Jonathan's Hope

by Hirschi, Hans M.

  Dan and Jonathan talked about college, and what kind of plans Jonathan had for his education. They spoke about moving back into the city, getting a condo so Jonathan could go to school and they’d still see each other daily. They spoke about keeping the cabin as a retreat for weekends and holidays. They spoke about walking Rascal in the park, and it all sounded perfect. So perfect.

  They also spoke about the police, the interviews, the potential trial, the implications, the pain of having to rehash a lifetime of beatings and abuse. They spoke about all these things for two days straight, interrupted only by a visit from Mr. Kendall and his wife, and several visits from the police. They needed to interview Jonathan, and tell them that there was no sign of his father anywhere. They later returned for another interview, and finally, a short visit to inform them that his father had been arrested at his grandparent’s house. It was over.

  The day before Jonathan was allowed to leave the hospital, Dan returned to the forest to pack more of their clothes, and grab some other essentials. He’d rented a condo near his old one, excited to rebuild his city life.

  On the morning of Jonathan’s release from the hospital, Dan picked up Rascal. He was more than happy to be reunited with his pack. They drove back to the hospital, and Dan left the dog in the car while he went upstairs to fetch Jonathan. He wanted to surprise him with the news of the new apartment. Dan knew that before they would drive to their new home, Jonathan probably wanted to visit a different place altogether.

  Rascal was wagging his tail and barking when he saw Dan approach the car with Jonathan next to him. Their pack was finally complete again. Jonathan was pale still, but smiling, happy to see the dog’s enthusiastic welcome. They hadn’t said much that morning. Dan felt Jon’s pain about what was to come, and he didn’t want to pressure him into talking about it unless Jon wanted to. Without saying a word, he drove to the cemetery.

  When Jonathan noticed the familiar surroundings, he looked at Dan and simply said, “How did you know?”

  “I love you, Jon. That’s how I knew...”

  They drove up to a little shed of sorts where two workers were busy with tools. Dan rolled down his window and asked them for the grave site of one Jeanette Bates. Following the directions given by the workers, Dan directed the car slowly to the given coordinates. Quietly, the two men left the car, took Rascal by his leash and crossed the short distance from the driveway to the fresh grave where a simple wooden cross indicated the occupied space. The cross held a small plaque, indicating the name, date of birth and death of Jeanette Bates. A few frozen flower bouquets and wreaths were carefully placed on the site.

  Dan was holding Jonathan’s hand as they stood quietly and looked at Jeanette’s grave. Jonathan didn’t cry that day, he was still in shock. He still hadn’t quite processed the fact that his mother was dead.

  The prosecution had apparently ordered another autopsy on her, requiring her exhumation in the coming days. The police had similar thoughts as Mr. Kendall, and wanted to make sure not to miss the evidence of possible abuse on her body that the first autopsy, after the accident, might have missed.

  They remained at the grave for a long time, just looking. Dan wasn’t sure how long Jonathan would need, how long it would take him to accept the events from the last few days and weeks. He needed time for his farewell to his mother. It had taken Dan weeks to take his leave from Sean, returning to the site of his death many times, unable to fathom that he was no longer. Every day Dan found himself looking, hoping to see him peek around a tree, announcing his ruse, a sordid joke that both men would laugh at. Sean would be pleased for having been successful, Dan relieved to have him back in his arms. But no matter how many times Dan returned to the site, no many times he visited Sean’s grave, no ghost, no spirit, no Sean ever appeared. Finally, he stopped returning, unable to face the loss of Sean any longer, he retreated further and further into the house. Hiding in the cabin where Jonathan would appear one year later, waking Dan to life again...

  Eventually, Jonathan simply turned around, and walked back to their waiting car.

  “Are we going home?” Jon asked as Dan started the engine and drove the car out of the cemetery gates, back onto the city streets.

