The Time Travel Handbook

by James Wyllie

  The Beatles will be playing from 8pm until 4am, with fifteen minutes’ break every hour. With Paul on piano, having gladly ditched his rhythm guitar, the band dynamics are better, though some stomping will still be required to keep Pete in line. You also might get to hear Paul on bass, as Stu, now enrolled at Hamburg Art School, is often absent. Belting out a similar setlist to the one they mined at the Indra, you will appreciate how much more together they are, their vocal harmonies smooth and sophisticated.

  These improvements are partly due to the fact that they will be joined on stage by TONY SHERIDAN on electro-acoustic Martin guitar. Sheridan is a gifted musician whose promising career as a rock ’n’ roller has stalled in the UK because of his chronic unreliability. A Hamburg veteran, he has worked most of the clubs with visiting artists and pick-up bands. The Beatles really dig him – they will go on to record with Sheridan while in Hamburg, their first ever studio sessions – and are forced to raise their level to match his.

  THE BEATLES RAISE THEIR GAME, INSPIRED BY TONY SHERIDAN (FRONT RIGHT), AT THE TOP TEN CLUB.

  Another factor effecting the band’s performance is SPEED – the drug not the tempo, which they are all taking on a nightly basis, along with pretty much everybody else in the club. Preludin (prellies) is the stimulant of choice. Licensed in Germany in 1954, it is an appetite suppressant that is available on prescription from any chemist. Aside from giving them the stamina to keep doing these marathon sets night after night, it also adrenalises them onstage; cranked up, buzzing hard, there is an unhinged wildness to the show, a thrilling edge and danger to every note played.

  We suggest you take some Preludin yourself. As a one-off experiment it should do you no harm and will put you in sync with the band and all the other night owls that inhabit the area. To get your hands on the pills, simply go downstairs to the Gents, where you will encounter Rosie Hoffmann, the sixty-two-year-old toiletten frau who sits at her small table with a bowl for tips and a big glass jar full of what look like mints but are actually prellies. Rosie, who is well-liked by the band, charges 50 pfennigs a pill. One or two will be quite sufficient for your requirements and will match the band’s consumption – except for John, who will be necking a handful over the course of the evening.

  At around 1pm you will see a group of well-dressed gangsters swagger into the club, take tables right near the stage and start lavishing drinks on the band. These are some of The Beatles’ most dedicated fans: VIP criminals led by WILFRIED SCHULZ, king of the Hamburg underworld, dubbed ‘Der Pati von St Pauli’ (Godfather of St Pauli) by the press, and including hardened muscle like WALTHER SPRENGER, the proud owner of fifteen convictions for grievous bodily harm. Whatever you do, don’t spill your drink on him! The hoods are so into the music that you will see them make requests and even get up onstage and sing along with some of the numbers.

  POST-GIG

  Around 4am you will be turfed out on the Reeperbahn. Ignoring the usual temptations, head over to GRETEL & ALFON’S BAR at 29 Grosse Freiheit. Its low ceilings, nautical themed decor and cosy fireplace make it feel like an Olde English pub, an impression enhanced by its white exterior, small windows, hanging baskets and modest signage. The Beatles feel especially at home here; the owner, Horst Janowiak, is letting them all crash in his apartment at 66 Grosse Freiheit. So get the drinks in and enjoy the convivial, intimate atmosphere as you enter the wee small hours.

  DEPARTURE

  Around nine on Sunday morning, the Beatles are in the habit of strolling over to the BRITISH MARINERS’ MISSION at 20 Johannisbollwerk, just a few minutes walk away via St Pauli Hafenstrasse and adjoining the Gustav Adolf Church. This venerable establishment is open to UK sailors and seamen looking for somewhere to lay their heads – for 4 Deutschmarks per night, men only – and offers free fry-ups every morning. The familiar nosh, plus the British newspapers and authentically strong tea, is what attracts the band. Find yourself a table and tuck into a full English breakfast – liver, bacon, sausage, eggs, grilled tomatoes, mushrooms and toast/fried bread. After your heavy night, it will really hit the spot and take the edge off your comedown from the Preludin.

  Meal finished, leave the Mission. Right next to is a railway bridge. Go stand in the tunnel underneath it, and you will depart from there.

