Sharing Harper

by V. Murphy

  I was walking with Skye in the middle of campus on the last day of school and while we were walking to the cars, she kept pursuing this idea of going out and going back to the club to try to see if I could find that man again.

  “Babe, the only way you are going to stop moping around here is if you go out and find that mystery man again.” Skye said. I knew she was right, but I couldn’t bring myself to go back there. I didn’t want to ruin that moment. I have never been so turned on before by just dancing.

  “It was only dancing at that! I don’t know what's got you in such a funk. You haven’t had sex in like two weeks!” Skye exclaimed.

  “I know! I really don’t get it either, it’s confusing me. I need a dick so bad too,” I lied to her because I didn’t want to explain the sudden change in my behavior.

  “So come on! School is over tonight, we need to go out.”

  I sighed knowing she was probably right. I needed to snap out of this funk and I needed to find someone else to replace mystery man and coffee shop man. I didn’t understand how two men had made such an impact on me. This hasn’t been possible since…

  Shit. I was really fucked up right now. I had tried too hard to put my past behind me. No way. This was it. I had to snap out of this and fix this problem I was having.

  “Absolutely, as long as you promise we won’t go to the same club.”

  Skye gleamed with utter joy and let out a blood-curling scream, “Oh Harper, you are just going to die when you realize what I have in store for us. Let’s meet at my place say ten-ish tonight?”

  “Yeah, that sounds good. I can assume we are going out then?”

  “Oh honey, are we going out or what?!”

  As we approached my modest American made car and Skye’s beautiful BMW convertible with the top down and cream interior, I stopped her and paused. It was something so amazing to have a good friend like Skye. I really did appreciate her. I feel so bad for making her feel as though she didn’t exist these last couple weeks.

  “Love you. I am super excited about tonight!” I tried to fake in the most excited voice I could.

  “Me too!” She obviously didn’t catch on to my fakeness. “See you later love!” she squealed as she hopped in her car. She put the keys in the ignition and blasted the radio, but before she peeled out of the spot she screamed, “HAPPY SUMMER BITCHES!”

  I laughed with a genuine smile on my face as I got in my car and left the school. Thank god it was summer because I was getting bored of school. It was time to finally start my job at the boutique I worked at full-time during the summer. It was a cute boutique that sold high-priced items and lots of jewelry. It was geared mainly towards older women because the pieces in there were a bit drab. The floors were carpeted in a mossy green and the walls were a light grey color. The jewelry was geared mainly towards the older crowd and featured sterling silver pieces. The clothes were bland and draped funny on the women who came in, but it was a decent job and Rita, the owner was such a sweet lady. She understood everyone, even if they weren’t saying anything. Rita wanted some fresh faces as sales associates to hopefully attract a younger crowd, but alas that didn’t work and all she got were beautiful young sales associates inside her store during the summer season.

  Summer was always warm and tourists were always bustling by. The store was located in the outskirts of town, away from the busyness of San Diego in a small town called La Jolla. La Jolla was a small piece of heaven on earth. All the shops were lined up by the beach and owned by small business owners, much different than the shops in San Diego. La Jolla was known for the seals that would perch themselves on top of the coves, you could hear them at any point in town. The shop was situated on the main street in town right next to an upscale restaurant and an eyeglass shop. If you walked through the backdoor, you were welcomed by the fresh sea breeze (which sometimes smelled a bit fishy) and the welcoming sounds of the crashing ocean and playful seals. I started working there when I was a freshman and now that I was growing up, I was ready to move on to something different, but Rita wanted to keep me around for one last year.

  I opened the door and the small chicken shaped bell on the door rang as I entered.

  “Please tell me that’s Ms. Harper Mae coming through the door right now.” Rita wasn’t originally from California. She was from a small town in Louisiana and her accent stood out, even to the biggest southerner. She drawled out her letters and spoke loudly, but with such kindness in her heart it was as if she cared about everyone she talked to. That’s why her shop was always busy; the customers just loved to talk to Rita. She made them feel wanted, cared for, and attractive. It was a gift Rita had and part of the reason I stuck around. The simplicity in her words by telling you that your hips look slim in that skirt was just what you wanted to hear on a bad day.

