Lights Out (Indigo)

by Robinson, Ruthie

  Where was Joe, anyway? It had been almost a month now. He hadn’t called—not once—to check in with her. She was having an angry moment again. He’d just disappeared. Hadn’t called to see how she was after the girls had gone. Hadn’t they been friends? Guess not. She apparently had just been only Renee, the woman he’d wanted from the start.

  She’d called quite a bit at first. He hadn’t answered, the coward. She’d gotten herself under control and stopped. Okay, she called one other time, to talk; her emotions had taken control of her body. She hadn’t been able to keep herself from dialing the number. He was busy at work. His voiced rushed. He’d found a sitter for Shane, school was almost out, so Shane would be heading back to Reye’s. He said he hadn’t called her, hadn’t wanted to bother her now that the girls were gone.

  That was so nice of him. Guess he’d decided to move on. All signs pointed that way, however abrupt his decision had been. She should move on, too.

  * * *

  Joe had left Shane with a sitter for the evening and was now in his car driving toward Meghan and her husband’s home. He had called earlier in the week and agreed to have dinner with them tonight. Although he hadn’t dreaded this meeting, he hadn’t looked forward to it, either. He didn’t want to go alone. Piper would go with you. Where had that thought come from? Who was he kidding? He’d thought of her often and he’d missed her plenty. Piper lived in his brain, swam around in his waking thoughts, simmered just under his skin while her counterpart, Renee, hounded his dreams.

  Meghan and Shane were all he could take in emotionally. He wanted to resolve it alone, as he’d always done things, but this evening he found himself turning around and driving back to her shop, taking a chance that she’d be there. He parked and walked in.

  “Is Piper here?” he asked.

  “Nope. Not today,” an employee—one of her usual clueless student workers—said.

  “Thanks,” he said. He turned around and walked back to his car, and then found himself heading toward her home, not willing to relinquish the idea of asking her to come with him. He parked in front of her home and walked to the front door and knocked, while checking his watch. He was met with silence. No barking of dogs. They were gone and so were the girls, he remembered. He’d been so wrapped up in himself, he’d forgotten.

  “Hey,” he said, when she opened the door. Surprise registered on her face first, quickly followed by hurt. She didn’t say anything.

  “I’m heading over to see my sister—my first time—and to meet her husband,” he said. Then he stopped and looked around, clearly uncomfortable. “To…talk about Shane,” he said, his eyes dead on hers now. “Would you come with me? I’m in need of a friend. I know it’s short notice.” It looked like it was killing him to ask her.

  “I’ll come. Just give me a second,” she said, walking up the stairs. He stepped inside the door, closing it behind him, looking around at her home. He smiled. Music was playing. Piper and her music, another constant.

  It took her less than ten minutes and they were on their way.

  “Thanks,” he said.

  “You’re welcome,” she said, but didn’t say much else.

  “How have you been?” he asked.

  “Fine.”

  “How are your sisters?”

  “Fine.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  She shrugged her shoulders and continued to stare out the window. “How’s Shane?” she asked.

  “Good. He’s been to your dad’s apartment. He and Taylor are truly inseparable.”

  “So I’ve heard,” she said. Her smile was weak, and she was back to looking out the window. “Does your sister live far from here?”

  “No, we’re almost there.”

  She nodded and looked out the window again. He was quiet the remainder of the trip. Ten minutes later Joe parked alongside the curb before a small, neat home. They were in one of the older neighborhoods located east of town, where homes were made from wood and sat on pier and beam, not concrete foundations like the newer models. It was painted white, trimmed in a pretty forest green. There were flowers around the front porch, which had been painted a light grey.

  Piper got out and met Joe as he walked around the front of the car. They both made their way to the front door. Joe knocked. He was tense. Piper could tell from the stiffness of his posture.

  The door opened. It was answered by a tall, on-the-skinny-side black guy. She was surprised. Her eyes darted to Joe. He was just as surprised as she was.