  TRIP THREE

  The Beatles’ career takes a huge step forward on Wednesday 24 January 1962, when BRIAN EPSTEIN signs on as their manager. Soon after, they make their first appearance on BBC Radio and start gigging at the Cavern Club in Liverpool. Meanwhile, they are head-hunted by MANFRED WEISSLEDER, who has made a fortune from his chain of St Pauli sex clubs and is planning to open a brand new rock venue in a converted cinema. Having outbid Peter Eckhorn, who wants the band back at the Top Ten, Weissleder secures The Beatles for a two week residency, starting 13 April.

  This time the money is better and the band get to fly to Hamburg, but the whole trip is overshadowed by the sudden death of Stu from a brain aneurysm on 10 April, the very day the band land at Hamburg airport. This tragedy hits them all hard and turns their time at Weissleder’s STAR CLUB into something of an emotional endurance test. John is most deeply affected and his anger and grief leads to onstage craziness. One night he comes on dressed as a cleaning lady, another stripped to the waist with a toilet seat around his neck.

  Having survived this nightmare, the band’s return to the UK sees them back on an upward curve. On 16 August, having finally fired Pete (Brian Epstein did the honours), Ringo takes on the drum duties. Ringo first met his future bandmates in Hamburg during their ill-fated stint at the Kaiserkeller in 1960 while he was playing with Rory Storm and the Hurricanes and their paths crisscrossed from then on, both in Liverpool and Hamburg. On 4 September they complete their first session for EMI, guided by George Martin’s cultured ears. On the 22nd they appear on TV for the first time; on 5 October “Love Me Do” is released; by the end of the month it sits at number 27 in the NME charts. However, there is unfinished business in Germany. Epstein has booked them in at the Star Club again from the 1st to the 15th of November, even though the band, as John observed, had ‘outlived the Hamburg stage and wanted to pack it in’.

  SUNDAY 11 NOVEMBER 1962

  You will arrive this time in the lobby of the HOTEL GERMANIA, an old building in decent condition with three floors and an attic on Detlev-Bremer-Strasse, about five minutes’ walk from Grosse Freiheit. Your room is booked and paid for in advance. You will find it perfectly adequate with all the basic amenities. The Beatles are also staying here courtesy of Weissleder’s cheque book.

  Reflecting the band’s new-found celebrity, you will have 73 Deutschmarks to burn, over double what you had on the first trip. And there’s a new DRESS CODE. Men will be sporting dark blue mohair suits, white shirts and slim ties, sartorial choices dictated by Epstein’s desire to make the band more appealing to a mainstream pop audience. Women will be wearing black sleeveless dresses with high necklines and ankle boots. As it is winter and below freezing at night, you will provided with coats; for the men, knee-length navy blue duffel coats; for women, dark grey trench coats.

  Looking sharp, you will step out of the hotel and walk south towards Simon-Von-Utrecht-Strasse, which takes you onto Grosse Freiheit. The Star Club is at number 39, next door to an erotic film theatre, and instantly recognisable by the large hoarding covered with the names of the big acts who’ve played there, positioned over the darkened entrance, with the club logo in neon above.

  THE GIG

  Once inside the Star Club you will be struck by its size compared to the other venues you have visited: it has a 2,000 capacity and a huge dance floor – a site of exuberant, frenzied non-stop motion. The stage is standard, with a cityscape backdrop behind the bands. The crowd will be predominantly rock fans, interspersed with the usual suspects. The place will be packed and you may struggle to find a seat until 10pm, when the under-18s are all ejected.

  Armed with your extra cash you will be able to afford to drink your fill without fear o
f retribution. Look out for one of the barmaids in particular – BETTINA DERLIEN. Known as Big Betty, she is a beautiful, buxom, curvaceous and outspoken character who is infatuated with John – an interest he is happy to repay.

  The Beatles will be doing two hour-long sets, one before 10pm, and one late, and sharing the bill with other acts: TONY SHERIDAN; ROY YOUNG, a London born artist in the mould of Jerry Lee Lewis; DAVY JONES, a Manchester-born singer who will go on to star in America with The Monkees, the first ever manufactured boy band; and another Liverpool group, KING SIZE TAYLOR (the six-foot-five lead singer and guitarist) AND HIS DOMINOES.

