by Dee Lagasse
“I’ll be right here.” He points to the sofa, walking back over to the hospital bed I’m stuck in for the next few days. Leaving a long, slow kiss on my forehead. An overwhelming sense of serenity comes over as he pulls his lips away. “I love you. Both of you.”
Bringing his hand to his lips, he kisses the palm of his hand and gently places it over my stomach.
“We love you too.”
Throughout the night, the nurses come in and out to check my vitals and replace the fluid bags hooked up to the IV. Every single time I felt someone touching me, I immediately looked over to the sofa to make sure I hadn’t been dreaming. And every time, Pax was still there.
Around six, knowing Ellis would be waking up, I send her a text asking if she could bring me a few things from home. When the nurse comes in for vitals check at seven, I told her I was okay with having visitors today, and she said she would call my mother and sister who both insisted they know as soon as I give the go ahead.
At exactly eight o’clock, the tap on the door to the room makes me laugh out loud, waking Pax. He jumps up, looking over at me for confirmation before opening the door.
“Yeah, I opened the floodgates,” I chuckle, expecting Kinley and my mother to come barreling through the door.
When Pax opens the door and finds himself face-to-face with my dad, he and my father have an entire conversation without a spoken word. Nodding in understanding, Pax turns to me. “I’m going to get a coffee from the Starbucks downstairs, can I get you a tea or some breakfast?”
“Tea sounds wonderful,” I tell him before he leaves the room. “And fruit. If they have a fruit cup or a parfait. Please.”
“Hi Daddy,” I say as my dad walks into the room. “Were you waiting, just in case I changed my mind about visitors?”
“I never left,” he admits. “After your mother was admitted for what we knew was probably going to be the last time, I left. She told me it was okay, I just wanted to go home really quick and shower, check on you, and then I was going to be right back. I wasn’t even out of the parking lot when my phone rang. I couldn’t leave last night, baby. Not until I knew you were okay.”
I wish I had words. I wish I could tell him that I’m going to be okay. That hopefully, by the Grace of God, he’ll be a grandfather again, but I can’t find the means to string together two words. For the first time in my entire life, I understand that kind of love. The kind of love that kept him sitting in an awful, hospital waiting room chair, waiting to hear if his baby is okay. The kind of love that would have me selling my soul if it meant both my babies made it yesterday, the kind that has me living on a prayer that the little fighter growing inside of me comes through on top.
As if he knows, my dad nods to the speaker. “Johnny Cash, huh?”
“He’s been on repeat since I got here,” I tell him, laughing. “I don’t know why, but it seems to be doing wonders for my blood pressure. Which is good for the baby.”
I had no clue what made me go through my phone to find Johnny Cash yesterday, but as soon as “Folsom Prison Blues” started playing, I started breathing a little easier, my blood pressure, which had been way too high when I first got here, came back down to where it should be.
“That doesn’t surprise me,” he chuckles. “He was your momma’s favorite. She loved him, Willie Nelson, Waylon Jennings, Kris Kristofferson…all that classic country. You get that love from her. Now your love for rock and roll? That’s all your old man here. Wait. Did you say, ‘the baby?’ I thought…”
“I never knew that,” I say, baffled by the fact the music, the only thing that was giving me any form of comfort before Pax walked in the door, was my mother’s favorite. “I know I told the nurses not to give you too much information. I wish I had known you were waiting, Daddy. I would have told them to let you in. It was selfish of me to only be thinking of myself when there was a room full of people worried about me last night. I lost one of the babies yesterday. I don’t really know how I feel. I haven’t really processed much of it yet. They tell me I’m about four weeks along. After yesterday, I’m considered high risk. I’ll be here for a few more days and then it’ll be weekly appointments, God willing, until I’m twelve weeks. I’m going to talk to Kinley later, see if she’ll be okay with me giving one of the girls my nights at Capparelli & Co. I’m going to work in the office still, but I have a feeling Pax is going to be hovering for a little bit. Understandably.”
“He won’t be the only one,” Ellis pipes in from behind my dad.
I had been so focused on getting what I needed to say out to my dad, I hadn’t noticed her, my mom Helen, Kinley, and Hollis all come into the room.
With her arms full of bags, Ellis raises one hand. “I have to go in about an hour, but I didn’t know if you would want me to do your hair and a little makeup for the day before I left. I brought my stuff and the clothes you asked for, just in case.”
“How much did you hear?” I ask, hoping they had heard me so I wouldn’t have to explain everything all over again.
“Enough,” Kinley said, taking a seat on the end of the bed.
Hollis, Ellis, and my mom look at me, each of them at a loss for words. Not that I blame them, I can’t even make sense of it all myself right now. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so lost, so conflicted in my entire life.
“I’m going to see if I can go find Pax,” my dad says, breaking the silence. “And then I’m going to go home, take a nap, and I’ll be back. Call me if you need or want anything. I can stop anywhere along the way.”
“I love you, Daddy,” I call out to him right before he walks out the door, causing him to stop in his tracks. His eyes full of the purest form of love.
“I love you too, sweetheart,” he says, looking back, our eyes connecting for a moment before he walks out of the room.
