Beautifully Destroyed

by Gracie Wilson

  Chapter Fourteen

  Cameron

  Getting used to sleeping with the lights on actually wasn’t that big of a problem for me. Lying next to Fate, I didn’t give a damn about what was going on around us. She took it all away. I can’t believe how far she’s come and she finally trusts me. Fate believes in me. I know that sounds bitchy but it’s not. This girl doesn’t trust anyone so this is a huge accomplishment in my books. She’s been trying to venture off a bit more by herself during the day. She doesn’t always eat lunch with me at school anymore much to my protest. Some shit about baby steps. Who’s idea was that? Oh right, mine. I’m an idiot.

  I never thought baby steps would come with a disadvantage for me, but she found a way. So here I sit, watching her from across the room interacting with some people from her class. It’s amazing really because you wouldn’t think she is this broken person right now. She’s also oblivious to the fact that everyone is drawn to her. On each side of her is another guy. As long as they keep their hands to themselves, I won’t have any problems.

  Fate is laughing at something and these assholes are just sitting there watching her. She doesn’t even know how beautiful she is. She tries to blend in but this damn girl was born to stand out. I see her glance over in my direction and when our eyes meet I see her blush and I fucking love that I do that to her. It never gets old how little I’ve touched this girl but yet her body responds to me.

  The guys don’t seem to notice, in fact, it looks as if one of them seems to think that redness on her face is thanks to him. When Fate’s attention turns to the guy on the other side of her, he pulls his chair closer to hers. Turning back, Fate doesn’t seem to notice, but I fucking do. I see him hand her his phone and it looks like he’s trying to get her number.

  I can’t just sit here and watch this. Getting up, I make my way over to where she is, the whole time hoping she will see me coming so I don’t have to interrupt her or put her on the spot. She never does, though. She is just staring at the phone, but she hasn’t put her number in yet. Once I come up behind her, I make sure I don’t touch her before I get her attention. “Fate,” I say, and she turns to me smiling.

  “Cameron,” she says and I can see the guys getting pissed that I’m talking to her. I want to tell them to piss off and leave her alone because she’s mine, but I think that pissing contest would just piss off my girl.

  “I’m going back to our apartment and I wondered if you wanted to walk with me,” I say, hoping these guys get the hint. When they hear that we live together they both change from the angry looks I was getting telling me I was intruding on their game to an oh shit better not go there look.

  “That would be great.” She puts her stuff together quickly and gets out of the chair. “I will see you guys later,” she says.

  As we walk away, I can’t help the urge to touch her. “Fate,” I say in an asking tone when I hold my hand out for her to take it. She doesn’t question it, she just puts her hand in mine, continuing to walk away. It takes everything in me not to turn the hell around and look to make sure those fuckers see that she’s mine.

  When we get to the apartment, I have this urge to come clean about why I interrupted her time with her friends, even though she’s not questioning my intentions. “I hope you’re not pissed that I took you away from your friends,” I say, and she just shakes her head. “I couldn’t just sit there and watch those guys vying for your attention.”

  “What are you talking about?” she says, completely clueless.

  “The one guy moved closer to you and then tried to get your number, right?” I ask and I see it all click together for her. “Watching that and not being able to say back off she’s mine, was a task. So I just got you out of there.”

  “You were jealous?” she questions, and I want to shake this girl because she just doesn’t get it.

  “Of course I’m jealous that I can’t yell it from the rooftops that I’m with you. I don’t like men coming around what’s mine.” She gives me a look and I worry I’ve said too damn much. Shit.

  “What’s yours? Am I a possession?” I don’t even know what to say. I just stand there scared shitless that I’m going to say the wrong thing, then my girl busts out laughing. “Oh my God, you should have seen your face, Cameron.”

  “You were just screwing with me?” I ask seriously.

  “Cameron, have you ever seen me touch anyone else?” she questions. I shake my head in response because I’m not sure what this girl is feeling. Is she mad at me for what I’ve said or is she just giving me a hard time.

