Beautiful Burn (Maddox Brothers #4)

by Jamie McGuire

  My face twisted. “She didn’t hear me.”

  “You’re talking louder than you think. C’mon. Let’s go back to the room.”

  “I’m having a good time.”

  “No, you’re sitting in a corner getting drunk.”

  I sighed. “I’ll go. You stay here with your family. I don’t want you to miss this.”

  “So you can end up in the ocean? No. C’mon.”

  I reluctantly stood, pulling away when Tyler tried to take my hand. He waved to his brothers and their significant others, and Tyler only touched me when I stumbled off the sidewalk.

  We climbed an excessive amount of stairs to our room, and I leaned against the wall while Tyler opened the door. The lock clicked, the door opened, and had Tyler not caught me, I would have fallen inside.

  He lifted me into his arms, carried me to the bed, and lowered me gently to the mattress.

  “Come here,” I said, reaching for him.

  He pulled off my heels and then turned me onto my side, long enough to unzip the back of my dress. He slipped the fabric down and then slipped a T-shirt over my head.

  “Much better,” I said. “Now come here.” I reached for him again, but he turned off the light and the bathroom door closed. The pipes whined as he turned on the shower. I thought about joining him, but I was so comfortable, and dizzy, and maybe a little nauseated. After a few minutes, the heat became hotter and the comfort went away. Nausea took over, and I rolled off the bed, crawling to the bathroom and reaching for the knob.

  I barely made it to the toilet before my stomach rejected the day’s worth of vodka I’d consumed. The curtain pulled back, and Tyler’s deep voice filled the room.

  “Christ, Ellie. Are you all right?”

  “Yep. Ready for round two in no time.”

  The curtain closed just in time for me to heave again. The water turned off, and I could hear Tyler shuffling a towel over his body before starting a bath. He held my hair until I was finished, and then undressed me, lifting me off the floor and then lowering me into the tub.

  He used a washrag to wipe my face, and then he sighed.

  “This has stopped being exciting, hasn’t it?” I asked, feeling mascara sting my eyes.

  “Yeah,” he said, sounding sad. “I think it’s time.”

  I nodded, wiping the black from my cheeks. “It’s okay, Tyler. I knew it was coming.”

  “You knew what was coming?”

  “Goodbye.”

  He shook his head. “I’ve told you … I’m not going anywhere. Maybe it’s not perfect, but I’ll love walking through hell with you just the same. I’m just not to going to watch you get worse. It’s time we start going in the other direction.”

  “I think we both know we’re past a support group and twelve steps.”

  He wiped my forehead with the rag. “Maybe. Whatever it is, I’m with you.”

  My bottom lip quivered, nodding.

  I picked at my nails, feeling strange to have been sweating from the Virgin Islands humidity in the morning and have Tyler’s truck heater blowing in my face to battle the chill of Colorado air twelve hours later. The windshield wipers were creaking across the glass, wiping away the snowflakes falling quietly from the night sky.

  “I’m not trying to be difficult. I think I just need some time to get my shit together.”

  He sighed, frustrated. “And why can’t we do that together?”

  “Because everything I’ve tried up to this weekend hasn’t worked. It’s been a year. I think it’s time for something new.”

  “Or someone new?” he asked.

  I blinked, offended. “I can’t believe you just said that.”

  “I just want to help you with your luggage. It doesn’t have to be a big deal.”

  “When you get upstairs, I’ll want you to stay.”

  “Is that so bad?” When I didn’t answer, he gripped his steering wheel so tight his knuckles turned white. “You want to drink, and you don’t want me to see you.”

  “Something like that.”

  “So is this going to be the new thing you’re trying? Choosing to get drunk over being with me?”

  “No.”

  “That’s what it sounds like to me.”

  “You’re not coming inside,” I snapped.

  “Why?”

  “You know why!”

  He slammed his palm down on the dash. “Goddamn it, Ellie! I’m fucking exhausted!”

  “Then go home!”

  “I don’t wanna go home! I want to be with you!”

  “Too fucking bad!”

