Feels Like Home

by Jennifer Van Wyk

  “Right. Okay, yeah. Doc? Just… don’t… I mean… please don’t hurt her. Either of them.”

  “I’ll do my best, Andy. I promise.” Dr. Matthews throws me a wink, but I don’t have time to even smile my thanks for his calming words because another contraction hits, and this one is stronger than any of the others.

  “Aghhhhhhhhh! Andy!”

  “Okay, Christine. You need to push.”

  “No shit?”

  I curl my body like I learned in my Lamaze classes. It had been so long since either of us went through this that we decided to go to the classes again. And I’m glad I did. I had blissfully forgotten so many things about childbirth.

  Lisa starts counting to ten, and I suck in a breath before pushing for what feels like a hundred counts, blowing out a deep breath when I’m finished, collapsing back onto the bed.

  “Good. Good. You’re doing really well, Christine.”

  Lisa is right there with a damp washcloth, dabbing my forehead. Andy lifts our hands to his lips and kisses the back of mine softly, his eyes never straying from me.

  “You made some progress. You’re doing great,” Dr. Matthews says, shifting on his seat by my feet.

  I barely have time to relax before another contraction hits, and soon I’m pushing with everything I have in me.

  I curse.

  I push.

  I scream.

  I push.

  I curse.

  A lot of cursing.

  I push.

  A lot of pushing.

  A lot of screaming.

  An hour. An entire freaking hour goes by before the doctor looks up at me with worry in his eyes. “Okay, the baby isn’t shifting. The shoulder keeps getting stuck on your pelvic bone. Right now, baby is doing fine, but we need to get things moving along. I need you to bear down with everything you have on your next contraction or I’m going to have to go in.”

  “Go in?”

  “Yes. We can’t have either of you going into distress.”

  “No.”

  “No?” he asks me.

  “No,” I answer with conviction. I try to sit up a little taller, even though it doesn’t really work with my feet in the stirrups and their hands wrapped around my legs, which only causes me to almost take out my poor doctor by nearly whacking him in the side of the head. “No. I can do this.”

  “Christine…” Andy looks like he’s about ready to throw up.

  “I said, no. If she starts going into distress, I won’t fight you, but I promise you, I can do this. And I will.”

  “Two more pushes,” he says, his brown eyes lighter than normal, looking up at me from his position on the stool. “Then I’m going to have to go in.”

  I nod my head as another contraction threatens to rip me in two.

  Lisa grips my hand and pulls my leg up, Andy following her.

  “Christine, you can do this. Push, girl. Push. I know it hurts. I know you feel like your body is going to break, but you’re the strongest woman I know,” Lisa’s reassuring words cheer me on.

  I look at Andy, and he nods, encouragingly. “We got this.” It’s been his motto since he suspected we were pregnant and he’s said it countless times since then.

  “Yeah. Okay,” I grunt out as the contraction peaks.

  I close my eyes tightly and push, resisting the urge to use any of my energy in making the noises I really want.

  When I don’t think I can take another second, Andy’s left arm wraps around my back, lifting me up farther off the bed, his right arm still holding up my leg.

  “Keep going, Christine. You got this! You’re so strong. So incredible. Come on, baby.”

  He’s chanting every encouraging thing he can think of. Tears are streaming down my face as the last of the contraction hits, and Dr. Matthews announces that her head is out.

  “Lots of dark hair. Peek around, Daddy,” Lisa says after getting a look.

  Andy stares at me for a moment before shifting to the end of the bed.

  “Oh, my gosh. She’s here, baby. One more push. Come on. You can do it.”

  He’s back by my side just as another swell hits, causing me to rise up and push with everything in me.

  “Last one, Christine. This is it. Just one more big push and you’re done,” Dr. Matthews says, his voice calm.

  And then…

  The most beautiful sound in the world.

  The tiniest of cries fills the small hospital room.

  And then…

  “Congratulations, you two. You have a daughter. Do you want to do the honors, Daddy?”