  “Never.”

  “Then that should tell you who I belong to,” she announces. “Is that why you wanted to hold my hand, to show them?”

  “Not entirely. Part of me wanted them to see it. The other part of me just had this overwhelming fucking urge to touch you,” I say truthfully.

  “I get that way too,” she confesses, and I reach out to her. “So then we should just do what our bodies are telling us to. If you want to touch me, then do it. Just only in ways we’ve already done, okay? I will do the same.” She hesitates.

  “Thank fuck,” I say, and she laughs but turns serious again.

  “Cameron, don’t kiss me in public. I’m not ready for the staring yet. Here I know it’s just you and me but out there I just don’t want the attention.” The fact that she even thought she had to tell me this makes me feel uneasy.

  “Fate, I would never do that to you. No matter what urge I got. I won’t take that step until you show me you’re ready.” She leans in and presses her soft lips lightly against mine. Feeling this with her, I can’t blame her for not wanting to do it in public. I know if I were a guy seeing her kiss someone, I’d either be watching pissed that it wasn’t me or turned on. This also means that no one but me gets to see this side of Fate and that’s sexy as hell.

  “I have something for you,” I say and go into my room to grab it. Coming out, I hope she doesn’t get mad that I went and bought her this. I just want to try something new. Handing her the rectangular box, I can see she is confused by it. When she opens it, she looks happy, but I still don’t think she gets the purpose of them. “Do you know why I bought those for you?”

  “Because you have a thing with me and pajamas?” she says as she looks at each pajama onesie I had put into the box. “Really, what is with you and kitties?” She laughs as she notices that three of them are with different patterns of kittens.

  “First impressions,” I say jokingly, and she smiles at me. This time the smile touches her eyes and I know it’s real. “Do you understand why I got you this particular kind?” She shakes her head in response. “Well, for the past couple of weeks we have been sleeping together on the couch. Same drill every night.” She nods, and I continue, “So I thought maybe if I got you something that covered most of you that you might feel less worried. Maybe you wouldn’t need to wrap yourself up so snuggly.”

  It’s as if a light clicks on and she’s put the pieces together. “Another baby step,” she says with a smile, and I return it. This girl has made me into a damn wimp and I don’t even give a shit.

  “So, do you think you could do that?” I ask, hoping I didn’t just set things back for her.

  “I think so, maybe every few nights I could wear something with a bit more skin.” She slaps her hands over her mouth, and I break out in a chuckle.

  “Well, that sounds good too,” I say jokingly, and she just shakes her head, laughing with me.

  “What I meant is maybe it wouldn’t be such a big deal for me if I did it in stages. Does that make sense?” I can’t help the feeling of knowing this could lead me to have more access to her and be able to touch her more. She needs this, for that reason I don’t have a problem being with her the way it is. I already know I’m wrecked for the rest of the world. Fate is it for me.

  “I know what you mean, Fate. Baby steps,” I say to her with a wink, and she giggles. She grabs one of the kitty onesies and quickly gives me a kiss,
then takes off to her room to get changed, I presume. When she walks out, I can see she’s trying to not laugh at her appearance. There is my beautiful girl, standing in the pajamas I got her and they even have those funny feet parts too. She is covered everywhere, except her hands and face, her safe zones that she has no issues with. I have noticed I can touch her in other areas but when it comes to sleeping, it’s a different game plan. It’s as if this is her most stressful time and she reverts back to that shit we were dealing with weeks ago.

  “I look like an idiot,” she says, kicking her covered foot against the floor. Getting up, I walk over to her and slide my hand in hers.

  “You look like someone who’s going to keep me warm,” I say with a smirk on my face. “I get to sleep with you without you being wrapped up like a little bug. I get to feel your hands and touch your face. You could be wearing anything and I’d be thankful because tonight I get to touch you,” I say as I start leading her to the couch that I’d made up while she was getting changed.

