by J. A. Owenby
“I traded it in. I was shocked the car dealership gave me anything for it, but they did.”
He turned on the stereo and lowered the volume so we could talk.
“I like it,” I said as I pushed buttons, opened the glove compartment, and gave it the once-over.
“I have to try and park in the shade as often as I can. As you can tell, your bare legs will stick to the leather.”
“I like the leather, though. I’m happy you have a good car.”
“Me too.”
* * *
This was the second time in a few days that I’d gone somewhere outside of my mile radius.
Walker and I were seated at a corner table, and I sat where I could see everyone around me. Worst-case scenario, I had a knife and a fork. I could do some damage if I had to. But I hated thinking like that. My brain and body were on high alert all the time, like I was just waiting for something bad to happen.
“You alright?” Walker asked after we ordered.
“Yeah. I just struggle getting out around people I don’t know.”
“It’ll get better, but the key is to get out. The more you stay isolated, the harder it is when you’re in public. Survey your surroundings, identify your weapons, and locate the exits.”
“What?” I asked as I tilted my head. “Where did you learn that?”
“The military,” he said as a smile pulled at the corner of his mouth.
“What do you do? I haven’t even bothered to ask you that.”
“I’m a security forces specialist. I hated it for a long time. Boot camp was hell, but after Mom died, it gave me something to take my aggression out on. I could train, punch a bag, learn weapons, box.”
“Box? Seriously?” I asked, unable to hide my surprise.
“Yeah. I box,” he said, smiling.
“That’s why your arms are so . . .” I stopped before I finished my sentence. My cheeks warmed as I realized I’d just admitted that I’d checked him out.
“I stay in shape.”
“I see that.” Shit, what the hell is wrong with me?
Walker chuckled. I was grateful when our food arrived—it gave me something to put in my mouth besides my foot. Maybe I could manage not to embarrass myself for the rest of the day.
I dug into my sweet and sour chicken and stole a few bites of Mongolian beef off Walker’s plate.
“I’m glad you have your appetite back,” Walker nodded at my half-empty plate.
“Training has helped. Hell, not drinking has helped,” I said and sighed. I pushed the remaining food around on my plate. I was stuffed. “Remember the night at the restaurant?”
Walker stopped mid-chew as he waited for me to continue.
“The night I was trying to break up with you,” I said.
“And I wouldn’t let you,” he said and nodded. “I’ll never forget it. I got you into my bed that night.”
“Ha ha. Yes, you did,” I replied. “You thought you were so smooth, too.”
Walker wiped his mouth and put his napkin on the table. He signaled for the waitress and ordered two coffees.
“That’s the night you told me you were possessed.”
“Pretty memorable, huh?” I asked as I pulled at a string on my cloth napkin.
“I know that was hard for you, but you trusted me, Lace. Maybe someday you will again.”
“Maybe. It was two years ago, but things were so different. I wasn’t so broken.”
Walker held my gaze. “You’re not broken. You’ll heal if you keep going. Take it a day at a time, one step at a time, train, spend time with your friends, get out of the house. The memories won’t ever leave, and don’t let anyone tell you different, but they do fade. And most importantly, you’ll get stronger.”
“I don’t feel strong, Walker. I can’t seem to control my moods. I’m jumpy, and I’m afraid to sleep. I get up in the morning, shower, grab some coffee and go straight to the dojo. I mean, if Xander showed up there . . .” I flinched as I said his name and my heart pounded against my chest. “Well, if he was going to show up, that’s where I’d want that motherfucker to be. At least I could watch him die. Jared and Tiffany would take care of him.” My chin quivered at the thought of seeing him again.
“Would you? Watch him die?” Walker asked as he sipped his coffee.
“I think about it. I know that makes me a horrible person, but he—he deserves to.”
Walker reached for my hand, and I bit my lip. I tried to focus on the warmth of his skin as I willed my heart to slow down.
“Thanks,” I said and looked at him.
“It’ll help if you can find something positive to think about or do when Emma and I aren’t around. Something to keep your thoughts in the present moment instead of in Oregon.”
“That’s probably a good idea. I know you and Jared can’t be with me everywhere I go.”
Walker hesitated as I mentioned Jared’s name again.
“I’m going to talk about him, Walker,” I said as I pulled my hand away. “He’s my friend. He and Tiffany have helped me in ways no one else has. If that bothers you, I’m sorry,” I huffed.
Walker raised his hands in surrender. “I get it. I’m sorry.”
“Maybe if you met them it would help.”
“Let’s not push things yet, okay?”
“Yeah.” I wasn’t ready to drop it, but I did. “It’s been a big day. I’m ready for a nap,” I said as I stifled my yawn. “My belly is really full.”
“You got it,” Walker said and signaled for the check.
* * *
Walker pulled into the apartment parking lot twenty minutes later. The coffee hadn’t seemed to do me a lot of good, but a full belly had.
I curled up on the couch as Walker put in a movie and sat next to me. I stretched my feet across his lap and watched the screen light up with the Disney castle as the music began for The Little Mermaid. I didn’t even make it through the first ten minutes before my eyelids fluttered closed.