  “My dear girl, you’re looking mighty fit these days”

  “Thanks, Rita. Does the stock need to come out of the back room?” I asked.

  “Sit down here with me for just a second,” she said as she pulled out a chair next to her at the cash register. She went over to pour me a steaming cup of coffee. Bless her soul right now. “So, tell me about what you’ve been up to?”

  “Nothing really just going to school, hanging out with Skye…”

  “Doin’ all those boys still then, eh?” she said point blank. I wasn’t sure how to answer her. She caught me off guard. It’s not like we ever talked about my past or what I was doing with boys, but she knew. She picked up on it--me coming in late with my smeared makeup and swollen lips probably gave it away.

  I fiddled around in my seat when Rita spoke up, “Dear lord girl, you are beautiful with no respect for yourself. I don’t get it. You’ve got everything goin’ for ya.”

  “I do respect myself,” I said blatantly lying and really uncomfortable. I moved around in my chair trying to taste the coffee, but suddenly I wasn’t feeling very thirsty anymore. I set the coffee down and stared at my hands when Rita spoke up.

  “Someone, somewhere in your past really did a number on you. You’ve been using these boys to fill some hole. Lemme tell ya Harper, ain’t no one in the world that can fill that hole but yourself.”

  Fuck. She was right too. I was using men to fill that hole. I desperately wanted to tell her I was getting better. I wanted to tell her about my night at the club and about Ryder, the coffee shop guy, but I just couldn’t. I felt too uncomfortable as it was.

  “Now get, go on and do the stock. We just got an order for more dresses so I need those tagged and on the floor by this afternoon.” She clearly picked up on the tense atmosphere in the room. Gratefully, I got up from my seat and picked up the mug to go wash it in the back sink. Before I left I heard Rita whisper, barely audible, “One day, one man will make you happy again Harper.”

  Tears started welling up in my eyes. I brushed them away with my hands, not wanting to appear weak or affected by what Rita said to me. I walked back into the stock room and was grateful for the cool breeze coming from the ocean and the sounds of nature. I spent the entire afternoon in peace in the backroom.

  It wasn’t until 4:30pm when Rita came into the stockroom.

  “Wow! I am so happy you’re back here this summer; this room needed organization for sure. We will be ready to open for the summer season tomorrow. Now, go on to the front, you’ve got a friend waiting for you.”

  “Thanks Rita. I’ll see you at noon.”

  I gave her a quick hug and went towards the front of the store.

  As I walked towards the front I noticed the beautiful blonde hair cascading from behind as a slim girl fumbled through the racks of clothing. Immediately I knew it was Skye when I saw the pristine French manicure and the large Christian Loubiton heels.

  “Skye!”

  “HARPER! I was so excited for tonight that I wanted to come and tell you that we are getting our hair done!”

  “Shut up! Did I ever tell you how much I love you? I have been in the back room all day so the humidity is r
eally doing a number on my hair.” I linked my arms through Skye’s and walked out the door, yelling bye to Rita.

  We walked at turtle’s pace towards the car while Skye complained about the lack of valet in front of the store.

  “You shouldn’t have worn 7-inch shoes!”

  “Babe, since when have you ever known me not to wear heels. I think flats are so boring. They don’t flatter your legs at all,” she scuffed as she looked at the military-style boots I had on.

  “Don’t even comment on my boots, they have spikes on them so they’re fashionable.” Skye laughed at me and we sped off to get our hair done for the evening.

