by J. A. Owenby
I discreetly wiped my cheeks and nose and tilted my head up toward him.
“Hi,” he whispered as he tucked a piece of hair behind my ear.
I swallowed, still unable to talk. He leaned down and gently kissed the top of my head.
“Are you okay?”
I nodded as I attempted to clear my throat.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
I shook my head no.
“Okay.”
I peered up into his blue eyes as his finger gently moved down my cheek. Pain flickered across his face.
“I should get up,” Walker said as his voice cracked.
I released his shirt and attempted to stand, but my legs were still weak. Walker stood up, leaned down, and scooped me off the floor and into his arms. I rested my head on his shoulder as he walked down the hallway and into my room. He lay me down on my bed, removed my shoes, and pulled the covers up over me.
“I’m going to sit here until you fall asleep, okay?”
I nodded, too exhausted to protest.
Chapter 11
Emma and Walker’s voices pulled me out of a fitful sleep. I squinted at the clock. It was a little after 10 p.m. I stayed still in my bed and attempted to make out what was being said.
“I know that, but if it’s too hard for you I completely understand,” Emma said.
“I’ll be fine, it was just a bit more than I’d expected. She’s been so detached and rude. But—not tonight. It about broke my heart all over again. I’m not sure what happened, but I guess it brought up all the memories.”
“Do you think someone tried to hurt her?”
“Don’t even go there, Emma. I’ll hurt some motherfu—”
“She’s not your responsibility,” Emma interrupted. “She’s mine. Besides, you’ve had enough to deal with already.”
“No. I left her once, and I won’t do it again. I can’t.”
“Okay, I just wanted to make sure. This has gotta be bringing up your own crappy memories. But honestly, I really don’t think I could do this on my own,” Emma said and sighed.
“You don’t have to. I’ll be here in the morning.”
“Thanks. Have a good night.”
The front door closed and I rubbed my eyes as I remembered standing in the karate class. I couldn’t breathe. Fear had wrapped its cold hand around my neck and choked me. And why had Jared been so insistent on me staying after class? I wanted to trust him, but I’d trusted Xander, and it had almost cost me my life.
I chewed my bottom lip and closed my eyes at the thought of Walker holding me. It had been such a long time, and after all the hell I’d been through I never imagined it would happen again. The beat of his heart against my cheek and his muscled arms embracing me gave me a moment of peace. My heart ached as much with fear as it did with pain. The one guy who had saved my life had also broken my heart into a million pieces. No matter how I felt, though, I couldn’t let him in again. I had to learn to take care of myself.
* * *
“Good morning,” Walker said as I entered the kitchen. He loaded a plate into the dishwasher, leaned against the counter, and waited for me to respond.
I ignored him as I grabbed a cup from the cabinet and filled it with coffee. After yesterday, no way was I interested in spending the day with him.
“How did you sleep?” he asked.
“Listen. About yesterday, it didn’t happen. Got it?”
Walker crossed his arms over his chest. “Well, actually it did.”
I whirled on my heel and glared at him. “Let’s be really clear about this. I do not want you here. Emma has invited you into our home, not me. So don’t get any ideas just because I had a shitty evening. I'm fine.”
I didn’t wait for him to reply as I grabbed the newspaper off the kitchen table and walked down the hallway. I closed my bedroom door behind me. It was going to be a long-ass day.
* * *
I missed oblivion. I missed the burn of the rum as it hit the back of my throat and warmed my belly, but more than that, I longed for the dreamless sleep it offered.
I sighed and stared out my bedroom window. The sun had begun its slow, summer-evening descent. I’d refused to go out to the living room for the rest of the day. There were moments I almost forgot Walker was there until I heard his deep laugh floating down the hallway.
I chewed my lower lip and recalled the look on his face last night. It almost seemed like holding me was too much for him. But maybe he was remembering the nightmare we’d lived through. He wore the same expression when I was in the hospital—haunted and sad.
I rubbed my arms, not wanting to think about him anymore. That was difficult since he practically lived with Emma and me, though. The logical side of me understood why he was here, but the broken part of me hated him for everything he’d thrown away.
Suddenly, anger swirled in the pit of my stomach at the idea that I was a prisoner in my own home once again. I grabbed my keys, opened the bedroom door, and strolled past Walker and out the front door. Screw them. I can leave whenever I want to.
“Lacey!” Walker yelled.
I ignored him and kept walking across the apartment complex and down the street. If Walker needed to know where I was going, he could follow me. I swatted at a mosquito as I rounded the corner to my favorite store. Life was bullshit, and I could make my own choices. I was sick and tired of people controlling me.
The air-conditioning of the liquor store smacked me in the face as I entered. I approached the rum aisle and grabbed a few bottles. Next stop, Pepsi.
I walked up to the cashier and placed my items on the counter.
“You can’t serve her. She’s not twenty-one.”
“What the hell?” I asked as I turned to see Walker standing next to me.
“Do you have ID?” the cashier asked.
“No,” I muttered. “I left it at my apartment. I walked here.”
“Sorry, ma’am. I can’t sell alcohol to you then.”
