Beautifully Destroyed

by Gracie Wilson

  “I told her I was the girlfriend and put her in her place. I don’t care if you’re flirting with your little fans, but when I’m here they need to realize who comes first,” she says proudly and I feel my rage building. Not just at Trisha but at myself. I should have told her about Trisha before any of this shit happened because that would have made this so much easier to explain when I finally catch up to her.

  “You had no right,” I growl while grabbing Fate’s jacket and taking off to where I just saw Scott disappear to, leaving Trisha behind. Making my way through the crowd, I finally get outside and my heart drops to the floor when I hear her.

  “I should have known, I’m so stupid,” she screams at Cecilia, who is trying to calm her down. “He’s a freaking rock star and I’m just some freshman with nothing to offer him.” Scott is just looking at Fate and I know he is feeling helpless in all this. “I’m leaving. I am not going back in there. When I get back to the apartment, I’m packing my stuff and going home for the weekend. I need some space. He should have told me, Cecelia,” she shouts.

  “Yes, he should have. I told you he’s a fucker and you’d need me to bitch to, but be fair, there are two sides to every story, Fate,” Cecilia says, trying to bring Fate back from the rage she is feeling.

  “Either you have a girlfriend or you don’t. It’s that fucking easy!” she roars, and I flinch at her swearing. This girl doesn’t curse and I did this. All that anger and hurt is because I didn’t tell her about Trisha.

  “She’s not my girlfriend,” I declare as I come up behind her.

  “Does she know that? I think she is and you’re just saying this now because you got caught, Cameron,” she yells at me and I’ve never seen her so angry. Not even when I nailed the neighbor.

  “You’re right, I do have a girlfriend,” I confess and I hear her gasp. Cecilia is yelling at me that I’m a damn idiot, and Scott is saying that I’m an asshole. Trying to clear them out of this equation, I walk up to Fate and try to touch her, but she smacks me away.

  “Don’t you dare touch me, Cameron McAlister. You will never touch me again. Do you hear me? Never,” she continues yelling at me. “I hate you.” Watching her walk away with Cecilia trying to comfort her, I feel as if I’m losing my mind.

  “She is this sexy and amazing person. This girl just came up and saw me for the real me not some fake rock star and I’m sorry for that.” Scott turns on me and I think he might actually punch me.

  “You are not helping, just shut up,” he shouts at me.

  “She talks about these amazing facts and has inspired so much in me that I feel like I just don’t know what I’d do without her.” Turning to me, I see Fate lock eyes with me and there are tears streaming down her face. I want to go to her, but I have to get this shit out before it’s too late. “She tells me about her love of fish and her thoughts on the world. She lets me in and shuts the rest of the fucking world out. She’ll never know how much she means to me. I hate that my past taints her because I’d give anything to protect her from it.”

  My own eyes are betraying me as they feel like stinging. “Her name is Fate McKenzie and I am fucking falling in love with her so hard that I don’t think I’d ever recover if I couldn’t touch her, hold her, and if she hated me that would kill me,” I say as I start taking steps toward her. Cecilia is watching this whole thing and I’m not sure if she’s going to get in my way but right now I need Fate. “Because I need her as much as I hope she needs me,” I whisper when I’m close enough to her.

  “Baby, there you are.” Are you kidding me, Trisha? This girl’s timing is going to be the death of me. Quickly, I turn and put myself in front of Fate, trying to protect her from Trisha. “What is this?” Trisha says snidely, and I want to run away, taking Fate with me. “I thought we covered this, I’m the girlfriend so run along now.”

  “Trisha, that’s where you are wrong. I’m sorry you have to find out this way, but you really didn’t leave much choice when you walked up to my girlfriend and tried to act as if we haven’t been broken up for eight damn months.” Her face turns to anger and she looks around me at Fate.

  “Oh, and this is my replacement. Let’s be serious now, she’s not even twenty, I’d bet,” Trisha says spitefully.

  “Eighteen,” Fate squeaks out.

