’d failed to get in the last word. I would definitely have to try harder from now on.

  As I walked to my desk, I ran the conversation again in my head. I imagined several scenarios where I obtained the upper hand. Imaginary Angela cooed at my magnificence and apologised for ever doubting me. I was just picturing her confronting the Director and demanding a pay rise for me when a strange sound lit through the air. Initially, it didn’t seem that bad but within a few seconds it was ear-piercingly shrill. My steps faltered.

  Rupert whizzed past me. ‘Evacuate!’ he bellowed. ‘Everyone out now!’

  The others were already on their feet and heading for the stairwell. I scratched my head. ‘What is it? Why do we have to get out?’


  ‘Fire, of course!’ Figgy tossed out over her shoulder as she strode briskly ahead.

  I frowned and looked around. There was no smoke, no rise in temperature, no flames. Then I caught sight of Jasper standing to one side and watching the evacuation. Oh – this was a test, then. I rolled my eyes and tutted. Yes, it was important to ensure that all our procedures were up to date and that everyone knew what to do in the event of an emergency but couldn’t this have waited? I wanted to get back to work. I didn’t want to spend up to an hour shivering outside.

  I was tempted to ignore the evacuation order in favour of doing something more useful with my time but I felt his eyes land on me. I wasn’t going to be the faery who messed this up for everyone else so I sighed, headed for the door and joined the orderly queue. If this was a real fire, I thought, we’d all be sprinting out at warp speed and pushing each other out of the way. Team or no team, the will to survive was too strong to let us stand politely in line.

  I was one of the last to exit the building. We mustered round the back and waited for the all clear. Billy marched up and down, a clipboard in his hands. His face was taut with anxiety. ‘Alphabetical order!’ he yelled. ‘You’re supposed to be in alphabetical order!’

  I shuffled into place. Anything for a quiet life.

  ‘Fabulous,’ I heard one of the faery godmothers behind me say. ‘I do hope that we get some hunky fire faeries dropping by.’

  I rolled my eyes. ‘Fire faeries don’t waste their time showing up to drills.’

  There was a crackle in the air. A split second later, dark smoke coalesced in front of us and five figures, dressed in the red hosiery of the fire faery department, suddenly appeared. Huh. They wasted no time in jogging round to the front of the building with dousing magic already sparking at their fingertips.

  I looked round. Although the Director’s face was expressionless, she was standing ramrod straight with her arms folded. Adeline was facing the building, her gaze flitting from window to window.

  I chewed on the inside of my cheek before abandoning my position in favour of sidling up to Jasper. I wasn’t afraid of him. No siree. Besides, we were friends.

  ‘I thought this was a drill for the purposes of your audit,’ I said in a low voice. ‘But it’s not, is it?’

  ‘You should get back in line, Saffron,’ he said.

  I didn’t give up that easily. ‘Come on, Jasper. Is this a drill?’

  For a moment he didn’t answer then he turned and gave me a long look. ‘Not as far as I’m aware,’ he said finally. He was holding himself stiffly.

  ‘There were no signs of a fire.’

  Jasper’s eyes flickered. ‘It might be an electrical fault.’

  ‘You and I both know that the alarm system is magically rigged. There’s no such thing as an electrical fault, not where this building is concerned.’

  ‘Alright,’ he said with a trace of impatience, ‘it’s a magical fault.’

  ‘Ri—ight.’ I nodded to myself. Then I took off in the same direction as the fire faeries.

  It took Jasper all of three seconds to catch up to me. ‘What are you doing?’

  I didn’t break my stride. ‘Taking a look.’

  ‘Saffron, let the fire faeries do their job. It’s what they’re trained for.’

  I ignored him and continued walking.

  ‘You’re not invincible,’ he snapped. ‘You can’t stride into every danger zone and expect to come out unscathed. If there is a fire—’

  ‘There’s not. You know there’s not.’ I paused. ‘It’s not a fault either. I know how careful Billy has been over the last couple of weeks. He’s checked and re-checked every system. If there was anything wrong, he’d have found it. He wouldn’t risk something like this happening during your audit.’

  ‘You’re clutching at straws,’ Jasper said as we reached the front doors. ‘Just because you didn’t see a fire doesn’t mean there isn’t one. It’s a big building.’

  ‘Not that big.’

  ‘Saffron…’

  The doors opened and all five fire faeries trooped back out, putting a stop to our bickering. The nearest one swallowed at the sight of Jasper before drawing in a breath. ‘Sir,’ he said. ‘The building is clear. There’s no fire anywhere.’

  I gave Jasper a triumphant look. ‘See?’

  ‘It must be a fault in the system,’ the faery continued.

  I frowned.

  ‘Thank you for your fast response,’ Jasper said. ‘You’ve done well.’

  Out of the corner of my eye, I noted the fire faeries puffing out their chests. They no longer interested me. I crouched down, my fingers reaching out to the smoky glass at the side of the door. In the corner, barely visible, was a small round hole. My body jerked when I touched it. I drew back with a hiss.

