by J. A. Owenby
“What do you mean you freaked out?”
“Walker didn’t tell you?” I asked with a hint of sarcasm.
“No. What happened? Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I was just in class, and . . . I was standing in the back, and all these huge guys were around me. I thought I saw Xander for a second and then I panicked.”
“Oh gosh, Lacey. I’m so sorry.”
“I ran home, and Walker was here. He just helped me calm down is all. No big deal,” I said and shrugged my shoulder.
Emma cocked her head at me. I didn’t think she was buying the “no big deal” part.
“But you went back today?”
“Yeah. Jared and Tiffany worked with me when no one else was there. It was better that way. I wasn’t as scared.”
“Maybe they’re good for you. I mean, maybe you taking some karate classes will help you feel better. If they’re willing to work with you, then that’s awesome. I like them already!”
“Jared told me that their mom was beaten to death by his dad.”
“What? Oh my gosh!”
“He said he recognized my fear. He flat out asked me if I’d been hurt. I didn’t give him any details, but I said yes. I can’t imagine how horrible it is to see your mom beaten.”
“I can,” Emma said softly. “Walker saw you bound and beaten. I saw you afterward. Watching you struggle has been horrible for both of us.”
“You mean you? Walker has a nasty habit of leaving me.”
“Lacey, you can’t have it both ways. You can’t treat him like crap and then want him here. That’s not fair. He still cares about you, but he does have a life outside of our apartment.”
“He did say he’s working nights.”
“There’s more to it than his job, but it’s not my place to say anything.”
“What do you mean? Is it bad? Is he in trouble?” I asked as scenarios flashed through my mind.
“No, nothing bad. I just wasn’t aware you still cared.”
I sighed and leaned back in my chair. “I don’t know how I feel. Most days, I’m just trying to survive.”
“You can do this. We can do it together. I think Jared and Tiffany will be good for you too. Let everyone in. Please stop shutting us out.”
“I’m trying,” I said as I stared at the table. “I know my moods have been all over the place, but Emma, I love you. You’re my family and . . . thank you for everything. Don’t give up on me yet,” I said. A tear streamed down my cheek as I glanced up at her.
“I’ll never give up on you, ever,” she said as she patted my hand.
I nodded and attempted a smile.
The phone rang and startled us from our conversation.
“I got it,” Emma said as she stood up and walked into the living room to answer it. A frown creased her forehead as she listened to whoever was on the other end. My stomach churned. Something was wrong.
“Lynn, I don’t care if you’re in Hot Springs again or not, I’m not telling you where Lacey is. You stay away from her and don’t call again,” Emma said and slammed the phone down. She tilted her head back, stared at the ceiling, and took a deep breath.
“Shit,” I said. “Mama’s back, isn’t she?”
Emma nodded as she returned to the table and sat down. “It’s okay. I mean, we knew she’d come back eventually. She obviously doesn’t know where you are since she called me and asked.”
I stared at the floor. I knew Emma was trying to minimize the fear that already had its cold fingers wrapped around my heart.
“Look at me,” Emma said, leaning forward.
My gaze traveled from the floor back up to her face.
“She doesn’t know where you are. If she calls again, I’ll threaten her with a restraining order. If she shows up, I’ll file a restraining order. She can’t get to you again. Do you understand?”
I nodded as I attempted to swallow the lump in my throat. Would she ever leave me alone?
“You stay focused on you. I’ll handle your mom,” Emma said.
Silence hung in the air as my thoughts drifted back to that day in the hospital when Emma kicked Mama out of my room. And she had just stood up to her again. Maybe Emma was right; maybe she really could take care of Mama for now.
I had to trust Emma—she was all I had left. I squeezed my eyes closed, took a deep breath, and shoved Mama into the darkest corner of my mind.
* * *
The sun peered through my curtains and woke me the next morning. I stretched and then bolted out of bed. I flew out of my bedroom and down the hall. I searched the living room, kitchen, and hall bathroom, but Walker wasn’t here. I was alone for the first time since they’d found me passed out.
I grabbed a mug, filled it with the coffee left in the pot, and put it in the microwave. I half expected the door to fly open at any minute and Walker to stroll in. But he didn’t.
I got comfortable on the sofa and grabbed the TV remote. I flipped through the channels, not finding anything worthy of watching. Only soap operas. I turned the TV off and took a sip of my coffee. The silence was almost eerie.
I had no idea what to do. I was so used to having someone around all the time. I mulled over the thought of going to the liquor store, but I wasn’t sure they’d even serve me. I figured Walker had screwed that up for good.
It was after eleven—maybe Jared or Tiffany would be at the dojo.
I finished my coffee, showered, and left the apartment thirty minutes later.
* * *
I slipped in as quietly as I could and took a seat in the back of the room. I watched as Jared went through moves I hadn’t seen yet and then walked around helping students. Everyone wore different-colored belts, but they were all men. I wondered why more women weren’t interested in training.
Thirty minutes later, the class ended and Jared waved at me as he chatted with one of the students. I sat quietly and hoped he didn’t mind me being here. It was the best option I had.