  “You’ll see,” Dan replied, a smile on his face. “I would love it if you thought of it as home. I got us a small apartment near where I used to live. It will allow you to finish school, go to college and me to work in the city again. It’s just a start. If you don’t like it, we can always get something different. But I thought it would be nicer to have a real place than just a hotel room. I was at the house to pick up some of our stuff, to get us going.” He looked over at Jonathan. He was looking at Dan with an expression of both excitement and terror at the same time. Maybe I’m going too fast, Dan thought.

  “Besides,” Dan added, “the police want you in town. They’ll undoubtedly want to talk to you again.” He hoped this explanation would help convince Jonathan.

  The apartment was quite a bit bigger than the cabin. The hallway alone was bigger than the entire living room at the cabin. The kitchen, dining and living areas were arranged in a sort of open space solution, with only the modern furniture separating the various spaces from each other. The kitchen was light and airy, a big cooking island was smack in the middle with a breakfast bar and four chairs attached to it, where they could sit and eat.

  The two main features of the living room were a huge, snake-like, white leather sofa, which easily seated a dozen people, and a huge flat screen TV.

  Jonathan walked through the room towards the back where he saw another corridor leading away. There he found two bedrooms, a master bedroom with a huge en suite bathroom with separate shower and bath, a walk-in closet the size of their forest cabin bedroom, and an additional guest bedroom. There was a separate bathroom with a nice jacuzzi and more than enough closet space in the hallways.

  This was a huge apartment, very luxurious and so very different from their house, Dan’s house, in the forest, Jonathan corrected himself. Our house, our apartment, he thought again, rolling the words over his mouth as he contemplated the implication. Maybe it is us, I certainly wouldn’t mind, Jonathan thought.

  They spent the rest of the day in the apartment, getting to know their new home, watching a movie, making love in every room, reconnecting to each other, making it their place. A place where they might eventually be happy. For now they were, and that was all that mattered.

  A few days later, a letter addressed to Jonathan arrived from a large law firm. Now that he had resurfaced, his new address was officially registered with the city. While he knew people would find him, it made no sense for a law firm to contact him.

  He opened the letter, and started reading.

  Dan heard something fall to the floor and turned around to see Jonathan slump on the couch, the letter dropped to the floor. His face was pale and his mouth hung open. “Jon, what’s the matter?” He rushed over to Jonathan, picking up the letter, reading it with Jonathan shaking next to him.

  Dear Mr. Bates,

  As executors of your mother’s last will and testament, we would like to inform you that she appointed you the sole heir of her estate. We would very much like to invite you to call us, in order to make an appointment to discuss the details.

  Yours faithfully,

  Parker Jones

  Attorney at law, Partner

  Dan reread the letter a couple of times before fully grasping its meaning. Not that it was a particularly complex letter, but because the implications of it were so significant. Did Jonathan’s mother actually have an estate? He had always assumed that Jon’s parents were middle class, simple folks. The word estate opened up all kinds of possibilities.

  Jonathan had thought the same. He didn’t even know his mother had a bank account. It was the finality of her death, delivered in the form of a letter from a lawyer, that sent him into shock. He didn’t really care about money or wills. There had been so many things left unsaid between them, un
resolved. Jonathan had loved his mother, and in hindsight, he had developed a sense of appreciation for the relative protection she provided him. In her own way, she soothed the worst of her husband’s beatings and abuse. Jon was still angry and upset, and probably always would be, but somehow she’d helped him develop coping mechanisms that left him stronger, better able to resist, to fight, to survive.

  They called the lawyer and set up an appointment for the next day.

  Chapter 18

  “WELCOME, MR. BATES. Please come in and have a seat.” Mr. Jones was a pleasant man, mid-fifties, bald, a bit on the heavy side, but definitely pleasant. “I’m Parker Jones,” he said, turning to Dan, “and you are?” There was no malignancy in his voice. It was simply a question. He’d had to deal with so many homophobe lawyers in the aftermath of Sean’s death, even while Sean was still alive, from some of the partners at Sean’s firm.