After his admission earlier, him leaving means he knows I’m going to be okay, and that gives me more strength than any rest or recuperation could ever give me.
Chapter Thirty-One
Pax
By the time I made it through the enormous line at the first-floor coffee shop and got back to the fifth-floor maternity ward, Patrick and Cole had finished their visit. Catching him on the way out, my hands full with a tray of drinks, a fruit cup, and the three types of parfait they offered.
“Good luck in there,” Patrick chuckled. “The hens are clucking.”
Instantly, I panicked, worried the stress of having a room full of people would be stressful for her, but then I heard the beautiful sound of her laughter from all the way down the hall.
Sitting toward the foot of the bed, her IV stand moved down with her, she sighs contentedly as Ellis brushes out her blonde hair. A pair of black cotton shorts and the black, Johnny Cash t-shirt I had tossed her one of the first nights she spent the night at my apartment replace the dull green hospital gown she had been wearing when I left her.
“Oh, sweetheart,” Helen Christian says when she sees me. “I mean this in the nicest way possible, but you look awful. Why don’t you go home, shower, and get some things for the next couple of days? One of us will stay with Cole until you come back.”
“I would, but I promised Cole I wouldn’t leave.” I shrug, handing Cole the Styrofoam cup of tea made just to her liking. “Milk and two sugars.”
“As long as you’re coming back,” Cole says, laughing. “I’m okay with you running home. Plus, you should probably call Tucker and beg for your job back.”
Shit. I had been so worried about Cole that I hadn’t thought about much after making sure she’s okay.
“Okay,” I concede. “I’ll be back in an hour. No stress.”
“No stress,” Hollis repeats from the other side of the bed. How I had missed the windowsill now full of flowers when I first came in is beyond me. I’m pretty sure they bought out the entire gift shop.
With reluctance, I grab the keys to the rental car my dad had left here for me when he called my mom to come pick him up at midnight. I would need
to call them both in a little bit with an update.
Stopping at the nurse’s station, I give them my phone number, letting them know I’ll only be gone for about an hour, but if anything happens in the meantime to call me without hesitation.
“Well, well, well, look who decided to show up.”
I’ve never understood the phrase, “seeing red” before now, but I’m fairly certain it comes from your boiling blood. My skin feels hot. My heart races and this time, I don’t give a shit about whether Travis is in uniform or not.
Before I can turn around, I hear the sound of Chase Merrimack’s voice coming up from behind me. “Davis, you better get your cousin the fuck out of here before I have to punch one of my oldest friends for not knowing when to keep his goddamn mouth shut.”
The nurses are on high alert, watching me cautiously. Just as I go to turn and face the man single-handedly responsible for letting me believe Cole was unfaithful to me, a hand clasps onto my shoulder, holding me in place.
“He’s leaving, man,” Tucker starts. “We know you gotta deal with Travis and the shit he pulled, but this isn’t the place.”
Knowing he’s right, I exhale, a poor attempt at releasing the anger.
“It’s good to see you, buddy,” Chase says, coming up on the other side of me. “Hollis texted me and said you were here, so Tuck and I figured we’d come check on you. I ran into Davis and Travis grabbing coffee back home and they wanted to come too. I should have thought it through. That’s on me.”
“No, it’s not,” I tell him. “But I don’t think Travis coming here again is a good idea. Cole and the baby can’t be in any stress. Like none.”
“The baby?” Chase asks, his brows scrunching together. “But I thought…”
He doesn’t finish his sentence, not that it’s necessary as we all know what he was trying to say.
“We lost one of them yesterday, but there’s still a little nug in there fighting,” I tell them. “Cole’s going to be here for a couple more days on the monitor and then she can go home, but it’s still a while until she’s in the safe zone. I don’t even know if she wants me telling people, so don’t say anything unless she does.”
“Anything you guys need,” Tucker starts, giving me the opportunity I need. “We got you.”
“Well,” I start laughing. “I know I just disappeared, but is there any chance I still have my job?”
“Man, it never wasn’t yours.” Tucker shakes his head. “Just don’t pull some shit like that again. Cole wasn’t the only one worried about you, fucker.”
As the three of us walk toward the elevator, I stop short when I hear my name being called from down the hall.
Turning, I see Cole guiding her IV stand in one hand, a bottle of water in the other. Worry fills me as I jog back to her.
“What’s the matter?” I ask. “Is everything okay?”
“Yes, everything’s fine. I’m just going for a little walk around the wing,” she chuckles. “I didn’t know you were still here, or that Tucker and Chase were here too. Just wanted to say I love you before you left.”
Kissing the tip of her nose, and placing my hand gently on her stomach, I whisper, “I love you too. Both of you.”
As I walk away from the love of my life over to the best friends I never imagined having, I can’t help but think of the first night I ever laid eyes on Cole. The Wonder Woman costume should have been my first clue. I had raised my glass to her, and said, “here’s to fate,” never imagining what the future could have had in store for us.
Fate. I’ll never understand it. I just know Cole’s mine.
Epilogue
Cole
Sixteen Weeks Later
We had gotten through the first trimester without a hitch. Well, unless you count the awful morning sickness and a ridiculous craving for candy canes. When I got home from the hospital, Pax and Ellis sat me down, unleashing their master plan to switch apartments.
