by Cherry Kay
Great, now how was I supposed to survive the remainder of the semester? Soon finals will be coming up and so far I just don’t want to go to this man’s class and have to see his face every other night. I take a deep breath once I’m outside in the cool fresh air, my phone vibrates in my bag and I fish it out. It’s Kelsey.
“Hey.” I say and make my way towards the Student Union. I’m feeling for some Panda Express. Their Crab Rangoon always does a good job of lifting my spirits.
“How did it go?” she asks tentatively and I sigh deeply.
“Like we expected. He’s a professor, I’m a student and there are ‘school policies.’" I say sarcastically.
“I’m sorry, babe. You’re sleeping over at my place tonight and we’re going to gain a few pounds from ice cream and pizza.” I smile. Its times like this when I really love Kelsey.
“Thanks, I need it. I just don’t know how the hell I’m supposed to go to his class from now on,” I admit and Kelsey sighs.
“You just have to power through it. Don’t make eye contact with him, ever, and I think you can deal…” Kelsey trails off and I can almost hear her thinking. “So when is your doctor’s appointment? You are on birth control, right?” Kelsey asks gently, though I know she’s really worried.
“It’s in like ten days, on November 13th and yes I am, don’t worry.” Kelsey breathes a sigh of relief and I tell her that I’ll call a little later. It’s always loud in the Student Union and I’d never be able to carry a phone conversation inside.
While waiting in line at Panda Express, I get a text message from one of my older brothers, Trenton, who has been away in California, busy with his new job at Google. He’s coming home this weekend and is looking forward to seeing me. If Trent is coming home, then his twin brother Tristan is bound to surprise us with a visit from D.C. Tristan is currently on the White House staff as an intern, he has big dreams of one day holding a seat in the United Nations.
Wonderful, mom and dad’s precious Pride and Joy will be at Sunday dinner. Just what I need, looks and double talk from both parents urging me to be more like my brothers and “do something with my life.” Just because I am majoring in English doesn’t mean I’m throwing away my future.
It’s finally my turn to order at Panda Express and I make sure I get Crab Rangoon in my to-go I hide out in the library for the rest of the day, studying for tests I have in both Psych classes that I’m taking for my minor. Once six-thirty comes around, I leave campus to go straight to Kelsey’s. I don’t even want to stop by my place to pick up clothes; Adam left his imprint all over my apartment.
I knock on Kelsey’s door and she opens up, she looks ready for pizza and ice cream, wearing sweat pants and a tank top. She pulls me inside for a hug and shuts the door behind me.
“I’ve picked up the ice cream, cookie and brownie dough combo of course, and the pizza will be here soon.” I follow Kelsey through her open concept apartment and into her bedroom where she finds me something comfortable to wear. She hands me an oversized long sleeved shirt, and I change in her giant walk-in closet. Swapping my dress for the shirt and my boots for plain socks.
“So I didn’t ask you earlier but, did you ask him if he had affairs with other students or what?” Kelsey asks when I join her in the living room. She has Netflix ready on stand-by on the flat screen.
“No I didn’t ask…I think deep down I was afraid to. My appointment is in less than two weeks anyway and I really don’t think he has any STI’s.” Kelsey sits back on the couch and she hands me a spoon before picking up the big tub of cookie and brownie dough ice cream.
“So Thirteen Going on Thirty or a Gilmore Girls marathon?” Kelsey asks and I opt for Gilmore Girls. That show is just on point sometimes. If I were an actress I’d want to be Alexis Bledel…the more ethnic version, of course.
“So my brothers are coming for Sunday dinner this weekend,” I mention to Kelsey as we watch the show and are waiting for the pizza to get here.
“I’ve got nothing to do this weekend, I can come with you if you want.”
I nod fervently. “Yes please.” I beg and Kelsey laughs.
“Don’t worry, I got your back. Anyway you’ll be able to prove your parents wrong when you write that NY Times best seller, make millions and open your own family psych practice.” I smile and take a spoonful of cookie dough.