  “My name is Jackson, Dan Jackson. It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m, uh, I’m Jon’s partner,” he responded, a slight hesitation as he introduced himself to Mr. Jones. Dan had never much liked the word boyfriend. That was for kids, for people dating, early on in a relationship. He and Jonathan were living together, had since day one, and although theirs was not your typical relationship that was developed after months of dating and courting, it had been forged into something strong by circumstance. Dan learned to finally accept the gift that fate had delivered to his doorstep, and he was going to protect Jonathan at all costs.

  “Please, Mr. Jackson, have a seat. I’m glad that Jonathan isn’t alone in this. I’m sympathetic to your situation,” he added. “My partner and I have been through much of the same...” he trailed, obviously having caught on to Dan’s emotional turmoil, hoping that his coming out would assuage any ill feelings Dan might harbor toward him. It was quite sweet, actually, Dan thought, he didn’t have to say anything.

  “Now, Mr. Bates, do you mind if I call you Jonathan?” the lawyer continued. Jonathan smiled weakly, nodding. “Okay, good. Jonathan, please call me Parker. So, where do I begin? First of all, please allow me to convey my deepest sympathies for your loss. Your mother and I used to go to school together. I’ve known her ever since she was ten years old. She was a fine woman.” Seeing Jonathan’s flickering look, Parker quickly added. “Now I know that she didn’t always do right by you, I gathered that much from the police investigation and your father’s arrest, but I hope you do understand and believe me when I tell you that your mother loved you very much, and she was devastated that she couldn’t help you more. Frankly, I feel ashamed that I never could do much myself, but your mother specifically forbid me to breach my attorney-client privileges to alert the authorities. Your mom was afraid that if the police or social services ever showed up at your doorstep, your father would have killed you both, instantly. She feared the same would happen if she and you ever left him. I’m sorry I failed you, Jonathan, and I’m sorry I failed your mother.” There were tears in Parker’s eyes now. He clearly cared about Jeanette, and Jonathan wondered just how close the two had been. Dan reached over, taking Jonathan’s hand in his, squeezing it gently, sensing his distress at the news.

  “Um, your mother was a wealthy women, Jonathan. She inherited a small fortune from one of her aunts about five years ago. She contacted me clandestinely to help her shield that money from your father, to invest it wisely and make sure it would be available to you once you graduated and went off to college. Unfortunately, her death has precipitated these events a bit. For now, all you need to know is that you will never have a financial worry again. Not for as long as you live.” He let those last words linger in the room, and both Jonathan and Dan stared at him, mouths wide open, barely breathing.

  Dan was the first to react. “So you’re saying that Jonathan is financially independent? He won’t need any scholarships or loans to go to college? Jon, honey, that’s amazing!” Dan squeezed Jonathan’s hand tightly, leaned over and planted a quick peck on his cheek.

  Parker continued. “The approximate value of the estate is in excess of five hundred million dollars, last I checked. You could go to college for the rest of your life and still barely graze the surface...” Parker chuckled. Some people really were lucky, at least this kid deserved every penny he got coming to him.

  Jonathan was stunned. He was completely overwhelmed with the news. It was too much. The trip to the city brought back so many memories, mostly bad, but then the party, the Kendalls, the news of his mom’s death, the hospital, his father’s arrest, Dan’s love confession and now this?

  There was something in Jonathan that just wanted to get away from all this, go back to the forest, the cabin, just him and Dan, alone. He didn’t need any money, he could live without the knowledge of his mother’s death, his father’s arrest, he didn’t need to graduate, he didn’t need to hear Dan loving him, he already knew, felt it everyday in the pulse from Dan’s hand as he held his, the warmth of his skin, his scent. Without Dan, Jonathan wouldn’t be alive, wouldn’t be there to talk to Parker, wouldn’t be able to graduate, build a life.