I whirled around and jabbed Walker in the shoulder. “Outside. Now,” I said, my voice thick with anger.
The moment the door closed behind us, I jabbed him in the arm again. “What the fuck? Are you serious?” I asked, my gaze burning a hole into him.
“Yeah. I am. I really don’t care if you drink, but you don’t just have one or two. You almost drank yourself to death, Lacey.”
“Oh my God! I’m so sick and tired of seeing your face. Get a damned life already and stay the hell out of mine!”
“Is there a problem, Lacey?”
I turned to see Jared in the doorway of the dojo.
“Is he bothering you?” he asked.
I glanced at Walker and then back at Jared. “Yes, he is,” I said and walked into the dojo with Jared.
I peeked over my shoulder. Walker stood alone on the sidewalk. He ran his hand through his hair as his shoulders slumped forward. He looked at me through the window, then turned and walked away. I was too pissed to care.
“Who’s he?” Jared asked.
“Him? Uh, well, long story.”
“I’ve got time,” he said as he pulled out a chair for me. We sat at the small table together.
I scanned the dojo and realized no one else was around. I wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing, but at least the door was only a few feet away.
“My ex-fiancé,” I mumbled.
“Oh, well that explains it,” Jared said.
“Explains what?” I asked and frowned.
“Whatever you said out there . . . he was obviously upset when he left. Not sure what your feelings are for him, but no way in hell is he over you.”
“What? Why would you say that?” I asked as I searched Jared’s face, unsure if he was teasing or being serious.
“Guys know other guys,” he said as he rubbed the stubble of facial hair along his jawline.
“Well, I’m finished with him. He blew it.”
“Good to know, then.”
“What’s that
supposed to mean?” I asked, my eyebrows knitting together.
“Nothing. Hey, I’m glad you’re here, though,” he said changing the subject. “Where’d you run off to last night? I wanted to see what happened in class, and how I could help you understand that you’re safe coming here.”
I chewed my lower lip as I debated what to tell him. I really had nothing to lose with the truth.
“I freaked out. It just came out of nowhere and I wasn’t prepared, I guess.”
“Someone hurt you?”
I sucked in a sharp breath and turned my head away.
“Was it that guy? The one you were arguing with?”
“No,” I said and shook my head. “Not him.”
“Okay, I don’t need to know anything else, but it helps me understand how to work with you. I’ve seen it before.”
“Seen what?”
“My mom,” Jared said as he leaned back in his chair. “I would see the expression on her face the day after my dad would beat the hell out of her. The gut-wrenching fear. I saw it again when you were in class.”
My anger started to slip away as I listened to him. What had it been like for him to see his mom go through that?
“So, you knew?” I asked.
“Well, I can’t say I knew for sure, but I suspected.”
“What happened to your mom?”
Jared shifted his gaze to the floor. His eyes flashed with sadness. “We buried her six years ago. My dad beat her to death.”
“Shit. Shit, Jared . . . I’m so sorry,” I said.
“Yeah, us too. My sister and I tried to get her to leave, but she wouldn’t. It’s like she believed she had to stay or thought she couldn’t do any better or something. I don’t know exactly. But after she died, I swore to myself that I’d help anyone else who had gone through that. I’d train them to turn around and beat the living shit out of their abuser. I’d help them take control and get their life back.”
“Oh,” I whispered.
“I trained my sister too. Tiffany? You saw her in class last night.”
“She’s your sister?”
“Yeah, she’s the badass I was telling you about. Hell, she can kick my ass.”
“Really? I mean, she’s smaller than I am!”
“Yeah, and quick as shit.”
I smiled at the thought of her putting him on the ground.
“If you want, I can work with you.”
“I don’t know, Jared. I mean, I barely know you.”
Jared searched my face for a minute. “I get it. You need to see if you can trust me. Would it help if Tiffany worked with us some too? I think you two would get along well.”
I turned as the bell on the door tinkled and Tiffany walked in.
“Hey, we were just talking about you,” Jared said.
“Yeah? What about?” she asked as she set her gym bag on the floor next to us.
I eyed her as she slipped her shoes off. I didn’t think she stood any taller than five four, and she’d probably only weigh a hundred pounds if she were soaking wet. I cleared her by a few inches. I had to stop my grin at the thought of her kicking Jared’s ass.
“Hey, I’m Tiffany,” she said, smiling.
“Lacey. Nice to meet you.”
“Rough class yesterday?”
My cheeks heated at her question. “Yeah,” I mumbled.
“That’s okay. You’re here now,” she said as she pulled her brown hair away from her face and into a ponytail.
“You got a few minutes, T?” Jared asked.
“Sure, whatcha got?”
“Well, if Lacey would like to learn a few things, I thought we could work with her.”
“Sure, I’m in. It’d be nice to have another girl around here.”
“Lacey? What do you think?” Jared asked.
I glanced between them as my heart pounded against my chest. “Just us?”
“Yeah, is that okay?” he asked.
“I’ll protect you from him,” Tiffany said and laughed.
“Thanks, T.” Jared rolled his eyes.