  I collapse onto the bed and watch as Andy reaches around, taking the scissors from Dr. Matthews’s outstretched hands before cutting the cord that tied our daughter to me for nine months. I watch in awe as Dr. Matthews places our baby on my chest after quickly wiping her off. I place my hand on her back and Andy bends down to kiss her head. Tears spring to my eyes when Andy looks at me with glassy eyes of his own.

  “She’s the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen,” he says, a sound of complete wonderment in his voice.

  Andy lifts Hazel from my arms so the nurse can finish everything she needs to. She takes measurements and pictures, bundling her in a blanket after cleaning her up a bit more, all while Andy hovers over her, watching. I wince as Dr. Matthews finishes everything up, pushing on my stomach and stitching me up.

  Once Lisa is finished, she hands her to Andy, the sight of him holding her close making my heart swell.

  My smile is watery as I hold my arms up for him to bring her to me. He bends down, kisses her on the forehead, then walks over to me, kissing me on the cheek and laying her against my chest at the same time.

  “Thank you for this gift. I love you. More than I ever thought possible.”

  “I love you, too, Andy.”

  My eyes drift down to our baby girl, her dewy wrinkly skin, mess of dark hair, eyes unfocused as they gaze up at me. Her soft mewling sounds and jerky movements tugging at my heart.

  “Do we have a name?” Lisa asks.

  “Hazel Brielle Simpson,” Andy tells the nurse, not looking away from either me or our daughter, the palm of his hand covering the back of Hazel’s head.

  We had discussed middle names, but Brielle wasn’t one of them. Andy chose both the first and middle name for our baby girl. Most women would be upset. Me? I’m ecstatic. I wouldn’t have picked a better name.

  “Beautiful name for a beautiful girl.” She smiles at us.

  And before I know it, it’s the three of us. Andy has taken approximately twelve hundred pictures on his phone. Kissed both of us at least as many times, and we’ve both shed countless tears.

  “I’m going to get the kids, okay? Are you ready for them?”

  I nod my head, another wave of emotion hitting me, and he kisses me once more before walking out the door.

  When he returns, the boys and Bri are following him.

  Bri already has tears streaming down her face, and the boys’ eyes haven’t left their new little sister.

  “Oh, my gosh, she’s beautiful,” Bri says, rushing to my side.

  “Kids, I’d like you to meet Hazel Brielle.”

  Bri gasps then hiccups through a cry, picking up her baby sister from where she was resting on my chest, cradling her close.

  “She’s… Mom…” Bri tries to speak but becomes too emotional, cuddling her baby sister close, kissing her cheeks, smelling her hair, tears streaming down her cheeks.

  Reece and Aidan are standing near, leaning over to get a closer look.

  Aidan sniffles, and Bri leans her head against his. “She’s so tiny,” he muses, lifting the back of his finger to her cheek. “I can’t believe how…” He chokes on his words, causing Bri and me to both let out a sob. He turns to me, carefully leaning over and hugging me.

  “Thank you. I didn’t know I wanted a sister so bad.”

  I wrap my arms around him and kiss the top of his head. “I love you, kiddo.”

  “Love yo
u too, Mama.”

  He and Reece both started calling me Mama shortly after we got married. It slipped out from Aidan first, his face flamed red, and tears immediately sprang to my eyes. I asked him why he was blushing, and he shyly asked if it was okay that they call me Mama. I told them they could call me whatever they were comfortable with, and I love that they chose the name Mama. It’s something unique for just me.

  “Can I hold her?” Reece asks.

  “No,” Bri teases, making us both laugh as she cuddles Hazel closer before handing her over.

  For the next thirty minutes, our new family of six coos and awws and gushes over the perfection that is Hazel before she begins getting fussy. The nurse interrupts, letting us know that we need to try to feed her, so Bri offers to take the boys for supper.

  “I don’t know if I can hold them back much longer, so as soon as you’re done with the first feed, are you open to visitors?”

  I don’t even have to ask who she’s trying to hold back.

  Andy chuckles. “Yeah, you can send the nosey bunch in when she’s done here.”

