Impending Love and Madness

by Laura Freeman

  Cass tugged on her gloves. “I hope not. I’m still mad enough to say no.”

  “I think it’s romantic he was jealous.” Jules cradled her box beneath her arm.

  “How do you know he was jealous?”

  “I was in the kitchen when you talked to Mama. I think he’s stewed enough.”

  Cass led the way to the first floor. “Did I say you were more inexperienced than me?”

  “I like Zach. He’s funny. Doesn’t he make you laugh?”

  “Sometimes unintentionally.” Zach’s lopsided grin made his eyes sparkle with a hint of mischief. After Lincoln’s death he had found ways to lift her spirits with a flower, a joke, or book of poetry. Gifts that had come from the heart. “You gather the gifts from your suitors, Jules. I plan to keep mine.”

  Maureen was talking with Zach as they waited outside. She took their dress boxes. “I’ll put these in the buggy.”

  Zach offered his arm to Cass. He looked around at the empty square and offered his other arm to Jules.

  “Thank you,” Cass whispered. Jules hadn’t secured an escort. She’d learn, but Zach’s act of chivalry softened her heart, and Cass tightened her grip on his arm, snuggling close.

  They joined the line of men and women waiting outside the double doors to the church to enter. The men in uniform were given priority at the front of the line. Harry offered his arm to Jules, and they formed a foursome for the promenade around the room as the musicians played “When Johnny Comes Marching Home.”

  The march was followed by a social mixer. The men stood in a circle, and the women faced them on the outside. Each pair completed a series of dance steps before changing partners and repeating the steps.

  When the band played a waltz, Cass looked for Zach. He tapped her on her bare shoulder with his gloved hand. “May I have this dance?”

  She curtseyed and accepted. Camp life had bleached his hair blond, and his sour apple green eyes appeared lighter against the tan on his face. “Are you glad the war is over?”

  “Yes, but the ending wasn’t how I imagined it. Lincoln assassinated. My grandfather dead. These sergeant stripes gave me command over other men during the war, but I feel ill-equipped to run Ravenswood.”

  “I have confidence in you, Zach. I believe in you.”

  “Then I would do you a disservice to doubt my abilities,” Zach said. “I never considered Ravenswood my home, but now that it is, I want to make it a place I can be proud of.”

  “A home isn’t a building, Zach. It’s the people who live there.”

  “Then I don’t want to live alone.” The music stopped, and he grabbed her hand. “Come.”

  Cass followed him toward the refreshment table, but he didn’t stop. He pulled her to the foyer, down the stairs, and through the church doors. He gripped her hand and hurried along the wooden sidewalk in front of the church.

  He was heading toward Mill Street. “Where are we going?”

  “Ethan and Harry have been interrupting us all night.”

  “They’re our friends.”

  “For a few minutes, I would like to have you to myself.” He pushed open an iron-wrought gate and entered the cemetery next to the church. Silver rays of moonlight penetrated through the foliage, casting long shadows behind the grave markers. An owl hooted.

  Cass glanced around. “I don’t like this place, especially at night.”

  He pulled her against his chest. “I’ll protect you.”

  The wind rustled the branches and stirred year-old dried leaves into a swirl that pattered against the stone markers. “Against imaginary threats?”

  He stuck the fingers of his glove into his mouth and tugged his hand free before he gently stroked her cheek. His touch sent shivers down her spine. “My imagination ran wild when I saw you with Harry. I had lost you to my best friend. I convinced myself to do the noble thing and step aside.”

  “You stepped too early.” The idiot.

  “I understand that now. Harry explained that the kiss meant nothing.”

  “Nothing?” Cass stomped her foot. “Harry shouldn’t have said anything. A gentleman doesn’t spread gossip about a lady.”

  “We had an altercation that forced the dialogue.”

  “You hit Harry?”

  “He wasn’t hurt.” Zach shrugged. “Harry has a hard head.”

