Layer Your Novel: The Innovative Method for Plotting Your Scenes (The Writer's Toolbox Series)

by C. S. Lakin

  Tessa. Gets Sam on the phone. He tells her they’re all being investigated and blood was found in the house. She feels abandoned when Sam says he has an appointment.

  Key Scene #7 - Twist #2. Zoe. She questions Lucas: Did Chris ever hurt him? The answer seems yes. But Lucas does not think Chris killed Maria. Lucas suddenly admits he killed Maria, trying to protect her. [This admission is awkwardly plopped into the story at an odd spot, and Zoe hardly reacts to Lucas’s killing her mom.]

  Sam. He sits with doctor, waiting for the results of the MRI. [A lot of build for this minor character we don’t really care about. A subplot that doesn’t go anywhere.]

  Key Scene #8 – Dark Night. Zoe. Lucas explains that, in protecting her mother from Chris, he knocked her down the stairs [which no one else in the house heard?]. Lucas leaves the room. Zoe’s dad comes in, and she tells him she doesn’t want Grace to be around Chris. [She doesn’t think to tell anyone that Lucas killed her mom??] She finds Lucas and asks him to come with her and she kisses his fingers. [Okay, really lost me there. Affection for the person who killed her mother? This should be a dark moment for Zoe, but she’s hardly disturbed by the truth.]

  Tessa. The taxi arrives to take the family to a hotel. Chris calls for Lucas, but he doesn’t answer. Tessa spots Zoe and Lucas with baby in the garden. Chris agrees to go and come back later for them once he’s settled in.

  Zoe. Lucas tells details of Maria’s death, and how Chris made him clean up the blood while Chris took the body to the trash shed. Chris told him to say they were both asleep when Maria died. Zoe has a plan so she can keep Grace with her and away from Chris.

  Sam. Doctor thinks Sam has MS. Sam heads home.

  Zoe. She tells Lucas what he should do—lie and say Chris killed Maria. He resists, but she persuades him. He recorded the argument between Chris and Maria right before she died.

  Richard. Chris asks to use Richard’s computer. [Why don’t the police quickly learn Tessa had been sleeping with Sam? They would consider Richard a possible suspect as well and take his phone and computer.] He’s tempted to drink but abstains.

  Tessa. Zoe gets everyone to come into the sitting room. Lucas is going to show them the recording from last night.

  Key Scene #9 – Big Climax. Lucas. Everyone watches how Chris went after Maria, threatening her. The camera falls, so all they can do is listen to the part where she tumbles down the stairs. Zoe then says she came out of her room and saw Chris push Maria. The police take Chris, and Zoe’s dad rushes out and leaves. [Another big flaw is that this is the only scene in Lucas’s POV—not good structure. The big climax should be in the protagonist’s POV.]

  Sam. He’s having a beer, thinking what a bad future lies ahead. His cop friend tells him there’s been an arrest. Sam sees a grainy photo that looks like Chris in a police car.

  Tessa. She and Richard talk briefly about Zoe; he cries. The phone rings.

  Richard. Determined to sober up and take custody of the kids. He thought he’d heard Lucas earlier saying “It was an accident.”

  Sam. He and Richard talk. Richard suspects Tessa was with him. He tells Sam to leave them alone, then hangs up. He doesn’t know what to do with his life. [But who cares? He’s not at all important in this plot.]

  Key Scene #10 – Resolution. Epilogue. Zoe. Six months later. Zoe is again performing a concert. The kids have been living with Tessa and Richard. Chris is in prison. She plays the piece in memory of her mother.

  What We Learn From This

  So, here we have a very weak premise, a barely empathetic protagonist without a goal, characters who often behave unbelievably, and little plot. After Maria is discovered dead, there is little emotional reaction. No one (including the police) seems to be concerned over how Maria died and if the killer is at large or among them.

  There is no tension built in a lengthy investigation. The “big” elements of the story are Lucas revealing Chris has a little bit of a violent nature, which we don’t see, and that because of Chris’s secretive violence, Lucas felt compelled to protect Maria from Chris. Most of the novel is narrative, backstory, or characters thinking.

  I hope you can see how the subplot of Sam having a medical issue is no subplot at all. As you’ve learned in this book, subplots not only need to be well developed and have an arc, they have to impact the protagonist and her efforts to reach her goal. In this novel, there is no goal. The death comes at the midpoint, which makes little sense, and while one could guess Zoe’s goal would be to uncover who killed her mother, she doesn’t make any attempt to do so, and the thought barely crosses her mind.