  ‘Magic,’ I muttered. ‘Powerful magic.’

  Jasper knelt down next to me and examined the hole. He turned round and scanned the street. Nobody was there but it didn’t matter. We both knew what had happened: someone had sent a shot of magic into the office, which had cut through the glass and set off the alarms. There were no prizes for guessing who was responsible.

  ‘Trolls,’ he said, gritting his teeth.

  Yeah. A strange, brittle fear descended across my shoulder blades. It was clear that the elusive trolls hadn’t gone completely to ground and they were already putting their updated plans into action. The question was what plans. And why.

  Chapter Seven

  Wary of any booby traps, we moved slowly through the office. The Director, Adeline and Jasper scanned every nook and cranny for signs of troll intrusion but there was nothing. In my opinion, that was more worrying. The trolls were testing us and our systems for weaknesses and that didn’t bode well. My task force hadn’t been formed yet and we were already on a losing streak.

  Delilah scooted her chair back a few inches and held a bag of crisps in my direction. ‘Want them?’ she asked. ‘They’re from my emergency supplies. Judging by the way your stomach was grumbling in that meeting, you need them more than I do.’

  Gratefully I reached for the crisps. ‘Thank you,’ I said. ‘I appreciate it.’

  Delilah didn’t let go of the bag. ‘I think you should invite me onto the task force,’ she said. ‘After all, I’m your office buddy. It’ll be easy for us to confer because we sit next to each other.’

  I pulled my hand away. ‘Are you trying to bribe me? Because I have to tell you, I prefer salt and vinegar to cheese and onion.’

  Delilah looked hurt. ‘I wouldn’t try and bribe you. If you don’t want the crisps all you have to do is say. I just thought I’d be a good addition to your team.’

  ‘It might be dangerous.’

  Her mouth turned down. ‘I know.’

  ‘We might not succeed.’

  ‘I know that too.’ She sniffed. ‘But if it does, our names will go down in history. You know what happened to Marcia Colman after she negotiated with the marsh faeries and got them to help stop the Thames from flooding all the time.’

  I stared blankly. ‘Who’s Marcia Colman?’

  ‘Never mind.’ She waved an airy hand. ‘What’s important is that you can count on me, Saffron. I’m a great team member and I have some good ideas about how to find the rest of the trolls.’

  ‘That’s good to know. I haven’t decided who I’m going to invite onto the task force yet. I’ll let you know by tomorrow.’ I didn’t want to succumb to pressure from the trolls’ actions today and rush into something we might all regret. I had to have the right people by my side. This task force would succeed; we couldn’t afford failure.

  Delilah visibly deflated. ‘Oh. Okay.’ She hesitated. Then she reached for her bag and delved into it. ‘Here,’ she said. ‘Salt and vinegar.’

  I gave her a droll look – but I still took the crisps.

  Five minutes later I had managed to focus on my work and was scrolling through various internet databases looking for details of mysterious organisations
that might be connected to Rose Blairmont when Rupert appeared behind me.

  ‘Sexy Saffron!’ he purred, putting his hand on my shoulder and squeezing it. ‘You look tense. Would you like a massage?’

  I jumped. ‘Take your hands off me.’

  He did as I asked. ‘As my lady desires.’ He crouched down beside me. ‘No hard feelings about earlier. I know you’re under a lot of stress.’

  I swivelled to face him. ‘I’ve not made any decisions about who I’m going to invite onto the task force. I’ll let everyone know tomorrow.’

  He pouted. ‘Equality in the workplace is important, Saffron,’ he said. ‘You can’t have all women on the team. It wouldn’t be fair.’

  I growled at him. ‘I’m busy. Piss off.’

  He stood up and backed away. ‘Whatever you wish. But keep an open mind when you decide. You don’t want to be accused of favouritism.’

  I rolled my eyes. ‘Heavens forbid.’

  As Rupert walked away to his desk, I caught sight of two more faery godmothers edging towards me. Good grief. Muttering to myself, I quickly stood up and stalked off in the opposite direction. There had to be a quieter place somewhere. It was well after five o’clock now – surely everyone would go home soon so I could finish my work in peace.

  ‘Having fun?’ Billy enquired. Now that his work was no longer in question and the trolls were being blamed for the alarm going off, he was far more jolly and relaxed. I wished I was.

  I tutted. ‘I suddenly seem to be the most popular person in the office. Every single faery wants to be on the damned troll task force.’

  He smirked. ‘You have the Devil’s Advocate to thank for that.’

  I stiffened. Jasper was meddling? ‘Great. That’s all I need.’

  Billy shrugged. ‘I wouldn’t blame him too much. Figgy asked him over lunch if we were all going to lose our jobs if we failed the audit. He said that anyone seen to be pulling their weight and going the extra mile didn’t need to worry. I think everyone’s taken that to mean that if they join your search for the trolls, they’ll be seen to be doing enough. Especially after that fire alarm.’ He waited a beat before adding, ‘Which was not my fault.’