Sharing Harper

by V. Murphy

  “Hey! How can I help you?” said the overly eager teenager.

  “Yeah, um, what was the name of the other guy that was just here? It’s just that he left something for me and I wanted to return it.”

  “Don’t I hear that all the time? Isn't he just gorgeous!?” she exclaimed loudly.

  “I didn’t notice.”

  “His name is Ryder but everyone here calls him Ry.”

  “Thanks,” I said as I turned to head out the door. I was in desperate need of a nap and some Tylenol.

  I jumped into my car and drove as fast as I possibly could back home. I peeled into my space and walked up to the modest one-bedroom apartment. It was nothing special, but it did have every amenity possible. As I opened the door, I lavished the silence.

  ***

  I woke up in pure darkness. Crap. I don’t remember falling asleep or even walking into my bedroom for that matter. I stared over at the clock and it read 6pm. Shit. That only gave me 2 hours to get ready. I jumped up and quickly turned on the lights. I ran into the closet and grabbed my shortest black bodycon skirt with a sheer white tank top. I slipped into it, added some gold jewelry and threw on a pair of black Loubiton wedges. With no time to do anything else, I pulled my hair back into a sleek straight ponytail and teased the front. Finished, I looked in the mirror and was impressed with who I could transform into. It was so easy to be someone else when you don’t know who you are. I gathered the rest of my dignity, raised my head with confidence and walked out the door, into a night of oblivion.

  When I arrived at Skye’s apartment I could not help but gasp at the expansiveness of the building. Even though I had been here a hundred times before, it was shocking to see the views of the ocean from her place. Her wealth melted off her and she wasn’t afraid to show if off. She lived right next to the beach in a penthouse. The doorman, Freddy, was prominently standing by the glass doors that led into the marble lobby. He was an older guy with grey hair, but always smiled when I came to the apartment. We had talked a couple times in the past and I found out he was originally from Florida where his wife and kids still live. He was kind, something you don’t see often anymore.

  “Ms. Mae how are we tonight?” Freddy asked as I approached the doors after dropping my car off with the valet in front.

  “Fantastic Freddy,” I said as he smiled at me and pressed PH for Skye’s apartment. When I got upstairs, I heard the loud techno music echoing through the hall and laughed to myself knowing that tonight would be something to remember…or not.

  I knocked on the door and Skye opened it with a large margarita in one hand and in the other, a large sex on the beach for me.

  “COME IN,” she squealed. It was clear that her night had already started. “I found you the hottest guy ever, Harp,” she whispered in my ear. I glanced around the room inhaling the scene through the floor-to-ceiling glass windows that overlooked the Pacific Ocean. It had a completely modern appeal and the apartment was furnished in chic white furniture with white marble flooring. There was a large diamond chandelier that hung in the foyer with two twin staircases that lead to the second floor. Since the apartment was only one bedroom, though her closet should be considered another bedroom, the stairs led straight to her room. Everything was done by some famous interior designer, which made the house feel stark but welcoming.

  I recognized a few of her sorority sisters in the room and some handsome men flirting with them.

  She rushed me over, drink in hand to a tall brunette who, when he noticed me, flashed his gorgeous white smile. He was cute and any other day I would have immediately fallen into him, flirting. I always knew my boundaries though. Don’t get too involved too early in the night because that leads to unnecessary drama at the club if, god-forbid, I ever wanted to dance with anyone else but him.

  “Hey, name is Nate.”

  Why couldn’t I get that guy at the coffee shop out of my head?! All I wanted to do right now was figure out who this Ryder guy was, but I had to shake the thought of him. I couldn’t get involved with a man I didn’t even know, plus there was a nice potential dick in front of me who clearly wanted every ounce of my body as he glanced, quite noticeably, up and down my body. It’s the one thing I am certainly proud of. I had great genetics and a fast metabolism that allowed me to be slim in the waist but still maintain a nice chest.

  “Um, hey, Harper,” I said as I shook his hand…who does that anymore?!

  “You want another fill?”

