by Cherry Kay
We silently get dressed and she makes sure to put her glasses in her purse. We leave the classroom and I flip off the lights on the way out. I know her mind is working at a million miles per hour as we walk down the hallway in contemplative silence.
“What are you thinking, Ali?” I ask, as I hold the door open for her while exiting the building.
“This is just all a little…incredible to me.” She answers honestly and I study her face as she studies mine intently.
“Trust me, I can’t rationalize much either…I just know that I want you.” I answer honestly, more honest than I’ve ever been with a woman before.
Chapter Three
All of what just happened was impossible to believe. I just had amazing sex with a professor. Not with any old professor either, Dr. G. If someone would've told me this morning that I’d end up bent over his desk like I was, I’d tell them they were out of their minds. I mean he’s a professor for Christ’s sake! Shouldn’t this be wrong? It doesn’t feel wrong, though. I loved every second of it and I don’t feel guilty. Adam is gorgeous, sure he’s a little older than me, but honestly he looks like he’s still in his twenties and he wants me. He said so himself and that has to mean something.
“Where did you park?” Adam asks as we make our way towards the parking lot.
“Just a few rows back there.” I point in the general direction of my car and Adam nods.
“Alright, do you mind giving me a lift to my car? Then we can meet up at…The Pelican for seafood?”
“Yeah, of course and seafood sounds great.” I smile at him a bit shyly. What could we possibly talk about now? “How old are you?” The question jumps out of my mouth without my approving it first.
“I’m thirty-three…does that bother you?”
I shake my head. “No I was just curious…I’m twenty-one. I guess you could’ve figured that out since I’m a senior and all.” We reach my car and I unlock the doors for us to climb in.
“Yeah, I figured you were around there somewhere. I’ve never… ‘dated’ someone so much younger than me before.” I wonder if he feels guilty about what we did and the fact that I’m his student.
“Do you regret it?” Another question that jumps out without permission. I’m tense in waiting for him to answer. I haven’t pulled out of the parking spot yet; we’re just sitting silently in the car.
“I don’t want to lie to you…I just don’t know yet.”
I take a deep breath and ask him where his car is; he’s parked it in the North Parking Garage. The short car ride is quiet and I wonder if dinner is going to be painfully awkward. I should've never asked him that question. I pull up behind his shiny black Audi and he gets out of the car, but before he closes the door he leans inside.
“Do you know how to get to The Pelican?” I nod and then he closes my car door and gets into his.
I pull away and head to the restaurant, glancing every so often in my rear view mirror to make sure he was following me, that he didn’t ditch me. I pull into the parking lot of The Pelican and find a spot pretty close to the entrance. I decide to wait outside for Adam; he walks up a minute later, his eyes trained on me, he is just so intense.
“Shall we?” He takes my hand and I smile widely, he has such an innate way of making a girl feel special.
We walk into the elegantly rustic restaurant and I can’t help but notice how easily he draws attention. Women’s heads turn from every direction to look at him; I kind of love that he’s holding my hand now.
“Party for two?” The host, dressed in all black, smiles politely at us and Adam nods his head. “Great, if you’ll follow me.”
The host leads us towards the back of the restaurant. Near the kitchen, is a secluded booth. He sets two menus down on the table and promises our waiter will be by shortly. I slide into the booth; the plush red leather is comfortable and cozy. Adam sits across from me and I pick up the menu, perusing the options. I soon notice Adam staring at me rather than reading his menu.
“What?” I ask, smiling at him in question.
Adam pushes his fingers through that soft wavy hair and I remember how silky it felt. “Nothing…I just like looking at you, you’re so beautiful.” I bite my lip, a little embarrassed. No one has ever pointed that out so plainly.
“Thank you. You aren’t so bad to look at either, you know.”
Adam snorts sarcastically, it sounds eerily like my mother’s sarcastic snort. “I wish that weren’t the case sometimes. Especially with my being a teacher.” Adam presses his lips together as if he wished he didn’t mention that.
