Beautifully Destroyed

by Gracie Wilson

  “Fate, you really have no idea how much it means when you let me in, do you?” Her eyes bore into mine, causing me to feel bare before her.

  “You don’t have to stay like this long, I just feel calm when I’m around you. I don’t want you to lose sleep.” Finally, she clues into the fact that it’s night and we have classes tomorrow. She goes to get up, but I hold our hands firmly so she can’t.

  “I’m comfortable just like this. You talk as if you’re the only one who feels things when we are touching. Trust me, I’m right there with you.” Her mouth pops open in a ‘oh’ expression and I am finally realizing that someone has truly screwed with her. She doesn’t understand what a damn amazing person she is. The peace she brings me when I am touching her. “You’re not the only one with demons, Fate.”

  Her head rests back down on the pillow that is situated on my lap and I feel her body let out a sigh. If my girl wasn’t so damn broken, I’d wrap myself around her and protect her from anything that tries to harm her. “I’d take it away if I could,” I slip out and I feel her tense.

  “What happened to you, Cameron? What demons do you have?” I don’t want to say shit, but if I ever want this girl to let me know hers I’ve got to make the first move.

  “It was before my mom died. My dad had passed away when I was just a baby and that broke my mom apart. She was dating this guy when I was almost sixteen who started getting rough with her.” I feel her breath labor and I want to stop. She doesn’t need my shit. Her eyes tell me to continue and I can’t refuse her. “I walked in on it and I lost it, Fate. All I saw was red and I beat that asshole within an inch of his pathetic life. When I threw him out, I told him if he ever came back I’d finish what I started. He never came back. Good thing he didn’t because I wasn’t bluffing and that’s the scariest part.”

  “Cameron, you did what anyone would have. He was hurting your mother, that doesn’t make you a bad person.” Her sweet words give me comfort that I haven’t felt in years. “What happened to your mom, Cameron? Mine passed away in a car accident,” she states and those walls of hers are starting to form windows.

  “This is what makes me the bad person, Fate. I don’t think I can tell you.” The guilt is still there.

  “Cameron, my mom was on the way to get me from school. She was late and I had given her a hard time the last time she was late because I didn’t like having to wait in front of the office. She was supposed to be taking me to the Aquarium, she had promised. She was rushing so that I could get there and have a few hours before they closed. She was rushing for me and my stupid fish obsession.” This is the most she’s let me in since the day I met her. I don’t think she has a clue how much it means to hear her telling me about her life, even though I know she thinks this makes her weak. She’s never said it, but I know showing emotions is something she doesn’t do. Not because she doesn’t feel them, but someone made her think that it was a weakness.

  “After my mom realized he wasn’t coming back, she hated me. She got into drugs and I couldn’t deal. Instead of helping her, I left and went to live with Scott’s family. They knew about my mom’s struggles and took me in with no questions asked. Five weeks later, my mom overdosed and it wasn’t until the mail started piling up that anyone thought to check on her. I buried her a few days before I turned sixteen. I didn’t even let Scott or his parents come with me. I did it alone.”

  Fate’s hand rests against my chest and her touch soothes me from the memories threatening to break free. “You were just a child, you aren’t expected to handle those types of things. Your mom was sick and you couldn’t help her. You did what you had to. You got out, who knows what could have happened to you if you had stayed. Drugs or more violence that you couldn’t walk away from, no I can’t even.” She takes a pause. “That’s something I just don’t want to think about. You have to let it go.”

  “Fate, I won’t make you tell me. You will when you’re ready or you may never and that’s okay too. But you were just a child too. So let’s both take your advice.” She looks away from me for a moment, and I worry that she’s putting those walls back up around her beautiful self.

  “It was after my mom died. Someone hurt me, in more ways than one. They made me feel used and alone. Touching, the dark, music…it was all ruined for me. I’m just starting to get small pieces of that back, thanks to you.” Her words warm me and I see her go to sit up. I let her this time. Turning around, she places both her hands on my chest, and I freeze under her gaze. “Close your eyes,” she says softly, and I immediately comply.