He patted the guy on the back and approached me. A huge smile spread across his face as he pulled out a chair and sat down. “I’m surprised to see you here,” he said.
“Is it okay that I came to watch?” I asked.
“Anytime. You can come in every day if this is where you’re comfortable. I won’t even charge you rent,” he said and chuckled. “I’m just kidding. I’m between classes. Do you want to go over a few things from last night?”
“That would be great,” I said, smiling. I was relieved he didn’t mind me here. Little did he know I’d take him up on his offer. The apartment felt too empty. I thought I wanted more time alone, but too much time to think could be a bad thing.
I slipped off my shoes and followed Jared to the wood floor. We reviewed everything from last night, and I threw better punches at him. It was a bit awkward having someone tell me to hit them, but after a few minutes, I realized it was the best way for him to teach and correct me.
“Okay, I’m going to show you the first kata,” Jared said as he glanced at the clock. “I think we have enough time before my next class.”
“What’s a kata?”
“A kata is a series of moves. Think of it as a routine. Every move has a purpose,” he said as he pulled on the ends of his belt. “What I mean is that one move is a strike and another is a block. I’ll go through it all together so you can watch, and then I’ll begin taking you through the moves. Sound good?”
I nodded as I took a few steps back to give him some space. As he moved, his gi snapped with the strength and precision of his movements. I watched in awe as he fluidly shifted from one position to the next. I bit my lip and wondered if he’d be offended if I compared his grace and strength to a ballerina. I wasn’t sure how else to describe it.
He slid his feet back together and bowed.
“Alright, your turn,” he said and grinned. “I’ll watch you and see what you picked up.”
“What?” I asked and scanned the room to make sure he was talking to me. There was no w
ay in hell I could do any of that.
“I’m just teasing,” he said and approached me.
“Oh,” I said as my cheeks flushed.
“You’ll get used to his stupid sense of humor,” Tiffany said as she entered the dojo.
I turned and gave her a slight wave.
“No interrupting, please,” Jared said and chuckled. “We’ll be done in a few minutes, T.”
“It’s all good. I’m heading upstairs anyway.”
She crossed the dojo and ran up the stairs.
“I live up there,” Jared said.
“I didn’t realize there was an apartment above us,” I said.
“Yeah, it’s easier for me since I teach so many classes. Alright, here’s your first position,” Jared said as he slid his feet into place and then held his arms up for me to see. “Your turn.”
I spread my feet apart and brought my arms up.
“I’m going to adjust your arms,” he said as he brought his hands up for me to see. He gently took my forearms and moved them into the right placement.
“Here,” he said as he tapped my foot with his. “A little wider. In this stance, you’ll want your feet to align with the width of your shoulders.”
I glanced down and made the change. “Like this?”
“Uh huh,” he said as he took a step back. “Good. Feel your feet anchored to the floor. Again, all your power comes from here,” he said as he patted his lower belly.
I nodded.
“So, we move from that position to this one,” he said, adopting the second position’s stance.
“Like this?” I asked, mimicking him the best I could.
“Close. I’m going to adjust your arms again,” he said as he slowly moved toward me.
Jared took me through four more positions before people began to arrive for the next class. I tried to stay focused on him, but the tinkling of the bell kept throwing off my train of thought.
“Good. This kata is called Kihon. It’s the first one you learn here.”
“Kihon,” I repeated and nodded.
“I’ve got another class, but you’re welcome to hang out. We can work some more afterward if you’d like.”
“Really?”
“Really,” he said as his eyes softened for a second.
“Thanks,” I said. I weaved through the students, reached my table, and got comfortable in my seat at the back of the room.
My stomach growled in protest, and I’d realized I hadn’t eaten today. My only choices were to go next door to the liquor store and get a snack or go back home and make lunch. I grabbed my keys and realized I’d left my wallet at home.
I opened the door slowly so the bell wouldn’t alert everyone that I was leaving. It had grown hot during the short time I’d been working with Jared. The dreaded summer heat had finally settled in. We were actually lucky it had waited until June. Most summers, the air-conditioning was on in early May.
I tried not to count the weeks until fall, but I hated summer here. I would have to reapply deodorant before I walked back to the dojo. I didn’t want to throw a punch at Jared and knock him over with my rank body odor.
I entered the front door and sighed out loud when I saw that Walker wasn’t sitting on the sofa. Irritated, I rolled my eyes at myself. Emma was right, I couldn’t have it both ways. Deep down, I knew my life was better without him. The fact that he’d left without saying goodbye proved it.
I rummaged through the fridge and made a sandwich. My stomach growled as I took a bite. Emma was so good about grocery shopping and keeping food in the fridge. I wasn’t sure I’d be eating at all if it weren’t for her.
I finished my sandwich and grabbed an apple. The loud crunch echoed through the kitchen. Emptiness washed over me, and I stopped mid-chew. Isn’t this what I had wanted? For everyone to leave me alone? My chest ached, and tears pooled in my eyes. No matter what I thought I wanted, now that it had happened, it wasn’t what I expected it would be.
Walker and Emma had been right, and I shouldn’t be alone after all. There was just one problem with that idea—Walker had waltzed right out of my life again.