  He clenched his teeth, staring straight ahead. The headlights of the truck highlighted the MountainEar building and the snowflakes, adding to the already white blanket on the ground.

  He slammed his gearshift into reverse. “I can’t do this.”

  I grabbed my backpack and put my hand on the door handle. “It’s about time you admitted it.”

  “You were just waiting for that, weren’t you? I give up, so it’s not your fault. Or maybe you can go upstairs and pretend you’re drinking because you feel sorry for yourself. Fucking brilliant.”

  I opened the door, and then opened the back door, grabbing my rolling suitcase and yanking it to the ground. I slammed the back door, and then the passenger’s.

  Tyler rolled down the window. “I’ve put up with a lot of shit to make this work, and you don’t give a single fuck.”

  “I warned you!”

  “That’s bullshit, Ellie! Just because I warn a bank I’m going to rob it, doesn’t mean the bank had it coming!”

  “Be sure to tell everyone at the bar that when you’re crying in your beer,” I seethed.

  “I don’t have to go to the bar every time something in my life doesn’t go right. It’s called being an adult. And I’m damn sure not crying over you,” he said, rolling up the window. He stomped on the gas, squealing backward in a half-circle, and then spun out of the back lot and into the street, barreling toward the highway.

  I stood alone for a while, stunned. In the year I’d known him, Tyler had never spoken to me that way. Love made people hate in a way they never would have before.

  The snow made the world quiet, but even silence made a sound. I tugged my luggage through the snow, up and over the curb to the back door. My key was ice cold, burning my fingers while my hand trembled. In a steady rhythm, the wheels banged against every stair, and then I let it all fall forward when I made it to the top.

  I took the few steps to the fridge and grabbed the last can of beer, noticing the only thing left was moldy cheese and a bottle of mustard. The beer hissed at me when I popped the top, the bitter liquid feeling cold and comforting in my throat. There was half a pint of vodka in the cabinet, but payday was a week away.

  My phone buzzed in my back pocket, and I scrambled to answer.

  “Hello?”

  “It’s Jojo. You back?”

  “I am,” I said, brushing the snow from my hair.

  “You bored?”

  “What did you have in mind?”

  “Cheap drinks at a dive bar?” she said. “I’ll pick you up.”

  “Sounds perfect.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  Jon Bon Jovi played from the jukebox in the corner, its yellow, green, and blue glow one of the only sources of light in Turk’s besides the fluorescents over the bar.

  A small group of local snowboarders were shooting tequila in the corner, and despite my occasional flirtatious glances in their direction, they weren’t going to share.

  Annie stayed busy behind the bar, raking in the last of the ski season’s share of tips. I was sitting on a stool in front of her soda gun, watching her mix drinks I couldn’t afford. Jojo had already bought me two, and I wasn’t going to ask for another. Unfortunately, no one was looking to flirt with a jetlagged, hungover party girl too broke to party.

  I looked around, feeling more desperate as the minutes passed, listening to Jojo go on about Liam and his invitation
for her to meet him in North Carolina.

  A shot was placed in front of me, and I turned to thank whoever it was. My smile faded when I saw a platinum pompadour and sweet grin.

  “You look like you’ve had better days, Ellie,” Paige said, straightening one of her enormous gold leaf earrings.

  I faced forward. “Go away, Paige.”

  “That’s not very nice. I just bought you a drink.”

  I craned my neck at her. “My sister won’t speak to me because of you.”

  Jojo leaned forward. “I can’t believe you did that, Paige. What the fuck were you thinking?”

  “I wasn’t,” she said without apology. “I was drunk and maybe a lot high.”

  Jojo wrinkled her nose. “What happened to you? You used to be so sweet. Now you’re full of holes and covered in cheap artwork.”

  “Go fuck a kangaroo, Jojo.”

  “You’re a cunt rag, Paige. Your fake, innocent smile fools no one,” Jojo said, turning to watch the television overhead.

  Paige seemed unfazed, resting her cheek on her palm. “I wasn’t trying to be mean. I didn’t realize it was a secret.”