  “Oh, that’s precious. You can’t be serious, Cam.” She walks closer and I feel Fate press against my back. I wrap my arms behind me, holding her waist against me. “Honey, you’re way out of your league here. Do yourself a favor and back out gracefully before you make an even bigger fool of yourself. I have two years of history with this man, you can’t compete with that.” I hear Fate gasp and she tries to pull away from me.

  “You are such a bitch,” Cecilia yells at Trisha. “Don’t stand there acting like you have all this shit with him. You’re just acting that way to scare Fate off, and shit, I’m not about to let that happen. Two years, that’s a laugh. On and off for two years, most of the time off, trust me, Fate. This girl is just jealous that he’s found someone she can’t hold a candle to. Sorry, but you just missed the show, sweetheart. He just told her he’s falling in love with her. I know for damn sure he never said shit like that to you.” Thank you, Cecilia.

  “Cam? Is this true?” Trisha says.

  “Not that what I have with Fate is any of your damn business, but yes. If she will have me, then I’m hers. You’re done here,” I say, hoping this will show her that she has no chance here.

  “Well then, keep the tramp. I know the drill.” Her words are filled with hate toward Fate and that makes my blood boil. I watch as she walks around so she is in complete view of Fate. “I bet you think I’m crazy, Fate. Just wait and see what I do to you. You’re just some little pawn in his new game. All screwed up needing a hero. That will get old and he will return to me. You just wait and see. He always does,” Trisha says, then turns and walks away, leaving a stunned Fate behind.

  I don’t know what to do or what to say right now to Fate. “Cameron, you should get Fate home.” Cecilia suggests, seeing my uncertainty. I nod and go to hand Fate the jacket, and she flinches. I can’t fucking tell you how much her doing that is killing me right now. She turns and begins to walk in the direction of our apartment. I follow her, nodding a goodbye to Cecilia and Scott, who are looking at me with pity. I’m so fucking screwed right now.

  When we enter the apartment, I see her heading to her room. I rush ahead of her, blocking the door, causing her to look up at me. “I’m exhausted, Cameron.”

  “It’s dark, you can’t sleep in there and you know it,” I say, hoping it works and I place my hands on her waist, leading her to the couch. She doesn’t resist and I sense she is just giving in to the motions. “Fate, say something.”

  “When was the last time you two were together…sexually?” she asks with such innocence I feel filthy having to make her ask me this.

  “It’s been almost nine months since I’ve had anything sexual with her. She pops up from time to time and likes to play the girlfriend of the rock star. I never cared before because I didn’t want anyone in my life. It was easier to say nothing,” I say truthfully.

  “Other than tonight when you kissed.” Of course, to her that looked sexual.

  “Fate, she kissed me on the side of my mouth. The only reason I didn’t move away was because I was watching you. I didn’t even know what was happening until it was too late and I pushed her off me as soon as she tried.” She bites her lip in response. I know she’s confused. I am too. I thought we had something here, maybe it’s one sided. “Fate, do you want to be with me?” I ask her, praying she doesn’t rip me wide open.

  “If we do this, it has to be just me. I’m not her, I never will be. This will be all about baby steps and I can’t even promise you anything sexual because I’ve never done most of the things you are looking for.” Her words cut me.

  “Have I ever done anything to make you think I needed more from you?” She shakes her head. “Was it something I s
aid? Did I say something to make you think I wanted her or anyone else and not you?” I thought I was being clear about my feelings for her.

  “You make it seem as if I’m everything and that is amazing but also overwhelming. It’s like nothing I’ve ever felt before, which is both thrilling and horrifying. I’m new to all this but the way you make me feel is like together we can handle anything,” she says, looking at the ground again. I bring her eyes to mine.

  “That’s because I’m all about you, only you, so let’s give this another try.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  When I come through the door Cameron is sitting on the couch with his guitar. As soon as he sees me, he quickly goes to his room, putting it away. I’ve never caught him doing this before, but I know he listens to music when I’m not around and sneaks around to practices with the band. I didn’t even notice he had a guitar in his room when I’d been in there. He must have it tucked away somewhere. When he comes out I decide that we need to find some way of moving past this.

