by Lucy Clark
‘Er…what about you?’ she found herself asking. ‘Big plans for the day?’
He shrugged and patted his briefcase. ‘Paperwork. And a few other little errands.’
‘Well…OK.’ She jerked her thumb over her shoulder, indicating the doors just behind her, unable to understand why she was feeling disappointed at not being able to spend more time with him. She shook the feeling off and nodded once. ‘So, boss, I guess I’ll see you around.’
His smile was bright. ‘I guess you will.’
With that she turned and walked towards the doors, telling herself not to look back. She had no reason to be concerned about John Watson. Yes, he’d come back into her life as suddenly as he’d left it and, yes, he was still as handsome as ever and, yes, she couldn’t help but feel all tingly inside when she thought of him, but that didn’t mean she was his keeper. He was a grown man, used to doing his own thing, and she needed to focus and do her own, too. Colleagues. That’s all they were now. Just colleagues.
Mackenzie fished her keys from her bag and unlocked her car but even as she sat behind the wheel of the small, compact car, she knew for a fact that she was lying to herself one hundred percent.
*
John slid the key into his hotel-room door and opened the door slowly before stepping inside. The room’s curtains were still closed, casting a darkness into the room, which belied the fact it was early morning. He didn’t bother switching on the light, allowing the quiet stillness to seep into him. The impersonal hotel room completely suited his mood at the moment. Indifferent. Detached. Alone.
He’d never been too bothered with being alone and, in fact, over the past eight years he’d become quite comfortable with his own sense of loneliness, even when he had been surrounded by hundreds of people. The void left by his wife Jacqueline and his daughter Mune-hie had slowly started to ache less, although that one central part of their essence would no doubt stay with him for ever, no matter what might happen in his life.
Ever since he’d first met Mackenzie, having dropped into her life at such a crucial time, he’d started to realise that perhaps he’d withdrawn a bit too much from society in general. Of course he was happy to work in different medical situations, helping people out and doing his job, but with Mackenzie he had become instantly embroiled in her world, assisting with the delivery of her daughter as well as delivering the news of her husband’s death.
That one incident had made him realise that if he didn’t start connecting with the world again, he was bound to lose himself completely. Even though Mackenzie may feel he’d been the one to support her, in reality her circumstances and her easy acceptance of him had led towards his epiphany—that it was time to start re-engaging with the world.
Over the years he’d even managed the occasional date with a female colleague but he’d always steered clear of any long-term entanglements and he’d been one hundred percent positive he’d had his life firmly under control…until his world had once more collided with Mackenzie’s.
When he’d started his new job a few days ago he’d been given a list of the employees attached to Sunshine General’s orthopaedic department and her name had most certainly jumped out at him. He’d quickly riffled through the large stack of personnel files he’d been provided to confirm that it was indeed the same woman. He’d opened it and looked at the small hospital identification photograph glued to a piece of paper along with her personal information.
When he’d first seen her picture he’d been happy, intrigued and quite delighted to be able to make her acquaintance once more. He’d also been pleasantly surprised to read her marital status as ‘single’.
After that, he’d checked the roster and had been a tad disappointed to discover she was on days off. Going into her theatre had been a conscious decision, not only to see if she required any help after the hectic spate of operations caused by the multiple vehicle pile-up on the motorway but also to catch a glimpse of her. He’d noticed she was firm and in control of the theatre and a smile had appeared on his lips beneath his mask. Same old Mackenzie.
She was a woman from his past. Nothing more, and yet he’d been puzzled why he’d needed to see her so badly. Five years ago he’d felt privileged to help her but since meeting her again it was clear, even after a few short hours, that things had definitely changed…or had that frighteningly natural chemistry existed between them all those years ago, buried so deeply that neither of them had noticed it?