“You know, you can’t leave me guessing tonight. What possessed you to…come on to me?” I ask a bit awkwardly, not wanting to ask my real question, why he decided to have sex with me, out loud in public.
Adam sighs and is about to reply when our waiter comes by the table. He’s tall and handsome in a boy next-door kind of way, with a cool haircut and green eyes that plays off his caramel colored skin almost strikingly.
“Hello folks, my name is Trey and I’ll be your server for tonight. Can I start you off with something to drink?” I order plain lemonade and Adam orders water. The waiter nods and he glances at me with a double take. “I’m sorry, I feel like we’ve met before…do you go to UConn?” I blink at him in surprise, though I can’t place him. I don’t think I’d forget a face like his.
“Yeah I do…I’m sorry I can’t remember where I’ve seen you before.” I smile apologetically and Trey shrugs nonchalantly.
“It’s all good, we met at a poetry slam one night. I don’t think you would remember me though, because you were pretty much in a rush when I tried to introduce myself.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Well, it’s nice to meet you, Trey.” I smile and Trey is about to say something when Adam cuts him off.
“Sorry man, but I really need that water.” I’m a little surprised that Adam interrupted so bluntly, almost rudely. Trey apologizes and hurries to get what we ordered. I look at Adam expectantly and he shrugs.
“He was clearly flirting.” Adam says it simply as if that explains everything. Since we’re so close to the kitchen, Trey comes back with our drinks in no time.
“Here y’all are. Have you had a chance yet to go over the menus?”
“We haven’t.” Adam answers curtly and Trey says he’ll give us a few minutes to look it over. I glance at my menu and decide the fish and chips are my best bet.
“So why don’t you have a boyfriend?” Adam asks me almost casually, though he’s looking at me intently.
“I never really had anyone pursue me, I guess.” Adam quirks an eyebrow at me.
“The waiter doesn’t count?”
I laugh and then shrug. “I guess sometimes I’m oblivious to advances…” Adam shifts in his seat and he takes a drink of his water. I watch his neck move while he works the liquid down his throat. Everything he does is captivating; it’s not natural.
“I guess I did well then in catching your attention.” Adam quirks an eyebrow at me with a mischievous grin and I giggle.
“Yeah I guess so.”
Dinner with Adam goes well. Trey eventually gets the message and stops trying to flirt with me. Adam and I don’t discuss the whole, “he’s a teacher, I’m his student” thing and we talk about regular stuff like our interests, aspirations, hobbies, favorite movies and shows. Adam is just as interesting as his looks. He wants to someday teach at Yale and plays amateur hockey as a pastime. He loves old nineties sitcoms, which I’m a big fan of The Nanny and Friends, myself. I wanted to kiss him when he said he loves Pixar films.
“Adam, my favorite movie of all time is Finding Nemo.”
His eyes widen, as does his grin. “No way, I could recite to you every line of that movie.” I laugh and Trey returns with Adam’s receipt after he paid the check.
We head outside and Adam walks me the few steps to my car. “I don’t really want tonight with you to end,” he admits and I look at him in surprise, his smoky blue eyes are sin
cere, he’s serious.
“I have Finding Nemo in HD back at my apartment…if you want to watch?” Adam smiles seductively and he leans forward to kiss me on the cheek.
“I’ll follow you.” I nod and watch him walk across the parking lot to his car. I take a deep breath and hurry into my car to lead the way home. Once we reach my building, I tell him to park in my guest spot. And wait for him in the lobby. My parents didn’t want me in any sort of student housing, they said I’d be too distracted by college parties and student “antics.” . So my dad pays for my apartment just a fifteen-minute drive away from campus.
“This is a nice looking building for a student salary,” Adam says as he walks into the lobby.
“My scholarships pay for most of the bills, it’s not too bad.” Adam nods, seemingly impressed by my answer.
We walk over to the elevator and ride up to the fourth floor, three other people accompany us on the elevator and the two women in the car can’t keep from sending him furtive glances. I want to mark him as mine in some way, tell the world that we have something going. I lead Adam down to my front door once we are off the elevator and we step inside.
