Primal Impulse (Censored Edition)

by Johnson, James

  “Baby, I wanna do something,” said Jena softly. “Put the subs away for now.”

  For a split second Steven didn’t know what she meant. Then he looked into her eyes. They were full of lust and want. This was his hot baby that he loved so. This was the hot stuff that set him on fire.

  Jena stood up and looked around. No one was in sight.

  * CENSORED *

  As Steven slowly drifted back into the cosmos she thought about the meaning of it all. It really was about love. Love was the magic ingredient that held everything together. It was the glimmer of hope that sparkled within the madness. It was the eternal flame of humanity that burned through the ages, standing up to everything that was thrown at it. It was the foundation of all that was good, the cornerstone of all that was real. It was the fabric of existence that few truly understood. Steven and she were two of the lucky ones. To find it was incredible. Now she had to keep it.

  Steven took in a deep breath. Then he looked around and remembered where he was at—in a public park xx xx xx. He quickly stood up xx xx xx.

  Steven smiled. His smiles always seemed to talk to you. Each one issued a charismatic message unique to its time and place. This smile said thank you. It said I can’t believe we just did this, but I’m sure glad we did. It relayed his affection for his hot, sexy, crazy girl with the raging lust. It conveyed an inner happiness that couldn’t be restrained. It whispered the statement she truly wanted to hear—I love you.

  “God, baby,” said Steven. “I can’t believe what you just did to me. Damn, you send me. I went from zero to the speed of sound in no time. Jena, you make me fucking crazy.”

  “No, baby,” replied Jena. “We make each other crazy. We stir something inside each other that we never knew existed. We’re linked in a way that’s nothing less than magic. We’re chemicals that explode when they’re thrown together. We’re one plus one equaling a hundred. That’s who and what we are. We were meant to be together.”

  “Yeah, baby,” said Steven softly. “I guess the stars really are winking at us, huh?”

  “Hey,” quickly replied Jena. “I meant to ask you about that. You said the same thing this morning. Where did you get that from?”

  “Oh,” said Steven. “As a writer I’m always looking for little bits of inspiration from other writers. I know you’re crazy about that Joan Dixon lady, so I did a quick computer search on her. This little quote popped up and it stuck in my head. I kinda like it for some reason.”

  “Well, at least now I know,” said Jena. “I was wondering how you came up with something that matched her word-for-word. That particular quote comes from Heart of the Animal. I think it’s a very romantic statement. I’m glad to see that her writing affects you too. We’ll just add that to our list of what we have in common.”

  Steven smiled. He hadn’t really lied. He really did run a computer search on Joan Dixon. He routinely did that on both of his pen names. He liked to stay on top of what the public was seeing when they did the same. The “star winking” quote seemed to be coming quite popular amongst his readers for some reason. It had surfaced near the top of his search results.

  Steven kissed her. God, she was a fantastic woman. He didn’t really have the mindset to discuss his writing career with her. He had other pressing matters that were weighing upon him. He wasn’t going to mention it to Jena because it was quite the bummer. He was leaving tomorrow!

  They both knew it but neither wanted to ruin what time they had. It was the elephant they kept hidden in the closet. It was the hell that had invaded their heaven. It was a sickening thought that tore at his gut and ripped into his heart. Somehow, someway, he had to remedy this situation. He couldn’t let true love slip away. He couldn’t just walk away from his hot, sexy baby. He couldn’t lose Jena.

  “Come on, baby,” said Steven. He tried not to let his anxiety show. “Let’s eat before I decide to repay my pleasure debt. You look so good right now, so damn sexy. I could lay you out right here on the table.”

  Jena laughed. “That sounds good. But let’s not push our luck. I’ll take a rain check until tonight. Then you can please me without a potential audience.”

  Steven unwrapped the sandwiches as his mind raced. Why couldn’t they stay like this forever? Why were things always so difficult? Why couldn’t love be simple and easy? Why did it always have to be laced with the poison of practicality?

  Jena’s smile was a cover. She too was blocking the reality that would surely knock her out tomorrow. She wanted this day to go on and on and never end. She wanted to stop the hand of time. She wanted her forever right now.

  Chapter 28

  Jena walked into James Café. After lunch they had discussed what to do after work. They decided to just meet at Jena’s apartment. Then they both agreed they should meet for one drink at James Café. The place was becoming a part of them. It was their good luck charm. Maybe it would work some magic. Maybe it would glue them together where they could never be separated. Maybe it could bind their bodies as their hearts already were.

  Jena looked over at their familiar table. Another couple was sitting there. Then she noticed Steven sitting at the bar. As usual a glass of Chateau Kiss was waiting for her. She walked over and tapped him on the shoulder.

  “So I guess we lost our table today,” said Jena. “Maybe that couple needs a little of our heat that we left there.”

  Steven laughed. “Yeah, baby. Every couple could use a little of what we have. I’m still recovering from my special lunch…if you know what I mean.”

  “That’s lots more where that came from,” said Jena with a flash from her sensuous, green eyes.

  “You know what,” said Steven. “We’re going to enjoy the heck out of this evening. We’re not going to think about certain things and let them rain on our parade. Let’s ride out our happiness and enjoy.”

