All or None

by Tara Sue Me

  He wasn’t sure how much time passed when he heard Tom drive up, and Eric announced it was time to break for lunch. The temperature must have been higher than it had been. Ty didn’t remember sweating as much the other days. He stood up and wiped his brow.

  His arm had that pen and needles sensation like it did when he slept on it wrong. He shook it to make it stop, but it went numb.

  “Ty?”

  He looked to where he heard his name being called, but couldn’t see who it was. They were too fuzzy. That was strange, he thought. Then his eyes closed, and he fell.

  * * *

  Too bright.

  “Ty?”

  Much too bright. He tried to tell them.

  “I think he’s coming around.”

  There were other people talking as well, but their voices were more of a buzz than actual words. Ty wasn’t sure who they were talking about, but they sounded excited. Maybe he should try to see as well. He forced his eyes open against the bright light.

  “Ty?”

  He waited for the blurriness to fade away. And blinked.

  And blinked again.

  The person’s face came into view at the exact same moment his head began to throb. The beating sound so intense, his body almost rocked with each pound.

  “Ty?”

  Ty blinked again. “Eric?” Eric was who everyone was excited about? He wished he’d kept his eyes closed. Then maybe his head wouldn’t hurt so much.

  Eric chuckled. “Glad to know you’re really back with us this time.”

  Damn, he must have said that out loud.

  “I heard our patient woke up,” a strange feminine voice said.

  It was the strangeness of the voice that made him look around. Where was he?

  “Mr. Bancroft,” the unknown woman said. “I’m your nurse, Wendy. You’re in the hospital.”

  That would certainly explain why she was wearing scrubs and a white jacket.

  “Why?” he thought to ask.

  Wendy shared a look with Eric, who just shook his head.

  “You had a seizure,” Wendy said. “And then you lost consciousness. Do you remember?”

  Did he? He tried to think back to what was happening before he went to sleep. He had gone to sleep, right? He didn’t remember, but why else would he have woken up?

  Wendy reached up and pushed a button on something above his head. That’s right, she said he’d lost consciousness. But before then? He thought back to the last thing he remembered.

  “It was lunch. That’s what you said.” Ty looked at Eric, vaguely hearing Tom’s car pulling up to the worksite. The other man nodded. “I stood up.”

  That was all.

  Wendy and Eric shared another look. Ty attempted to ignore them.

  What happened after he stood up? He couldn’t remember, no matter how hard he tried to get his brain to go back to the time when he was standing. “I only remember standing.”

  Wendy nodded and typed on the device she had in her hand. Ty couldn’t help but wonder what she was typing and if his answers were good ones. What would happen if there were bad? He glanced to Eric to see if his expression gave anything away. No. He made a note to himself to never play poker with the man. His face was a blank slate.

  “I’ll alert the doctor on call that you’re awake,” Wendy said, before nodding to Eric and leaving.

  “I think she likes you,” Ty told Eric after the door closed behind her. He thought it telling the other man said nothing, but only shifted his feet. Ty waited, and after a few seconds ticked by, he sighed. “If you won’t talk about the pretty nurse, at least tell me what happened.”

  Eric cleared his throat. “It started the way you said. Tom pulled up, I announced it was time for lunch, and everyone starting putting their tools away to eat. I remember you standing, but then I turned around to help Tom set up the tables. The next thing I know, everyone’s shouting. When I look back, I saw Grant holding you.”

  Eric's voice sounded calm and even, but there was a terror lurking behind his eyes that told TY he wasn't either of the two. Whatever had happened, or whatever Ty had done, had left a mark on him.

  “Grant said after you stood up, you shook your hand like you were trying to get something off. Then, suddenly, your eyes rolled back in your head and you fell. Luckily, he was working close to you and had enough presence of mind and quick enough reflexes that he caught you before you landed and cracked your head on something. I ran over to help him. By the time I got there, you were seizing.”

  Jesus. Why couldn’t Ty remember any of this? “I don’t know what happened,” he said, and almost felt as if he should apologize. Maybe if he said he was sorry, it would ease the shell-shocked look Eric still carried. “I don’t remember anything like this happening before.”

  Don’t you, though? Something whispered in the back of his mind.

  Eric nodded. “I keep the medical forms of all the volunteers in the van for that exact reason. I kept thinking I must have missed something on your form, but I pulled it, and it said no known medical conditions.”

  Ty wondered if he should mention the other time he woke up and discovered there were parts of the recent past he couldn’t recall? But no, he didn’t want to burden Eric with that information. He wouldn’t know what to do with it, anyway. It’d better for him to wait and discuss it with the doctor when he stopped by.

  And maybe, just maybe, he’d finally get some closure about that night three years ago.

  “There’s something I need to tell you,” Eric said.

  Ty couldn’t understand the guilt in his voice or the way Eric found it difficult to meet his gaze. “Okay.”

  “Lillian was listed on your medical form as your emergency contact.”

  It took a few seconds for it to sink in that there was a reason Eric felt the need to remind him of that fact. Ty blamed the alleged seizure for making his brain work slower than normal, but when he finally realized what Eric was really saying, he cursed. “And you called her, didn’t you?”

