Walls of Ash

by Amber Newberry

  “I even thought about following through with it and milking you for part of your inheritance. You are so soft, you would have given it to me... but I did not want you to give me anything. It is what I wanted to take from you.”

  “Then, Bernadine?” She interrupted me.

  “She is still my Aunt.” She pushed the book with the illegitimate children of the Eckhardts toward me, and I read the names above and below mine.

  “Mahon Eckhardt?” I asked.

  “It means ‘strong as a bear,’ and so does Bernadine. It is what her mother, my grandmother changed it to when she moved to a brothel in London. She was paid off by the Eckhardts to leave town when she was known to be pregnant with my Aunt. Then there is the question of my mother, of course, Camilla... or Carmel... She was fathered by the same Eckhardt, who could not seem to get enough of my grandmother.” She giggled wildly again.

  “Mother took after her own mum and became a whore. When she was older, she discovered who her family was and in an attempt to blackmail them for more money, she seduced her half-brother. He could not have known her identity.” Her face fell, she looked angry, and her eyes darkened.

  “My father offered to marry her, before she told him who she was. She was pregnant and even Bernadine did not know who the father was... until Camilla came clean to him after their vows were said.” She laughed again and stopped suddenly.

  “He left her in the town, with Creeda. My mother was not strong, and she died giving birth to me, it was her punishment for the incestuous relationship that I was conceived of. She did write to Bernadine telling her the truth of what she had done. I was to be called Edwin if a boy, but since I was a girl, Creeda called me Edwina, for my mother... her pet name for me was Fleur. I took Bernadine’s last name from her marriage when she took me in. It was short lived, her husband was dead within a year, so she had only me.”

  I shook and my breathing was hard as I quietly tried at the knots that bound me to the chair, but they were too tight. I could not free my hands, so I tried to keep her talking.

  “How is it that you discovered the identity of your father? Was it Bernadine?”

  “Of course not! The old goat knew the truth, but she told me that my father was a good man, and she went so far as to buy me presents and tell me that they were from him. I found the letter my mother sent her, she kept it with some other small items in a secret box beneath her bed. She did not think that I could read. It is best that you keep to yourself the things that might help you. I learned that trick from her. I only saw her once with the box, as a child, and went into her room to find out what treasures were inside. We were still at Rhineholt, then. You were away at the convent.” She was leaning across the table again, her face unnervingly close to mine, so that I could feel the warmth of her breath reach my face. I was not sure what she planned to do to me, but it was obvious that Bernadine was dead, and I was not sure why. There was more to both of them than I knew.

  “You have killed your Aunt?” She seemed to sadden and looked away from me.

  “I did not mean to... I set the tea out like she asked me to... but I poisoned the cup on your side using the same I’d been giving you in small doses of your draught. I thought that if it was drawn out, if you appeared to take some foreign disease, it would seem a natural death. That would’ve worked if you hadn’t wandered off and thrown up the final dose. I thought it had done the trick, but you managed to get it all out of your system when I locked you out on deck. Knowing that my previous dose was too small, I placed all I had left of the clear liquid in the bottom of your cup. I hoped that it would go unnoticed in the dark when the tea was poured in. I was right, it did go unnoticed, but she sat on the wrong side and decided to have a cup while she waited for you. It is your fault she is dead.” She jumped from her seat, slamming her palms onto the table and looking hard into my face.

  “She was giving up. She wanted to warn you of all the things I’ve been planning. You are the reason that everything has been horrible for me. My whole life has been filled with seeing you... born of another Eckhardt, and treated like royalty. Fine gowns and expensive jewels... It is not fair!” She slammed a fist down on the table, again. I jumped at the sound.

  “It is the same reason Bernadine killed your mother.” She smiled as she said this.

  I tried to speak calmly, even though I was stricken by what she said. I did not want her to suspect that I was trying to make time for someone to make it home. Julian said not to expect him until late, and Leo and Li would most definitely not be back until after dark. I was not sure how long Avani would be with her daughter.

  “How is that possible? My Uncle told Celia that she jumped from a cliff... He saw her...”

  “Well, she did not exactly kill her, but it was the plan all along. She told me how she did it because she felt guilty all her life. Your mother, she was a bastard. Parading around as a noble! My stupid Aunt, she never got it quite right. She was dosing your mother with opium for months. It was supposed to make her appear mad, and it worked a little. Bernadine was adding it to a vial of medicine she would take to help her relax. Your mother had some just before she departed for Hilbourne the day of her death. The plan was that a few weeks before that night, she was going to be pushed from a window so it looked as though she went mad and killed herself, but the stupid old woman couldn’t do it. It was sheer luck that your father was killed by a highwayman and your mother wandered off a cliff.” Then she laughed again. This was a different laugh. Cruel. She took joy in the pain I felt at the loss of my parents.

  I gathered myself and calmly spoke.

  “Is that how you got the idea to put the opium in my milk that night?” I asked.