  Steven hoisted his Lagunitas beer as Jena picked up her wine. They tapped their glasses together as it rang out in song. The song was love overcoming anything and everything that stood in its way. It was a melody of optimism and hope and looking at the bright side. It was love conquering all.

  “I love you, baby,” said Steven. “Jena girl, I love you with all my heart.”

  “I love you too, baby,” echoed Jena. “You’ve been a piece of my heart for twenty years. Now you’re here and you’re real. Steven, you make me so happy.”

  Steven reached a hand around the back of her neck and gently rubbed it. He leaned in and kissed her on the lips. They were soft and full of life. They were the lips of his Jena girl.

  “Baby, you set me on fire,” he said. “Do you know that? And I’m not talking about just sexually. I’m talking about lighting my whole insides, making me glow from the inside out, touching something that’s never been touched before. You’ve brought out a part of me that I never knew existed. It’s that spark that’s been hiding inside me for all of these years, waiting and waiting, probably begging and I didn’t even know it—to find you.

  “Now that I’ve found you it’s a fire that circulates in my blood. It’s energy that permeates my soul. Baby, you’re the fuel that drives me. You’re my reason for living. You move me in so many ways. You heat me up sexually, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually—you put joy in my life. Thank you, baby. Thank you so much for giving that to me.”

  Jena gazed into his eyes. They were real and honest. It was unbelievable. How in the world did this incredible man find his way into her life? What did she do to deserve this?

  Jena closed her eyes and let the light take her away. When Steven spoke to her like this he sent her to a faraway place. She truly entered a new dimension. This was a place where things had real meaning. That’s what Steven did to her. He sent her on a ride to the Abode.

  Jena knew the truth and the truth was love. If only everyone could be so lucky. If only everyone could open their hearts and let the love flow in. Then there would be no more conflict. There would be no more self-inflicted pain and suffering. Th
ere would only be peace and joy and happiness.

  Steven was riding on the same wave. Jena had carried him with her. He too crashed through the mirror of existence and into the other side. He could see right through Jena’s green eyes and into her mind. He was riding with her as she raced past the stars. He too felt the burn of the astral light as his spirit soared to the source. It was the kiss of angels.

  Steven wanted to capture this moment and lock it away. He wanted to keep it and be able to dip into it anytime his soul needed a kiss. This was a piece of magic that had nothing to do with the physical plane. As magnificent as the sex was between him and Jena, this eclipsed it ten times over. This was a consummation of spirit. It was sensuality of the soul. It was two hearts beating to the same rhythm, an eternal orgasm of emotion.

  This was the precise point where two people stopped sharing each other and became one. One’s pain was felt by both. One’s joy was the others. It was an eternal bonding of two souls by the light force of creation. It would carry on long after their physical bodies turned to dust. The energy of their soul could not be killed. Their impenetrable union would last forever. Physical death was but a tease to the power of love.

  Together they flew through the Milky Way. Steven and Jena were wrapped in each other. They were star crossed in pleasure as they seeded the heavens with their oneness. They would be together forever. The magic of love was their immortality. They were one soul naked and bare. Jena’s green eyes had been a gateway to Heaven.

  Chapter 29

  Steven led her by the hand to her bedroom.

  They had hardly spoken a word the whole way home. They were both trying to grasp the meaning of what had happened. They were trying to absorb the incredible occurrence or journey or whatever it was. It was nothing less than an out-of-body experience. It could only be termed as spiritual. Neither of them understood it but they knew it was real.

  They knew they had reached another level. Whoever or whatever it was that was the power behind the universe had blessed them. For some reason they were chosen to fly. And they knew it was all about love.

  They really had something special. They were now connected in a way that was impossible to explain. It was if they were one body. Their lifeblood that ran through their veins was sacred energy. The substance that raced through their heart was the soulshine of the universe. They were on fire with the essence of each other.

  They shared one soul. Their seat of vitality was forever theirs. The fibers of their souls had been bound and sealed by the power of heaven. There was no piercing the shield that sheltered their core. It was the shadow of the stars that would forever guard them. It was the eternal impulse of creation that would forever accompany them through their timeless odyssey. It was the impenetrable armor of love.

  Steven gently pushed her upon the bed. Their eyes locked into each other just as earlier in the evening. The magic emerged from the shadows and into their stare. It flowed between them and made them one. Once again the power of the All seeped into their soul. Once again the essence of love possessed them.

  Their eyes shared the love as Steven slowly undressed her. One by one he removed the articles of clothing until she lay bare before him in all of her beauty. She was truly a Goddess. They maintained their gaze as Steven slowly disposed of his own clothing. Their eyes burned of emotion.

  Steven slid up on the bed and on top of her. He brought his face to hers and they breathed in each other. Their eyes feasted on the miracle that was Steven and Jena. Pure love flowed like a river as it drenched their hearts. Raw emotion rode the stream on its journey to the soul. Their eyes said I love you in a million different languages. They melted into each other as the force overcame them.