  I feel her hands grip my shirt and I’m stunned when I feel her lips softly press against mine. She lingers there for a moment, then pulls away and I open my eyes. My fingers find my lips, touching them like I can’t believe she just did that. Looking at her, I see a single tear running down her face. My happiness turns south at the sight of her. “You didn’t have to do that.”

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t even stop to think if you wanted me to. How stupid of me,” she states as she pulls away from me. Without thinking, I wrap my hands around her wrists, holding her in place before she can put any more distance between us.

  “I meant you didn’t have to do that for me. To help my pain, it only added to yours and that’s even more painful to me than all this shit.” Her eyes open wide at my confession.

  “I didn’t do it just for your pain. I did it for mine. That was my baby step,” she says as she comes to me again, placing her hands on my chest as she leans in this time, putting her lips firmly against mine. She breaks away and there are a few tears falling this time. “I did it. We did it,” she says with a smile on her face and in that moment I realize that these are happy tears.

  “Yes, we did, my beautiful girl.” She cuddles into me, looking up at me from where her head is lying on my chest.

  “My girl, I like the sound of that,” she admits.

  “Well, I will always be here for those baby steps. Happy tears only,” I say as I bring my thumb to her cheek, wiping away the tears that still remain. She doesn’t recoil from me, my heart skips and I know it now. I’m completely screwed. This girl has got me right where she needs me, but better yet right where I want to be.

  “We are such a mess,” she says, and I can’t help but give her a smile.

  The only way I feel about us is that we’ve had shit handed to us that we couldn’t help. Together I’m hoping we will be exactly what the other needs. “We are beautifully destroyed.”

  Chapter Eleven

  I panic when I awake as I’m not sure where I am at first. Someone is holding me and I can’t help the tremble that comes over me. I feel his grip tighten and he sighs. Looking, I see that Cameron is slouched over and has me in his arms. My fear disappears at the realization it is him and not the man who haunts my nightmares. He must have sensed me watching him because his eyes spring open and he immediately moves his arms from my body. The sting of the loss is almost enough to bring those few tears from our kiss back, but I know there would be more because these would not be tears of happiness but ones of loss.

  Quickly, I move away from him and I see his eyes scrunch up but other than that he gives nothing away. He’s just watching me and something in his gaze makes me feel like he’s only doing this out of pity. Jumping up, I run into my room. Closing my door behind me, I lock it and slide down the back of the door to the ground. I can feel my eyes stinging, begging me to give in, but I won’t. I feel something press against the door and I hear Cameron breathing heavily on the other side of it.

  “Fate. I am so sorry,” he says softly from behind my door.

  “Leave,” I say because if he keeps this up, I’m going to crack.

  He hits the door, and I scream out as the impact bumps me off the door. “Fate, fuck. I am so sorry. Please just open the door. I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I’m sorry if I scared you when you woke up with my hands on you. I won’t let it happen again if that’s what you want.” What?

  Turning around, I sl
owly turn the lock, crawl to the other side of the room away from the door, and press my back against the wall. “Come in,” I whisper and somehow he hears me. The door opens and the man before me is not the rock star I’m used to dealing with. All the confidence he usually has appears to have been stripped from him. He looks lost and ashamed. Something that breaks me apart inside because I did this and I don’t know what to say to fix it. I’m the problem and I don’t know how to fix me.

  “You didn’t ask for any of this,” I whimper and I see him quickly cross the space between us. He is now bent down before me. I know he wants to touch me but is scared I will pull away.

  “I am asking for this. Give me a chance to show you everything you deserve,” he answers. “Fate, I’m sorry if I startled you, then I let my anger with myself for touching you without permission get the better of me. I didn’t mean to frighten you.” The pain in his face makes me push through my own. Grabbing the blanket beside me on my bed, I wrap it around me. He just watches me as I push him slightly so that he is sitting down before me. Slowly, I crawl into his lap, making sure my skin is covered, having the blanket act as a barrier between us. I hate that it is between us, but I know if I flinch or look the slightest bit uncomfortable he’ll know it and blame himself.