  ***

  After three grueling hours at the salon, a heap of hair dye and armed with a new haircut, I turned around to look at myself. My normally bland brown hair was cut shorter in an a-line style where the front was longer than the back, where it hit at shoulder length. The stylist put some lo-lights in so my hair appeared more voluminous. My hair was slightly curled in beach waves that looked effortless, but little did anyone know they took hours to complete. The makeup artist drew my eyes in a dark cat eye with a slight tint of purple eye shadow to make my brown eyes pop out of my head. I felt…hot. I was completely sexy. I gave the stylists a brief hug and jogged over to the other side of the salon where Skye was.

  They had taken her long blonde hair and made it even blonder. She looked like a beach princess with her tan skin. They had straightened it flat against her head and added wispy bangs. She looked quite natural in her makeup, it’s almost like we switched looks for the day.

  “Do you think I look okay? I keep telling them to put more makeup on but they keep insisting I have enough,” Skye asked.

  “You look properly stunning.” Skye beamed up at me and said, “It’s time for shopping!”

  After we left the salon we spent hours thumbing through racks at the mall. Skye picked out a brown bodycon skirt with a white peasant top that went down low enough to allow the silver chain she wore to peak through at her cleavage. On the other hand, after insisting that I did not want to wear anything form fitted, Skye persuaded me to buy a tight black dress with gold jewelry. When I saw myself in the mirror, I was shocked. I looked really hot. My legs were tone from the running I had been doing to and from class. My dress hugged my curves from my breasts down to my hips.

  When we got to the register, Skye stopped me as I pulled out my credit card, “It’s my treat. It’s the last day of class and I think we both deserve a night out.”

  “Is Jayson coming out tonight with us?” I asked knowing that she had been casually seeing him on the side.

  “I don’t know,” Skye said with a sullen look on her face.

  “What happened? Why didn’t you tell me?” I exclaimed.

  “I didn’t want to bother you—you’ve sort of been in a funk all week if you hadn’t noticed.”

  “I am so sorry, I have been a shit friend this week. What happened?”

  We walked over towards the café in the mall and sat down. I quickly ordered her a skinny vanilla latte, her favorite and a small piece of chocolate. I refused to let her complain about calories when something’s bothering her.

  “I bought you this so you cannot say no, eat it. Chocolate makes the world round; chocolate and coffee should be everyone’s answer to everything,” I said as I handed her a piece of chocolate and her latte. “Tell me what happened, Skye.”

  “It was nothing, that’s the whole point. Nothing has been happening. I think I am really starting to like him Harp.” This was the reason why I didn’t fall in love again. The disappointment of love not going your way was completely painful. Heartbreak can be equated to a limb being ripped out of your body when you're not ready for it to happen. Heartbreak is like when someone is telling you they are going to take your band-aid off in three, but they rip it off in gut throttling pain on two. You are unprepared and ill equipped to deal with it.

  “I know how much you like him, but maybe you should cut your losses while you’re ahead”

  “I can't do that Harper. I really started to like him. I….I…even slept with him…” Shit. This was bad. Even though Skye went out, she rarely slept with guys she didn’t have feelings for. This was just another way we were completely opposite. She craved the actual longing of falling in love, whereas I craved the dick that came attached to the male form.

  “Oh babe, I don’t know what to tell you. Have you tried to talk to him?” Skye started tearing up when I asked her.

  “No, I haven’t, I’m really scared.”

  “You have to try talking to him, even if it scares you. Sometimes we just have to jump off that cliff on our own and hope that you don’t fall flat on your face.” I was so good at giving advice to anyone but myself. I hated myself for that.

  “Do you think I should invite him out tonight?”

  “I think that you should invite him to dinner before you go out and talk to him then. That way you aren’t tempted to sleep with him when you're all liquored up.”

  “You’re the best, seriously. I don’t know what I would do without a friend like you,” Skye said as she got up and hugged me, her eyes still red from holding back tears.

  “By the way, where are we going tonight?” I asked hoping it wasn’t going to be the Grove.

  “I was thinking the club by school. Since it’s the first day of summer they’re supposed to be having some sort of bash.” Thankfully I knew the Grove was downtown, so this was going to be fun. I think the club was called Gatsby’s.