She’d been grieving. He’d been giving her a reassuring shoulder to lean on. He could clearly recall what it had felt like to hold her in his arms, to hold her hand, to brush a lock of hair from her forehead, but all of that had been done with indifferent concern. At least, that’s what he’d told himself at the time and while, back then, he’d honestly had no ulterior motive other than to assist her in any way he could, his concern and interest for her well-being had been…intense.
‘She was different from other women, even back then.’ He spoke the soft words into the quiet room, shaking his head. Why hadn’t he realised it? The undercurrents had all been there, the little spark that had shot up his arm when she’d taken his hand in hers. He’d ignored it. Of course he had. She’d been going through the lowest point in her life and he prided himself on being the epitome of an English gentleman.
‘She’s not at a low point now,’ he muttered, making his way through the room towards the balcony. He opened the curtains and unlocked the door, stepping out into the bright Maroochydore sunshine. That’s exactly what it had felt like when he’d sat opposite Mackenzie in that crowded hospital cafeteria—as though she’d pulled back the curtains of his hidden heart and unlocked the door with her beautiful smile.
John leaned his elbows on the rail and brought his hands to his face, ignoring the sounds of early-morning life on the busy streets below. He’d wanted to kiss Mackenzie. Even acknowledging this information brought the slow fire burning inside him roaring to life. It was as though an attraction seemed to have sprung up from the depths of the past, something he’d buried deep, but seeing the reciprocal light in her gaze as her eyes had widened at whatever it was that buzzed between them, it had now brought curiosity to see where this attraction might lead.
The pull he felt towards her was already too strong for him to ignore and he could tell she was as puzzled by it as he was. He could easily recall that small frown that would pucker her brow, as he’d seen her wear that expression quite a lot five years ago when she’d looked at him and spread her arms wide, feeling hopelessly out of her depth and completely lost.
‘What do I do now?’ she’d asked him, sniffing and blowing her nose with a tissue, as they’d waited for news on Ruthie’s surgery. ‘My husband is…’ She’d stopped, her lower lip quivering. ‘And Ruthie…’ She’d shaken her head and raised a trembling hand to her mouth, her brow crinkling.
John had crossed the room and taken both her hands firmly in his before looking into her sad, beautiful eyes. They may have been red from crying, reflecting fear, confusion and uncertainty, but the colour had still been as vibrant as ever. The most turbulent green, sometimes looking as stormy as the sea and at other times glistening like the purest and most stunning emerald. He’d seen her inner strength, witnessed it during Ruthie’s turbulent birth. He’d been able to sense it was there and all she’d really required from him had been the confidence and courage to move forward.
‘You…’ he’d said, giving her hands an encouraging little squeeze. ‘You will cry. You will relive moments over again and again. You’ll play the “if only” game and then you’ll start to accept.’
‘Is that what you do?’ she’d asked him, gazing into his eyes, her entire facial expression radiating desperation. She’d needed someone to tell her she would be all right and although it may have sounded like a platitude, John had firmly believed every word he’d said to her.
‘Yes,’ he’d replied softly. ‘Time is a great healer but sometimes it passes awfully slowly.’
She’d nodded at his words and drawn in a deep, cleansing breath. ‘One step at a time?’
‘Yes.’
‘The first step,’ she’d said, letting go of his hands and looking at the clock on the wall, ‘is to find out what’s happening with my daughter.’
‘She’ll be fine. Ruthie’s a fighter. Like her mother.’ He’d smiled at her. ‘Of that much, I’m absolutely certain.’
And it appeared he’d been right, if what Mackenzie had told him was anything to go on. He was glad she was going to allow him to meet her daughter, to allow her new boss to infiltrate her life once more, because she could quite easily have kept him well away from little Ruthie.
His cellphone rang and he quickly went to answer it, almost hoping it might be Mackenzie, calling to talk to him. Although why would she? He was just someone from her past who was now in her present.
‘Dr Watson.’