  “Sure, yeah that would be great.” I was totally off my game tonight. What was with me? I needed to snap out of this funk.

  As the night continued, I chatted briefly with some of Skye’s sorority sisters and talked to Nate until I got bored of him. We then decided to head to the club and walked out to the limo waiting for us outside.

  I looked outside noticing the images that keep blurring past me. I wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or the odd longing for something more in my life, but I wasn’t feeling everyone around me. I felt surrounded by a mundane life that continued endlessly. Sometimes I wish I had stayed back at home…it’s times like this when I really wish I….

  “Babe, you ‘kay?” Skye mumbled drunkenly into my ear.

  “Yeah, yeah sorry. Just ready to…party!” I tried my best to plaster on the plastic smile that lived permanently on my face.

  “YA!” Skye squealed as she clinked our glasses full of bubbly champagne together.

  As we arrived to the club and zipped through the VIP line, we started ordering bottle service to our table. I kept pounding down drinks until my thoughts were a complete oblivion in my head. I was drowning out any emotion I could potential feel. This is how I lived. No, this is how I survived.

  After four or five drinks and a great song that the DJ just dropped, I grabbed Skye by her tan arm and screamed, “DANCE FLOOR!” She eagerly nodded and grabbed her latest beau, Jayson.

  We shimmed to the dance floor and when the beat picked up, I started to just let go. It was a mix of the alcohol and the longing to meet someone new that let me move my hips in a sensual swaying motion. I grabbed Skye’s hand and threw it up in the air as we sang a popular top 40 song at the top of our lungs at each other.

  She turned to pay more attention to Jayson while I let the beat take over. My hips were moving left and right sexually, almost passionately. I swayed with the movement of the beat, pushing farther into oblivion. I was one with the music as I shimmed my hips and threw my head back wildly into the air. My hands moved up in the air without a care of who saw me or who was around me. Skye was close to me and I could feel her sweaty palms press against me every so often.

  This was our thing. This is what we did to get through the nights. We partied like you were supposed to when you’re young. We spent our money carelessly and picked up guys randomly because we could. Both of us held demons inside, but when we were on the dance floor there was no one but ourselves out there.

  As I moved to one side, I felt forced back to the other, like a pendulum swaying in the wind. The music pulsed through my body, extracting a new creature from inside of me; someone who wasn’t forced down with the fallacies of past memories, someone who wasn’t tied to anyone or anything. I was floating.

  The music drowned itself in my body as I moved passionately to the now upbeat temp of Timeflies, “I Choose You.” The song told a story about choosing the one who you’re in love with and finally moving on from the past. I secretly laughed at it, knowing the ridiculousness of falling in love only to get hurt. The beat was catchy enough, so I let the lyrics muffle as I danced to the rhythm ignoring the message behind the song.

  My hands were free from obstacles and I moved them above me dancing with myself. I was letting go…becoming free as I threw my head back and shook my hair, smiling at no one in particular. Surrounded by a huge crowd and large pumping music, I was alone. I was so alone with my fantasies and myself. It was only minutes later when I was snapped back into reality.

  “What the….” I mumbl
ed as a large hand fell down on my hips. I started to turn around to see who the owner was of these amazing hands, but I was pushed towards the side and couldn’t make out the face or features of the person behind me because it was far too dark. I searched for Skye. Shit. Shit. I couldn’t leave her. It was our pact to never let each other go. Frantically, I tried to move away from this guy behind me but his grip tightened.

  He pulled me up towards his groin and pushed my hips against his. My backside let go as I started to pick up with the music again. We were moving as one with the beat and with each hiccup in the song, he thrust himself closer to me.

  I could smell the oozing scent of vanilla and mint that dripped from his body. He was sweaty from being in the middle of an over-packed dance floor, but when we moved together we created a spark. There was something that just echoed from our bodies like an undeniable force of attraction. I desperately wanted more.