  “Do you remember how to do this, Christine?” Lisa asks.

  “I think so, but…” I position Hazel, and after a few failed attempts, she latches on. She sighs contently while Andy watches in admiration. Lisa leaves the room, letting us know that she’ll leave us alone and be back to check on our progress.

  As soon as the door clicks shut, Andy lifts his eyes to me, a sparkle twinkling. “I know this is not the most appropriate time, but I don’t think I’ve ever been more turned on in my life. Seeing you with our daughter… holy shit, Christine. It does things for me. It’s going to be a really long six weeks, you know that?”

  I wince as a laugh bubbles up, trying to stay still so Hazel doesn’t lose her hold on me.

  He kisses me on the lips then on the forehead. With Bri spending time with the boys, Hazel in my arms and Andy next to me, I finally feel like home.

  Andy

  I already knew my wife was strong. I already knew she was beautiful and incredible and amazing and determined and just… so much more than I ever could have hoped for.

  I finally admitted what I’ve been thinking ever since she went into labor, and what do I get in return? Christine’s laughter.

  “Oh, my gosh. Only you, Andy.”

  “What? I can’t help it! You should see you right now!”

  “If watching another woman nurse her baby turns me on then I think we have a problem.”

  I give her a sly grin, knowing that she’ll get hers soon enough. “Oh, just wait, baby. Just wait.”

  “Whatever. You think I don’t already know you’re gonna be the hottest Daddy ever?”

  I grin, not being able to help it.

  The fact that Christine still thinks I’m hot, in her words, makes me feel like I could conquer the world.

  She finishes nursing and presses the button to call the nurse, who comes in just a few moments later.

  “Everything go okay?” Lisa asks, smiling as she walks in, placing her hand under the hand sanitizer contraption by the door and rubbing her hands together.

  “It did. She drank herself to sleep.”

  I snicker, the words Like mother like daughter on the tip of my tongue, remembering Margarita Madness, and she shoots daggers in my direction.

  Too bad a smirk followed so closely behind, along with an eye roll.

  “Seriously, guys. She’s one of the most beautiful babies I’ve ever seen. And I’m not just saying that.”

  No way am I denying that. Hazel is gorgeous. And I’m afraid I’ll never have ownership of my balls for the rest of my life, knowing that she and her mom now securely hold them in the palm of their hands.

  “Are you ready? They’re getting incredibly restless out there.” She makes an eek expression with her mouth, and we both laughed lowly.

  “Five more minutes,” I tell Lisa, and she nods her head before quietly leaving.

  “I love you.” I kiss Christine on the forehead then lean over to Hazel. “And I love you, baby girl.” I lift her from Christine’s arms and cuddle her tightly to my chest.

  I walk to the window, giving Hazel her first view of the world.

  “My promise to you, Hazel. I’m going to do my best to slay your dragons, to watch you soar, and pick you up when you fall. I’ll be by your side helping you to achieve your dreams and will hold you when you need held. I’ll never leave you, sweet girl.”

  I breathe in her sweet scent and brace myself when I hear the door open, knowing our private moment is about to be shattered.

  “About time that warden let us in. Holding me back from my niece,” James says. I turn to see him rubbing his hands together much the same way Lisa did when she entered.

  He holds his hands out to me, somehow stiff arming all three girls in the process, and lifts Hazel out of my arms.

  His hand cradles the back of her head, and he brings his face down to hers. “Hi, Hazel. I’m your uncle James. The cool one. Don’t let any of these clowns tell you different.”

  “You’re so full of it,” Barrett mumbles, and Tess giggles.

  I watch as our friends pass Hazel around, each of them falling in love with her as quickly as I did. And as Bri and the boys tumble back into the room, all I can think is, I’ve never felt so at home as I do in this moment.

  Extended Epilogue

  Extended Epilogue

  Bri

  “I can’t tell her, Andy.” I can hear through the door that my mom is crying, and it makes my stomach hurt.

  I’ve only been home from college a few days, and most of that time has been spent cuddling and playing with Hazel.

  I can already see that the boys basically treat her like the little princess she is.