  Because there is no fixed goal, there is no build to the climax, where the goal is either reached or not. Somewhere along the way, Zoe starts feeling protective of Grace and caring about her (whereas she hasn’t up till that point), and she decides her goal is to protect Grace by colluding with Lucas to pin the murder on Chris.

  Which makes her more unlikable. We don’t feel she is doing this for any honorable reason—because we never really believe she or Maria was in danger from Chris. She wants to spare Lucas from jail too, but that’s not a strong motivation for her. If Chris is the opposition, then the “force” of his power should be shown in the pinch points. Make sense? That would make for a tense drama—this subtle faceoff that could grow between Zoe and her stepfather. But it’s not there.

  There is a clear climax, with Lucas framing his father and Zoe colluding. But it’s done quickly, and there is no real satisfaction in it for the reader, in my opinion.

  If you look carefully, there are key places where important reaction scenes are missing. Characters should react after Maria is found murdered. Zoe should react to Lucas’s admission of killing her mother.

  Structurally, this novel is flawed throughout. So here’s your assignment . . .

  * * *

  Your assignment: Here’s a big challenge. How would you restructure this flawed novel so that it has strong structure? Start with identifying Zoe’s goal for the novel and work backward to a setup, Inciting Incident, a key scene at around 25% that locks in Zoe’s goal, big twists or complications, clear opposition, and effective pinch points. If the end result is that Zoe colludes with Lucas and “gets away with murder,” whereas she didn’t get off in the accident, think about how this ties in with the goal.

  Ultimately, this novel needs a great premise and a powerful theme (and a better, more relative title). I can imagine some of the possible themes—can you? Themes are best driven home in the Midpoint, Dark Night moment, and the Climax scene. Use the Ten Key Scene Chart to lay out those scenes.

  I hope this experiment helps you see how layering with those foundational scenes makes for a solid story.

  Chapter 18: A Look at Another Structurally Flawed Novel

  Kenneth Johnson’s 2017 supernatural best seller The Man of Legends blends adventure, romance, and drama to create a uniquely styled novel that doesn’t adhere to the usual conventions. This story that consists of multiple first-person POVs has a large cast, though many of the scenes in POV seem wholly unnecessary and blah.

  Johnson sets up tension for an event about to occur by introducing the cast as they either interact with the protagonist, Will, or talk about him. It’s clear from the start that Will is not an ordinary human. And he knows suspects something catastrophic is about to happen—but that never pans out.

  This story is a blend of elements seen in Dr. Who, 12 Monkeys, Groundhog Day, and Star Trek episodes, and its strength lies in the unique voices of each character (though at times the speed at which the author flips from one to another is too much and disrupts my concentration).

  I feel the novel has some serious structural flaws. There’s a nice build of tension as things develop and as Will’s past is revealed. But the book is mostly backstory and narrative, which slows the pacing and probably loses some readers—especially those hoping for a fast-paced thriller. There is little real action to speak of, and part of the problem lies in this novel set up as a
collection of testimonials from various people who intersected with Will during those few days.

  To be honest, I gave up analyzing this book about three-quarters in, deciding to ditch it due to my frustration with the weak structure. But I picked it up again and slogged through the last chapters in order to finish my task.

  Overall, I feel the novel fails because it’s lacking the ten key scenes in the proper places. Maybe that sounds simplistic, but I believe any good teacher of story structure would say the same thing.

  Let’s take a look at the summary of scenes, and, again, I’ll note what scenes I can in an attempt to identify if and where any of the ten key scenes are placed. I hope that you’ll spot the flaws in this structure, particularly in the absence of a clear, strong Midpoint scene and Dark Night moment. Because there really isn’t a goal for the protagonist, the entire framework of this story collapses.

  Take a look and see what you think.

  The POV character is noted at the start of each scene summary, and the POV shifts are also noted in italics.