“Got that right.” I grin and relax some for the first time in what feels like forever.
***
Today is D-day, the day I go to the GYN’s office and I’m not looking forward to it. Kelsey asks me if I want her there. I wonder why she’s so adamant about my appointment and what I may or may not find out when I go. I promise her I’d be fine on my own.
To say I get nervous when going to any sort of doctor’s office is an understatement. When I was five, I dislocated my elbow on a bad fall at the playground and my mom took me to the hospital where she worked. All the poking and prodding and examining just didn’t sit right with me as a kid and ever since then I hated having to go to the doctor.
Walking into the sterile reception area, I go up to the sign-in window and write my name and appointment time on the clipboard. The nurse sitting behind the window smiles at me warmly and tells me to have a seat and wait for my name to be called. I find an empty chair next to an end table with magazines on it and pretend to read one about women’s health. The room is not necessarily full, but there is a good amount of women waiting to be seen by a doctor. A few look unconcerned and others exhibit nervous movements. A tapping of the foot, or drumming of the fingers. I think I fall in the waiting nervously category. I’m not looking forward to the doctor poking around my most private area.
“Alicia King.” A nurse steps out of the door leading back to the examining rooms. I place the magazine where I found it and stand up to go and get this over with. The nurse looks friendly enough, her badge reads: Kylie Brown, she’s dressed in baby pink scrubs and white Keds. Her platinum blonde hair is pulled back into a tight ponytail and her features are beautifully sun kissed. I bet she has never had to get an STI screening.
“Just this way into room two.” I walk ahead of her and into the examination room. “I just need to get your weight and a few vital signs.” I put my bag down and step on the scale placed against the wall next to the door.
After the nurse jots down my weight she tells me to sit down on one of the chairs in the room and she takes my pulse and blood pressure. “Your heart rate is a little high, are you nervous?” She asks soothingly, trying to make me feel a little more comfortable.
“Yeah a little, I don’t really like doctor’s offices.” I say it sheepishly and she smiles at me apologetically.
“Don’t worry Dr. Wilson is great. So you’re here for a general checkup and full screening?” I nod once and the nurse walks across the room to a set of cabinets and drawers facing the daunting examination bed. She pulls out a white paper gown and tells me to undress and put it on before the doctor comes in. The nurse gives me an encouraging smile before leaving to give me some privacy.
Taking a deep breath, I get undressed and drape my clothes on the chair with my bag and then sit up on the examination bed. Soon after, there are two swift raps against the wooden door and Dr. Wilson walks in. She is a tall white woman with handsome features, greying black hair, and dark brown eyes.
“Hello Alicia, it’s been a while since I’ve seen you here. How are you?” She asks warmly and I offer a small smile.
“I’ve been okay, focused on school, really.” Dr. Wilson nods as she washes her hands in the sink and dries them with a paper towel.
“That’s always good to hear. So you’re here today for a full screening, correct?” I nod once and her eyes lock with mine. “I’m going to throw in a pregnancy test just for the heck of it, I know you’re on birth control, but it can’t hurt to be one hundred percent sure about things. Can I assume you’ve had unprotected sex recently?” I nod once again, felling mortified that I’m even here for that
reason. “Alright, don’t worry, most of these tests have quick result turn-around and if there’s anything, we’ll call you to let you know.”
“Okay.” I sigh and Dr. Wilson instructs me to lie back so she can begin her exam.
About fifteen minutes later I’m dressed, anxious, and heading back to my car. I hope they don’t call me. I hope they have absolutely no reason to call me that they actually feel it’s necessary to lose my number altogether. That would be ideal. Never do I want to go through this stress ever again. I’m not having sex again until I’m married and I know my husband is clean. I remove the Band-Aid from my arm; the doctor wanted to be thorough and took samples of my blood for several tests.
I sit in the car and fiddle with the Band-Aid, at a bit of a loss for what to do next. I have an exam coming up in World Civ and I’ve been really slacking with that class. I should take the day to study; I can’t afford to fail the last test before finals. Dr. G hasn’t so much as acknowledged my existence in the class and I managed to convince myself that I was fine with it, that things were better that way.