  Quickly, I lie down and she follows me without hesitation. I wait for her to turn around but tonight she doesn’t. “What is it?” I ask because she just keeps staring at me.

  “I want to try something since I’m covered.” My interested is piqued and I wait for her to continue. “Take off your shirt,” she says, and I hesitate.

  “Fate, what are you doing?”

  “Just do it, McAlister,” she says with such attitude it’s hard not to laugh at her. She isn’t usually one to be this way and when she is, I’m either fighting back laughter or turned on. Tonight I have to admit it’s a bit of both. Damn. Sitting up slowly, I begin lifting my shirt because I’m scared she’s going to change her mind and it will become too much for her, but she doesn’t stop me.

  She just continues to look at me, and I can’t help but love the way she is staring at my bare chest. I know she’s attracted to me. I love when she enjoys the view, as she should. It’s for her fucking eyes only.

  Chapter Fifteen

  When Clarissa called and said she couldn’t come for Thanksgiving I was heartbroken at the thought of not getting to see her. Then she told me she had gotten me a ticket to come to Orlando, to my home. I felt torn. I wanted to ask Cameron to come with me, but I know Clarissa isn’t going to be thrilled with that arrangement. That’s what got me to this moment and now I’m wishing I would have said I couldn’t come home.

  “I hate that you’re leaving,” Cameron says and he can’t even keep a little smile on his face. It’s as if someone came and sucked out all his happiness and I am right there with him. “You should stay, we will tell Clarissa you got sick and shouldn’t travel,” he says hopefully and the idea does sound amazing, but I can’t do that to Clarissa.

  “It will only be five days, Cameron. Not a big deal. Just about three months ago, I didn’t even exist in your world. Go off and do rock star things. I can’t leave Clarissa alone. She doesn’t have anyone but me. I’m all the family she has,” I say softly.

  “Shit. I don’t like this, but I won’t beg you to stay. I know you will go to her and you should. Damn, how did this happen?” I look at Cameron questioningly because I don’t know what he means. “This. Us. It just came up behind me. Five days is going to be torture. Three months ago I didn’t know what I was missing, now I do and it fucking sucks.” He sulks and I can’t help but hug him. He wraps his arms around me and I feel warm again in this chaotic airport.

  It’s time for me to go through security and leave him behind. My body has this overwhelming sense of sorrow. I had kissed him before we left the apartment and I wanted to try to do it here but the fear paralyzes me. The only comfort I can get from him is his touch, so I soak it all in. “I have to go,” I whisper, and he holds me tighter, then reluctantly let’s go. As I move away, my hand stays connected to his until the last moment. Just as my hand drops, I take a deep breath, trying to fight through the disconnect. “Five days,” I whisper and turn, rushing off.

  Here I am two days later exhausted and miserable because other than text messages and phone calls, I couldn’t fit anything else in with Clarissa. The reason she couldn’t come was because she couldn’t get off work. She was on call and that meant she was getting called away every few hours. I didn’t mind, though. I just used that time to talk to Cameron, but when night came I fell back into old habits. Clarissa of course thought nothing of it since she didn’t know any better until she saw how tired I was.

  “Are you really okay, Fate? You look more exhausted every hour you are here. When I saw you get off the plane you just looked so rested and now you are worse than before you left for school.” Clarissa has been able to read me pretty well since the day we met. It was her job, but now she has years of getting to know me and she can tell when I’m keeping things from her.

  “I miss Cameron,” I say honestly.

  “I’m not sure how I feel about you being so serious about someone, especially someone like him.” Her words cut me. Clarissa is always honest, that’s what I like most about her, but it hurts to hear.

  “Why, because he’s a rock star instead of going to medical school?” I can’t help the attitude that comes out. Never before have I felt as if I was being attacked by Clarissa, but she’s talking about Cameron. My Cameron, who has helped me through everything. He doesn’t deserve it. Judgment.