  “There’s been too much violence in the world. I want you to promise not to resort to your fists to solve a problem. There has to be a better way.”

  “I’ll try.” Zach studied her. “I couldn’t write the words to express my feelings in a letter, and all evening I’ve hesitated to speak with this rift between us.”

  “Why didn’t you say something? Why didn’t you confront us at the depot?” Cass said. “This waiting has been like a knife in my heart, wondering if we could repair the damage.”

  “I was jealous and angry.” Zach pulled her closer. “I had feared I’d lost you. I never felt so alone.”

  “You were never alone.” He had his friends. “All for one and one for all, remember?”

  He laughed, dancing in a circle with his arms around her. “I should have known you wouldn’t consider any other man but me.”

  Cass pulled away. “And why wouldn’t I consider other men? Do you think you’re the pick of the litter? Or do you think I can’t do any better? You think I’m not worthy of marriage after allowing a few kisses.”

  “That’s not what I meant.” Zach ran his hand through his hair. “You’re the most beautiful woman in the world. I can’t believe you would speak to me after I was so rude. I know you had to be polite when I was wounded, but when you kissed me, I concluded you had to be in love with me as much as I love you.”

  What? “You love me?”

  A smile formed on his lips. “Since that winter in your parents’ parlor when I met you, I haven’t been able to forget you. I looked forward to the letters you wrote. I spent hours agonizing over each word I penned to paper. I couldn’t be a proper suitor with a broken leg, and then all the horrors of Lincoln’s death and the aftermath kept me from declaring my love. But I hoped for a future together. I can’t imagine my life without you.”

  She closed her eyes waiting for his kiss. When none came, she opened her eyes. “This is where you kiss me.”

  A frown creased his brow. “I’m worried. A kiss dismissed Harry as a suitor. What if you don’t feel anything for me?”

  Had her feelings changed for him? Her heart was racing as he held her in his arms. “I’ll be brutally honest. If I think of you only as a brother, I’ll let you know.”

  “That’s what I’m afraid of.” Zach hesitated.

  Cass put her hand on the back of his neck and pulled him close. He kissed her, playing a game of discovery on her vibrating lips. A warm glow began in her belly and spread outward to her fingertips. Her knees buckled, and she molded against him, fearing she would faint. Her passion for Zach was true, and she responded to his kisses in a matching rhythm of desire.

  When he pulled away, his breath was ragged. “Did you feel that?”

  “You’re not my brother, cousin, or friend. I love you, Zach.” She glanced around. “But we’re kissing in a cemetery.”

  “I don’t think they’ll mind.”

  A twig broke. Cass jumped, pressing her body against Zach’s. “What was that?”

  His arm encircled her, but they remained silent, listening for any more noises. A dog howled in the distance. Someone or something ran a stick along the fence, the clickety-click echoing in the shadows. A soft moan carried on the wind but was muffled by a swirl of dead leaves blowing among the grave markers.

  “Zach!” Cass balled her fists into the fabric of his coat and buried her face in his chest.

  “All right fellas. You can come out now,” Zach hollered.

  Cass peeked, listening for any response.

  Harry and Ethan stepped from behind a tree. “How did you know it was us?”

  “You should wear a hat, Ethan. Your hair g
lows in the moonlight.”

  “Like the romantic moonlight you’re sharing with my cousin.” Ethan rested against a headstone. “Only Zach would court a lady in a cemetery.”

  “We wanted to be alone.”

  “I think we should leave,” Harry said. “A cemetery is no place to be at night.”

  “Ed will protect you from the other ghosts and goblins,” Ethan said.

  “Don’t speak ill of the dead, especially my brother.”

  “Jake is buried here, too,” Ethan said.

  Harry glanced over his shoulder. “Do you think they watch over us?”

  “Someone helped us survive the war.” Zach helped Cass weave their way through the stones marking the graves.

  Ethan paused at the gate and saluted. “Thank you, gentlemen.”