  “Sounds good, can I just come to your place since I'm already dressed and done up? I can wait for you while you have dinner?”

  “Sounds good.”

  It was already 7:30 at night so Skye headed off to grab dinner with Jayson, who agreed at the last minute to meet up with her, and I headed back to her apartment. I walked towards the elevator waving and chatting briefly with Freddy before plopping on Skye's expansive white couch and opening a bottle of her chilled white wine.

  It was 9:15 when Skye finally came back. She was arm in arm with Jayson, so I assumed their dinner went well. She came up to me almost bouncing off the porcelain marble steps, “Are we ready to party or what!?”

  I looked at her hesitantly not sure whether or not to ask her about her date. Knowing what I was thinking, she winked at me and whispered, “Everything is perfect and we are going out on our first official date tomorrow night. Eek!” She said as she squealed and ran over to Jayson who was at the bar pouring mixed drinks that contained more alcohol than orange juice.

  “Drink up, baby!” Jayson said as he clinked glasses with Skye. He was quite handsome in a very preppy way. He had dark brown hair that was slicked back with gel. He was manicured and well tanned. His face was chiseled and he looked like he could be a model without even trying. He was wearing a button-down light pink shirt with white slacks. He was confident in his skin and clearly came from a wealthy family by the way he displayed himself. He really was perfect for Skye. I hope for her sake that she will actually date him and settle down. She deserved it. Her life was perfect and the clubbing scene eventually would get old for her. She will want a ring on her finger and a family soon. I had heard from a few of Skye’s sorority sisters that Jayson came from an extremely wealthy family, something about oil. She will definitely need someone who can support her lifestyle. I ran over to them as fast as my heels could carry me and grabbed a drink.

  “To friendships, new and old! May we all get laid tonight!” I said as I threw the shot back and the hot liquid burned downed my throat. This is the feeling I understood. I understood blacking out my emotions, stopping them, not allowing any piece of emotion cross my mind. If there was something in my life that I understood more than anyone, it was how to block out and numb the past from entering in the present. Booze and sex did a great job at fulfilling my need for any sort of human comfort I needed. I didn’t need anything else. Tonight I was going to have mind-numbing sex while I was black out drunk. I was going to be fr
ee from my inner-demons. Abolish them from the thoughts that kept creeping through my head.

  “Oh my!” Skye said a little shocked at my bluntness, but none the less after she demolished her shot she squealed, “to getting laid” and winked at Jayson. I glanced at the clock and it was now 10:30pm.

  “Should we head out?” Gatsby’s was a bit of a distance away, next to La Jolla, where I worked, so I knew that it would be at least 20 minutes before we even arrived.

  “Let’s go!” Skye said, but not until after she downed two more vodka and orange juice shots.

  The three of us piled in Skye’s limo and continued drinking. By the time we arrived at the club, the world started to blur around me. Getting drunk was such an amazing feeling. It was like as if the lights around you started to blur and sounds started to sound…hilarious and muffled. The world became your stage and life became your mistress. The drunker I managed to get, the more in control I felt with my life. I knew I could easily attract any guy at the club and the booze just gave me the confidence to do so.

  We walked straight, well none of us were really walking straight at this point, but we walked right into the club and past the line. Gatsby’s was completely crowded since it was the “last day of class” kind-of celebration. It wasn’t really my scene. The crowd was really young, filled with antsy undergrads trying to find their new meat for the night…wait that sounds just like me. The reasons these people wanted to have sex was their primal need to fuck any walking object. On the other hand, there was something that I was trying to cover up, something I was desperately trying to shake from my mind.

  Gatsby’s was really dingy with cracked wooden tables and graffiti in the back. It was dark with a large bar in the center and in the back against the wall of graffiti was an extremely sardine packed dance floor where everyone was bumping and grinding to the latest Top 40 hits. As we walked into the entirely too crowded for fire code bar, the shot girl came over and handed us vodka Jell-O shots.