  “If you’re going to pull something that heinous, at least own it. I’d respect you more,” I said, grabbing the shot and throwing it down my throat.

  “Want another one?” she asked, arching an eyebrow. She had plans for me, and I didn’t care what they were. I just wanted to get drunk and not care for a night.

  “It depends. What did you put in that shot?”

  “Nothing fun, unless you’re making a request.”

  “I’ll just take another drink.”

  Paige signaled to Annie, who nodded.

  “Where’s your boy?” Paige asked, lifting her leg to climb onto the stool to my right. She was wearing tight jeans and a tank top under a flannel shirt, showing off her curves and cleavage all while staying warm.

  “Not here,” I said, throwing back the next shot Annie sat before me.

  “Hey,” Paige said with a giggle. “Wait for me.” She lifted her chin and the dark liquid left the glass, emptying down her throat. She placed the glass upside down and slid it toward Annie, ordering two doubles.

  I drank them as fast as Annie could make them. Finally, Paige cut me off. “You’re going to drink my paycheck. I came in with a fifty, and it’s gone.”

  “Thank you,” I said, holding up my empty tumbler.

  “Pace yourself,” Jojo said. “When Dad falls off the wagon, it’s easier for him to climb back on without a hangover.”

  “I’m already hungover,” I said. “Or I was … six drinks ago.”

  “You’re keeping track?” Paige asked. “That’s impressive.”

  Jojo snorted. “Only counting to six would be impressive to you, Miley Cyrus.”

  “Why did you bring her to a bar if she’s on the wagon, Jojo?” Paige asked, leaning forward.

  “Why did you bring her Crown to her house? Why are you buying her shots now? I just wanted to have a couple of drinks and chat, not get her wasted so I could talk her into ungodly things.”

  “You sure?” Paige asked with a sweet smile.

  “Go fuck yourself, Paige.”

  “Now, ladies,” I said, smiling when I felt the warmth settling into my muscles. “No need to fight over who is the best enabler.”

  “It’s not funny,” Annie said, glaring at us with her round, chocolate eyes while she furiously dried a glass. “You’re both assholes if she was trying to get sober.” She looked at me. “You’re cut off, Ellie. Get the hell out of here.”

  My mouth fell open. “What did I do?”

  “You let me serve drinks to an alcoholic. I better not see you in here again or I’ll call Wick. Jojo … shame on you.”

  Jojo made a face. “Oh, please. Like Daddy doesn’t come in here and get drunk when he fights with Mom.”

  “Not for a long time,” Annie said, her shoulder-length brown curls shaking as she scolded and worked at the same time. “Take her home.”

  “Okay … okay, we’re going,” I said, standing to gather my things.

  “I’ll take you home,” Paige said.

  “No.” I shook my head. “You still haven’t apologized for New Year’s Eve.”

  Paige took a step toward me, six inches too far into my personal space. “What do you think I’m trying to do?”

  She leaned in, tilted her head, and pressed her lips to mine. The snowboarders in the corner cheered like their favorite hockey team had just scored.

  “Buy those girls a drink!” one of them yelled, pointing at us.

  I looked to Annie, but she pointed to the door.

  Paige led me out by the hand, but once we stepped into the alley, she backed up against the wall and yanked me toward her. Her tongue ring banged against my teeth, her hands firmly on each side of my face.

  I heard someone giggle to my left, and I turned to a woman in the same position as Paige, pulling Sterling’s face against hers. Her knee was hitched to his hip.

  His red-rimmed eyes drifted, and when he recognized me, I could see that he was just as drunk as I was, if not more. We watched each other for a long time, and then Sterling’s friend pulled him to face her again, demanding his attention.

  Paige tried to do the same, but I backed away.

  “Ellie?” Paige said, confused.

  I walked toward the street, passing Sterling and his new friend and turning right toward downtown. I stopped on the corner, looking down when a police cruiser rolled by. The light changed, and I hurried across the street to the only twenty-four-hour convenience store in town.

  “Bathroom?” I asked.