  A gust of wind swirled around the stones and blew against their clothing.

  “I’m getting out of here.” Harry rushed toward the church.

  “I’ll protect you.” Zach put his arm around Cass and ushered her back to the dance.

  Cass wasn’t afraid. Zach loved her. He had made his declaration. But it was a fragile bond. Responsibilities at Ravenswood would take him away. She needed to find a way to be with him.

  They returned to the celebration in time for a final dance and a prayer by the Reverend Davis for peace and prosperity that ended the festivities.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Zach woke with a start. He had been camping in tents or in the open air for so long, it was strange to have a ceiling overhead and a soft bed beneath. He dressed in his uniform. He planned to buy civilian clothes at the Wheeler Dry Goods store in town.

  The guest room was above Dr. Beecher’s office and as he entered the adjoining room, the doctor’s door was ajar. He needed to speak with him and knocked on the doorframe.

  “Come in.”

  Sterling was seated in a black leather chair behind an oak desk. Several leather-bound books were stacked in the corner. One was marked Births and deaths.

  “Sit, Sergeant Ravenswood.”

  “It’s Zach now.” He had never asked permission of a father to court a daughter. Should he have presented a gift?

  Sterling studied him. “Is this a medical call?”

  “No, sir. My leg is completely healed.”

  “Did you have any trouble sleeping?”

  Zach ran his fingers through his long hair. “A little. I’m not used to sleeping indoors.”

  “I’ve talked with soldiers who have returned from the war, and each one has different physical, emotional, and mental challenges. The sound of thunder reminds them of cannons or a cornfield becomes a battle site,” Sterling said. “We can’t undo the experience, but we can learn to control how we react to the reminders of war.”

  “I was affected more by witnessing Lincoln’s assassination than any battle,” Zach said. “I have dreams about it.”

  “You relive the night?”

  “I dream about saving him,” Zach said. “I know Booth is waiting for the audience to laugh so he can fire his shot. I leap on the stage and climb to the balcony in time to place myself between Lincoln and Booth. I take the shot for the president. He lives, but I die.”

  “A heroic gesture, but there was nothing you could have done, Zach, even if your leg wasn’t broken. Logan and I talked about it at length. Booth had enough knowledge to succeed, and others were ignorant to the danger. Even Major Rathbone, who was in the box with the president, failed to stop the fatal shot.”

  “I wish I could have done more.”

  “Men are protectors,” Sterling said. “When we can’t save someone dear to us, we can feel helpless. It takes time to accept our limitations.”

  “While I waited in camp to be discharged, I thought about Lincolns’ speeches,” Zach said. “With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation’s wounds, to care for him who shall have borne the battle and for his widow and his orphan, to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations.”

  “His words are a fitting way to remember him,” Sterling said. “Cassandra said your grandfather recently died. I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do?”

  “I’m visiting Tyler Montgomery this morning. He wrote my grandfather’s will.”

  “And I was going to send along some medicine for Olivia.” He retrieved several bottles from his cabinet and placed them on his desk. “Is there something more?”

  Zach took a deep breath. “I’d like permission to court your daughter.”

  Sterling’s eyebrows shot up as he sat. “I am a man with six daughters, and I find myself surrounded by young men who have married them. My daughters have made wise choices, and I trust Cassandra will do the same, but I have a few questions.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Why do you want to call on my daughter?”

  “I love her.”

  “Have you spoken to her about your feelings?”

  “Last night, sir.”

  “And what are her feelings?”

  “Our desires are mutual, sir.”

  “What are your plans? How will you support her?”

  “My grandfather left me Ravenswood, but I need to learn to run the farm. Raising horses takes work, but I plan to offer Ethan and Harry jobs.”

  “Do you trust your friends to work for you?”

  “I trust them with my life. I can’t think of anyone else I would trust more.”

  Sterling looked at the papers on his desk. “What does Cassandra think about your plans?”