  The Man of Legends

  By Kenneth Johnson

  Key Scene #1 – Setup. Will, 33. The novel starts just before New Year’s of 2001 with a dream sequence in which Will is moving through different times. First, he’s a monk in 13th century Paris, being chased into a cathedral. Then he’s in a 19th century Western saloon in Nevada. From there he becomes a 1930s gangster in Chicago, where he’s shot. Bleeding, he opens a manhole and falls onto a cart of Plague victims. Priests are after him—the Pope wants him—as he’s engulfed in flames. When Will shakes awake, he’s in his present day on a NY subway. Though he feels his life has “much positive promise,” he senses something disturbing in the subway tunnel as he heads home. We get the feeling that wasn’t just a dream and Will is not an ordinary man.

  Jillian Guthrie, journalist. Brief scene. Christmas. She’s heading somewhere and bumps into a man, which jiggles a memory of when she was five and crashed into a similar man on her bike. Hurries on. [This scene ties in with backstory near the end but doesn’t serve any helpful purpose in the novel.]

  Will. As he walks to Columbia U, a cop watches him. He tries to “act normal.” He sees a toddler who speaks to him in a dark male voice: “You oughta just give it the hell up, man.” Memories of other time periods keep popping up.

  Eleanor Edgerton, 61, vagrant. Sees Will walk by and notices a blind man actually sees him. The a statue in the park turns its head as Will walks by. Will asks her to come with him. He takes her to a church and tells a man there to examine her. “She’s diabetic,” Will says. She wonders how he knows that. Will’s POV: It worries him that “dark and potent forces” are escalating their effort. He starts to head in one direction, but it makes him suddenly ill. Realizing his mistake, he adjusts course and feels immediately better.

  Chuck Weston, 52, singer. Will chats him up about his gigs and guitar, indicating he’s a huge fan. Chuck lets Will play his precious guitar and is amazed at the guy’s talent. Chuck’s been down and out and drinking hard, but Will tells he needs to be real, get back to his roots, stop drinking. As hinted at before, he mentions that something is about to happen in a couple of days. We begin to see a pattern of Will seeming to care about the disenfranchised and that it’s part of some bigger plan on Will’s part. Chuck ends with saying he didn’t see Will again until the disaster at the warehouse.

  Will. Brief paragraph showing how much he enjoyed playing the guitar. Nicole Jackson, student, 23. She’s tending bar, and Will’s there. He notices she’s been crying. She had a dream about her recently deceased dog. Like the others we’ve seen so far, she too feels strangely compelled to open up and talk to Will, to trust him. We get that Will has outlived those he’s loved. Again, Will makes reference to something that is about to happen. A couple walks in discussing Pascal. Will’s POV. He quotes Pascal in French without thinking. He considers an attractive woman in the bar, then Nicole turns into a man speaking “the ancient language” and tempting him. “How about it?” the man says. Will curses him. Nicole’s POV. She’s stunned at Will’s strange outburst. The other woman asks what language he spoke. Will says Aramaic. He tips Nicole and tells her there are puppies at the pound about to be put down. She ends with, “I didn’t see him again until five days later—when we were trapped together inside the warehouse. That unbelievable nightmare. Not everyone got out alive.”

  Jillian. On subway thinking about her career, foreshadowing meeting Will. She arrives at work, a sensationalist rag, and banters with her boss and coworkers. When she pulls out a photo of Ghandi from the 1940s, she notices a man standing behind him (who is clearly Will, in his thirties) but at that moment doesn’t know who he is.

  Tito Brown, 17, tagger. He’s spraying a wall, when Will comes up and talks to him. As always, Will connects quickly and earns trust, gives him advice. Will’s POV. His phone rings. An art gallery owner tells Will he sold one of his paintings to a woman who wants to meet him. When Will says no, he learns her name—Hanna, an elderly woman he knows well. Implied he’d been close to her at one time. We already get that he doesn’t age. He tells Tito to meet him in two days on E. 126th but doesn’t say why. He thinks Hanna . . .

