Feels Like Home

by Jennifer Van Wyk

  Dawson had been asking me out on a date for a few years, and I always turned him down. It wasn’t only Dawson who I wasn’t interested in. It was every other guy who didn’t go by the name of Grady Ryan. He was my only and forever.

  That night, Dawson cornered me. Luckily, he didn’t get far — though he definitely got far enough. He gripped my arms and wouldn’t let go then jammed his disgusting tongue down my throat. I tried to move my head away from him, and that’s when he got really pissed.

  “You’re such a fucking tease, Bri. No wonder your mom couldn’t hold on to her husband. I bet you learned everything from her, huh?”

  “What?” I ask, continuing to try to push him away.

  “That’s right. My older brother told me all about it.”

  “Told you what?” I ask again, genuinely confused.

  He smiles a smarmy smile then grabs me again; he yanks my body against his so quickly I lose my footing, slamming into him.

  “I knew you’d come around eventually.”

  “No. Stop,” I plead, tears already streaming down my face.

  I push and squirm, trying to get away, but he is too strong.

  He reaches around, grabbing my butt in his hands and squeezes hard.

  “It’s gonna be so much fun breaking you in. I bet Grady hasn’t done it yet, has he?”

  I use the heel of my hand to hit him in the nose, and the next thing I know he has me on the ground. When I continue to fight, he slaps me across the cheek.

  “Stop fighting, and it’ll be so much more fun. I promise.” He grinds his pelvis against my center, and I whimper, begging him to listen to me. To stop. “Oh, come on, Bri. I’ll show you what you’ve been missing, hanging around Grady like a lost little puppy.”

  “Stop. No. Dawson, please. You don’t want to do this.”

  “What the hell?” Someone shouts, and suddenly Dawson’s body is lifted off mine.

  “Answer me, you piece of shit!”

  “We’re cool, right Bri?” Dawson says, glaring at me.

  “GRADY!” Blake shouts. “Get your ass over here, now!”

  “Preston really was right.”

  I still don’t understand what he means by that but it doesn’t matter.

  Grady shut him up and came to my rescue.

  Just like he always did.

  “What about that night, honey?” my mom asks, bringing me back to the present.

  “Um. Well, I guess I remember Dawson kept saying these weird things about how his brother was right, but it all kind of blurred.”

  “Preston wasn’t the first guy she’d had an affair with. Heather was with another man, well — several — but one in particular.”

  “What are you saying, Mom?”

  “The day we found out your dad had cancer, I also walked in on him with…”

  “Heather.”

  She nods and looks away, swipes a stray tear and clears her throat.

  “Dad cheated on you?” I whisper the words like they’re unbelievable. Because — they are. Unbelievable. Dad loved mom like she was his lifeline. At least, that’s what I always knew. Now I don’t know what to believe.

  “You need to know that it was his only time.”

  Scoff.

  “It’s true, honey. He was in a bad way. You know that. He was feeling fantastic one day, and the next day he wasn’t. We had gone to the doctor and knew the possibilities. He was supposed to wait until I was with him to find out the results. He decided to go alone. You know what he found out. She was…”

  “What? Mom. Just tell me.”

  “Obviously, I wasn’t there, but he got home and had a few drinks. Well — a lot. He was upset. Rightfully so. And she saw his car in the driveway. She’d been kind of coming around wherever he was for a while. Trying to get his attention. You need to understand what a horrible place he was in. And drunk. Not that it makes it okay, but…”

  She pauses, and I watch as her eyes close. As if trying to block out the memories.

  “I walked in on her on top of him in the living room.”

  I gasp. I can’t help it. If I walked in on Grady that way…

  “But. I just don’t get it. Dad was crazy over you.”

  Her eyes soften, and she reaches over and clasps my hand between hers.

  In the corner of the room, I hear Hazel squeak, but she quiets down right away.

  “He was.”

  “So, he just, what, decided his love didn’t matter? Your love didn’t matter?”

  “No. See? This is why I didn’t want you to know. He did love me. It wasn’t about that. His head space was messed up, and he just… made a mistake.”

  “Oh, so it’s okay to cheat on the person you devote your life to if they’re drunk and in a bad way? Mom. Do you know how messed up that logic is?”

  She doesn’t respond.