  There was no need to speak for their eyes did the talking. They would live for each other. They would die for each other if need be. They would love for each other until the world took them away. Then they would take their love and each other and ride the next plane. Where they went didn’t matter as long as they were together. If they could hold each other tight they would persevere.

  Steven kissed her lips. She was his baby and she was all he wanted. She meant more to him than anything in the world. Everything else could wash away into the sea and he wouldn’t care. It could all burn and go to hell and it wouldn’t matter. She was everything.

  Steven slipped inside her. Her wetness enveloped him as he slowly pushed himself in. It was all so natural and so right. They were truly one. This time the animal was in their head. He was in their heart. He was in their soul that encompassed them both. He would override the physical pleasure with something more powerful.

  Tonight the animal was all about emotion. He was all about caring and sharing and total release. He was deep feelings and deeper emotion, so deep that it cut through the pleasure centers and into the core. He was still an animal on the loose running wild, but he was chasing bigger prey tonight. He was invading hearts and souls. He was connecting two lovers with a most primal bond. He was binding them so tight that they could never separate again.

  After tonight the thought of parting would be pure torture. One could never go back to two. For that to happen would be like reaching into them and ripping out the heart that fed them both. They would both watch as it lay there bleeding. They would have to turn their backs from each other and let it die. They would have to walk away as their love spilled out over the floor. This would be impossible after tonight. The agony and the pain and the suffering would be too much. Tonight the animal would make them one. Tonight they would make love.

  Their eyes were their souls melding into one. It was neither dream nor illusion or a fantasy gone wild. It was real. This was emotion flowing from their deepest recesses. Their eyes were a conduit of the passion that consumed them both. They were the rails of the train of love. They were the fiery path of emotion that their souls blazed through.

  They followed their souls as they rushed together. It was laughter and tears as the walls tumbled down. They looked inside of each other and out the other side. They stared through the madness and into the truth. And the truth carried them away to a place all their own. It was their dreams escaping from confinement and breathing in the freshness of freedom. They were free to live, free to love, free to be.

  They made love with their hearts. The skin and the flesh melted away as they came together. They were one heart that beat the drum of love. They were one blood that circulated within them. Theirs was a blood of passion and soul and never ending love. It was hot with emotion and was laced with joy. It was not a blood of lust nor seduced by the lure of the flesh. It ran the veins of the soul. It was spiked with the elixir of emotion. It was the blood of lovers that had found themselves and each other. And they were one and the same.

  As their bodies united so did their spirits. Their hopes and dreams and aspirations were tied together. One’s happiness was the others. They smiled one smile. They cried the same tears. When one was sliced open by the sharp blade of life the other felt the pain. The blood that flowed was theirs. Their spirits embraced the future of each other and the power of love.

  Steven and Jena were letting it all go. They were to be one forever. They were sharing their hearts and souls. They were leaving nothing inside to fall back on. They were exhausting every trace of their being into each other. They were giving their all to each other. Steven and Jena were making love.

  Chapter 30

  Jena felt his lips on hers. For a moment she couldn’t remember where she was. Then she opened her eyes. Steven was leaning over her. He softly kissed her lips again.

  Steven was dressed and ready for work. She looked at the clock. It was 6 a. m.

  “Hey, baby,” he whispered. “I gotta go to work. Try to sleep a little more. I’ll call you later today.”

  “Okay,” answered Jena. “I’ll talk to you later.” She was still half asleep.

  Steven pulled the covers over her shoulders. He kissed her gently one more time.

  “Bye, baby,” she s
aid with her eyes closed.

  Jena rolled back over to go back to sleep. She heard the door close as he left the apartment. Then a harsh reality slapped her in the face like a bucket of ice water.

  Steven was leaving today! He was flying back to Dallas this afternoon! He was leaving her!

  Jena instinctively raised straight up. She tried to collect her thoughts. She could feel herself trembling.

  Steven going back home was a subject they had swept under the rug. It was something they hadn’t really discussed. It was briefly mentioned yesterday at James Café, but they dropped it as quickly as it appeared. It was a downer that would take away from their precious moments together.

  Neither of them wanted to fall from the cloud they were riding so high. It just felt too good. Both of them had blocked it from their minds. Whether it was intentional or their subconscious minds protecting them she didn’t know. All she knew now was that it hurt. It hurt bad.

  Why did life have to be cruel? Why can’t something just go right for a change? How come everything has to be so damn complicated?

  Jena wanted to roll over and go back to sleep. Maybe she would wake up next time and he would be lying beside her. Maybe her dream would never end. Maybe the dream was reality and reality was a dream.

  Jena wanted to cry. How did she allow this to happen? Why did she once again let her heart run free? Why did she let her emotions overrule reality? Why was love always a double-edged sword that sliced to the bone?

  Steven had placed her on a throne and anointed her Queen. He put her in a state of euphoric bliss. The world was hers and hers alone. Now the rug was being pulled out from under her and she was falling to the ground.

  God, she was going to miss him when he went to Dallas. It was like a piece of her heart was walking away. She would miss his charm, his laughter, his easy-going presence that lit up the room. She would miss his touch, his kisses, the love in which he showered her. She would miss the exquisite pleasure of his lovemaking.