  “I would have the same concerns about him either way. Have you read about him? It’s not pleasant.” Her words are hurtful.

  “He’s not perfect, but he is trying. I’m not perfect and you know that. So why would you think a perfect guy is what I need? Do you even know what he’s done for me? No, you don’t because you don’t ask. All you’re doing is judging him, Clarissa. I never thought you’d be so judgmental,” I yell, frightening her.

  “What has he done?”

  “Now you want to know? Why should I tell you? So you could use it against us again?” I declare, and she looks at me with surprise.

  “I didn’t know there was an ‘us.’ I think I’m now more worried about the fact that you didn’t tell me about that than what is out there about him.” She gives me a concerned look, which only makes me angrier.

  “I know what’s out there. It’s not a secret.”

  “But you are a secret,” she says, and I know she is worried about the implications of me dating him. “I don’t just mean I don’t want you publically out there for the world. I mean he hasn’t come out and said anything about you.” The sting from her words penetrates my walls. “How much could he really care about you?”

  “That’s not fair, Clarissa. It’s all new. We haven’t even labeled it anything. How could it be possible for us to go public if I’m not even sure exactly what we are?” I say, trying to make her see my way, but I can’t help the thought that maybe Cameron doesn’t want people to know about me. I know he referred to me as his girlfriend at the party, but I’m not sure that was a declaration of his perception of us or if it was just him trying to get through to me. That hurts the most. I’ve been back here two days and Clarissa has made me doubt it.

  “But there is a ‘we’ of some sort?”

  “Yes. I can’t speak for him, but I would say that it’s more than that for me at least,” I say honestly, and she gasps.

  “You can’t date a rock star with his history. What about the touching?” Her words bring me back to our moments in the apartment, only causing me to miss him more.

  “Cameron knows.” Clarissa just stares at me.

  “You told him,” she says finally, and I know she doesn’t believe that I would.

  “He knows that someone hurt me. That it has left an effect on me, and my issues with touching and the dark. He is amazing, patient with me, and does not push when he knows I am struggling. He’s…Cameron,” I say and I know that each word is truth.

  “What happens when he finds out?”

  “Then I hope we will deal with it together, but I hope he never does find out. If he leaves, then I will have to live with the c
onsequences of my actions.” I take a deep breath and I feel like I can’t seem to calm myself. So I think back to every baby step. “I’m telling you he’s different. He is able to handle my issues,” I finally say when I feel like I get a grip on myself again.

  “That will only last so long. Men have needs, same as your need for a slow pace. He will want more and you may feel pressured.” She watches me and again takes in my appearance. “Please tell me you haven’t had sex with him already and this is why you’re the way you are right now.”

  “Are you serious? Not that I have to tell you anything, but we haven’t had sex. The reason I’m like this is because I’m back here and without him. I sleep with him every night and we don’t even have to keep all the lights on.”

  Clarissa inhales sharply. “This is very concerning to me. You’re far too involved and dependent on this relationship already. To top it off, you live together. What happens when he loses interest?” She sees the hurt in my face and tries to repair the damage. “Not that I think he should, you know I think anyone would be lucky to have you, but history shows he doesn’t do commitment.” I can’t exactly show her anything to change her mind, so I go for the shock factor just to shut her up.

  “History shows that I am something too, does it not? So let’s just drop it.” Clarissa is hurt by my words and she opens her mouth to speak, but my look makes her change her mind. She leaves, and I know she has to get away to either cry or calm down. I’d feel horrible if my heart wasn’t hurting at the thought of Cameron leaving me.

  Clarissa comes in from a call and has the mail in her hand. She hands it to me, and I swipe through it. When I see my name on one, and the return address my body runs ice cold. Opening it, I quickly read through it and the further in I get into the letter the more nauseated I get. “Fate, what’s wrong?” Clarissa begs, and I just shake my head. This can’t be happening, not now. This is something I knew would happen one day, but staring at the letter I don’t think I ever really prepared myself for it.