I start the car and buckle my seatbelt before heading to campus to go and study the hell out of all things Hellenistic Era. Kelsey calls me while I’m on the way to the library. I try and hurry my pace so I can get into the building already. There’s a freezing cold wind that seems to be determined to turn me into an icicle as I make my way from the parking garage.
I answer Kelsey’s call and she asks me about my GYN appointment right off the bat. “So how did it go? Are you clean?” I sigh and roll my eyes at her dramatically urgent tone.
“You better be alone, asking those questions out loud and all. Yes as far as the doctor could tell, I’m fine, but I won’t know for sure until the lab results come in.” I tell her what I learned from Dr. Wilson so far and Kelsey lets out a small sigh of relief.
“Good. Well I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” I brush off Kelsey’s concern, not wanting to admit just yet how I really am a little freaked out that I had to go through this entire ordeal.
“Yes, I’m fine, no worries. I’m headed into the library now, I’ll talk to you a little later?” Kelsey lets me go and I hurry into the library, not looking in front of me as I’m focused on getting out of the cold. Of course I nearly plow right into Dr. G.
“Sheesh, are you okay?” He asks in concern with an undertone of annoyance. He’s holding onto my elbows as I try to regain balance. I don’t think he’s realized it’s me yet. I look up at his painfully gorgeous face and his eyes cloud over with several different emotions. “Alicia…” He says, trailing off awkwardly.
“I am so sorry, I wasn’t looking…” I say to fill in the silence. Dr. G. lets me go abruptly and takes a step back.
“It’s alright, honestly, I wasn’t watching my step either. I’m late for a family dinner.” He says in a choppy explanation. I nod and force myself to look away from his smoky gaze.
“Oh-well…sorry for bumping into you…enjoy your dinner.” I reply just as awkwardly and quickly retreat into the library.
Great, just great. That’s exactly what I need right now, how was I going to focus on studying for his class now? I remember Kelsey’s advice and simply resolve to power through it. I wouldn’t let him throw me off track anymore. With that in mind, I successfully manage to study for the test and make it through his class the next day without feeling awkward at all.
Soon, the semester will be over and with the coming of winter break, I can forget about Adam all together. I walk into my apartment and collapse onto the couch. Kelsey wants me to come over to her place so I can hang out with her and some guys she is in a study group with. Kelsey has been trying to set me up lately, probably trying to get my mind off of Dr. G, but I’m just not up to it tonight. I fish my phone out of my pants pocket to text her and I see I have a call coming from Dr. Wilson’s office.
With my heart hammering in my chest I tap the answer icon. “Hello?”
“Hello Alicia, this is Dr. Wilson.” Dr. Wilson’s almost motherly voice sounds through the receiver and I swallow past the feeling of doom that’s sneaking its way around my neck.
“Hi Dr. Wilson…” I reply, trailing off expectantly so she can just tell me what it is, no beating around the bush.
“I’m calling to inform you of a…result we just got back from the lab concerning your pregnancy test. Well, it came back positive, it read that you are just about two weeks pregnant. All your other tests came back negative, which is great. So I wanted to refer you to a colleague of mine who is an OB-GYN, Dr. Cassidy, she is a very good obstetrician and I think you’ll be in good hands with her.
I’ve already sent over your chart and set up an appointment for you with her for next week, on Tuesday. Her office will be in touch with you to confirm. Now I know you are on birth control, but these things happen, though they are rare. You’ll need to stop taking your birth control pills immediately and I’d recommend starting pre-natal vitamins…do you have any questions for me?” She asks softly and I simply stare off into space, my eyes wide and glazed over from shock.
“I’m…are you sure I’m pregnant?” I ask and I can hear the rustling of papers in the background on her end.
“Yes, we actually run all pregnancy tests twice just to be sure. You came back positive both times.” I swallow past the lump in my throat and grasp for something, anything else that would make this not true, or a mistake.