  “I was wondering if you’d be interested in doing something with me,” I say timidly, and he cocks his eyebrow at me in response. “No, not that. Well, we have different interests and I was thinking maybe we could do something for each other that the other person enjoys.” He chuckles and I realize that could still be taken badly. “Ugh, you’re such a man. You know what I mean. Stop making this about that,” I say in a frustrated but joking tone.

  “I’m game,” Cameron says, and I smile because I wasn’t sure if he’d go for something like this.

  “You have to trust me,” I say, because I’m sure I will get some hesitation from him at some point.

  “I think that’s fair since I’m always asking you to trust me and take baby steps. Now it’s your turn,” he says to me with a smile and it warms my heart that he’s so carefree. What I wouldn’t give to feel that way. “So, tell me, Fate, what is something I don’t enjoy already by being around you that you could share with me?” Crap. I hadn’t thought about something like that.

  “Fish,” I blurt out. Great job, Fate. “I mean, you know I love nature, but I have a huge passion for marine life.”

  “Why, though? Is it just because you are a nature lover or is there something else behind it?” I hadn’t expected him to ask anything about it. Honestly, if someone had blurted out what I had, I’d think they were a little crazy, but for some reason he can sense where reasons are with me.

  “When my mom died it was something I dove into. My earliest memory with my mom was going to the zoo. I remember walking into the fish exhibit and my mom was so excited that I was interested in it. Before she passed away I even wanted to be a Marine Biologist,” I say, knowing I exposed more than I had planned too.

  “So why are you here studying Law?” he questions and I feel as if I’m either going to have to lie or be honest.

  “Life happened,” I say, trying to be vague, but he gives me a look telling me I won’t be getting away with it that easily. “I could have stayed in Florida, studied there and probably never have had to move away from Clarissa. But I needed to start over. I don’t want to go back to Orlando. I want to find a new place in the world for me. Marine life is important to me but after my mom died, it became more of a passion for me to get away. Then something about Law called to me too. I chose Law and a new life. I want to be able to help people and this is my way.” I am being honest. I just omitted certain parts of it. Sometimes things are better left unsaid.

  “I can understand that. So fish…what do you want me to do for your part then?” I try to think of something quickly but nothing comes. The only thing I can think of is one of my books. Leaving him for a moment, I go into my room and grab the book. Sitting in front of him, I hand him the book.

  “My mom got me this for my birthday before she died. It has a bit of everything in it about marine life, not just fish. You don’t have to read it all or any. Maybe just look at the pictures. There are some very beautiful things in this world.”

  Cameron brings his hand up to my face, cupping my cheek in his hand. Instinctively I lean into his touch, and he smiles at my ease. “Yes, there are,” he whispers to me and my heartbeat quickens. “Okay, so I will do this, but I’m not sure what you could do for me,” he states and I already know what I want to do, but I’m hoping he will bring it up, then maybe he won’t be so hesitant.

  “What are you passionate about?” I say, hinting, but of course, Cameron has to be snarky.

  “You,” he says in a serious tone. My body feels the need to squirm under his gaze and he just continues staring at me.

  “I’m serious, Cameron,” I say.

  “I didn’t lie to you, Fate,” he says plainly.

  “I’ve learned sometimes it’s best to not argue with you. What else are you passionate about?” I can see the hesitation in his face and he’s looking at me. He knows I want him to say it, but he just can’t.

  “Fate, you know what else I’m passionate about. I can’t ask you to have anything to do with music,” he declares and the fact that this man is always protecting me is heartwarming.

  “Baby steps,” I reply and I see him waver, trying to find something he can do that will appease me.

  “Well, you’ve already read my lyrics, so I’m not sure what else I can share with you,” Cameron says and I can tell he is searching within himself for something to share with me that won’t cause me harm. He just won’t go to the obvious with me, leaving me no choice but to be the bold one.