Chapter 20
“Hey sleepyhead,” Emma said as she came through the front door.
“Huh?” I lifted up my head and wiped the drool from the corner of my mouth. Walker chuckled, and I glared at him. “What time is it?”
“It’s a little after six,” she replied as she sat her purse on the kitchen table. I didn’t miss the glance at my feet in Walker’s lap.
“Were you busy?” I asked
“It wasn’t too bad tonight. What about you two? Anything good happen?”
“Mm, yes. Walker took us out for Chinese food for lunch, and I ate too much,” I said as I rubbed my belly. “It was really good.”
“You got out of the house? Lacey, that’s great! Twice in one weekend,” Emma said.
Walker’s eyebrow shot up. “Where else did you go?”
“A barbecue for the Fourth,” I said casually. I didn’t want to get into any details.
“With Jared?”
“And Tiffany,” I said as my eyes narrowed.
“Well, I’m sorry I brought that up,” Emma said and released a nervous giggle.
Walker glanced at the clock and then at me. “I need to go,” he said.
“Oh. Okay. Thanks again for lunch,” I said as I removed my feet from his lap.
I watched as he stood up and stretched. I got up and opened the door for him.
“Bye Emma, have a good night,” Walker said.
“You too,” she replied.
He stepped outside and turned toward me.
“Thanks for coming over today,” I said softly.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said as he leaned down and kissed the top of my head.
“Yeah?” I asked with a touch of excitement in my voice.
“Yeah.” He smiled gently, then turned away and walked down the stairs.
I closed the door and sighed louder than I meant to.
“Alright now, what the hell is going on?” Emma said as she stared at me. “Walker just kissed you goodbye on the top
of your head, and you didn’t even say anything nasty to him. Come on,” she said as she sat down and patted the sofa for me to join her. “Tell me what happened today.”
I sat down with her. “A lot happened.”
“Start from the beginning so I don’t miss anything. Are you two back together?” she asked. I didn’t miss the hope in her voice.
“No, and don’t go getting any bright ideas, either. I don’t want to date anyone right now. I need to get better first.”
Emma nodded and motioned for me to continue.
“We talked. He told me what happened at boot camp. Did you know? About Jeffrey?”
“Who’s Jeffrey?” Emma asked.
“One of the guys committed suicide while they were doing weapons training on the range. He shot himself in the head while Walker was standing next to him.”
“Oh my God!” Emma gasped. “Lacey, that type of wound is messy. If Walker was standing close enough—”
“Yeah, that’s what he said. All the . . .” I paused and pointed to my head. “It went all over Walker, his face and clothes.”
“That’s horrible!” She covered her mouth with her hand.
“I know. So then when I didn’t show up to visit, and his mom was barely holding on, and James told him I kissed him, I guess it was just too much. Something inside him just snapped.”
“Is that why he never asked you about it? Because James said that?”
“Yeah, and in one way I get it. He and James grew up together. He never considered that James and Brittany had lied to him. And after Jeffrey, he realized Susan was . . .dying” I sighed as the memories of the funeral came flooding back.
“It’s okay,” Emma said as she reached over and patted my hand. “Wait—James. As in the same James who was at the going-away party?”
“That’s the one. I don’t think I ever told you what happened. I tried to just brush it off, but I guess he’d planned the whole thing with Brittany, from what Walker said. James kissed me right after Walker proposed.”
“What?” Emma screeched. “At the party? Like, right after his best friend proposed to you?”
“Yup,” I said and chewed my lip. “Bastard set me up.”
“How do you know?”
“Walker said he overheard Brittany and James laughing about the whole thing one day. That’s how he found out that James had initiated it. Ugggh! He’s such an asshole!” I scrunched up my nose in disgust.
“Why am I always the last one to know the juicy stuff?” Emma asked as she rolled her eyes toward the ceiling.
“You were the only one who knew about Mama, so you can’t say that.”
“You’re right. But does Walker finally know? Did you tell him what she did to you, Lacey?”
“Yes. I told him.”
“What did he say?” Emma asked in a low voice as she leaned toward me in anticipation.
“That he had no idea. For the first time in two years, we both have answers. Now I understand why he didn’t come looking for me. He wasn’t himself. He said it was like he was in a fog after Jeffrey, and it just got worse with James telling him I’d cheated on him, and with his mom dying. Brittany just took advantage of the situation and moved right in.”
“He does understand that you didn’t cheat on him though, right?”
“Yeah, and he knows I was on my way to see him.”
“How do you feel about it all? I mean, after two years, you finally understand what happened. It doesn’t fix anything, but maybe you and Walker can move on.”
“I’m processing. You know what it did to me when he married Brittany. You know what he meant to me, Emma.”
“He still does mean something to you by the expression on your face,” she said.
“I never stopped loving him. I just couldn’t deal with it, so I shoved the pain down.”
“I know.”
“But that doesn’t mean we’re getting back together. Besides, there’s Jared.”
“Girl! Did you see Walker’s face when you mentioned his name?” Emma squealed.
“I really wanted to kick you for bringing it up.”
“I’m sorry,” Emma said and groaned. “I realized my mistake after it came out of my mouth.”