“But I’m on birth control…I don’t understand how that could happen.” I reply and Dr. Wilson sighs, sadly almost.
“I know it’s shocking and a lot to take in, but contraception is never one hundred percent effective, Ali.” She says apologetically. “Dr. Cassidy is a great obstetrician, like I’ve said, and she can answer any and all questions you have about the pregnancy when you see her on Tuesday.” Dr. Wilson is already washing her hands of me, passing me onto an…obstetrician. Because I’m pregnant…I’m pregnant, with a child growing inside of me.
“Thank you Dr. Wilson…” I say weakly and she wishes me good luck, reminds me of the pre-natal vitamins, and hangs up.
I stand mechanically and grab my keys. There’s a pharmacy store just on the corner, I can find pre-natal vitamins there. I don’t register anything until I’m in the vitamin and supplement aisle at the pharmacy and staring at the selection of pre-natal pills. Which brand should I get anyway? There’s so much selection, which one is the best? I just grab one at random and pay for it up front. The girl at the register smiles at me almost apologetically.
What does she have to be sorry about? What does she know? I grab the bag and head back home, numb with shock. What the hell do I do now?
Chapter Four
Four Weeks Later
Ali had missed her final. I learned later that she was able to make it up with the head of the history department and she aced it, getting herself an A in the class…but she missed the final. Three days later and I still can’t stop thinking about it. Hell, I haven’t been able to think about much else since I saw her for the last time as she left the department after making up the final. She looked haunted, tired and…scared, frankly.
The only way Ali could have been able to make up the final was for medical reasons or the passing of an immediate family member. I hope no one in her family died…I hope she’s okay. Not that I’d know since I cut off our relationship before it could actually begin. A sudden resolve takes place in my chest. The semester is over and I’m no longer her teacher…I should reach out to her, I should find out what happened, if she’s okay.
I stop my pacing and glance outside my bedroom window at the falling snow. Christmas is just a few weeks away and tomorrow everything on campus will be closing for official winter break. I’ll have to hurry to campus if I want to try and get a hold of Ali’s contact information. I’d only have access to her email if I chose to check my roster online.
Feeling incredibly antsy, I check my watch. It’s four thirty, I have time to get to campus, and if I speed, I
’ll be able to catch my good friend Lucy at the Registrar’s office. Lucy has been my buddy since grad school, she appreciates women more than some men do and she always jokes that I’m the best wingman. I give her a call as I make my way through the house.
“Lu, how is my favorite girl doing today?” I ask as soon as she picks up.
“Dr. G! You know me, I’m always well, what can I do for you? I’m kind of busy with end of semester madness,” Lu answers good-naturedly and I sigh, I am going to owe her if she agrees to do this for me.
“I need info, Lu.” There’s a long pause and I close my eyes, hoping she’ll help me out. I reach my car and turn on the heat once the car is started. I quickly get any ice off of the windshields and windows before getting in and buckling up.
“On a student, I presume?” She finally asks and I nod as if she can see me.
“Yeah…I just need a phone number for an Alicia King.”
Lu sighs deeply and there’s another pause. “You know this isn’t how things go…but I’ll try to get something for you, meet me outside in ten minutes.” I thank Lu profusely.
“Yeah, yeah, here’s hoping I don’t get caught. If I’m successful, you so owe me.”
“Whenever you need a wingman Lu I’m your guy. I’ll shovel your snow for a week, salt your driveway, whatever you need.”
“Alright, alright, don’t go hero worshiping on me. I can’t be on the phone when I’m in the student records room so I gotta go.” I hang up with Lu and practically sped to campus to get there in ten minutes. She walks out of the administration building just as I’m pulling up. I can see a folded piece of paper in her gloved hand. I unlock the car doors and Lu gets into the passenger seat.
“So what do you need this for G? I have to ask.” She hands me the paper and I unfold it, practically memorizing the ten digits of Alicia’s cell phone number.
“I uh…she was troubled and I really want to make sure she’s okay, you know?” I look at Lu and she nods thoughtfully.