‘Hello, Dr Watson. I’m Prudence, Dr Leyton Abercrombie’s personal assistant. I have some more forms the CEO requires you to peruse and sign. I’ll email them through to you now so you can start reading and courier a hard copy over to your hotel for the signature.’
John tried not to be disappointed it wasn’t Mackenzie and instead forced himself to concentrate on work. Once the call was done, he collapsed onto the bed and rested his hands behind his head, staring at the beige ceiling. Why was he behaving like an adolescent schoolboy where Mackenzie was concerned? Perhaps it was that look she’d given him when they’d exited the stairwell, the look that had let him know that whatever it was that presently existed between them, she felt it, too.
*
Mackenzie lay on her bed, one hand behind her head, the other twirling her cellphone round and round on the duvet. Should she call him? If she did, what would she say? What possible reason could she give for calling?
‘Oh, hi, John. I just wanted to hear that deep and sensual voice of yours once more, the voice I’ve imagined in my head over the years, especially when I was down or upset or just needed someone to be there for me. Yes, your voice. The one that told me all those years ago that I was a person of worth, that I was strong, that I would survive. Those deep, smooth, British tones washing over me, telling me not to lose hope.
‘How I’ve dreamed of your voice, John. How I’ve dreamed of you, John. Do you know that I consider you my own knight in shining armour? No? I didn’t think so. You see, John, you were there when I needed you most. You rescued me and you helped me in ways I don’t think you’ll ever fully comprehend, and the words “thank you” don’t feel at all adequate to cover the difference you’ve made in my life.’
Mackenzie whimpered and closed her eyes. As if she could call him and say all that! She may have been completely thrown by his appearance in her theatre, stunned enough to faint, but she didn’t need to heap more embarrassment on her own shoulders by calling him up and confessing such things.
After she’d spent time with Ruthie and then walked her to school, she’d returned home and had actually called the hospital switchboard and requested John’s cellphone number. She’d felt highly self-conscious doing such a thing, even though it wasn’t an uncommon occurrence for her to ask for such information of a fellow colleague. John was her new boss and, as such, it was only right she should be requesting his contact details.
When her phone shrilled to life, she almost levitated off the bed, immediately thinking it was John calling her, before she realised the ring tone was the one she’d programmed for Bergan.
‘Hey.’
‘You’re not sleeping yet? Or did I wake you?’
‘Is there a problem?’
‘No. No. Just overtired staff from dealing with so many emergencies but we’re all back to normal down here in A & E now.’
‘Good to hear it.’
‘And speaking of hearing things, I’ve recently been told that you fainted this morning. Is everything OK, Kenz?’
Mackenzie closed her eyes, unable to believe she was the topic of gossip, but what else could she expect? It wasn’t every day one of the surgeons passed out in Theatre. ‘I’m fine.’
‘Too many hours on your feet and not enough food in your belly?’
She smiled at the mothering tone in Bergan’s voice. The two of them had been friends for a very long time and if there was one person she told the truth to, it was Bergan. ‘I hope that’s the story that’s circulating around the hospital.’
‘Why? What’s the real story?’ She could hear the interested tone in Bergan’s words.
‘John Watson.’
‘Ahh…so it is the same man. I was told at a heads of department meeting last week that the new orthopaedic director was a man named John Watson.’
‘What? You could have given me a heads-up, instead of our eyes meeting across a crowded operating theatre and me passing out.’
Bergan tried not to laugh but failed. ‘Sorry, Kenz, but it’s not an uncommon name and I have been sort of snowed under with work and—’
‘All right, all right. I forgive you.’
‘That was easy.’ Bergan chuckled. ‘So? How does John Watson look five years on?’
‘As devastatingly handsome as ever.’
‘Yeah, he was a bit of a looker, wasn’t he? Not my type at all. At any rate, your knight in shining armour is back in your life, startling you in Theatre and signing on as the new head of department. The big question is, what does all this mean for you? It’s not like you to faint, Kenz.’