I located my backpack and shoved my wallet and keys into it. I grabbed my deodorant, reapplied, and tossed it in too. I reached for a hair tie and put my hair up, then I rummaged through my dresser drawers and pulled out another T-shirt and a pair of shorts. It wouldn’t hurt to have an extra outfit for training.
I glanced around my room to see if I’d missed anything, and then I took a deep breath and left for the dojo again.
Chapter 13
The afternoon flew by as I watched classes and trained with Jared and Tiffany in between. Jared continued to try to get me to loosen up. He cracked bad jokes and always let me know before he touched me to adjust my arms. He used his foot to move my legs or feet.
I learned a few more positions of the kata. Tiffany showed me another quick strike, as she called it, in case I found myself in trouble. She seemed pretty cool, and she gave Jared shit whenever she could. I found myself thinking about their mom and what they’d been through. Maybe that was the reason they were close. Krissy and I, we’d never be close.
I pushed the thought of Krissy out of my mind almost as quickly as it entered. All it did was bring up memories of Mama, and I just couldn’t deal with those right now. I had to focus on something that would help me. And at the moment, it was learning karate.
“Hey, you wanna grab a bite?” Tiffany asked. “I know this little hole in the wall that serves the best Mexican food.”
“Yeah? I could use some food.” One thing about training and getting out of the apartment was that my appetite was returning.
“Awesome, let me change and grab my purse. I’ll be right back,” she said as she disappeared up the stairs.
Tiffany returned a few minutes later in jean shorts and a V-neck shirt. “Ready?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be,” I said.
I followed her out of the dojo to a little red Honda. She unlocked my door first and then walked over to the driver’s side. I opened the door and was almost flattened by the heat. I stepped back and let the hot air out as I looked at the black leather interior.
“Love my car, but during the summer, it just soaks up the heat. I have to start it and turn on the AC for a minute before I can sit down,” she said.
She flipped the key in the ignition, and the car came to life. We waited until the cold air began blowing.
“Maybe you should get light-colored towels to put on the seats,” I said as we were finally able to sit down.
“So thought about it, but by the time I’m around the towels, I totally forget. You from here?” Tiffany asked.
“Yeah, I grew up here. I was in Oregon for the last year, though. Unfortunately, I had to come back.”
“A guy?”
“Huh?”
“I mean did you come back here for a guy?”
“No. The opposite. I left Oregon because of a guy,” I said as I peered out the window.
“Jared told me you’d been hurt, but that he didn’t know any details,” she said as she turned out onto the road.
“Oh. You two seem really close,” I said, trying to redirect her questions.
“He’s my best friend.”
“That must be nice to have family you like being around.”
“You don’t? You’re not close to your family?”
“You could say that,” I replied.
I knew Tiffany was only trying to get to know me better. Her questions were totally normal, but my secrets weren’t. I didn’t know how to steer her away from the many topics that made my stomach turn with bad memories.
“I’m not trying to be nosy. Well, I am, but it’s with good intentions.”
“Did you grow up here?” I asked.
“Nope. We moved here about six years ago from Minnesota.”
I remembered Jared mentioning his mom’s funeral around that time. I wondered if that’s why they moved, but I didn’t know
her well enough to ask.
“That explains the accent,” I said.
“Yeah,” Tiffany said and laughed. “I’ve been trying to get rid of the damned thing, but it just keeps hanging on.”
I smiled as I remembered George giving me shit about mine. I needed to reach out to him and see how he was doing.
“I got teased about mine while I was in Oregon,” I said. “Have you ever been there? It’s the most beautiful state I’ve ever seen.”
“No, but I’ve always wanted to see the Pacific Northwest.”
“You should. We’re all brown and burnt here, and Oregon is green even in the summer. I went there for college, and the first few days I swear I just wandered around amazed at all the colors and flowers.”
“Doesn’t it rain there all the time, though?”
“You get used to it.”
Silence filled the car as we pulled into the restaurant parking lot.
“Like I said, it doesn’t look like much, but the food is fantastic,” Tiffany said. “My treat, come on.”
We entered the restaurant, which only held about ten picnic tables. Tiffany picked the table in the corner, and I sat down across from her. I grabbed a menu and realized how dim it was back here, even though the sun was shining outside.
“No windows?”
“Just at the front. They have the best burritos, though. I’m going to get one. What do you want?”
“I’ll take your word for it. A burrito sounds good,” I replied.
“Great, be right back,” she said and walked toward the order window. I watched her as she ordered and paid for our meal. She came back to the table with two glasses of water.
“Water okay?”
“Perfect, thank you. You didn’t have to pay for my food.”
“I know. You can pay for mine next time.”
“Sounds good.”
“You wanna talk about it?”
“About?” I asked, confused.
“Who hurt you.”
I jolted in surprise that she would even ask me. We barely knew each other.
“I . . . uh.”
“It’ll help.”
“I’m not sure it will. It’s still very fresh in my mind.”
“Learning karate will make a huge difference. It’s good that you’re beginning to train now. It gives you something else to think about when the memories and flashbacks come.”