  “This is just great. I can’t believe you hid this from me all these years! I can’t believe… dammit, Mom! How am I supposed to have faith in…”

  “You stop right there. I know where your head is going, honey, and you need to stop. Love? Your love with Grady? It’s real. It’s been real since you were eleven years old. Before you even understood what it was to love someone on a soul-deep level, the way you two do. Your dad and I never had that. We loved each other, yes. I would never deny that.”

  “I need some space. Or something. I can’t… I can’t deal with this right now.”

  Mom stands up when I do. “Please, understand, Bri. Your dad had a momentary case of douchery.” I choke out a laugh/cry and swipe with the back of my hand under my nose. “He had also just found out he had cancer. And here was this younger woman acting desperate for him. In the short moments after finding out that he wasn’t going to live much longer, he clung to something that made him feel young again. If only for a moment.”

  “Doesn’t make it right,” I mumble.

  She shakes her head, understanding in her eyes. “No. No it doesn’t. But it makes it… I don’t know. Understandable?”

  “I’ll never understand that, Mom. I love you, and I understand why you didn’t want me to know. I do. It still hurts that you kept it from me.”

  “I know. I never quite knew how to tell you.”

  Suddenly memories assault me.

  “Wait. When you and Andy broke up for a few days, is this…”

  Her eyes dart to the other side of the room before returning to me.

  She nods sadly. “Yes. Heather was making sure everyone knew about it. Claimed that I was only with him to get back at her.” She rolls her eyes. “He was hurt. By her. And it messed with his head a bit.”

  I take it all in, feeling like my mind is mush.

  “I think I need to be alone for a little bit.”

  She sniffles. “Okay. Yeah. I understand. But, don’t go far, yeah?”

  I lean over and hug Mom, which she returns with every ounce of might she has in her, and I make my way out to my car.

  I turn my phone off.

  Start up the engine.

  And drive.

  And don’t look back.

  Coming Soon

  Waiting for Her

  Grady and Bri’s story

  Coming Spring 2018

  What happens when the girl you've loved since you were a kid has her world implode? Do you give her the space she says she needs, even if it tears your own heart out to do so?

  Our relationship was a total cliché.

  The true friends to lovers.

  But happy ever after wasn’t in our future.

  Or, if it was, it looked nothing like I expected it to.

  Acknowledgments

  My Heavenly Father. The one who blessed me with my life. With the ability (and desire) to sit down at a computer and tell stories and touch people’s hearts. I’m humbled. I am so grateful that He’s my leader and I pray I always follow His leading.

  Travis. My rock. Babe, I wouldn’t know what to do without you. You not only keep me grounded but you give it to
me honest. Thanks for keeping me in check, for calming my crazy. Thanks for being my love and making me laugh every day. Thanks for working harder than anyone I know. I love you. Beyond words.

  Joey. Thank you for encouraging me and telling everyone you know that I write books. Thank you for showing love to everyone. I pray for you to continue being proud of who you are and giving your best to this crazy world. I love you. Beyond words.

  Jake. You make me happy. Proud and so very humbled to be your mama. Thank you for hugging me every single day. For never remembering the name of my second book. For always striving to be great and a good person. I love you. Beyond words.

  Riley. The world isn’t ready for you. Yet. But one day you’ll take it by storm. Thanks for smiling and laughing and having so much energy. I pray you’ll realize how capable, amazing, and beautiful inside and out you are. I love you. Beyond words.

  My family. I got lucky. I really did. Thank you for supporting me like crazy. (Sorry again, Luke, that I write sex scenes. It is what it is.) Special thanks to my dad for stepping out of his typical genre to read a romance. You make your daughter’s heart swell. And I can hear you cheering from here. Jodi, your encouragement and smile, your way of understanding life is treasured. I love you all.

  Emily. You reading my books means more to me than you know. You loving them? That’s even better.

  To the kick butt group of crazy and weird boys who inspired Aidan and Reece. Your almost daily lunchtime Facetime calls are some of my favorite things. Even if I didn’t always want to see what you were eating, I always ended the call with a smile on my face. Each one of you are special in your own right. Every time you all said hi, told me a little about your day or smiled, I liked you all even more. I am so glad my son has you for friends and can’t wait to see what you offer the world. Thanks for being the best.

  Deann. My tribe is happy to be linked with your tribe. I’m looking forward to continuing to walk this thing called life with you. You’re totally stuck with us. So is Ryan.

  Julia. I couldn’t have a better sister in all the land. Love you.

  Michelle. SoulSister. When my kids see your name on my phone even they smile. One day, girl. ONE DAY we’re going to hug each other and all will be right with the world.