  “You must be Joe,” he said, sticking out his hand. “I’m Aaron. Married to your sister. She’s in the shower. Spent too much time in the kitchen making sure dinner was just the way she wanted. I’ve learned to get out of her way,” he said, smiling and stepping back to allow them entry.

  “This is Piper,” Joe said.

  “Nice to meet you, Piper,” Aaron said, extending his hand to hers.

  “Nice to meet you, too,” she said.

  “You two have a seat and I’ll go let Meghan know you’re here,” he said, pointing toward what must be the living room while he walked away.

  They both sat on the couch, looking around. It was nice and clean in here, not fancy—chair, sofa, rug on the floor. Several portraits hung on the wall.

  “Your sister’s married?” she asked, turning to look at Joe, whose mind was a million miles away. She reached for his hand and squeezed it, not knowing if that would help. He squeezed back.

  A few minutes later, Aaron and Meghan entered.

  “I’m so glad Joe brought you with him,” she said, reaching for Piper’s hands.

  “Me too,” Piper replied.

  “Are you two ready for dinner?” she asked.

  “Yes,” Joe and Piper answered in unison.

  * * *

  Dinner had been uneventful. Aaron, Piper, and Meghan had done most of the talking with the occasional input from Joe, who had chosen to play the closed-off role. They returned to the living room again after dinner for coffee. Piper had inhaled her slice of cake—lemon and light—one of her favorites.

  “So, I’ve met with my attorney,” Joe said, cutting into the chit-chat, getting to the reason for their dinner. He was about as subtle as a bull in a china closet, and all idle talk ceased.

  “Okay,” Meghan said, startled and wary. Her husband looked at Piper and gave her a reassuring smile.

  “What is it that you want, Meghan?” he asked.

  “As I explained to you at your home, I would like to get to visit and get to know my son,” she said, working to get her anxiety under control.

  “For…” Joe asked, not nice anymore. Not that he’d been nice to begin with, but he’d been somewhat cordial. Now he was the police interrogating a suspect.

  “There is no reason to be hostile,” Aaron said, more calm than Piper would have been under the circumstances.

  “I’m not hostile. I want you to know that I will protect Shane from ever getting hurt or abandoned again.”

  Meghan put her hand on her husband’s shoulder, a calming gesture. “I understand, Joe. I haven’t spoken to a lawyer yet. I wanted to see if we couldn’t come up with a resolution before we went to court. I don’t have a lot of money to fight you, Joe, and I don’t want to fight, anyway. I would like to meet Shane. We could start out slow and get to know each other. Hopefully over time I would prove to you and him that I am stable. Could we try that, Joe?” she asked.

  “I’ll think about it,” he said, his face hard. “I agreed to meet with you today so that you would understand that I intend to protect Shane at all costs.”

  “I know that, Joe, more than anyone else. I know what you’ve done for Shane, what you will continue to do for him. I’m thankful for that protective streak. I know what you did for me as a child, the stepping in when our parents were too drunk to see straight. I know, Joe. I was there, too.”

  “I never said you weren’t.”

  “Yes, but you’re angry at me still. Angry at whoever. You’ve always be
en angry. You’ve got to let that go,” she said.

  “I’m not angry. Just looking out for Shane’s best interests,” he said.

  “Our mother is still living, did you know that? Did you know that she is sober, has been for the last four years? She said she’d tried to call you, that you don’t answer her calls or her letters. Is that true?” Meghan asked.

  “This isn’t about me or our mother, and I’m not the one who drank,” he said, his anger showing now.

  He and Meghan were alone in the room as far as Piper and Aaron were concerned.

  “I dealt with our lives the best way I could, Joe. I’ve made mistakes. I’ve learned from them, learned to forgive those who weren’t at strong as I was. Can you say that? You can’t even forgive your own mother. You have to let go of that anger, Joe, before you can move on. You didn’t drink, but you closed yourself off, except for Shane. Who else have you loved besides Amy, who had too many holes for you to plug?”