  When The Beatles hit the stage, you will immediately notice the difference that Ringo makes to the overall sound of the band by maintaining a rocksteady beat. Gone is the ragged quality of earlier performances. The band will be tight, slick and in command as they knock out the usual combination of rock’n’roll stonkers – “Twist and Shout”, “Be-Bop-A-Lula”, “Roll Over Beethoven” – selections from the Great American Songbook – “Red Sails Over the Sunset”, “Falling in Love Again”; and novelty covers like Fats Waller’s “Your Feet’s Too Big”.

  IT’S RINGO – AT LAST. THE FAB FOUR SHAKE IT ALL UP AT THE STAR CLUB IN 1962.

  The undoubted highlight of the night will be the headline act, none other than the already legendary LITTLE RICHARD and his backing band, SOUNDS INCORPORATED. Born in 1932, this flamboyant, hugely gifted pianist with deep roots in gospel, blues and R&B, author of such hits as “Tutti Frutti”, “Long Tall Sally”, “Lucille” and “Good Golly Miss Molly” – all staples of The Beatles’ repertoire – is currently at a crossroads in his career as he contemplates abandoning secular music all together in favour of the church. However, this dilemma will not affect his performance and you will experience Little Richard at his outrageous best. Starting the show in a tuxedo, white shirt and bowtie, he will slowly strip off his clothes until he is down to just his trousers, which he will remove while standing on the piano to reveal a pair of bulging bathing trunks.

  Every night, The Beatles will watch awestruck, learning at the feet of the master, while offstage Little Richard will offer them spiritual guidance. Another bonus for the band will be their friendship with the teenage prodigy BILLY PRESTON, keyboardist with Sounds Inc. Preston will go on to appear with The Beatles on tracks like “Get Back” during their last ever performance, filmed on the rooftops of Apple HQ on 30th January 1969.

  DEPARTURE

  After the gig, make your way to the junction of Grosse Freiheit and Reeperbahn, where you will find CAFÉ MOLLER. This one-storey, lemon-sherbet building, with a flat roof and a hoarding featuring a large chef in a white hat next to a waitress bearing multicoloured ice-cream cones, resembles an American diner. There are tables outside if you want to sit and watch the action on Reeperbahn or, if you’d rather not expose yourself to the cold, take a pew inside and order the Beatles’ current breakfast of choice – ham and eggs. Moller’s home-made cakes are also highly recommended.

  By 8.30am, you should be back at the HOTEL GERMANIA. Given this is the first time you will have access to a bed, you will now have two hours to enjoy this luxury before DEPARTURE from your room.

  The Rumble in the Jungle

  29–30 OCT 1974 KINSHASA, ZAIRE

  SPORT LENDS ITSELF TO HYPERBOLE, but this fight really was extraordinary. First, the setting: the Rumble in the Jungle took place in the heart of Africa, in a stadium built over a prison of medieval ghastliness in which 50 criminals had just been executed at random to discourage their associates from misbehaving while the eyes of the world were on their country. Then the timing: in an era of elevated black consciousness, the African setting was inspired, while the new technology of satellite television allowed Kinshasa to become the authentic centre of planetary attention, at least for an hour. Next, the cast of characters: the bout was promoted by a vertical-haired ex-numbers racketeer, financed by a dictator who knew no bounds, and featured boxers – Muhammad Ali and George Foreman – who were respectively arguably the most charismatic man alive and the Platonic embodiment of brooding menace.

  Finally, there was the fight itself: it was David vs Goliath, Age vs Youth and Beauty vs Beast rolled into one, a bullfight in which the tables were turned on the matador. There was only one way to beat Foreman, and Ali found it. This was his apotheosis. Even Foreman would ultimately be transformed by the magic of the occasion. You don’t often get to see a myth unfolding in real life, but you will tonight.

  MOBUTU INTRODUCES FOREMAN AND ALI TO ZAIRE, ON THEIR ARRIVAL IN KINSHASA.

  BRIEFING: STAGING THE FIGHT

  The organising genius behind the fight is Don King, a character whose manipulations Machiavelli might have found distasteful. A former illegal gambling magnate from Cleveland, Ohio, King saw the light, or at least the dollar signs, while serving a four-year stretch for beating a man to death (he owed King $600). He had a dream. It wasn’t as nice as Martin Luther King’s, but boy it was compelling. He would take over the world of boxing.