Of course, I wasn’t allowed to lift a finger. But two weeks later, Ellis was all situated across the hall in 2B and Pax was finally unpacking his box of comics. I wasn’t allowed to lift a finger at work either, my sister, even on maternity leave, managed to bark orders at me from home.
My nephew, Nicholas, was born three days early, on my birthday. Kinley and Davis had decided on another name, but without even discussing it, they both said “Nicholas” when the nurse asked what his name was. I blamed the hormones, but I sobbed when Davis put him in my arms and said, “Happy birthday, Auntie Nicole, meet your nephew, Nicholas.”
And now, today, with all our family and friends, we find out if Nicholas’s cousin will be a boy or a girl. Paxton swears he doesn’t care as long as the baby is healthy. Which, according to every ultrasound we’ve had so far, thankfully, is the case.
“Are you ready, babe?” he asks, grabbing my purse for me from the table before looking down to the little bump protruding from my shirt. “Are you ready?”
I fight the urge to tell him I can carry my bag, knowing it’ll get me nowhere. I give him a hard time about not letting me do anything, but really, he’s been amazing. From holding my hair when I’m puking at all hours of the day and night, to trading in his beloved car for an SUV, he’s done everything he can for me and the baby already.
I haven’t cooked dinner in months. As soon as I get home from work, I’m instructed to put my feet up and rest. Anything I want or need, Pax is right there. He hasn’t missed one appointment, even though I told him he doesn’t have to be there for the well-baby checkups.
“Ready.”
PAX
Despite being closed, the parking lot of Capparelli & Co. is almost full.
“Do you miss it?” I ask as we walk up the stairs to the lounge. Since she came home from the hospital, Cole hasn’t worked a single night. Instead, she hired two more full-time DJs and took over a lot of the day-to-day things in the office while Kinley was on maternity leave.
Even though she sits in a cushy office chair all day, I still have her relax as soon as she comes home every single night. If we don’t have a commitment with our friends or family, we are home and Cole is resting. Truth be told, I may be acting a little on the precautious side, but anything within my control to keep her and the baby safe, I was doing it…. I am doing it.
Which is why as soon as we walked through the threshold into the lounge filled with our families and friends, I am walking up to the bar and asking JoAnna, the bartender, for a glass of ice water and a ginger ale with no ice for Cole.
Even Travis is here. He was man enough to pull me aside at his grandparents’ house and apologize to me, so I was man enough to let it go. I would never forget it, but our friends are like family, and there was no way we would all be able to move on if I didn’t forgive him. Plus, little did he know, Cole thanked me later that night in ways he would never experience ever again and that was more than enough for me.
Placing the drinks on a table set up in the front for me and Cole, I make my way around the room, always making sure no matter where I am, I can see Cole.
I love my family. I love Cole’s family. I love the Capparellis who have taken the both of us into their hearts like we were their own. I love our friends. But I really fucking love Cole and our baby. And I really want to know what we’re having.
As if she can sense my anxiousness, Cole’s sister walks up to me.
“Come on, Pops,” she says, calling me by the name I call my own father. “Let’s get your baby mama and find out if I’m having a niece or a nephew.”
“You already know,” I laugh, pointing out the fact that Cole had given Kinley the envelope with the important information in it.
“I know, but you don’t and that’s killing me.” She shrugs. “And don’t get mad at me, but I had to tell someoneeeeee.”
“Davis?” I ask when I realize her husband, who is holding their son across the room while talking to his grandparents, is smirking at me.
“Is it that obvious?” she laughs, gentl
y pulling Cole away from my sisters, leading us up to the front of the room.
“No, but I would tell Cole if I had a secret like that.” I shrug. “I’m not at all surprised.”
Getting everyone’s attention is easy, everyone stops what they’re doing as soon as Kinley yells, “It’s time!”
Stealing a kiss before we remove the tape on the top of the box containing the balloons that will let us know what color to paint Cole’s old bedroom, I whisper, “I love you both.”
“We love you too,” Cole whispers back, smiling as she places her hand down on the box. “Ready?”
“Ready.”
Before the last syllable is out of my mouth, Cole is pulling back the loose layer of tape, dozens of pink balloons filling the air around us. The applause and cheering of all the people we love becomes background noise as she jumps into my arms, her cheeks damp with the happy tears flowing freely down her face.
Reaching for one of the loose pink balloons, she squeals, “It’s a girl! We’re having a girl, baby.”
Twirling her around, I notice something at the bottom of the box now that the balloons are empty.
“There’s something else in the box,” I tell her, putting her down on the ground before bending over to pick up the tiny Wonder Woman onesie. Pinned to the outfit is a piece of paper in Cole’s handwriting that says the three words I said to her the night we met.
“I gave Kinley two outfits,” she explains. “One was Wonder Woman and one was Batman. I told her to put the right one in the bottom of the box and attach the note. This is just for you.”
The love I have for this woman is immeasurable. No one could have told me this was coming, that I would love another human this fiercely. And now there’s another little lady growing inside her perfect mother for me to spend the rest of my life loving.