Thank goodness, I live alone because as soon as the door shuts, Adam’s hands are gripping my waist and his mouth is on my neck as he pushes me back against the wall.
“We can save Nemo for later,” he whispers huskily as his fingers slide past my jeans and panties and into my sensitive folds. Why would I argue with his logic?
The night is filled with Adam and he could never get enough. I fall asleep exhausted against his warm chest with his arms encircled around me.
Waking up feeling extremely relaxed and sated, I couldn’t deny I was happy. Not to mention warm, Adam is draped over me like a blanket. His hand is cupping one of my breasts and his other arm encircles my waist while his legs tangle with mine. I check the clock on my bedside table, it’s almost noon and I have a class in two hours. It’s past the time to get out of bed. I try to gingerly extract myself from Adam without waking him, but as soon as I remove his hand from my boob, he stirs.
“What time is it?” He asks, his voice thick and groggy. I turn around in his arms and smile shyly.
“It’s almost noon.”
He blinks at me a couple of times until what I said sinks in, and then he panics. “Shit! I missed a class.” He jumps up and scrambles for his things, dressing quickly and searching for his car keys.
“Will you get in trouble?” I ask teasingly, trying to lighten his mood, but he just keeps looking for his car keys in his bag. He finds them and rakes his hair back while taking a deep breath.
“No, but I don’t want a bad reputation.”
I almost laugh. “I don’t think you could ever have a bad reputation.” Adam’s eyes roam across my face, he’s thinking about something, but I can’t quite tell what it is when he’s being so serious. “Will I see you today?” I ask innocently enough and his eyebrows come together, his expression reluctant, almost. I tilt my head at him, what’s with the sudden change?
“We should probably get together…I mean talk-during my office hours today. Can you meet me at around four?” I nod slowly and Adam slings his bag across his chest. “I’ll see you then.” Without so much as another glance, he walks from my room and soon I hear the front door open and close.
This feels all wrong…I need to tell Kelsey about all of this, she’ll help me put it into perspective. I don’t want to invest my emotions into whatever is between Adam and I when nothing can happen between us. I grab my cell phone from the nightstand and dial Kelsey.
“Hey girl, are you on campus? Do you want to get some lunch with me?” Hearing Kelsey’s voice is calming. I probably shouldn’t tell her everything over the phone, though.
“Kelsey, come over…it’s important.” At the serious tone of my voice, all talk of lunch stops.
“Of course, I’m on my way, can you give me something over the phone?” I chew on my lip a moment and then sigh.
“It’s about Adam…” There’s a pause and I sigh again. “Dr. G…” Kelsey gasps dramatically and I roll my eyes.
“I’m on the way, I’m freaking out at the implications of your calling him Adam, but I’m on the way.” Kelsey hangs up and I take the time to gingerly get out of bed and shower, I haven’t had sex in a while and I’m feeling particularly tender.
My apartment is great in that it has all the modern amenities, especially the glass enclosed shower with rainfall showerhead. It’s often my go-to place to de-stress. Today is the first day that it isn’t working to soothe my nerves. After my shower, I brush my teeth at the sink and run moisturizer through my hair so I can detangle it. I think I’ll just pull it into a ponytail today.
Just as I’m getting dressed in warm tights and a sweater dress, I hear a knock on the door. I hurry to open it and Kelsey barrels inside.
“Tell me everything,” she demands while pulling me into the living room and down onto the couch.
“We…we had sex…several times.” Kelsey’s jaw drops and she stares at me as if I have three heads made of gold.
“You lucky bitch.” Is the first thing out of her mouth. I would normally laugh, but honestly I’m too confused for our usual banter. Kelsey realizes that I’m not myself and she takes my hand. “So what happened?” I tell her everything and by the end of the story, she’s pacing back and forth around the living room.