  On leaving prison in 1971, King managed to entice Muhammad Ali to take part in an exhibition bout in Cleveland to raise funds for a local hospital. Within three years, he was hatching plans for the most ambitious bout in the history of boxing. Using his sorcerer’s tongue, he persuaded both Ali and Foreman to sign contracts to fight one another for the unprecedented sum of $5 million. Now all he needed was someone to put up the cash.

  He found what he was looking for in the person of Joseph-Désiré Mobutu, or Mobutu Sese Seko Kuku Ngbendu Wa Za Banga, as the President of the vast central African Republic of Zaire restyled himself in 1972. The name translates as ‘all-powerful warrior who, because of his endurance and inflexible will to win, goes from conquest to conquest leaving fire in his wake’. This has certainly been the experience of his political opponents. Ali probably wishes he had thought of the nickname first.

  By systematically creaming off the wealth derived from Zaire’s extraordinary natural resources, Mobutu has already become either the third- or the seventh-richest man in the world, depending on who you speak to. (His subjects are among the poorest, with an average annual income of around $70.) He can thus foot the bill for the fight with ease. And, as King has correctly calculated, staging it deeply appeals to his vanity. Mobutu is no mug, however, and is not about to let himself be outshone by Ali’s charisma. Accordingly, he will watch the fight from the considerable comfort of his palace on closed-circuit television.

  In future years, King will miraculously appear by the side of almost every new world champion, his grinning visage becoming as much a part of the post-fight ritual as the handing over of the title belt.

  PLEASE NOTE: The fight was originally scheduled for 25 September but has had to be pushed back five weeks due to Foreman sustaining a cut to his eye in training. This scuppered plans for the bout to coincide with the ZAIRE 74 MUSIC FESTIVAL, which took place from September 22–24 at the Stade du 20 Mai. It featured James Brown, BB King, Bill Withers and The Spinners, as well as African artists including Miriam Makeba, Tabu Ley Rochereau and Franco’s TPOK Jazz, and will soon be available as an additional journey for our travellers.

  THE TRIP

  On the morning of 29 October 1974 you will arrive at the GARE CENTRAL on Kinshasa’s PLACE DE L’INDÉPENDENCE. It is less than fifteen years since the Belgian colonists packed their bags: Leopoldville has turned into Kinshasa, and in a short period of relative stability it has grown into a thriving and lushly green capital city, its colonial squares flanked by new hotels, highrises and the trappings of modern urbanism. You should have no difficulty getting a taxi here.

  WEATHER, ROOMS AND FOOD

  The weather will be hot and humid, in the mid-90s F during the day and dropping no lower than 80ºF in the middle of the night. The night of the fight itself will be beautiful, clear and lit by a full moon, but bear in mind that just half an hour after the contest finishes there will be a prodigious rainstorm.

  Local CURRENCY is the ZA
IRE, and the official exchange rate is currently half a zaire to the dollar. You will be able do better on the black market. This would be unwise for regular travellers, who on leaving the country have to prove exactly where they have changed money, but as you will be departing in a time machine this shouldn’t be a problem. Regular tickets for the fight are going at 5 zaires ($10) a shot, though many locals will find a way to get in for less.

  You’ll be lucky if you manage to get to bed as early as 7am on the night of the fight (which begins at 4am local time), but you’ll certainly be looking forward to some sleep thereafter. We can offer rooms at the INTERCONTINENTAL on Ave Batetela where Foreman and his entourage are staying, as well as the American novelist Norman Mailer. Alternatively, the HOTEL MEMLING, 5 Avenue Rep du Tchad, is a grand old pile recently refurbished by Belgian airline Sabena. And, close to the airport, the airline has a SABENA GUEST HOUSE, which provides rooms and delightful cottages in its immaculately kept grounds.

  For top-end EATING, try the PERGOLA restaurant opposite the BCC (Banque Centrale du Congo) building. Similarly priced is the CERCLE ROYALE BELGE, situated by Kinshasa’s golf course (entrance on Avenue du Cercle). Another good choice is LE COLIBRI, a French-stye bistro at 61 Avenue Lusaka, founded in the 1950s, whose speciality is Le Toast Cannibale – a take on steak tartare.