  “Can I go into your room?” I ask and he gives me a questioning look. “Maybe something will jump out at me since you’re not sure what to share,” I say, hoping he will agree. When he nods I squeeze his hand tightly and go in search of our next baby step.

  When I walk into his room, it screams Cameron. There are musical charts on the walls and I even see he has a poster of the band. Looking around, I search for it, but I can’t see it anywhere. Where would he hide it? I know he wouldn’t want me to accidentally find it, so the only place is under the bed and when I crawl down there I see the case. Dragging it out from under the bed, I carry it out to the living room. When he sees it, he’s already shaking his head at me.

  “No way, Fate. I know how you are with music. You may not have completely said it, but it’s a damn trigger and you’re asking me to pull it. Why?” That’s a good question and to be honest I really don’t know. I just feel as if I need this.

  “Cameron, music is so much of your life. I feel like I’m missing out on pieces of you and I hate that. You said you’d trust me. Well, I want this, let me hear you play.” Opening the case, I finally get a close look at his guitar. It is a stunning blue shade electric guitar with the word Ibanez written on it. Carefully, I pick it up and hand it to him.

  “Are you sure?” No, I’m not, but I have to try. Cameron deserves this from me.

  “Yes,” I whisper, but instead of playing he goes to my room and comes back holding something I hadn’t thought about since the day I met him. Opening the package, he hands them to me and I look at him for direction.

  “I want you to put these in.” Confusion takes over. I thought the point was to hear him play.

  “I won’t be able to hear you. It defeats the purpose,” I state and he looks so different right now with his guitar. It’s as if I’m actually getting to look at Cameron the rocker and not just Cameron my roommate, whom I’m falling for.

  “Trust me,” he says, and I give him a smirk. Sneaky man using my words against me. He knows I have no choice but to agree. When I nod, he sets the guitar down beside him on the couch and he puts out his hand for me to come to him. I go with ease and turn around, sitting in his lap. He motions for me to put the earplugs in. Once he’s checked that I can barely hear anything, he makes sure we are both comfortable. I watch as he grabs his guitar and brings it in front of me against my chest. His hands begin to move and I can’t hear what he’s doing but something else is happening.

  It’s beautiful and so much more th
an I thought I’d get from this experience with him. I can’t help the few tears that fall. He continues and I watch his hand move across the strings. The vibrations against my chest give me a beat, but I’m not hearing it. It’s like he found a way around my trigger in this moment. He knew how to do this better than I did. Cameron continues for what seems like hours, and I just sit there against him. I would have continued to sit there, but he eventually stops and puts the guitar down beside us. Pulling out my earplugs, he looks at me and he can see how moved I am by this.

  “Was that too hard?” he asks softly.

  “No, that was perfect. Another perfect baby step,” I say with an adoring smile on my face. This man is mine and he is absolutely amazing.

  “You look exhausted,” he says and I feel the fatigue set in. “Do you think you could try sleeping on the couch again with the lights on?” he asks, and I nod. He puts his guitar away and goes to get bedding. He sets up the bed and when he goes to try to tuck me in, I feel something. A new need takes over, a new thing I need to comfort me at night.

  “Will you lie with me?” I ask and his face turns to shock. He looks so unsure, so I get up and motion for him to lie down. When he finally does, I take one of the blankets and hand it to him. I grab the other one and wrap it around me, making sure all my skin is covered, then I lie down next to him. I can tell he doesn’t know what to do with his arms. He just seems so stiff and unlike Cameron. “Cameron, you can touch me,” I say and slowly his arm slides across me and I feel him pull me closer.

  “Thank you,” he whispers.

  “For what?”

  “The music, telling me about your mom, but mostly for this.” I snuggle back into him, making sure the only thing between us is the blanket. “I think my fate might be sealed,” he whispers against me and I don’t have to question him. I know he’s talking about us and I think he might be right.