“I don’t really want to talk about Jared in front of him, but he’s part of my life, and Walker is going to have to deal with it.”
“Yeah, but Jared’s your boss and teacher. Nothing more, right?”
I squeezed my eyes closed for a moment.
“Lacey?”
“He kissed me at the barbecue.”
“Holy hell, are you serious?”
“I don’t think it meant anything.”
“How can a kiss not mean something? Even Walker kissing you on the top of your head means something. Love bubbles were floating out of him.”
“Love bubbles?” I giggled.
“Don’t change the subject,” she said and laughed.
“Love bubbles,” I muttered and shook my head. “Jared was drunk. That’s why I don’t think it meant anything.”
“Well, there’s two sides to that, though. One, you don’t care who you kiss because you’re too drunk to care, or two, he really wanted to kiss you and his defenses were down, so he went for it. I’m putting money on the second one.”
“Hey now, we’re not placing bets here. He apologized as soon as it happened and said it was the beer. He fell asleep in the backseat on the way home, so I knew he’d had a lot to drink. I really don’t think it meant anything.”
“And what if it did?”
“No,” I said and shook my head. “We’re not going there.”
“You might not be, but I am,” Emma said. “You’ve got two men in your life who have feelings for you. You can’t deny that Jared cares about you. I mean, he trains you for free.”
“That’s because of his mom, but I know he cares about me as a friend. Besides, we’d just had a slow dance and watched the fireworks from the dock. The kiss was almost Fourth of July protocol or something.”
“Seriously? You just keep telling yourself that,” Emma said.
“I will,” I said and folded my arms.
“Is he super hot?”
“Yes,” I said and groaned. “Now stop. You’re not helping!” I said and swatted her on the arm. “It can’t be anything anyway. He’s my boss and my sensei. I’m pretty sure sleeping with him isn’t a good idea.”
“Who said anything about sleeping with him? If he’s getting attached to you, it doesn’t matter. I think you just need to be careful. If you care about him, don’t lead him on.”
“I’m not leading him on. I’ve been strictly professional during work and training. I haven’t given him any signals or anything. Especially after Tiffany said something to me about it.”
“What? What do you mean?”
“She just said to be careful that he’d get attached to me. She mentioned something about a savior complex or something.”
“Ohhhhhh,” Emma said, making her mouth into an O.
“We’re done having this conversation,” I said and rubbed my face.
“Okay, but I suspect it will come back up soon.”
I glared at her.
“I have every intention of going to work on Monday and not mentioning it. He already apologized, it’s over, we’re moving forward. And do not tell Walker.”
“I’m not that stupid,” Emma said. “He loves you so much.”
“How do you know all this?”
“Just things he says when we talk. How much he worries about you.”
“Well, we’re friends. We’ve never had that between us, and I think it’s a good place to be.”
“You’re right. You guys fell so hard and fast. It was a whirlwind, really.”
“We’ve both changed a lot in two years. I just want to get to know him again. Like, did you know he boxes?”
“He’s mentioned it.”
“Speaking of, he told me you knew he was in Missouri with Garrett.”
“I was mad at first, but he said he made you promise not to tell me.”
“Oh, phew. I thought I was going to get my butt chewed out.”
“You were, but he explained it was to protect me from worrying about Garrett.”
“It was. Lacey, do you realize that everything Walker and I’ve done has been to help you? We love you. We’d do anything to keep you safe,” Emma said as her eyes glistened.
“Don’t do that. Don’t get teary on me. I’ve cried a lot today,” I said. “I know I wouldn’t be here without either one of you. And right this minute, I’m okay with being alive.”
“Me too,” Emma said as a tear snuck down her cheek.
Chapter 21
Walker showed up at the apartment around eleven the next morning.
“Hey,” I said, smiling. It was nice not to be pissed that he was here.
“You ready?”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m getting you out of the apartment for the day.”
“Oh, I don’t know. I’m really tired. I didn’t sleep much last night.”
“No isn’t an option,” he said as he grabbed my wallet and sunglasses from the kitchen table.
“Bye, Emma! I’ll have her home by eight,” Walker yelled down the hall.
“Bye! You two have fun,” she replied.
“I’m not sixteen, ya know,” I said as I followed him out the door.
“No, but that was funny.”
I couldn’t hide my grin.
We reached his car and got in. “Where are we going?” I asked as he pulled out of the complex.
“It’s a surprise. Just try and enjoy the drive.”
I nodded as I stared out the window. Although I was glad to be out of the house, spending time with Walker as a friend was strange.
Thirty minutes later, we pulled into the Lake DeGray parking area.
“I can’t believe you brought me here,” I said. A shy smile spread across my face.
“I thought a picnic would do you some good. Get some sunshine, be near the water, and just spend the day together. And I packed some food—including strawberries.”
“Ha!” I said and laughed. “Do you remember me putting that entire strawberry in my mouth on our first date?”
“Yup,” he said and flashed me a smile. My breath caught as the memories returned of our time here. Our first kiss and his hands on my body. Heat stirred inside me for the first time since I’d left Xander. My hand trembled slightly as I tried to shut down all the emotions.