  His body was tight as I moved my hands around his large arms that were on my hips. His muscles bulged from his arms, as I slightly squeezed on them the thought of touching him naked sent a cold shiver through my spine. Through the dim overhead lights I could see his skin was effortlessly tan. He was almost recognizable, like I knew this body from somewhere, but I couldn’t quite pinpoint it. I shook the thought away from me and instead concentrated on moving to the beat of the song. We were intertwined as one and I had no idea what this guy even looked like. I knew I wanted to taste more of him. I wanted to dive further and faster into the seductive dance we were playing with each other.

  With every beat that dropped, I slammed my backside into his groin pushing harder and harder. I let myself go into him, grinding against him with such passion and intensity. I felt my core tighten as his body responded to my hurried excitement. As the music picked up the pace, I got lost in the beat. I was pushing and pulling into his hips as his face inched closer and closer to my ears. I could hear him breathing heavy in my ear. The sound of his breath made me quiver deep in my core. Instantly, I knew I wanted to explore his mouth and nibble on his ear. I wanted him breathing inside of me. I wanted to take this dance we were playing with each other and move it somewhere else.

  The music felt so loud around me, but muffled from the beat that was pounding through my chest. He moved his hands down towards my inner thighs and I gasped as I heaved into him. I was throwing myself against him, desperately begging for more and giving him the signal. Fuck, I wanted him bad. I haven’t felt like this in so long. I have never played with someone so hard to sleep with him. Most times, we would already be having sex by now, but this guy wanted me to feel the sensuality. He wanted me to feel something before he slipped inside of me. He was playing with me. I was pissed, yet intrigued.

  Our bodies ignited something deep within each other sending sparks through my spine. He slowly pulled my neck to one side and while grinding against me, he kissed me with ease. There was a contrast between the two movements. One was full of passion and desperate fury whereas the other was gentle as if he was taking the time to explore my body with the music. We were making love on the dance floor. No one else existed around us, it was just us. I had completely forgotten about Skye.

  As we continued, my body started to melt into his and our movements glided together as if we were one entity moving with the beat of the music. Our bodies collided together with lust and desire. Our dance was quickening and the song had changed a couple times now. I had lost track at how many songs had actually passed, but I was more concerned with the game we were playing. It was a game of cat and mouse where he pushed into me with desperation and desire, but pulled away with gentle ease and hesitancy. Could it be possible to fall in love with someone by just dancing with them?

  It is bullshit, love is anyways, but if I could fall in love with someone by their dancing alone, I would be totally and completely head over heels for this guy.

  His hands moved from my hips as his right hand glided up towards my stomach. I glanced down to make sure it was the same two hands on me before. That’s when I noticed the tattoo on his hand. His wrist was guarded with someone's name on it. It wasn’t noticeable at first, but when I caught a glimpse I saw it was a beautiful name written in script on his wrist.

  Evelyn

  Shit. Of course this guy would have some girls name tattooed on his body. I immediately snapped out of whatever I was feeling from earlier. Although I had a reputation for sleeping with guys, I valued the sanctity of relationships. I was definitely not a homewrecker. I envied those in relationships. They had it so easy. They had easy access to sex, love, and comfort. Something I never had nor was ever going to have.

  I needed to find Skye. Now. I pushed him off me and could hear him yell out to me, but I couldn’t make out what he was saying over the music. I was able to escape quickly because the crowd closed up around me with every step I took. I quickly dodged past groping couples and slutty girls. I pushed my way towards the VIP area.

  “Shit Skye, I was afraid I fucking left you,” I mumbled as I grabbed her into a big hug thankful. Phew, I didn’t feel like a horrible friend.

  “Ew, Harp you are disgusting. You need a shower stat. Make it a cold one too.” She pulled me towards the exit. “I saw you dancing with that hot dude. Did you get his number?” I noticed my shirt was stuck to me from the heat and sweat I had just experienced on the dance floor. I knew parts of it were because it was hot in the center of the dance floor, but other parts were from the incredible hot moment I shared with “Evelyn’s man.”

  Sigh. “No I didn’t, but whatever we did wasn’t just dancing Skye, it was amazing. I don’t know how to describe it.”