  “Baby steps,” I say, and he just smiles, agreeing with me as he holds me in his arms gently. If someone had told me I’d be here when I got to school, I would’ve told them to get their head checked, but here I am, feeling safe in the arms of another.

  We sit like this for a while before I remember we have classes. Cameron seems happy to just sit here and miss school, but I’m not going to let him do that. He does try to persuade me.

  We meet up at the end of the school day and he asks me to come with him to a party. I tell him it isn’t my thing, but Cecilia is there and she doesn’t take no for an answer like Cameron does. So here I sit in her bedroom dressed and I feel naked. My hair is curled and I have makeup on. Looking in the mirror, I feel as if I don’t even see me anywhere in the reflection before me. Cecilia assures me this is what everyone will look like.

  Waiting for the guys to come get us, Cecilia seems too excited, which makes my anxiety rise. “Cameron is going to flip shit when he sees you.” I’m not sure if that is supposed to help my uncertainty but it only makes my feelings about this escalate.

  A knock comes at the door and I’m almost ready to jump out of my skin. I make my way up the hallway of Cecilia’s apartment, and stopping at the end, I lean against the wall. Feeling the need to have some support, I stay there and just look at the floor. I hear them come in, Scott and Cameron are both laughing, then there is only silence.

  “Come on, Cecilia, I need to pick something up at the store before we head out. We will be back to get you two in a few,” Scott says and I still don’t look up. I feel as if everyone is watching me.

  “If you make her feel anything other than a beautiful woman I am going to castrate you. I mean it, Cameron, it took me too long to get her to actually agree to this for you to screw with her.” I hear Cecilia sneer quietly, probably thinking I won’t be able to hear her, but I hear every word. The door clicks and I hear footsteps coming toward me.

  “I need you to change, Fate,” he says, and I nod my head, turning to go back to the room I’d just come from. I’m such an idiot to think I can pull this off. His hand wraps around my wrist and I know he is staring at me. “Fate, look at me.”

  Slowly, my eyes connect with his. “I’m just going to do what you asked me to, Cameron. I will be right back.”

  Walking ahead of me, he brings me with him into the back bedroom where my clothes are. He lets go of me and closes the door. Watching him, I see him rake his hand through his hair and I finally take in his appearance. He is always attractive and something to be admired but tonight it’s like I’m more aware of him. Cameron has on a pair of dark wash jeans that fit him perfectly. He’s wearing a black button-up long sleeve shirt that shows off everything I love about his chest.

  Cameron is just standing there staring at me. Looking in the mirror next to us, I’m sure he is thinking the worst, that I don’t look like Fate. My hair is falling down my back in big beautiful curls. I have on a black halter-top that exposes all of my back but two little straps. The bottom of it just reaches the black short skirt Cecilia demanded I wear. Plus, the fact that these heels make my legs look lengthy, giving me height I’ve never had. Moving to the bed where my clothes are, I go to grab them, but Cameron takes my hand in his, turning me back to him before letting go of me again. It’s crazy how his touch has become something I welcome, although we only touch in baby steps.

  “I’m just going to take my clothes and go get changed,” I say quickly, but he just shakes his head at me. Slowly, I watch as his hand hovers over my skin, coming up my arm to where my shoulders are. There he lingers, never touching my skin, but I can feel the heat between us.

  “Fate, why do I want you to change?” he asks.

  “Because this isn’t who I am, I can’t pull this off. I’m not this sexy party girl that Cecilia tried to make me into. My face is covered in makeup and my hair is perfect. It’s very…not Fate,” I say honestly and I feel his hand move closer to my skin. Knowing I could just move slightly and we’d connect, I try to push those thoughts out of my head.