“Anytime.” She grinned and slapped him on the back.
I couldn’t help but smile. Now that I saw them side by side, it was obvious they were brother and sister. They shared the same light-brown hair and hazel eyes, but Jared towered over Tiffany by a good foot.
“Okay, I’ll give it a try,” I said.
Jared and I stood up, and I followed them to the floor.
“What are your, uh, white pajamas called?” I asked Jared.
“It’s a gi. If you decide you want to train, we’ll order you one,” he said.
I nodded.
“Okay, so you’re petite, which means you have some advantages against men and larger women. First of all, like T, you’re probably really quick. Don’t think that because you’re small, you can’t overpower someone. You’ll learn to use their weight against them. T, why don’t you show her.”
I watched as they moved a mat to the middle of the floor. Then Jared stood behind Tiffany and grabbed her from behind, lifting her off the floor. I watched as her body went limp, pulling his forward. The next thing I knew, Jared was flat on his back. My eyes widened in surprise. A crooked grin spread across his face as he got up and approached me.
“What you need are a few quick techniques that will throw your opponent off guard long enough for you to run. There’s no harm in running, ever.”
“Okay. I can do that,” I said.
“One of the most important things you need to understand is where your power comes from. Throw a punch at me.”
I shook my head. “I can’t hit you.”
“Yeah you can. You won’t hurt me.”
“Uh, okay,” I said as I swung at him. He stopped my fist in midair before I even reached his body.
“First lesson, your power flows from your core, so every move you make comes from there. Not your chest or arms. T, can you show her?”
“Here,” Tiffany said as she lightly placed her hand on my lower abdomen.
I flinched and stumbled backward.
“Whoa, you okay?” Tiffany asked as her eyebrow arched upward.
I gasped for air and nodded. No one had touched my stomach since I’d lost the baby. I put my hands on my hips and stared at the floor for a minute. I squeezed my eyes shut and then lifted my head.
“Please, show me again,” I said softly.
Tiffany approached slowly and placed her hand on my stomach and the other on my lower back.
“Here. All your power is right here.”
“Okay,” I said. My forehead creased as I tried to understand what she meant.
“You good to keep going?” Jared asked.
I nodded.
“Good. I want you to throw the punch again but in slow motion, and this time, allow your hips to move with you. Like this,” he said as he demonstrated.
I stepped toward Jared and attempted the punch a few times. I tried to let my hips move, but I wasn’t getting it. Tiffany came back around, placed her hands on my hips, and guided me through the punch.
“That’s it,” she said.
“See where my hand is?” Jared asked as he tapped his chest. “One good hit here will knock the wind out of someone. It doesn’t take much.”
He took my hand and placed my fingers on his chest. “Feel it? And on yours.” He tapped my sternum lightly. I winced.
“Any type of hit there will get your opponent to back off. Also, you can use the heel of your hand,” he said as he showed me his own. “Swing up and hit the underneath tip of the nose. Their eyes will tear up so bad they won’t even be able to see you.”
I watched my hand and slowly swung up as he guided my arm to the correct part of his nose.
“Good. Let me see it again and T, can you help her with the correct posture?”
For the first time since I’d come back to Arkansas, I wasn’t scared of what or who might be lurking around the corner. Jared and Tiffany worked with me for the next forty-five minu
tes.
Chapter 12
I walked home as the sun was setting. I glanced at the sky and remembered the sunsets in Oregon. I chewed my lip as I walked up the sidewalk and noticed the brown grass. It was different here in so many ways.
I jogged up the stairs and opened the door to our apartment. Emma was standing next to the refrigerator, pouring a glass of iced tea. I searched the living room and kitchen, but I didn’t see Walker.
“Hey!” Emma said. “You want some tea? I just cooked some dinner and put it in the fridge. I made lasagna if you’re hungry.”
“Mmm, I love your lasagna. Thanks,” I said as I opened the fridge door. I leaned in and pulled the glass pan out. “Where’s Walker?” I asked nonchalantly.
“Gone.”
“Like, gone for tonight and he’ll be back in the morning?”
“Not sure when he’ll be back, actually,” Emma replied.
“What?” I rubbed my forehead, trying to understand what she was telling me.
“It’s not like you wanted him here. I figured you’d be relieved.”
“Yup, I am,” I muttered as I put a piece of lasagna on my plate and popped it into the microwave.
“Well, I hope you don’t start drinking again just because no one will be around during the day.”
I wondered if he’d left because of our argument at the liquor store. Shit. I should have been happy he wasn’t here, but instead, my heart sank as I realized I might not see him again. What had I done? How in the hell could he just leave without telling me? Mixed emotions flooded through me as the beep of the microwave interrupted my thoughts.
I walked over to the table and sat down. Emma joined me.
“How are you doing?” she asked as she slid her chair in.
I shrugged as I took a small bite of lasagna. “I worked out at the dojo tonight with Jared and his sister, Tiffany,” I said. I wasn’t going to tell her about the argument with Walker. As much as they talked, he’d probably already told her anyway.
“Yeah?”
“It was good. After freaking out the other night. I was pretty scared to go back.”