  The clerk pointed to the back, and I ran.

  “Hey. Hey! No puking in there!”

  I burst through the door and leaned back against it, sliding down to the floor. Pieces of toilet paper and paper towels were lying all around me, and I could feel the ass of my jeans getting wet from one of the many small puddles on the floor. I reached back for my phone, my thumb hovering over the display.

  Before I could change my mind, I pressed the last name I ever thought I’d dial—a number Finley had programmed into my phone three months before.

  It rang twice before she picked up. “Ellison? My God, it’s so good to hear from you.”

  “Sally,” I began. “I’m in the bathroom of a convenience store. I think it’s the only open one in town.”

  “Where?”

  “Estes Park. I’m going to need a car to the nearest rehabilitation center. I’ve tried to stop drinking … I’ve…” I took a deep breath. “I can’t do it on my own. I’m drunk right now.”

  “Someone will be there in fifteen minutes. Sit tight, Ellison. We’re going to get you well.”

  I set the alarm on my phone and waited on the dirty floor. Before the chime went off, the clerk knocked on the door.

  “Hey, lady? You all right in there?”

  “I’m okay,” I said, sniffing. I crawled over to the far wall and pulled some toilet paper off the roll, wiping my eyes between sobs.

  “There’s a guy out here. Says he’s picking you up.”

  I scrambled to my feet, stunned by my reflection in the mirror. Twin thick black streaks of mascara stained my cheeks from my eyes to my jaw line. My hair was in rats, my eyes dull and glassed over. I yanked open the door to see Tyler standing next the clerk, looking very large next to the short, scrawny boy.

  He sighed, relieved. “Ellison … I’ve been looking everywhere.”

  I wiped my hands on my jeans and tried to walk out without stumbling. Tyler followed me outside, ready to catch me if I fell. He draped his army jacket over my shoulders and fidgeted.

  “I’m so fucking sorry,” he blurted out. “I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean anything I said.”

  “I know.”

  “No,” he said, reaching for me. “No, you don’t know. You don’t have a fucking clue how much I love you. I’m just … I’m out of ideas. Things were so good before my birthday. I jus
t want to get back there somehow.”

  I swayed backward, but he pulled me against his side.

  “How much have you had to drink?” he asked.

  “A lot,” I said, my bottom lip trembling. “I saw Sterling.”

  Tyler’s expression changed from worry to rage. “Where? Did he say something to you? How did you get here? Him?”

  I shook my head and crossed my arms. “I walked.”

  “Jesus, Ellie, it’s freezing.”

  “I don’t want to be like him.”

  “Sterling?” he asked, caught off guard. “You’re not. You’re nothing like him.”

  “I’m exactly like him. I’m a drunk, selfish asshole who cares about no one.” I turned to Tyler. “I can’t love you. I don’t even love myself.”

  Tyler looked like the air had been knocked out of him. He shrugged. “What am I supposed to say to that? You keep knocking me down and I keep getting back up, thinking one of these times you’ll stop throwing punches. I love you. And I know you love me, but … I’m not a punching bag. I don’t know how much more I can take.”

  “It’s not up to you to save me. I have to do it myself. Somewhere else.”

  He blanched. “What are you talking about?”

  A black car pulled up, and the driver stepped out. “Miss Edson?”

  I nodded.

  Tyler frowned. “Who the fuck is that?”

  “My ride.”

  “I can take you. Where are you going?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  “Who is he? Does he work for your parents?”

  “Not exactly,” I said. Sally knew as well as I did that my parents would pay for any ride taking me to rehab.

  I pulled off his jacket, but he held out his hand. “Keep it. Bring it back to me when you come home.”

  I reached for his face, leaning up on the balls of my feet to kiss him, and he threw his arms around me, closing his eyes tight and holding me like it was the last time.

  “Come back,” he said against my lips, keeping his eyes closed.

  “What if I come back different? What if it takes a long time?”

  He shook his head. “I’ve loved every version of you there’s ever been. I’ll love whoever comes back.”

  My face crumbled, and I nodded, waving goodbye.