  Who the hell is Amy? Piper wondered.

  Joe looked away. “I didn’t come here for this.”

  “Why did you come?” Meghan asked.

  “To see what you wanted from Shane, to determine if you were going to fight for custody. To see if you were different, so that I could prepare if necessary,” he said, looking at his sister, his eyes hard.

  “I’m sorry, Joe, for hurting you, for hurting Shane, for hurting myself. I am living better, one day at a time,” she said, looking away, getting herself under control, and then turning back to face him.

  “I am asking to see my son. I’m asking for a chance to get to know him again, to prove that I deserve to be in his life. I’ve had my problems, but I have changed. I would like a chance to love him again,” she said. “But I’m not going to fight you on this, Joe. I’m not. It’s up to you. I will not drag Shane through that. Not for me. But if you could look at the possibility of allowing me back into his life, I’d appreciate it.”

  Joe was silent, head down. “I don’t know.” He sounded tired now. “I don’t want him to be hurt, not like me. I don’t want that for him,” he said, looking into his sister’s eyes, his pain showing through now. “I’ll think about it. That’s all I can give you,” he said.

  “I appreciate that,” she said, reaching for his hand.

  “I’d better get Piper home,” he said. Piper stood and followed Joe to the door.

  “Sure. Thank you for coming,” Meghan said as she and Aaron stood, following them to the door. They watched them walk to their car.

  * * *

  A glimpse into Joe’s childhood was far more than Piper expected. She glanced over, taking in a silent Joe, eyes on the road in front of him, lost in thought, driving her home. She glanced over at him a few minutes later. Yep, same expression, stoic and quiet. He hadn’t said a word to her since they’d left Meghan’s. Joe, true to form, was holding all things in that really mattered, taking care of things alone as much as he could.

  “Want to talk about it?”

  “Nope,” he said, continuing to stare out the front window.

  They were in her neighborhood now, coming up to her street. A few minutes later he pulled into her drive. He sat for a second, the sound of her door closing bringing him back from his thoughts. He got out and followed her to the front door. He waited while she opened it. Then she turned to him.

  “Want to come in?” she asked.

  He nodded and followed her in. He walked up behind her, placing his arms around her waist, his head leaning into the curve of her shoulder. He didn’t say a word. He just stood there, holding her.

  “It doesn’t seem like it now, but it will be okay,” she said, her hand clasping his at her waist. He didn’t respond except to turn her to face him. He looked into her eyes, bent his head and kissed her, touching her lips, slowly and softly.

  She kissed him back. They remained like that, locked together, for a while. He pulled back, took her hand, and set off up the stairs to her room, pulling her behind him down the hall.

  He reached her bedroom, walked them inside, and closed the door. He turned and kissed her again, mouth smooth and needy. His earlier gentleness was replaced by demand. He unzipped her dress, letting it fall to the floor. He quickly removed her bra and pulled her underwear down, and then slipped out of his own clothes.

  He was so serious and sad. She smiled. He returned it, but his smile was so far from the full ones she’d seen the old Joe wear. He climbed into her bed and rolled on top of her.

  He kissed her softly again, and then with an urgency she was hard-pressed to keep up with. He pushed her thighs open, his hand going under her arms, and pushed her upward on the bed. She used her heels to push further upward, too, to assist him, hoping to help, to soothe him somehow. He entered her with some force, drawing a moan from her, her legs going around his body to anchor her as he pulled out and thrust back in, again and again and again.

  His hands found hers and he gripped her wrists, one in each hand. He held them above her head while he continued his onslaught on her body. His thrusts came hard and fast, sometimes nearly rocking her off the bed. His eyes were closed, and he was beginning to sweat. They both were, but he didn’t stop. He was lost in his own mind, while she held on for the ride.

  She lost track of time and just gave over her body to him as he still moved in her. He tilted her hips upward and she moaned, his hips driving into her, the force pulling her over, and he felt her start to come. He felt so right inside her, and always had, from the beginning.