  “At the time, we didn’t know what we were dealing with,” Eric said. “We thought it might be a seizure, but you were so lethargic and disoriented… I was worried. You listed her as the person to call if there was an emergency. This qualified.”

  Ty’s head still pounded, and it hurt to think, but there was something Eric had just said that he knew he needed to question. “I was lethargic and disoriented?” He asked when it hit him. “I wasn’t unconscious the entire time?”

  “No,” Eric said. “You were conscious once before the ambulance showed up. You don’t remember any of it?”

  “Not a bit,” he confirmed. “Did I say or do anything?”

  “You didn’t walk around or anything. You talked, or at least you tried to. No one could understand what you were saying.”

  Ty couldn’t help but wonder if this solved the mystery of what happened three years ago. Was it possible he’d had a similar episode, and no one told him? That didn’t seem likely. Unless Jessica was the only one in the apartment with him at the time. Which meant…

  Holy fuck! Had she undressed both of them and somehow got them into bed? Or had he moved of his own accord? And if it had been a seizure, why hadn’t he had one in three years? He was suddenly eager for the doctor to come in.

  “About Lillian…” Eric said.

  “What about her?”

  “She’s on her way here, and should arrive in about four hours.”

  Chapter 23

  Lillian

  Lillian had rarely felt as nervous as she did when Eric pulled into the parking lot of the hospital. The last time she’d seen TY, he left little doubt about his thoughts on the two of them getting or staying together. But, she argued with herself, just because he didn’t want to be with her didn’t mean they weren’t still friends, right? Although friends seemed too clinical of a word to describe what they were. No matter. Even if they weren’t together romantically, they were still allowed to care what happened to the other.
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  “Lillian?” Eric asked, raising an eyebrow in her direction.

  She realized she hadn’t unbuckled her seat belt yet. “I hope he’s not upset I came. I keep telling myself, I was the person he put down as his emergency contact. But I know he never in a million years thought it’d be needed.”

  Eric looked at her with an intensity that left her feeling self-conscious. She forced herself to remain still under his gaze.

  “I wasn’t sure if I should tell you or not.” He looked away, running a hand through his hair. With a sigh, he turned back to her. “But I think you should know. I think you have a right to know. The thing is, after his seizure, he gained consciousness before they brought him to the hospital. He wasn’t mobile, but he spoke. Most of it, we couldn’t make out. But there were a few words we could, and one of them was your name.”

  “My name?”

  “Yes,” Eric confirmed. “But you have to know, he doesn’t remember anything during the time just before the seizure until he woke up in the hospital.”

  “So you’re telling me he won’t remember saying my name, is that it?”

  “Partially,” he said. “But more than that… Look, I’m no relationship expert. I’ve had one long-term relationship, and I engage in sexual activities a good portion of people find unacceptable, but I know when two people belong together. I don’t know why you and TY divorced, and I don’t want to know, The thing is, I can’t help but think whatever tore you apart, surely can’t outweigh the emotion I see between you two.”

  “What are you saying?”

  “I see the way the two of you look at each other, particularly when you think no one’s watching. I have to admit, I’m a little jealous.” The corner of his mouth lifted in a half smile. “It’d be nice to have someone look at me that way.”

  She wanted to tell him she was certain someone would one day, but held back because it sounded trite in her head. “You can’t build a life off of a look.”

  “No,” he agreed. “But what you can do is build a bridge and meet each other in the middle of it.”

  * * *

  She repeated his words to herself while walking down the hallway toward Ty’s room. Eric had given her the number and then told her he’d be in the waiting room. Ty’s door was cracked open a little, and she hesitated for a second to listen and ensure no one else was inside other than him. She let half a minute go by before she knocked.

  “Come in,” Ty said from inside.

  She took a deep breath and pushed the door open. “Hey, you.”

  “Lillian.” He was sitting up in the bed, and, aside from looking paler than normal, he appeared the same as he did the last time she saw him. “Eric told me you were coming. I'm fine. You didn’t have to, you know, you could have just called.”

  “I don’t care. A phone call isn't the same. I had to see you with my own eyes.”

  “I know,” he said, and a smile teased his lips. “And I’m glad you did.”

  She wasn’t expecting him to say that and didn’t know how to reply, so she changed the subject. “You look good. When are they going to let you go?”

  He sighed. “I was hoping tonight, but they’re still waiting on tests results and they aren’t coming until tomorrow. Assuming they don’t show anything unexpected, I’ll be released then.”

  “Are you going back to work with Restoration?”

  He shook his head. “No. The doctor advised me not to. I’d like to, though. Unfortunately, Eric overheard what the doctor said, and he told me I’m not allowed onsite.”

  “Will you go home to New York?”

  He gave her an odd look she couldn’t read. “I haven’t decided yet. Where are you staying tonight?”

  She hadn’t made hotel reservations because she’d been unsure about how he’d be when she landed. With a nod toward the one chair in the room, she said, “That chair looks comfy.”

  “You can’t sleep in a chair all night.”