  “That’s half right. This isn’t very you, but fuck, you can pull it off. You’re not a party girl, but you’re damn sexy and the best part is you don’t even know it. I’m not a fan of the makeup because you’re right it’s covering everything I love to look at. Your hair is always perfect even when you’ve just rolled your adorable ass out of bed and you are grumbling the whole way to the fridge. So that shit’s moot. I need you to change because I want to touch you…” He pauses, and I use this moment to push my shoulder into the palm of his hand and his breath catches at the contact. He slowly begins to caress my shoulder and I feel a trail of heat follow his hand as he moves it along my shoulder up to the back of my neck.

  “Fate, everyone is going to be staring at you and it’s going to drive me nuts. I’m going to want to make sure everyone knows you’re mine so they stay the hell away from you. I know how you feel about public displays and touching. I just feel like I need you to cover up if we are going to go to this party.”

  I feel as if I should be pinching myself but also I feel the panic. He’s a rock star. How long will these little touches hold him off before he wants more?

  Watching, I see him lean in and I know what’s coming. Meeting him, I gently place my lips against his and I feel my body tighten as his mouth moves against mine. I tingle all over and I want to deepen the kiss, but I don’t even know where to start. Gradually, I bring my hands up to wrapping them around his waist, pulling him to me. He breaks the kiss, leaning his forehead against mine and I can feel his heavy breathing.

  “You’re amazing,” he says as if it’s a matter of fact.

  I pull him closer so he bumps against me. “I bet you tell that to all the girls.” He just shakes his head and moves out of my grasp, and going over to the closet, he grabs a black dressy looking jacket. He holds it out for me, and I put my arms in as he slips it on me.

  “That’s better, now only I know what you look like from the back and I will be thinking about that all night,” he says without any joking tone in his voice and I feel the temperature in my body rising. We grab our things and head out of the apartment in search of Scott and Cecilia, who are just waiting for us downstairs.

  When we get there, it’s more like a club I’d imagine than a party. There is a D.J., dance floor, and a bar set up. Cameron leads us to a table, and Cecilia goes off in search of a bathroom. “Let’s go get something to drink,” Cameron says to Scott and me.

  “I will stay here and keep our spot. Nothing alcoholic for me,” I say, and he smirks at me.

  “Fine, I will be watching you, and who do you think I am? I wouldn’t supply a minor with alcohol,” he says jokingly, and I swat at him playf
ully. “Don’t leave this spot,” he says firmly and he grazes his fingers along mine before he takes off in the direction of the bar with Scott. Watching him at the bar, I notice that everyone is aware of him. The girls want him and the guys want to be him. Someone comes in between my sight of him and tries to place something on Cameron’s spot.

  “Sorry, that’s my friend’s spot, he just went to get drinks,” I say politely, looking over at Cameron, who is now watching me with a horrified look on his face. Glancing back at this girl, she is staring at me with such distain. I look at her as if to say who are you?

  “I’m the girlfriend, who the hell are you?”

  Chapter Twelve

  Cameron

  It’s as if I was watching my life fucking burn. There standing in front of Fate was Trisha. I nudge Scott, who turns looking back at the table and he curses. The look on Fate’s face is pure agony. I have no clue what Trisha said to her, but I watch as Fate takes off the jacket, throwing it on the table and begins walking away from our spot into the crowd away from me.

  Trying to make my way through the crowd, I reach the table, but she’s long gone into the crowd. “Damn it,” I yell, and Trisha turns, looking at me with a giant smile on her face. The pit of my stomach is turning and I just want to run to Fate.

  “Baby, there you are. Some girl was waiting here like a little groupie. She actually thought you went to get her a drink. Don’t worry, baby, I set her straight.” Leaning into me, she tries to kiss me. I don’t even have a chance to move because from behind her I see Fate and her eyes connect with mine just as Trisha’s lips touch the side of my mouth. The anguish that is showing on Fate’s face damn near wrecks me. What the hell have I done?

  Pushing Trisha back gently, I look down at her with disappointment. “What did you say to her?” I say abruptly. Looking at Scott, I signal for him to go off and find Fate. He motions his hands for me to deal with this shit and goes off in the direction I just saw her flee too. “Trisha, what the hell did you do?” I snap.