  “I'm actually both shocked and impressed that you’re not banging him right now.”

  “I was trying to find you,” I wasn’t sure if I wanted to tell her the real reason why I decided to leave him. “Plus, he had some girls name tattooed on his wrist.”

  “That’s why you left him!? That could have been his mother’s name for goodness sake.” She rolled her eyes as she pushed me into the limo. Everyone else must have gone home because it was just us in the limo. I wondered what happened to Jayson, but I think I remember him saying something about having to work in the morning.

  “Ya know Harp, it’s okay if you want to do more than just have sex with a guy?”

  Well, this was coming out of left field. “What’re you talking about?”

  “You just were super moody today. You’re worth more than just having sex with guys.”

  Skye was my best friend, but she had no idea what happened to me. She had once asked me why I just wanted to have sex with guys and nothing more. My response started out by telling her I was young and wanted to live life, but when she realized how many men I brought home and how little I saw of them afterwards, she wanted to know more.

  “Daddy issues and all” had always been my response with her. She never prodded for more when I would say this. It wasn’t true. I missed my family so much, but I couldn’t begin to talk about what had happened to me back in Chicago.

  Skye turned towards the window and said, “I am impressed you and sexy club guy didn’t have a go at it tonight, could this be the start of a new Harper?”

  “No way, I just happen to love you a little more than any ole’ guy and I was worried you wound up dead in a sink or something.”

  “Oh, I'm so glad you care enough about me to not let me die in a sink,” she uttered with much sarcasm in her voice.

  We giggled and rode the rest of the way home in silence. As the limo pulled up towards my apartment, I was so ready for bed. It was much past 3am and I was absolutely exhausted.

  “See ya tomorrow Harper,” Skye muttered as she was slowly drifting in and out of sleep, “Love ya.”

  “Love ya too, S.”

  I opened the door to my apartment, everything felt much too quiet and alone. Even with the amount of alcohol in my system, I felt burdened with despair as I entered the complete silence. Silence wasn’t good. It allowed thoughts to fl
ow freely and I didn’t want to think, I just wanted to do. I picked up my phone and started to call one of the guys I know would come over at this hour. Just then, I noticed the note from the coffee shop crumpled up on the coffee table. I picked it up and saw Ryder’s words. It was so simple and he didn’t even sign it. I desperately wished that right now I could see him. Tell him how scared I am of being alone and just spend the night with him. I wanted desperately to sleep with him, just sleep in a bed with him.

  What was I thinking? I had to get these thoughts out of my head. This was becoming way too ridiculous. I hadn’t even talked to the guy and now I am fantasizing about not fucking him. Ugh. Love at first sight, I couldn’t believe in that kind of fairy tale--I just want to fuck him. It's lust at first sight. I will never give my heart away again. I peeled off my shirt and fell into my bed where I slept the most uninterrupted sleep of my life.

  Chapter 3

  Weeks had passed since the night at the club and everything felt completely off balanced. I felt like I was losing touch of who I was and what had I tried so hard to become. I was going through the motions of everyday living, but something had felt so forceful, so destructive. I couldn’t seem to shake that night at the club. I had felt something so different than I had in the past and it didn’t help that I couldn’t stop thinking of coffee shop guy.

  I was numb from the rest of the world. I was losing touch with who I was and what was important in my life. It was an unsettling feeling, something I couldn’t just shake away. I felt disinterested in things I normally enjoyed; like school.

  I had spent these last couple weeks really just fading in and out of realty. Between school and hanging out with Skye I kept busy enough not to think about Ryder, the coffee shop guy. I didn’t understand why I kept thinking and obsessing over him. It was ridiculous to even have thoughts of him cross my mind again. I just need to fuck him and get it out of my system.

  Skye wanted me to go out with her, but I always made some excuse to not go out and ended up spending most nights alone and miserable. When I was alone, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I had forced myself for so long to find men, to be attracted to them and to sleep with them to avoid living the pain I felt when I was alone. Luckily, school was finally at an end, I could only hope summer would turn over a new leaf. I couldn’t live like this anymore.