  “We’ve been over this. She has a right to know.”

  “No. She doesn’t. Drop it. I’m telling you, now, don’t go there.”

  “Christine, I love you. You know I do. I couldn’t be more in love with you. But this? She needs to know. You realize now that Heather has it in her head after Preston left her, she’s gonna spread that shit far and wide. I know she is. And if she doesn’t? That asshole little brother of his will. Especially after all the shit that went down with him and Grady. You need to make sure she hears it from you, rather than the damn Liberty rumor mill.”

  What?

  What does Grady and Dawson have to do with what’s upsetting Mom? I hear a sniffle and then Mom ask for a tissue.

  “I don’t want her to think differently of him.”

  “If she hears it from you, she won’t. You explain it to her how you explained it to me. Make her see it the way it happened, not the ugly everyone else is going to turn it into.”

  I hear more sniffling and take a step backward, not wanting to hear what I know is something that will change my life forever. Unfortunately, when I move back, the heel of my foot lands on one of the damn dog’s toys, and it squeaks.

  “Boys?”

  I blow out a breath, knowing I can’t just sit here in hiding like I want to.

  “No, it’s me.” I walk around the corner into Mom and Andy’s bedroom. They’re sitting on the bed, Mom’s head is on Andy’s shoulder, always her pillar of strength. The baby is asleep in the bassinette next to the bed on Andy’s side; he never allows her to be too far away from him, so it’s no surprise that’s where he set it. Mom tried moving it to her side, so it would be easier when the baby would wake up in the middle of the night to feed her, but Andy kept moving it back to his side. Eventually Mom just gave up and let him have his way.

  When Andy and Mom got married, Dad had been gone for so long. And seeing them together? It feels like it was always supposed to be them. I loved my father, but I don’t remember seeing my mom in love the way she is with Andy.

  “Bri?” Mom lifts her head from Andy’s shoulder and she wipes under her nose. Andy rubs my mom’s shoulder, and she looks at him like she’s begging him for something. He nods a couple times then sta
nds up and leans back down to kiss her on the cheek.

  He walks over to me and places both hands on my shoulders and looks into my eyes.

  “What is it?” I ask, my voice is quiet and unsure.

  “Just listen to her, okay?”

  “You’re kind of scaring me,” I admit, a quiver in my voice.

  “Don’t be scared. Your mom and I love you, that’s all you need to remember. But promise me you’ll listen to her.”

  I look back and forth between his dark brown eyes, the exact color of his twin boys’, and Hazel’s. “I promise,” I whisper and look at Mom, who’s wiping tears from under her eyes.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask, after I hear the door click closed behind me.

  “Nothing’s wrong, sweetie. It’s just something I should have told you a long time ago. And you need to hear it.”

  “Okay?”

  “First of all, you know Andy’s ex-wife Heather was with Preston, right?”

  I nod but don’t really know. “Yeah. But I don’t understand why he’s a factor,” I admit.

  “Well, I didn’t at first, either. In fact, I didn’t know it until just recently. As in, yesterday.”

  “Mom. Please just tell me what’s happening. You’re making me super nervous.”

  “I’m just going to explain it as best I can and with all the details. Just listen to me and don’t interrupt. You can ask questions later.”

  “Mom.”

  “Yeah. Okay. So. Andy caught Heather having sex with Preston.”

  I nod because, of course, I know that much.

  “Right. So, what I just found out is that Preston is Dawson’s older brother.”

  “What?” I ask, my voice barely above a whisper.

  “I know. Little punk following his older douchebag brother. Man, I hate that family,” she says angrily.

  “So, what does that have to do with us, though? I mean, aside from the crazy coincidence. Wait…”

  “What?”

  “It’s just… that night that, you know.” I gesture up and down my body, and she closes her eyes. We haven’t talked very much about the night Dawson wouldn’t take no for an answer.

  Grady and I had gone to the field party together, just like every other week. But that night I was pissed at Grady for not realizing that I wanted more. I’ve been in love with Grady since I was eleven years old.