  Looking at him, Parker Jones felt bad. The boy had just lost his mother and father, of course he wouldn’t be able to take in the news he had just received. Parker understood that. “Jonathan, I understand that this is probably more than a bit overwhelming. Why don’t you two go home, take it easy for a few days, let this sink in, and then you call me when you’re ready to take the next step. There’s no real rush here. I’ll give you my card, and you can reach me twenty-four seven, okay? I owe your mother nothing less.” He looked at Dan and Jonathan, reassuring them that they would be fine.

  Dan got up and all but pulled Jonathan from his chair. They shook Parker’s hand and left the office. Just before closing the door, Parker started again. “Oh, I forgot, if you need any assistance in the upcoming trial, please let me know. We have some amazing criminal defense attorneys and we would be honored if we could help you get some peace, help you restore your mother’s memory, if you’ll allow us,” he pleaded more than offered his assistance. Clearly, the man had a very guilty conscience, Dan thought.

  They didn’t speak on the way home or in the hours that followed. Jonathan sat down on the couch, and curled up into a small ball in Dan’s arms. They sat there, just sensing each other, taking comfort from the knowledge that they would always have each other, no matter what.

  Over the next days, Dan would carefully approach the subject, drawing parallels to his own experiences with Sean, the money he had inherited, not that it was anything near the fortune that Jonathan’s mom had left him, but nevertheless, he lived a comfortable life, he was making good money with his work, his writing. He lacked nothing.

  Gradually, Jonathan came to understand what an amazing gift his mother had bequeathed him. What it meant to be financially independent, the sorrows it would avoid, the sorrows it might bring.

  They met with Parker again and saw detailed financial reports, realizing just how well Parker had been taking care of the estate, growing it significantly since his mother received the inheritance. Heaps of papers had to be signed, and Jonathan insisted that Parker continue to help him with the estate. Dan was glad that Jonathan was wise enough to accept that help, and even though they had only known Parker for a few days, they trusted him fully. Dan did because he could read Parker, and Jonathan because his mother had trusted him. Whatever their individual motives, they both felt good with the decision.

  Jonathan also accepted the offer from Parker’s firm to stand by his side at his father’s trial, scheduled to start in April.

  As the court date drew near, Jonathan’s life seemed to be lived in a haze. For the first time ever, he had a bank account. He had a credit card that he used to purchase Dan a long overdue Christmas present. It was a scarf he saw in a men’s shop. Jonathan explained that he wanted Dan to always wear it and remember their bond. He hoped it would give back a little bit of the warmth and comfort that Dan had provided to Jon. Dan was moved to tears by the symbolism behind
Jon’s gift. Mr. Kendall also started to come by the condo regularly to bring him new assignments to work on and papers to write on various subjects. He picked up the assignments that were finished and discussed the graded papers with him.

  Jonathan was an excellent student, and Mr. Kendall was a gifted and dedicated educator. He was on a mission, and it felt to Jonathan as if he learned more in the weeks he was tutored by Mr. Kendall than he had ever learned before.

  Dan busied himself with work. He felt alive and invigorated by being back in the city, meeting colleagues, meeting people he wrote about, being able to go out to dinner with Jonathan, see a movie, go to a concert.

  There were bad days, as you would expect in any relationship, usually pertaining to news from Parker about Jonathan’s father and the trial ahead. News that would send Jonathan into a panicked frenzy. Every mention of his father freaked him out, particularly since he requested to see Jonathan after having been flown back to town for his arraignment hearing.

  Chapter 19

  JONATHAN’S FATHER WANTED to die. Why would God punish him and keep him alive? He was a monster, an abomination. The final straw was having to see the tears in his mother’s eyes as the police led him to the waiting car. He didn’t have any words to explain why they had come for him, although he knew. Oh, yes. I knew.

  The minute he saw the squad car approaching their farm house, he knew that Jonathan had survived, had made it. And just as Jonathan’s life would undoubtedly continue, his own had come to an end, although his heart insisted on continuing to beat.