  “That was not my idea... it was Bernadine’s. Even though she felt so guilty about your mother’s death, she loved me so. To tell you truly, she loved me so much that she would do anything for me... even try to help me kill you. She assured me that she could do it right this time. I was a fool to believe that she could. I planted the milk, and she stood behind a curtain waiting for Lady Hilbourne to fall asleep and for the opium to kick in. You got up on your own. All she had to do was keep hidden and whisper your name, then push you from the window, but Lady Hilbourne woke up and grabbed your nightgown to pull you back in.” She pouted.

  “The stupid old goat was behind that curtain until I came in to pretend I heard a call for help, and told Lady Hilbourne I would watch you while she ran to get help. She was too distraught to order me to go.” She seemed pleased with herself that she finally had me in her grasp.

  “It was clever to poison Marcato’s draught. How is it that you did not succeed sooner?” The compliment seemed to please her.

  “It was not until I met Otto that the idea came to me. I caught him one night, when he snuck into the London house to leave you flowers. He tried to bribe me, thinking that I was just a random servant. I thought of my mother, and I decided to seduce him.” I was shocked. She always seemed so innocent with me and especially around men, not to mention the fact that she now seemed so comfortable with the incestuous relationship that she was created out of, herself.

  “It was not difficult, but I got too close. We even set the fire at the London house, together. I helped him out of the house, and I was running back when you came around the corner. I thought for sure that you saw me letting him out, but you told me to wake everyone because of the fire, and I knew you had not seen me with him.” She had a broad smile and she was blatantly proud of herself. Fleur fell silent again before speaking.

  “I began to fall in love with him after the first fire...” There was a sadness in her voice.

  “You... but you killed Eckhardt...” I was stunned thinking that not only had she seduced this man, she also fell in love with him, and then killed him.

  I saw tears in her eyes, and I worried because upsetting her could only make my own position worse.

  “He found out who I was. He wrote me a letter and told me that he would kill us both, you and I. I
could not let that happen, so when I figured out his plan, I snuck down to the library and waited for him. I waited four nights before he finally tried to take you. It was good, though, because it gave me time to...” She seemed to be sobbing out the words. “...To get used to the idea that I would have to do it... so that he would not kill me. I was in love with him, and if it wasn’t for you, he might still be alive.” She wiped her nose with her arm, and I understood why she was so upset after killing him. It was not because she killed a man, but that she killed her own lover.

  “You see why you have to die, don’t you?!” It was a screeching yell.

  “You have hurt me in every way! Taken so much that should have been mine!” She stood and hit me again, much harder this time. I heard the blood drip from my chin onto the floor. It stung where she hit me, and I kept my face turned, but she did not hit me again. She was standing over me, smiling.

  “It will not be long, now...” She said and went back to her seat. I was terrified of what she was planning to do to me. A slow smile touched her lips.

  “You know, the fire at Rhineholt was my idea. He did it for me, because he knew how jealous I was of you. It’s why I told him I wanted you dead, because you were horrible, and I deserved all the beautiful things more than you, and he loved me enough to take them from you... even your family...” The maniacal laugh again, this time with her head back, the way that Eckhardt laughed the night he came for me. When she finally stopped, she was staring hard at me.

  “The Eckhardts have wanted your death for some time. I believe your governess was paid to kill you as well. She was meant to push you down a flight of stairs, but she could not do it. There was a man, the Eckhardt’s messenger, who used to visit her when we were both children, he would bring her bribes to pay her off for killing you.” I remembered Hilda talking to a German man outside of my room late at night.

  “She cared for you, though, and she gave all of it back to the family and threatened to tell your Uncle what they were trying to do if they made any more attempts at hurting you. Just think, if she knew who Bernadine was and what she did to your mother... We would not even be with you now.”

  “I wonder that they didn’t come for me while I was in Germany?” I said.

  “They were too smart for that. They would have been recognized, and your mother and grandmother were known to the nuns. It would have been easy to do, but surely it would have led back to them and then what would have happened? Not to mention, Otto was in love with you until the day you turned him down. He told me about your letters back and forth when you were in Germany. He wanted you alive... to be his wife. You were young and stupid, you did not even realize the magnitude of your interactions with him and how your innocence drew him in. Then you broke his heart.” She was looking hard at me again, and I thought she was going to hit me.

  “You are sure this is what you must do to find happiness?” I asked.

  “What about Marcato?” This seemed to upset her, and I realized it was a mistake to mention the Captain.

  “He wrote to me to tell me that he was married. He put on a show, so that I would sleep with him. He paraded around with me on that ship so that I would go to him at night. I received the letter only yesterday.” She was looking into nothing, then. Staring straight ahead of her, and I was sure she blamed me for that as she blamed me for all the things that had gone wrong in her life.

  “You were always so careless with everything. Doubling our wages, buying all of those dresses for balls, traveling all over... It is why I took the pages from your mother’s diary. I thought that if you gave me part of the riches I deserved for the blood that we shared... That I would get past my hatred... I cannot change that you made me kill Otto, and that I spent my childhood watching you grow up in that big house with all the beautiful things...”

  “You grew up there too, Fleur...” I tried to reason with her.

  “It does not matter. I lived in a tiny room connected with my Aunt’s, who I grew to hate. I lived in the big house, but not the same way that you did, amongst beautiful things that I could call my own... and now you cannot call them your’s, either, because they have burned.”