  “I talked about Ravenswood, but I wasn’t the owner then. It will take a couple of years for me to learn the business.”

  “You plan to wait several years before marrying my daughter?”

  “That’s why it’s important to have your approval.”

  Sterling leaned back in his chair. “Have you discussed this with Cassandra?”

  “No, sir. As men, we should come to terms first.”

  “If I owned my daughter, you would be expected to ask permission, but I’ve never owned any of my daughters. They chose their husbands as much as the men chose them. I appreciate you talking with me, but it will be Cassandra’s decision as to whether she marries you. And I wouldn’t count on her waiting too long.”

  “I want Ravenswood to be ready before we wed.”

  He leaned forward. “Let me explain something about the Beecher women, son. They are not princesses waiting for a knight to carry them off to a beautiful castle. Without considering the consequences, I have trained my daughters to help me with my patients. They have taken those skills to the battlefield and to the hospitals. Did I want to pamper and protect them? Yes. But it is not in their character to be spoiled with idle adoration. If Ravenswood needs to be rebuilt, you should ask my daughter to lend a hand.”

  “I was planning to invite Ethan and Harry for the annual sale of the horses at Ravenswood. Are you saying I should invite Cassandra as well?”

  “No.” Sterling looked flustered. “I would have to consider the appropriateness of such a trip.”

  Cass poked her head in the doorway. “What trip?”

  “I was asking your father if you could join Ethan and Harry when they visit Ravenswood.”

  “That would be wonderful!” She ran around the desk and hugged her father.

  “I did not approve any trip,” Sterling stated. “All I approved was Mr. Ravenswood’s request to court you.”

  “Court me?” Cass placed her hands on her hips. “Did you reach an agreement, or do I have a say in the matter?”

  “We have an understanding,” Zach said.

  “Wonderful.” Cass poked Zach’s arm. “Perhaps you can barter a fair price for me like you do your horses.”

  “He offered two geldings and a carriage,” Sterling said. “I think it’s a fair price.”

  Zach raised his hands. “I
did not.”

  “Oh, Papa!” Cass put her arms around Sterling’s neck. “You are a horrible tease. Besides, I’m worth more than two geldings.”

  He patted her hand. “Mr. Ravenswood has not been enlightened by the writings of Elizabeth Cady Stanton as I have. My wife and daughters are suffragettes. You would do well to become acquainted with their teachings.”

  “A bunch of words without action,” Cass said. “No one can agree on anything but the right to vote, and we don’t have that. For each step forward, we take two steps backward. I don’t think we’ll ever be equal to men.”

  “Equal?” A warning look from Sterling changed his words. “Men are the inferior ones. We call for war when women, who give life, pray for peace. We solve problems with violence, but women reason with common sense and cooperation. We left a path of destruction, but it will take women like you to rebuild the beauty of this world for our children and grandchildren.”

  Cass ran to Zack and embraced him. “Isn’t he wonderful?”

  Sterling stood. “What you lack in experience, son, you succeed in poetry.”

  “Lincoln inspired me.” Zach looked at Cass.

  “It is the eternal struggle between these two principles—right and wrong—throughout the world. They are the two principles that have stood face to face from the beginning of time and will ever continue to struggle. The one is the common right of humanity, and the other the divine right of kings,” Zach said.

  “The struggle between tyrants and slaves,” Cass explained.

  “You toil and work and earn bread, and I will eat it,” he added.

  Cass rested her hand against Zach’s chest. “Then let the slaves toil and eat their own bread,” she said. “And the tyrants can starve.”

  ****

  Zach hitched the black gelding to the buggy while Cass gathered the medical supplies her father had prepared for Olivia’s chicken pox. He placed the box in the back and helped Cass board. “I’ll take the reins.”

  Cass relinquished control of the horse. “Blackie is old so be gentle.”

  “I’m sure there are several horses that could replace Blackie at Ravenswood. Do you think your father will let you visit?”

  “You’ve already done the hard part.”