  “This thing with you telling me what I am and am not going to do is tiresome and needs to stop. I’m staying in the chair.”

  He must have heard the determination in her voice because he didn’t attempt to change her mind again. “Maybe I’ll spend a few days in Florida before heading back home. It’s been a frightfully long time since I’ve had a vacation.”

  “That would be good for you.” Lillian skirted around the foot of the bed to the chair and sat down. “What are the doctors saying?”

  “That it’s something genetic, probably exacerbated by stress and lack of sleep. If I can keep my stress down and take proper care of myself, there’s the potential I might be able to ward off another one.”

  “That doesn’t sound too bad,” she said. Relatively speaking, it could be a lot worse. “Did they say anything about your memory?” Which wasn’t the question she wanted to ask at all, but she couldn’t get her mouth to wrap around the words of the one she did.

  “He said I might get back, and I might not.” Ty snorted. “Said the brain was a mysterious organ, and man had yet to unlock all of its secrets.”

  She wrinkled her forehead. “That’s a strange thing for a doctor to say, don’t you think?”

  “It was rather refreshing, I thought. For him not to pretend he had all the answers and knew everything.”

  Lillian supposed that made sense. She needed to ask her question. To find out if it was a seizure he had the night of the party. But as much as she wanted to know, she likewise didn’t want to know. If what she saw when she opened the bedroom door that night had resulted from a medical condition, she was the worst sort of scum there was. You didn’t divorce someone over a medical condition they had zero control over.

  “I mentioned to him I had another similar episode a few years back,” Ty said, lifting the burden of having to ask from her. Tears threatened to fall because she knew how the doctor would respond. “He told me it was possible, that in fact, it was more than likely the same thing, but we would never know with any certainty.”

  She didn’t need the doctor’s certainty. She knew that’s what had caused everything. Which made her the world’s nastiest bitch.

  “Don’t do it, Lillian.”

  Her head jerked up.

  “Don’t think what you’re thinking. I won’t allow it,” he said in his no nonsense voice. “I don’t care what you say about it getting tiresome.”

  “How do you know what I’m thinking?”

  “You’re feeling guilty about the divorce and believing I cheated on you.” His stare was unnerving in that delightful way Dom’s had at staring at a submissive. “There was no reason for you to think it was anything other than what you saw.”

  A tear rolled down her cheek. “No reason except I knew you would never cheat.”

  “I don’t blame you,” he said. “I don’t hold you in any way responsible for anything that happened.”

  “You’re too nice, you know?” She wiped her eyes. “Someone’s going to take advantage of you one day.”

  “You can take advantage of me any time you want.”

  “I thought you wanted me to fall in love with Eric because you were afraid if you and I got back together we’d tarnish each other or some such ridiculousness.”

  “I said a damn lot of ridiculous things in my life, but that one was over the top.”

  A beacon of hope began to burn in her heart. “You don’t want me to fall in love with Eric?”

  “Hell, no,” he said. “Besides, I’m pretty sure he’s smitten with my nurse.”

  She couldn’t remember him ever using the word smitten before, and that he did, made her laugh. “What about us tarnishing each other?”

  “Oh,” he said. “I’m pretty sure we’ll tarnish each other. In fact, I plan to tarnish you every chance I get.”

  “Why would you do that?”

  Though his voice was deadpan when he answered, his eyes danced in mischief. “Because then I get to clean you up. And I love taking a shower with you.”

  Chapter 24
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  Ty

  After being released from the hospital, Ty suggested they spend a few days at the hotel Lillian had left days prior. They both laughed when they were given the same suite as before.

  He’d brought up delaying the trip back to New York because he thought it was important to be alone together before getting bombarded by the many questions their friends and colleagues would assuredly have. Besides, he told her; he wasn't ready to go back to work yet.

  “Why not?” Lillian asked him as they sat drinking coffee on the balcony overlooking the ocean.

  It was a good question, but not one he had a definitive answer for. He had a few ideas that might explain his hesitancy.

  “It doesn't have anything to do with me, does it?” She asked, and he realized he’d never replied to her question.

  “No.” He reached over and put his hand on top of hers. “It has nothing to do with you. It’s all me.” She nodded, but he got the impression she did so out of habit as opposed to believing him. “I mean it. There’s something I’ve been thinking about, especially since working with Restoration. Sitting here made me realize I’d like to know your thoughts as well.”

  She looked wary, but asked, “Thoughts on what?”

  He took a deep breath because it hit him he didn't know how she would react. “I’ve been tossing around selling my portion of the business to Isaac and, or Lance.”

  Her jaw dropped. “Why?”

  Why? It was a question he’d been asking himself, and now that Lillian had the same, he hoped to find some answers.

  “It probably makes me an ass, like I don’t appreciate all I’ve been given,” he said. “But that’s not why. The truth is, I want more.”

  Lillian’s forehead wrinkled. “More what?”

  “I want my life to be about more than how much money I can make. I have plenty.” He moved his hand from her and shifted his chair so he could lean closer to her. “It keeps me up at night sometimes. When my life is over, what will I leave behind other than a lot of money?”