  She seemed to be growing increasingly demented with each explanation.

  “The other day... was it you that tried to choke me?” I asked. Another strange smile crossed her lips.

  “I would have killed you, but my Aunt found me in your room and pulled me away. You had stopped breathing, I almost had you ... if she had not stopped me... The old goat was too soft. She cared too much for your mother, and she carried that guilt with her long enough that she cared for you, too. I should have killed her before tonight. I could see that she was losing her devotion to my need to kill you the night that I left the Eckhardt Bible open on your pillow. We fought over the second book. She wanted it to end. I threw it out the window hoping that she would try to go and retrieve it so that I would have time to finish you then. We heard your foot steps in the hall and hid behind the curtains. When you fainted, I nearly had her talked into helping me throw you from the window so it looked as if you jumped.” She seemed dazed, as though she was talking to herself.

  “We picked you up... and if it wasn’t for you waking up right then... you would be gone.”

  She was looking down at nothing for what felt like a very long time. I did not know what to say to her so I asked her one last question.

  “What will you do to me?” I asked.

  She smiled that slow, grim smile again.

  “I will burn you, just as we did all that mattered to you.” She stood.

  My breathing became heavier, and I shook so much that the chair I sat in began to shake with me. She planned to burn me alive. She came round the table and looked down into my face. She did not even look like the same person. This was someone I did not know. The Fleur I cared so deeply for did not exist, she made her up to fool me. The Fleur I tried so hard to protect from harm died when she discovered who she truly was. The sweet little girl I gave my childhood dresses to had hated me for her entire life.

  “Fleur,” I said as she lit a candle.

  “I cared for you, you know. I would have done anything to protect you. You can leave now, and never come back and I would not tell anyone what you’ve done. I will say that you ran away to find Marcato.” I spoke calmly. She was silent for a moment.

  “It is too late... I have waited for this for longer than you know. I have dreamt of this moment...” She spoke more calmly than I did.

  I was pleading with her.

  “Fleur, it does not have to be this way. Let go of that past, this is not who you are meant to be...” She yelled at me, then.

  “I know it’s not, that’s why I must do it!”

  She walked to where Bernadine lay and looked down at her, then dropped the candle on the bed and watched the flames engulf the blankets as they had in my nightmares for so long. This is what I was being warned of all this time. She turned to look at me, and I screamed at her to stop this and save us both, but she closed her eyes and fell backward into the fire. I saw her body writhing in pain, but she did not scream.

  I looked away.

  I jerked at my hands to come free of the knots, but they held. My body was thrashing, trying to untangle myself, and the chair fell, pulling me back to land on my hands. I was sure my left wrist was broken. Looking to my side, I saw Bernadine’s lifeless body sprawled out across the floor, nearly enveloped in the flames that were dancing on the walls and furniture, now.

  The smoke was heavy and even though I was on the floor, I coughed as I screamed for help. It seemed my voice was disappearing, as well. I heard the glass break and hoped that it might mean that someone would see the fire and that some fresh air would come in, but I began to feel tired and my chest burned. I was losing this fight, I could not breathe. The world went black.

  I was back beneath the tree, my mother braiding my hair and humming that familiar tune. I turned to face her, and she smiled down at me. Looking up at he
r, I could see that she wanted me to be with her, but there was a sadness in her eyes. She spoke my name, took my hand, and opened it so we were both looking down at my palm. She held it to her lips.

  My eyes sprang open, and I was coughing uncontrollably, lying on the grass somewhere near the house which was now fully swallowed by the fire. Julian was looking down at me, his face was covered with soot. I could see thin streaks on his face where tears fell. He held me to him hard.

  “I thought I lost you... you wouldn’t wake up...” He said.

  “I was with my mother...” I told him, and he held me tighter.

  * * *

  Later, Julian told me that he only came back from Kinlan’s to say he was sorry. He had a terrible feeling that he could not leave things as they were, and it ate at him all day until he finally decided that he needed to talk to me and sort everything out. When he got closer, he saw that there was smoke coming from the building, and that was when the windows broke out and a dark cloud burst out from them.

  “I ran the rest of the way and then right into the house and up the stairs without even thinking, and there you were, on the floor. I picked you up, chair and all, and carried you out through the flames,” he told me.

  “I tried to breathe life into you, it took a long time and I thought that you were gone... but you woke up.”

  After that, Julian sold the plantation to the Hammonds. He said that he did not want to look upon that place again. With what he made from the sale, he built a smaller house, closer to the water, that he could conduct trade business from. He invited Avani to keep house there, and she agreed, bringing her daughter with her to learn to run the home because she was ‘getting tired.’ Julian gave up the tea business altogether and has moved on to trading in spices and fabric.

  Julian asked Leo to take over for him at Hilbourne so that he could work the land that we received in my inheritance. I was glad that Leo finally knew where he stood. We have begun to rebuild Rhineholt on the land where it once stood, and are staying with Li and Leo while Rhineholt is under construction. It is to look nearly the same as it did before the fire, with a few small changes, of course. A larger nursery, for one.