  Traci. I was told once that as we get older, our kids’ friends’ parents are who we become friends with. I’m SO totally okay with that. You’re the best.

  Andrea. Thanks for being me. I guess the world should be thanking us for there being two. Honestly, though. You’re real and you’re genuine and I think you’re the bee’s knees.

  Rach. My MafiaQn. Thanks for teaching me the importance of passing the baton. For calming me down and being real with me. I love you so very much.

  Kate. My little southern pumpkin. I didn’t expect our friendship this year but dang if I’m not grateful it appeared in my life.

  To the real teacher in the story. You really do rock. You know who you are.

  My friends who are with me in the Walk. I didn’t know I was missing something in my life until that magical day when you came along. You’ve changed me. And I thank you. Big whopper of a thank you to Michelle L for having the courage to start us walking together. It’s a pleasure and honor to be with you ladies.

  Jill. You keep me in check and remind me of how to not be a total and complete wreck. I’m honored to have you have my back and am in awe daily of how you do what you do.

  Christine (not the fictional one LOL), Laurie, Danielle, Rachel S, Becca, and Rachel VD. I wouldn’t mind kidnapping you all and never letting you get away. Your beta notes were so perfect. Thanks for not holding back. You guys helped me make Feels Like Home what it is and I couldn’t be happier.

  By the Free Photography and the gorgeous models that grace the cover of Feels Like Home. When I first saw your picture, I gasped. Literally. My hands shook as I messaged you, begging you not to think I was a crazy stalker, but you were so kind and gracious. From your first reply message, I knew you both were perfect for Christine and Andy. Not only are you beautiful, but your hearts are amazing and I’m so grateful you said yes.

  Masta Betas. #judgementfreezone #theresnosuchthingastmi Love you all.

  Jennifer’s Java Girls. Wow – I had no idea what a pleasure it would be to have you in my life. You all make me smile. Thanks for that and so much more.

  The ladies of Do Not Disturb Book Club and the authors, it’s been such an amazing experience being a part of this group. Thanks for being awesome and so much fun!

  Inkers, and Manuscript Minxes. I appreciate you so much!

  To the authors in my life who helped me along the way. If you’re reading this? You know who you are. I’m honored to be in the ocean with you. Some of you have answered my questions without blinking an eye when I felt stupid asking them. Some of you have shown me what friendship means. All of you are cherished.

  The fabulous bloggers in the book industry. Your work is hard. It really is. But please know it doesn’t go unnoticed. I appreciate your posts, reviews, encouragement, all of it. Your kindness and support makes me happy.

  Readers, whether this is your first time finding my stories or you’ve been with me from the beginning, I couldn’t do what I do without you. I will forever be grateful for every single person who decides to give my books a chance. Thank you!

  My super cool editor, Kay. Your notes were so spot on and pushed me. I appreciate the time you spent on Feels Like Home!

  Julie, your line edits blew me away. Your attention to detail is impeccable and I am so thankful you’re in my corner!

  Kara. I absolutely love working with you. And no comment would ever make me upset. LOL

  Oh Jena. Man, we worked our butts off here. The picture was perfect but you made the cover sparkle and shine and wow… I swooned. Thank you for working so diligently on it!

  Thanks to Blue Tulip Publishing for supporting me once again! You keep believing in me and I keep being surprised.

  To the education system. Specifically, the one my kids are blessed to be a part of. Every one of you who works your tails off to make our kids’ days better, to make their LIVES better. No matter what your role in the system is, your support of the students and recognizing their needs goes above and beyond. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I know from experience the influence you have on your students. You’re a rock star to me (and my family) and I appreciate the crap out of you. No other way to say it.

  About the Author

  From the Ground Up was Jennifer’s first published novel and now that she was bitten by the writing bug, has no intention of ever stopping. Jennifer makes her home in small town Iowa with her high school sweetheart, three beautiful, hilarious and amazing kids, one crazy Jack Russell terrier. This is where her love for all things reading, baking, and cooking happen. Jennifer’s family enjoys camping, boating, and spending time outside as much as possible. You'll be her best friend if you can make her laugh and follow up with asking her what to read next. When she’s not writing, you can find her cheering the loudest at her kids’ sporting events (read as: embarrassing them), sipping coffee or iced tea out of a mason jar with her Kindle in her lap or binging on Netflix.

  https://www.jennifervanwykauthor.com