  Key Scene #2 - Inciting Incident (11% mark). Hanna Claire, 85. She’s in her home and Father Paul arrives. He’s come to look at a painting she has. She’s thinking about Will. Learns the priest just came all the way from Rome. Father Paul’s POV. He tries to hold his surprise and anxiety upon learning Hanna had known the artist. He’s clearly on a mission. She tells how she met Will in 1937 when he saved her from drowning—a suicide attempt when she was young and he was in his thirties. Hanna’s POV. The priest plies her with questions about Will: has she seen him, when last, where to find him. He gives her the excuse that someone he knows wants to commission Will to do a painting. She calls him Will’s archnemesis, then pulls out a Bible to get him to promise that if he finds Will, he will not hurt him. Priest’s POV. We learn he’s been searching for Will for twenty-three years and will lie if he has to. She shows him another painting by Will, and they talk about a similar one in the Met dated 1883, signed the same. She promises to tell the priest if she finds Will; he promises the same to her. But it is an uneasy agreement. [I note this as the inciting incident because it’s Hanna finding Will, and, hence, Father Paul learning Hanna has found him, that sets the story rolling. Up until now, Will has been living day to day. But now, things change, and the stakes ramp into high gear.]

  Minos Volonikis, 24, student at Columbia. He’s just arrived from Greece—hungry and cold. The airlines lost his suitcase. He walks by Will, who is taking photos and tells him in Greek to eat his sandwich. They talk and Will offers him money. Will’s POV. An editor at his publisher’s, Laura, calls to tell him his latest history book’s art cover is ready and gushes about his talent to capture events “as if you were in the room.” We learn he’s a prolifically published history author and that his emphasis is on promoting morality and ethical treatment of others. Laura’s POV. She presses him to do appearances; he’s in high demand. But he declines, showing a kind interest in her writing. Then she hears his hesitation when she mentions a priest from Rome asked about him.

  Father Paul. On the subway, he recalls meeting the Pope in 1977. A strange meeting, indicating Paul had been chosen for something. An archbishop had given him a combination to a safe and told him to read the journal he would find in there. “We nearly trapped the bastard,” he’s told. Now it’s up to Paul. At SoHo, he goes to the gallery and looks at Will’s paintings. When asked, the gallery owner, Walter, tells the priest he has no contact info for Will. Shows interest in the paintings, asks to see some letters in Will’s handwriting, out of curiosity. He recognizes the handwriting and snaps pictures with a hidden camera. Asks Walter to call Will to see if he would do a commission, though the gallery owner says it’s unlikely. However, the priest memorizes the phone number Walter dials in front of him, recognizing the Philadelphia area code.

&nbs
p; Renji, 43, Rastafarian busker. Talking religion with a friend while smoking weed. Will walks by. Will’s POV. He’s talking on the phone to Walter, hands the black men some money and tells them to buy iron tablets. Alarmed to learn a priest was at the gallery, he tells Walter to tell the man nothing. Then one of the black men turns into the young man he’d seen in the bar and warns Will: “You’ll never buy your way out, pal.” He “turns back” into the old vagrant. As Will leaves, he calls back in Latin: “You’re getting nervous, huh? Only one day to go?” But the young man doesn’t reappear. Father Paul’s POV. He enters his hotel, then calls a young priest in Rome, then asks if he received the email, which has the handwriting sample. The young priest says he’ll begin the analysis right away. Paul feels anxious over what is about to happen and wonders if Will does also.

  Tito. New Year’s Eve, he heads to Will’s motor home parked on the street, knocks, hears Will playing a violin. They talk. Will’s POV. Will gives him a bag of paints and a sketchbook, encourages him to go to art school. Tito tells Will about his hard life and asks why he’s helping. Will says, “I like to invest in possibilities.”

  Jillian. She shuffles through photos and see one of Teddy Roosevelt. Will is in the background (though she doesn’t know who he is yet). Tito’s POV. He goes into the Met Museum, astonished at the art. Father Paul’s POV. He’s waiting to meet with an archbishop. Goes to the Met to meet with an expert, who shows him a painting that he suspects Will painted. Tito’s POV. Hears the priest talk with the expert, follows, listens. The priest wants to know if there are more paintings by this artist.

  25% Mark – Goal Fixed. Jillian. She and coworker Steve compare the Ghandi photo with the Roosevelt one (38 years apart). Will looks the same age in both. Jillian adds a third photo from the Civil War. She is now convinced this is the same man, and she must find out who he is . . . and find him. [Though Will is the protagonist, Jillian’s story follows the traditional structure of goal fixed at this juncture, then pursuit of goal continues, with resolution at the climax. However, Will has no goal for the novel other than the one he’s had for years.] Tito’s POV. He follows priest and expert to another painting that is signed J.W. instead of W. J. It’s a self-portrait dated 1677. Tito is stunned. It’s an exact likeness of Will, and the man is wearing the necklace Will wears.