  It felt like home to him. He pushed harder into her, a few minutes away from coming himself. Oh, God. She felt incredible. He bent to kiss her, his mouth taking in her moans and pleas as he held her hands above her head and pushed one last time, as hard as he could. She screamed his name. He let go and came with her, closing his eyes at the pleasure that coursed through his veins, still pumping his hips, not wanting it to end.

  His grip on her wrists loosened and he opened his eyes to find hers open and looking back at him. He bent to kiss her, softly.

  “I love you, Joe,” she said.

  “This might not turn out like you want,” he said. “I have lots of baggage.”

  “Is that a warning?”

  “More like a fact,” he said, quietly.

  She looked at him, taking her hand and running it along his face to cup his cheek in her palm.

  “I’ll take my chances,” she said, and he stared back; that unreadable Joe she loved so much was back again. He bent his head, taking her lips softly with his. She opened her eyes and watched as he lowered his head again, sweeping her along with him again. God, she loved this man.

  Later on that night he watched her sleep, thinking back to Meghan and her husband. Shane meant more to him than he had known, and the thought of having to lose him hurt more than he could bear. He couldn’t voice that yet. Having Meghan bring up their past was more than he could take, and the possibility of Shane enduring her yet again was more than he wanted to think about. He took a deep breath, letting it go into Piper’s curly hair.

  “It’ll work out,” he heard her say. He chuckled.

  “Thought you were asleep,” he said, pulling out of her embrace, rolling onto his back, and tucking his arm underneath her head.

  “I don’t know,” he said, closing his eyes as his hand roamed over her body, no particular destination in mind, just finding comfort in having her here. He closed his eyes, letting go of Shane for a minute. He fell asleep.

  He woke up later than he intended. Piper was still sprawled out asleep, tired from his second or third use of her body. He had wanted to hold her, to lose himself in her again, and she allowed him that. She loved him.

  Was it love he felt for her? It was something. He missed her these last few weeks, and realized how much he’d come to rely on her, how much she gave to him. Was that love? It was the closest he’d come to it in a long time. He needed to talk to her. He would, but not now. After it was settled, he promised himself.

  * *
*

  A little later Piper woke up, alone. Joe was gone, and it was cool in the spot where he’d been. He left her a note: “Thanks for coming with me.”

  “No problem,” she replied into her soundless room. She hoped she’d helped him. She loved him, as scary as that was—especially now—and hoped it would turn out okay for him, for her, for them.

  Chapter 20

  End of May

  Joe sat in front of the TV. Two weeks had passed since he and Piper had met with Meghan and her husband. He’d given some thought to Meghan’s words, and had spent the last two weeks in too much thought about his mom and his life—past, present, and future. He hadn’t spoken to his mom in so long. He couldn’t even remember the last time they’d talked. His mother was now sober. What to do with that, along with what to do with Meghan? She was different. Having time away to think and reconsider, he’d been able to recognize the changes in her. This Meghan was different. But did that mean she would remain that way? Only time would tell.

  He checked his watch. It was 10 p.m. This weekend was free, with the exception of Shane going over to Taylor’s dad’s apartment tomorrow. That reminded him that he hadn’t called Piper, either. He hadn’t seen her in two weeks. He’d sent her a text thanking her for coming with him. Not his best move, but neither was the note he’d left behind. He looked up to find Shane standing in the doorway.

  “What’s up, dude?” he asked.

  “Don’t forget tomorrow. I’m going over to Taylor’s apartment.”

  “Hadn’t forgotten,” he said.

  “Are you okay? You seem worried lately. You miss Piper, don’t you?”

  He smiled. “I do, but that’s not entirely it. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something,” he said, watching as Shane walked over to the couch and sat down next to him.

  “Your mom is living here now,” he said and watched as Shane sat up, suddenly alert.

  “Where?” he asked.

  “She has a home, is married, actually, and more importantly, she’s not sick anymore.”