‘I don’t know what it means,’ she wailed, confusion and despair evident in her tone. ‘I…we…um…shared…moments.’
‘Moments of what? I don’t understand.’
‘Moments moments,’ she tried to clarify. ‘Like I can’t stop thinking about him moments.’
‘Really?’ Mackenzie could hear the slow delight in her friend’s voice. ‘That is interesting. And did John give you any indication that he was sharing these same…moments?’
For some strange reason she couldn’t stop the excited trembling in her tone as she said, ‘Yes.’
‘Very interesting. So…what are you going to do about it?’
Mackenzie closed her eyes and shook her head from side to side on the pillow in total confusion. ‘I have absolutely no clue!’
CHAPTER FIVE
TWO DAYS AFTER John Watson had burst back into her life, Mackenzie made the firm decision to seek him out once they’d finished the orthopaedic clinic for the day but the moment clinic was over, she had an attack of the nerves. To stave them off, she went to the ward and checked on her patients, pleased to see Mrs Windslow was progressing nicely. Next, she took a detour to the maternity ward to admire Sonny’s new baby boy, congratulating him and his wife on the fine addition to their family.
Finally, she knew she couldn’t put it off any longer and made her way to John’s office. She’d decided that it was better to get the meeting between him and her daughter out of the way sooner rather than later. Over the past few days they’d seen each other at ward rounds and inter-departmental meetings and, thankfully, John hadn’t pressured her at all about the prospect of exactly when she was going to allow him to make the acquaintance of her daughter.
As she walked through the orthopaedic department towards his office, she couldn’t help but feel as though the administration staff were looking at her, watching her, knowing exactly what her motive was for seeking out the new orthopaedic director. In reality, everyone else in the department was packing up, getting ready to head home for the day.
Mackenzie shook the thoughts from her head, realising she was being foolish once more, and quickly checked with John’s secretary that it was all right for her to go into John’s office.
‘Should be fine,’ the woman told her, as she picked up her handbag and made for the door. Mackenzie knocked once, before opening the door and stepping in to find John sitting behind his desk, talking on the phone. She mumbled an apology and was about to exit again when he called her name and beckoned her closer.
; ‘OK. Great. Thanks for that information.’ A pause. ‘Yes. It’s good to get all the red tape done and out of the way. I appreciate both your help and that of your staff, Leyton. OK. Have a good night.’ With that, John replaced the receiver.
‘The hospital’s CEO making sure you’re all settled in?’ she asked, coming a little closer towards his desk.
‘Something like that. Now, to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit to my office?’
‘Well…John, you said you wanted to meet…my daughter and…’ Mackenzie couldn’t believe how tongue-tied she felt and stopped to clear her throat.
‘Now?’ He quickly stood and closed a few of the files on his desk. ‘I’m ready if you are.’
‘Just like that?’ She was astounded at his eagerness.
‘I’m not about to look a gift horse in the mouth, although wherever it is we’re going we’ll need to take your car because I still haven’t found the time to lease one yet.’
‘You’ve been here almost a week,’ she pointed out as he packed his briefcase and turned off his desk lamp.
‘And it’s been a rather busy one.’
‘OK, but I think I should warn you. My car is rather small.’
‘I’m sure I’ll cope.’ He held out his hand towards the door. ‘Shall we?’
‘Well, if you’re sure…’
‘I’m sure. I’ve wanted to meet Ruthie for a long time, Mackenzie.’ His tone was firm yet there was softness to his words.
‘Of course.’ She headed out of his office and glanced at the nearby stairwell door. The thought of being in such close proximity to him once more as they exited the hospital filled her with nervousness she was having a difficult time keeping under control.
‘Actually, I just have a few things to do so why don’t I meet you out the front of the hospital in…two or three minutes?’ She started off down the corridor at a brisk pace, desperately needing some breathing room from his deliciously overpowering presence, giving him no opportunity to reply.