“It doesn’t make any sense. It sounds like he was being really sweet and truthful before and now he wants to have a meeting during his office hours? Maybe he lied, Ali…maybe he really does have a lot of affairs with students and just dodged your question. He treated you like any girl would want to be treated so he could have a good time.” Kelsey’s words hurt, but I couldn’t deny her logic. He didn’t actually answer my question when I asked him if he did this a lot.
My hope in Adam is quickly fading away. Kelsey is right, there’s no way she can’t be.
“He’s gonna tell me we can’t see each other anymore then.” I say quietly. Kelsey sits down on the couch and hugs me tightly. I simply sigh and hug her back. “It was too good to be true, I guess.” I murmur and Kelsey pulls away a fraction, her hands gripping my shoulders.
“Ali, from hearing about all this sex you were having…did you guys use protection?” I press my lips together guiltily and Kelsey groans forebodingly. “You know you’re my best friend, my soul mate, but Alicia that was stupid.” She says bluntly and I bite my lip in consternation.
It was stupid, especially as Adam wasn’t up front with me about his sex life. “We need to get you checked out ASAP.” Kelsey grabs her cell phone and hands it to me. We use the same gynecologist and the doctor’s office number is saved in her contacts.
“Go ahead and make the appointment.” I sigh and stand up to walk out onto the balcony off the living room and make the call.
*
I know what he’s going to say, I’m his student and he’s my professor. We can’t have any sort of fling. God forbid something bad happens and the university finds out? He can kiss his aspirations of teaching at Yale goodbye.
It was dumb of me to think something could happen. I’m about to graduate and I need to focus on that and my career, anyway. I walk into the history building and take the elevator up to the teachers’ wing. I push open the glass doors to the reception area and tell the older woman at the desk that I’m here to see Dr. G. She picks up the phone and dials a single digit on the keypad.
“Adam, there’s a student here to see you, an Alicia King.” The receptionist alerts him to my arrival and she nods once before hanging up the phone. “You can go on back, dear.”
I take a deep breath and head to the right, down the long office lined hallway. I reach room three nineteen and push open the door without bothering to knock. My expression is carefully blank and I try not to let myself display any of the upset I’m feeling. I can’t deny I’m disappointed and a little hurt. Also, I can’t help but beat myself up for being so stupid
ly naïve in thinking we could have some sort of relationship.
“Please close the door.” Is the first thing he says to me, his tone detached and professional. I step back and push the door closed with one finger before taking a seat in one of the chairs on the other side of his fancy looking mahogany desk. He is wearing a blue sweater, the color of his eyes, which clings to his defined chest and arms. I take a minute to control my reaction to him; it’s frustrating that I still want him.
“I’m sure you have an idea of why I wanted to talk to you today.”
“I do…I guess I understand that you don’t want to be involved with me.” I answer simply and he almost shakes his head.
“Because of school policy I don’t think it wise to risk having any sort of romantic relationship, Alicia.” My eyes flit to the wide window behind him, it looks out onto the Great Lawn. Students can be seen lounging in the grass, even though it’s colder they still bundle up and find comfortable spots there to study.
“School policy…right. Well I understand…I guess.” I mumble and shift in the seat; I just want to leave already.
“I’m sorry, but I shouldn't have let anything happen last night. I just don’t want to jeopardize either your future or mine.” I nod, and glance around the room. I can’t look at him, if I do I’ll probably beg him to reconsider, so this is best.
“I understand where you’re coming from and I don’t blame you…it was a two way street.” I try to sound understanding, but keep my expression schooled into careful blankness. I can’t let him see that he’s affected me way more than I’ve affected him…if I did at all. That is probably least likely as he’s handling this so professionally, it seems almost practiced; another marker that he probably has many affairs with students and gives them this same speech afterward.
“Thank you for being so understanding Ali…I don’t know what else to say other than I’m sorry.” He finishes lamely and I stand up with my bag.
“I don’t need your apology Dr. G. I’ll see you tomorrow in class,” I say crisply and promptly leave the room, all but running out of the building.